Stop blaming OP . He didn't have an extramarital affair. Sorry, OP, this was probably not her first affair nor will it be her last.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't connect with the AP or their spouse-- an affair with a co-worker will have repercussions for everyone that go beyond an affair. Being angry and completely destroying your family and another family, especially if there are children, is revenge.

Also, you don't know whether the other spouse is stable and what it might trigger. When I found out my DH had an affair, it caused me to feel intense anxiety, sadness, insecurity, etc. We had a very young child with special needs, and I felt like it negatively affected my parenting. These feelings lasted for years- both my DS and I suffered the most and we were the innocents in the situation. A long time ago, my roommate at the time had an affair with a married woman, and I was frankly afraid for my safety if her DH found out.

Tough sh!t. APs should have thought about all the destructive repercussions for their own family before deciding to have sex with your spouse.

Exactly. I would tell the other spouse and let their employer/friends know the kind of person they are. When you help to destroy a family it's most likely going to come right back around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please women do not go all freaky with the new guy. She did the same old boring stuff she did with OP and most likely just as bad. Every women has been conditioned by society to think of themselves are great at sex. Why would she change anything...she is great at sex!

Married women I have slept with are lavish with the spontaneous, enthusiastic BJs, and will let you in the back door on the first encounter. Not freaky, but most likely hubby ain't getting that any more if he ever did. Also, married women simply don't care if you use protection or not, so I never do.

I've only had one who insisted on condoms. Married women who haven't had sex with anyone but their husbands for years are the safest sex partners.

To be certain, they bring their A game and they want to try anything and everything they may have once suggested to H but he wasn't interested, or they were too afraid to ask. These women are sexually repressed and once you open that door, you better hang on .

The only ones that are sex crazed are bipolar or some other nutso mental illness

Nope, that just isn't true, as much as you would like to believe it. Some people just enjoy good sex and don't get it at home. It doesn't make them mentally ill, nutso, or bipolar.

An affair that was a ONS? Possibly forgivable. An affair that lasted a few years? Unforgivable.

If you were a women and this were reversed you'd get tons of support suggesting you contact the other person.

OP do what you need to do. I know for me I'd dump her. It's unforgivable and I know I'd never ever get over it. You won't either most likely. Several years! Holy crap! How could you not have known?

Anonymous wrote:Don't connect with the AP or their spouse-- an affair with a co-worker will have repercussions for everyone that go beyond an affair. Being angry and completely destroying your family and another family, especially if there are children, is revenge.

Also, you don't know whether the other spouse is stable and what it might trigger. When I found out my DH had an affair, it caused me to feel intense anxiety, sadness, insecurity, etc. We had a very young child with special needs, and I felt like it negatively affected my parenting. These feelings lasted for years- both my DS and I suffered the most and we were the innocents in the situation. A long time ago, my roommate at the time had an affair with a married woman, and I was frankly afraid for my safety if her DH found out.

Tough sh!t. APs should have thought about all the destructive repercussions for their own family before deciding to have sex with your spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate survivinginfidelity.com. I liked ChumpLady much better.

Formerly betrayed spouse here, and I agree 100%. Two totally different (and extreme) perspectives. Eventually I stopped identifying so strongly as a betrayed spouse and moved on from it all, but it took over a year.

Chumplady 100%

OP, if you want to work on your marriage then go for it...but please please please go see an attorney and get a Post nuptual agreement in place ASAP. If your wife is really sorry and really wants to save your marriage she will have no trouble at all signing whatever your attorney gives her because she ended the affair with him and will never cheat again. Right?

Take it from someone who tried to save my marriage after I caught my husband having an "emotional affair". We went to therapy etc etc etc. 8 years later I find out it never stopped, it was physical and it wasn't just her it was a lot of other people too.

How I wish I had read Chumplady and gotten a post nup then...would have saved an obscene amount of money, time and tears.

So....while you are working on saving your marriage, please protect yourself and your children.

