Update OP?

To me it kind of sounds like BIL and Sis’ marriage is going down the drain, and so maybe BIL avoided you OP bc he thinks you know more than you actually do about the state of his marriage. Like maybe he thinks your Sis has told you all this private stuff about them that she hasn’t. If I was on the cusp of a nasty divorce (doesn’t sound like an amicable one would be possible, given what you’ve told us about Sis), and I ran into someone from the other side of the family, it would probably visibly dampen my mood, and I might not jauntily go over and sit with said family members and act like everything is merry sunshine, esp since my kids weren’t there for me to have to put a show on for.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that there’s nothing going on w ice cream girl, and I think his behavior (not buying anything, sitting with random kid) was definitely kind of odd, but I’m just trying to suggest that the way he acted toward you in particular might better reflect the state of BIL’s relationship w your Sis in general, and less a reaction to you “catching him” in the shop.

Incidentally, and I’m just being nosy here, what was Sis out of town for? I assumed a business trip, but you said she stays at home.

I agree w PPs who advised you to simply say “Hey, good to see you in the shop! Who was that family you were sitting w?” Just so your conscience is clear and you don’t feel grimy about keeping silent. But if you do decide not to say anything and things go south w their marriage, I think it would be pretty easy to later on mention something to Sis along the lines of “Wait omg that just reminded me of the time I ran into him at the ice cream shop a couple years ago and I couldn’t tell if he was acting weird or not, like he didn’t really come and talk to us” ... “No like I just remembered.” ... “I mean honestly I kind of forgot about it bc it didn’t seem like a big deal, just felt something was off but couldn’t put my finger on it” without it turning into the big blowup later that some other posters here are predicting. But you know your fam, and we don’t. Best of luck either way.

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to stay out of it, especially if your sister is nuts and a huge overreactor.
You don't need "proof" of anything. You need to stay out of it. There is nothing to mention to your sister.

I am usually gung ho on telling people if there is cheating going on but your sister sounds mentallly unhinged. If he is able to have friends who are nice people and not unhinged, LET HIM!
Stay out of it.

Best thing would be to go back to the ice cream shop and make small talk with the young lady...it was so lovely to see my BIL here the other week, he must come in here often with his two teenagers, you all seemed to know each other, i really enjoy coming here etc...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I really appreciate everyone's feedback but honestly, after reading everything, I think I'm stuck and can't say anything. If I ask him one on one, he'll make up something and I can't prove he's lying. If I mention in front of my sister, no doubt, she will hit the roof, they'll get into an all out fight, it damages their relationship, my relationship with him, potentially my relationship with her and affects the relationships of the cousins (who are extremely close). My sister is a "scorched earth" fighter, meaning - it would not be beyond her to get into a huge fight with him, throw him under the bus on social media, contact his job - she's extreme in a way you can't imagine. Plus my sister does not work - so it's not like she can up and leave him and still support herself. The only thing I can really do is try to see if I run across anything more concrete. I can't really come at her with the ice cream story and potentially jeopardize their marriage over it although I'm convinced something is happening. I just need better proof. If I get that, I'll sit her down and tell her because she deserves to know and I want her to be able to protect herself.

This made me laugh. Your sister sounds like a lunatic.

Me too. I wish we could all go on a stakeout together.

OP you need to stay out of it, especially if your sister is nuts and a huge overreactor.
You don't need "proof" of anything. You need to stay out of it. There is nothing to mention to your sister.

I am usually gung ho on telling people if there is cheating going on but your sister sounds mentallly unhinged. If he is able to have friends who are nice people and not unhinged, LET HIM!
Stay out of it.

He could just be flirting with the ice cream girl. Maybe wants an affair but hasn't happened.

^^ hahaha YES!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should wait a few months and then send BIL a letter in the mail that says I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.

Include a popsicle stick

And some sprinkles...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason it's an affair (or flirtation going that way) is because he didn't talk to OP or her kid. He pretended not to know OP well because he is lying to ice-cream-woman and her family and doesn't want THEM to figure out that OP is connected to him. He's protecting the lie he told them; he's worried about the relationship he's built with them, more than he is worried about OP.

Yep. She doesn’t know he’s married.

I'll bet this was it. OP, was he wearing a wedding ring?

Anonymous wrote:Next time you see him I'd pull him aside and say "I'm not going to say anything to my sister because I know how she is, but you seemed really weird in the ice cream shop the other day." Don't ask him a question, just leave it at that. If he has an explanation, he'll offer it. And you've put him on notice that you're suspicious. Or make DH say something to him man-to-man.

Yep, pull him aside and put him on notice.

Anonymous wrote:I think you should wait a few months and then send BIL a letter in the mail that says I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.

Include a popsicle stick

I think you should wait a few months and then send BIL a letter in the mail that says I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.

Anonymous wrote:The reason it's an affair (or flirtation going that way) is because he didn't talk to OP or her kid. He pretended not to know OP well because he is lying to ice-cream-woman and her family and doesn't want THEM to figure out that OP is connected to him. He's protecting the lie he told them; he's worried about the relationship he's built with them, more than he is worried about OP.

Yep. She doesn’t know he’s married.

Did I miss it?
Is there context op? Does bil own the icecream shop?Otherwise, it's odd for Bil to be hanging out (and using the back entrance) at an icecream shop.

The reason it's an affair (or flirtation going that way) is because he didn't talk to OP or her kid. He pretended not to know OP well because he is lying to ice-cream-woman and her family and doesn't want THEM to figure out that OP is connected to him. He's protecting the lie he told them; he's worried about the relationship he's built with them, more than he is worried about OP.