Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

Anonymous wrote:This happens a lot in my neighborhood. I see a lot of moms at my daughter's school, who by looks alone, were probably not anyone's first pick when it came to dates, proms, whatever when they were probably younger, ie. high school. However, I guess in college, they luck up and hook up with some nerdy guy who has decent money (because the cool jocks and/or guys with personalities were never interested), they get a little blow out, the right make up, some riding boots and a quilted vest, and now you can't tell them anything. Have also noticed for these ladies, making their own daughters popular is very important to them and in an effort to live vicariously through their daughters, they sometimes exhibit the same mean girl behavior to other moms that they were probably subjected to, all in an effort to ensure their daughters are at the top of the pecking order.

In high school, I was that unicorn who was both beautiful and smart in high school and college so I was lucky enough to be cool with the nerds and still date in high school, college and beyond. But I can spot these chicks a mile a way - still average in every way and but desperately trying to fit in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

Anonymous wrote:So, I don't think that bitchy behavior is exclusive to the SAHMs, but, I do think there is some truth to the fact that SAHMs are able to spend more time in their kids' schools. So, they do often tend to run things socially at a school. I am seeing it with my preschool and its our first rodeo with school. The SAHMs who chat at drop off, perfectly coiffed in riding boots and quilted burberry are a different breed than the ones who drop off in yoga pants and sneakers. They are more cliquish and not as friendly to outsiders. This is a preschool in Chevy Chase.

I am not even commenting on the attractiveness of these women. I am just talking about attitudes and attire.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

Anonymous wrote:This happens a lot in my neighborhood. I see a lot of moms at my daughter's school, who by looks alone, were probably not anyone's first pick when it came to dates, proms, whatever when they were probably younger, ie. high school. However, I guess in college, they luck up and hook up with some nerdy guy who has decent money (because the cool jocks and/or guys with personalities were never interested), they get a little blow out, the right make up, some riding boots and a quilted vest, and now you can't tell them anything. Have also noticed for these ladies, making their own daughters popular is very important to them and in an effort to live vicariously through their daughters, they sometimes exhibit the same mean girl behavior to other moms that they were probably subjected to, all in an effort to ensure their daughters are at the top of the pecking order.

In high school, I was that unicorn who was both beautiful and smart in high school and college so I was lucky enough to be cool with the nerds and still date in high school, college and beyond. But I can spot these chicks a mile a way - still average in every way and but desperately trying to fit in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to continue wearing my barbour vest. Don't worry, I don't own riding boots or an infinity scarf. However I have tall, blac, gloss hunters and bean moccasins, not boots, neither of which I wear for fashion. I only wear those in bad weather, which is rare , and not with the vest.

Stacey? Is that you?

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to continue wearing my barbour vest. Don't worry, I don't own riding boots or an infinity scarf. However I have tall, blac, gloss hunters and bean moccasins, not boots, neither of which I wear for fashion. I only wear those in bad weather, which is rare , and not with the vest.

Anonymous wrote:There's a cool crowd in adulthood?! I didn't know that was a thing.

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to continue wearing my barbour vest. Don't worry, I don't own riding boots or an infinity scarf. However I have tall, blac, gloss hunters and bean moccasins, not boots, neither of which I wear for fashion. I only wear those in bad weather, which is rare , and not with the vest.