I would find the guy and punch him in his face and then ask for a divorce

Why punch him in the face? It was your DW who betrayed you. He just took advantage of her willingness.

Blaming the AP lets your DW off for what she did. I would only beat his ass if he threated my kids or me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please women do not go all freaky with the new guy. She did the same old boring stuff she did with OP and most likely just as bad. Every women has been conditioned by society to think of themselves are great at sex. Why would she change anything...she is great at sex!

Married women I have slept with are lavish with the spontaneous, enthusiastic BJs, and will let you in the back door on the first encounter. Not freaky, but most likely hubby ain't getting that any more if he ever did. Also, married women simply don't care if you use protection or not, so I never do.

I've only had one who insisted on condoms. Married women who haven't had sex with anyone but their husbands for years are the safest sex partners.

To be certain, they bring their A game and they want to try anything and everything they may have once suggested to H but he wasn't interested, or they were too afraid to ask. These women are sexually repressed and once you open that door, you better hang on .

The only ones that are sex crazed are bipolar or some other nutso mental illness

Don't connect with the AP or their spouse-- an affair with a co-worker will have repercussions for everyone that go beyond an affair. Being angry and completely destroying your family and another family, especially if there are children, is revenge.

Also, you don't know whether the other spouse is stable and what it might trigger. When I found out my DH had an affair, it caused me to feel intense anxiety, sadness, insecurity, etc. We had a very young child with special needs, and I felt like it negatively affected my parenting. These feelings lasted for years- both my DS and I suffered the most and we were the innocents in the situation. A long time ago, my roommate at the time had an affair with a married woman, and I was frankly afraid for my safety if her DH found out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inform the head of HR. That will end it!

Not necessarily...they would have had to violate a workplace policy and marital status is not relevant.

As a former CEO I can assure you that one or both of them would have been quietly asked to leave.

Really? Even if they aren't boss / subordinate and it didn't impact their work?

I had an affair with a coworker and it ended badly. Neither of us are there anymore and we didn’t report within the same cost center. She was downsized in a restructuring and I was transferred to another division in a senior position and pushed out a year later. Both of us have rebounded professionally but it was a dumb move. Not worth it. Thankfully we were both in our early-mid 30s when this went down (pun intended). Still married to spouses (they found out) and that’s basically the end of it. I haven’t had contact with former AP since she left the Company.

Translation: she was immediately fired and they got rid of you a year later. Your spouses are chumps.

Don’t cheat at work, people. It just adds an extra layer of humiliation to the whole thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inform the head of HR. That will end it!

Not necessarily...they would have had to violate a workplace policy and marital status is not relevant.

As a former CEO I can assure you that one or both of them would have been quietly asked to leave.

Really? Even if they aren't boss / subordinate and it didn't impact their work?

I had an affair with a coworker and it ended badly. Neither of us are there anymore and we didn’t report within the same cost center. She was downsized in a restructuring and I was transferred to another division in a senior position and pushed out a year later. Both of us have rebounded professionally but it was a dumb move. Not worth it. Thankfully we were both in our early-mid 30s when this went down (pun intended). Still married to spouses (they found out) and that’s basically the end of it. I haven’t had contact with former AP since she left the Company.

How long did the affair last? Who found out first, company or spouses?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inform the head of HR. That will end it!

Not necessarily...they would have had to violate a workplace policy and marital status is not relevant.

As a former CEO I can assure you that one or both of them would have been quietly asked to leave.

Really? Even if they aren't boss / subordinate and it didn't impact their work?

I had an affair with a coworker and it ended badly. Neither of us are there anymore and we didn’t report within the same cost center. She was downsized in a restructuring and I was transferred to another division in a senior position and pushed out a year later. Both of us have rebounded professionally but it was a dumb move. Not worth it. Thankfully we were both in our early-mid 30s when this went down (pun intended). Still married to spouses (they found out) and that’s basically the end of it. I haven’t had contact with former AP since she left the Company.

You should totally tell AP’s spouse.

I would find the guy and punch him in his face and then ask for a divorce