Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a party with an Indian friend and came home with henna all over her arms. I was not pleased that we had something that lasted weeks without checking with us first.

How old was your daughter when this happened?

And why on earth would it bother you? Afraid of what people would think? Why do they need to check with you when it's completely safe, does your daughter have no autonomy?

Um, I'm Indian-American, and I get where the first PP is coming from. Maybe they had a wedding coming up where there would be pictures taken. Who knows? I think the party OP attended is fine, since the hair color washes out immediately. Henna lasts for several days/weeks...I wouldn't even want my kid coming home with henna when I wasn't expecting it!

I'd hate both - the makeover and the mocktails. Totally inappropriate to have mocktails. That's weird. Just make them a special fun party smoothie and serve it but don't connect it to alcohol. I hate makeup and all that crap for girls and the emphasis on their looks, so I don't like that either. But - I could get over it if my daughter had a good time. The mocktails though - I'd be annoyed.

NP (and I will go back and read all the posts). I wouldn't be upset about the pink hair - frankly, I think silly hair color is far preferable to trying to convince my dark-haired girl to go blond. (that would upset me!)

I wouldn't be upset about the makeup, though I would encourage my daughter to remember to wash her face before bed in the future and remind that she's really beautiful as is. Make up is fun, and optional.

I grew up in a fairly strict no alcohol, puritanical kind of household. I'm not seeing that this particular event as glamorizing drinking, maybe the accessories of drinking? Could be worth a conversation with the 13 year old, but not something I would take up with the host parent.

I'd be more upset by the makeover than the mocktails. I just hate the "makeover" concept. But I wouldn't really be upset (wouldn't hold anything against the organizer, or let on to my daughter that I don't like it. For me, it's not the hair color (I've let my daughter put a purple stripe in her hair) but it's the makeup.

Mocktails could be cute. But then, I'll serve them champagne on New Years. Or anyway, I ask, they never want it. If they're having the mocktails in special glasses to look sophisticated that's a different kind of thing than if they're trying to look like drunk sorority girls.

I haven't drank a drop of booze in 20 years. I don't like the taste, and don't like the intoxicating effect. DH drinks a beer maybe once every month when he is with a friend.

I would have no problem with the mocktails as described. First off, I think you are projecting your own issues with booze on your daughter and that's not fair to her.

Secondly, even if you read into it as 'glamorizing' alcohol, to me it sounds like it is showing exactly the situation where having a few drinks (as an adult) is absolutely acceptable; at a special occasion with good friends as a celebration. Had it just been two of them sitting alone at a dingy bar chugging a drink called a virgin Long Island Ice Tea maybe I would raise my eyebrows, but this? Sounds like a bunch of kids having fun drinking safe, non alcoholic drinks that taste good.

That said, I don't think it's going to lead to them drinking booze. From like age five all my kids would get to drink sparkling apple cider from our wine glasses for special occasions (Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc), which I'm sure according to OP is promoting alcoholism, and would take every chance to do so. It wasn't because they saw it as alcohol-like, but rather because it was a fun tradition. My adult children (24/m and 21/f) do drink responsibly now, but not because we let them drink from wine glasses as kids (24 year old does not even like the taste of wine) it's because they are their own people and can decide their own relationship with alcohol same as I did when I decided I just didn't see the point. If they stop using it responsibly, then that's when it's a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would pose this question to those who responded, what if they have faux cigarettes or cigars? I could care less about the make up stuff

https://www.partycity.com/fake-cigarettes-6ct-175731.html?extcmp=pla%7CGoogle&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9vKQno_v2wIVwiSGCh3CrwITEAkYAyABEgL4VfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

still not a big deal?

I'll bite. It's still not a big deal to me. If my kids are going to smoke, it's not going to be because of some fake/joke cigarettes. All my kids are in MS/HS so this is the time they'd likely start experimenting - and I guarantee you that my family history of substance abuse is far more tragic and extensive than OP's. The best way to prevent your kids from going down the wrong path is not by imposing your own fears/insecurities on them but by having multiple conversations with them that include facts. At some point, they're going to make their own decisions about what they put in their bodies, what they do with their hair and who they have sex with. All you can do is hope they make better choices based on knowledge, not emotion.

A 12/13 year old is old enough to have learned about the dangers of smoking, drugs and alcohol in school. If a pack of gag cigarettes is a slippery slope to you, you need some serious help. Come back and offer your opinions when you have teenagers and have already navigated these waters.

a 12/13 year old does not have the mental capacity to understand the real implications of things. Clearly as a person who has so much tragedy and according to you more than someone who you have no idea about (The OP) although i agree on the education and conversations, nothing will stop the curiosity that you think a 12/13 year old can solve on their own. Let me guess, you are going to train your kids to drink properly too right?

You should consider yourself lucky that the mom or aunt was smart enough to use that 1-day spray in dye!

Mine went to a sleepover bday party at 13 and came back with the kind that lasted weeks. Zero forwarning or permission asked either. I was POd because DD was in a black tie destination wedding the next weekend and we were set to fly out that Sunday evening. My SIL was the one getting married and my ILs are NOT the type of people who would have found something like that funny or appreciated the fun story that went along with the pictures.

DD thought it was fine because she'd used the 1-day spray in, wash out stuff plenty of times. She didn't think to ask how long the dye lasted. Lesson learned.

We ended up having to have her hair dyed back to her natural color Sunday morning before we flew out.

did we ever find out that the hostess called them "mocktails"?

or is that just OP calling them that.

OP, don't be this mom. your daughter will most likely rebel, if not now, in college. At most, decline invites but don't engage like this with the other mom. Talk with your therapist about this. I struggle to with my DD who is my oldest (not about this but other things) but it isn't fair to freak out over this.

I'll never forget being punished for swimming at a birthday party (in clothes and they weren't fancy) Everyone for fun jumped in. My dad was irate and I was grounded at 10/11 for the rest of the weekend. Just for being fancy free and having fun. I had to stress out over every little thing after that and hid sooo much

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a party with an Indian friend and came home with henna all over her arms. I was not pleased that we had something that lasted weeks without checking with us first.

How old was your daughter when this happened?

And why on earth would it bother you? Afraid of what people would think? Why do they need to check with you when it's completely safe, does your daughter have no autonomy?

Anonymous wrote:I would not want my kids hanging out in a house where people are using the word mocktails and serving them to children. I’m not super strict but some things are for adults, not children. I think by calling them mocktails and making a big deal out of them, you are definitely glamorizing drinking. But then I don’t buy into the whole “Mommy wine culture” thing either. We don’t abstain in front of our kids but we don’t make drinking the focus of an event, gathering or activity.

It's OP who made it a big deal, not the hostess. I have no idea what a 'Mommy wine culture' is but I have no problem with mockails or the professional make up artist who did the girls' make up. Wish I could have attended. Sounds like TONS of fun!

Anonymous wrote:If teenagers don't drink iced tea, lemonade, smoothies, seltzers then what do think drink? Do they drink soda?

*they not think

I would not want my kids hanging out in a house where people are using the word mocktails and serving them to children. I’m not super strict but some things are for adults, not children. I think by calling them mocktails and making a big deal out of them, you are definitely glamorizing drinking. But then I don’t buy into the whole “Mommy wine culture” thing either. We don’t abstain in front of our kids but we don’t make drinking the focus of an event, gathering or activity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up we always had sparkling apple cider at special events. The adults toasted with champagne, we toasted with apple cider. We all used the same champagne glasses.

We did this at holidays, or on a birthday, on New Year's eve too. I never even thought about it being a "mocktail" but it certainly was. Same as shirley temples etc.

I think I'd be more annoyed if they called them "mocktails" instead of just "fun drinks" but whatever.

We also used to buy candy cigarettes when I was little! I never cared for smoking the real thing, but I did enjoy that little puffft of sugar you could blow out of those things.

Yeah, we didn't call them mocktails, but we certainly had non-alcoholic versions of alcoholic drinks. Often in "fancy" glasses. I think the name mocktail is kind of stupid, but they're basically just slushies that taste like coconut or limeade or whatever.

My grandfather, God rest his soul, would spit out his Old Style in disgust if someone told him that the Bucky Dent (the boy's version of the Shirley Temple, because the 80's) was a mocktail.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it is all perspective.

Like I said, I view margaritas as a "party" drink, of the clicking glasses, dance on the table, tequila drunk type of drink. So my kid telling me they celebrated with fake margaritas would bother me. Martini glasses are kind of the same thing. Kids frozen virgin drinks get served in all kinds of fun glasses, but the only thing ever served in martini glasses are alcohol martinis. It is a perception thing to me. I would get bothered by rootbeer served in a beer bong, but not inna frosted mug or glass bottle. The beer bong sends a clear message, where rootbeer in a mug does not send any message.

That said, I would be bothered by those two things (margaritas and certain glasses/presentations) but would not make a big deal of it.

And as I said in my original post, I am not anti alcohol, serve alcohol in my home, and host fun parties with themed drinks. I also have no issues with my kids getting virgin drinks in restaurants or having fun mixed juice/soda water drinks at home in fancy glasses like hurricanes.

SMH. You think of margaritas and dancing on the table. Me, whenever I smell Fanta Orange or Sunkist, I think of sloe gin and getting trashed as a high school student while visiting Ball State University. That doesn't mean I get my knickers in a knot when my kids want orange flavored drinks.

I'm also SMH that you are equating a beer bong with a martini glass. Seriously? Do you also avoid talking about sex and drugs with your kids? How do you feel about kids eating bananas?

Nah, I am fairly open and candid with my kids about all sorts of things. We also drink, so obviously that is not an issue.

OP asked a hypothetical question and I gave a candid answer on what my impression would be.

You seem strangely offended and sensitive by the idea of someone saying they would not be comfortable with the idea of any parts of the mocktails. It makes it seem like you are the kind of person who would be hosting the drinking parties at your home in a year or two.

SMH =/= 'offended' or 'sensitive'. It's closer to incredulous. Of course, you're the same person that equates a beer bong with a martini glass. Still SMH.

If teenagers don't drink iced tea, lemonade, smoothies, seltzers then what do think drink? Do they drink soda?