Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 12:14     Subject: Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
If nothing else, OP, I hope you can see that after 14 pages of responses, there is no clear consensus that "oh SIL/grandma just need to be more flexible and accommodating to you." Your ILs have some really rough circumstances, and I hope you can come up with a plan for feeding your kids that doesn't add stress/complication on their plate.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 12:09     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Is there an outdoor grill you can use? Can you feed your kids outside on a picnic table for some meals or is it expected (required) all meals eaten together every time?
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 12:06     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not what you want to hear but here goes. Why are you allowing your 4 year old to have such a limited diet? Kids learn from their homes. Forget the gluten issue. Fill you home with a variety of good food, and keep presenting it. Your kids will eat more than chicken nuggets soon enough. Unless they have a rare disorder, your children will not starve themselves if you give them different foods on a consistent basis. It would also help if you and your DH ate differently, and served everyone one meal. Don't serve kid meals. Unless, god forbid, you are also eating chicken nuggets. You do realize that the nutritional value of food out of a package is not very high, right?


OP here - people parent differently and I totally disagree with you. My older one used to be like his little brother but little by little he has gotten more open minded and we are encouraging him without forcing him. I believe my LO will too over time, so this is just a battle I choose not to fight at this age, esp. While on 'vacation' when other stressors are present.


OP, I parent a lot like you around food, and it worked out well for us. My 4 year old had an extremely restricted diet for medical reasons as a toddler, and while he was past that at 4, he was still learning to like a lot of foods, and had a pretty restricted palate. I was committed to not power struggling about it, and he pretty much ate what he was comfortable eating. With no pressure his palate naturally expanded, and now he eats almost everything, but it was a gradual process that took years.

Having said that, even as a parent of a kid who sounds similarly picky to yours at that age, and who was committed to not power struggling around food, I felt comfortable telling my son at 4 "At Grandma's house you can choose from the food that is served. If you're still hungry, you can have a snack later we have pb&j, and cheese and crackers in our room, or in the car on the way home", and telling Grandma "I'd like to include one thing I know he will eat at this meal. I don't see anything on the table, can I add some milk and sliced apples to the meal?" Sometimes that approach lead to him deciding he would try the roast chicken or the mashed potatoes or whatever, and sometimes that kind of an approach lead to a snack of milk and apples and a second dinner later.

I totally agree that a trip, with all the stressors of traveling, is not the time to be turning a kid's diet upside down or introducing a power struggle.

I'll also say that I wouldn't consider visiting extended family to be a vacation. There's really nothing vacationy about it. Framing it in your mind as doing your duties by the in laws, and helping your kids build family bonds, rather than as a vacation might help you feel less resentful, than if you go into it with the mindset that it's supposed to be a vacation.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 12:02     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We went gluten free for awhile (elimination diet) It was also expensive.
Shouldn't this thread be moved to SN? After all, OP is being asked to completely change her family's cooking and diet for a "vacation" and a "possible" contamination issue. I think many of the posters are forgetting what travelling with young children is like. Kids do not always love travelling and tend to cling to the familiar and be fussy. And BTW, my kids just returned from overseas and yes, they brought their own PB&J with them. It saves on high overseas costs and availability. It was not their favorite food, but that what they ate. However, they are not 4 years old.


OP doesn't cook.

OP microwaves Kraft Mac N Cheese and Tyson's Chicken Wings for Aden and Grace because they can't eat anything that isn't processed.



FFS, people - OP here and I haven't gotten defensive yet but here goes. I am an excellent cook. I have traveled extensively and lived in Asia. We eat an incredibly diverse range of foods. I also have a close relative who is senior faculty at the single best university nutrition department in the country and I take my nutrition and feeding guidance from her. Children have incredibly sensitive taste buds that deaden over time. This is why my older one pronounced iceberg lettuce "too spicy" when he was little. My kids are exposed to all kinds of food and praised for trying new things but I save my battles for things that I think are more important at this age like manners, courtesy, and bedtime. When we travel abroad I want them to explore and see and experience without being hysterical because they are hungry or were forced to eat something out of their comfort zone. This has never been an issue until the surprise with the GF week in the woods.

Thanks to all with suggestions on how to middle through


Nothing to add except props to you for being so understanding with your SIL/MIL and with PPs. Sounds like you're being very sensitive and thoughtful.

I'm annoyed on your behalf about the "vacation" (only slightly, bc it's not THAT big a deal and you're handling it well) and about the PPs that lack reading comprehension.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:47     Subject: Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
OP I think what you need to remember is however stressful this week seems to be for you, it is a lot more stressful for your in-laws, with a newly diagnosed seriously ill toddler AND a newborn. Seriously the best way to reduce stress for EVERYONE, including yourselves, is to keep both houses gluten free. Then you (and they) never have to worry whether their toddler gets into your secret stash of gluten bread, or grabs one of your kids regular goldfish off the floor. I can understand why they want the cabin, with a newborn, and I can understand why they want the main house GF, where most of the food prep/eating will be done.

Don't worry too much about "nutrition" for your own kids this week, in favor of calories they will eat instead. They only eat 1 GF nugget at dinner? They can fill up on fruit and ice cream after, which is almost guaranteed to cheer them up. Lots of chicken and rice--make a bigger batch the first night and reserve the leftovers for your picky eater. If you find a brand of pasta you like, you can make homemade mac and cheese. Breakfast for dinner! Plan a day out mid-trip to somewhere that has mainstream foods. You've been given loads of options.

I get picky eaters, and choosing your battles, I really do. But I think you should just dig deep for compassion, and realize the burden your ILs are under right now, and do whatever you can to help them shoulder it, even if it means your kids eat ice cream (without cones) for dinner for 5 days.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:30     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We went gluten free for awhile (elimination diet) It was also expensive.
Shouldn't this thread be moved to SN? After all, OP is being asked to completely change her family's cooking and diet for a "vacation" and a "possible" contamination issue. I think many of the posters are forgetting what travelling with young children is like. Kids do not always love travelling and tend to cling to the familiar and be fussy. And BTW, my kids just returned from overseas and yes, they brought their own PB&J with them. It saves on high overseas costs and availability. It was not their favorite food, but that what they ate. However, they are not 4 years old.


OP doesn't cook.

OP microwaves Kraft Mac N Cheese and Tyson's Chicken Wings for Aden and Grace because they can't eat anything that isn't processed.



FFS, people - OP here and I haven't gotten defensive yet but here goes. I am an excellent cook. I have traveled extensively and lived in Asia. We eat an incredibly diverse range of foods. I also have a close relative who is senior faculty at the single best university nutrition department in the country and I take my nutrition and feeding guidance from her. Children have incredibly sensitive taste buds that deaden over time. This is why my older one pronounced iceberg lettuce "too spicy" when he was little. My kids are exposed to all kinds of food and praised for trying new things but I save my battles for things that I think are more important at this age like manners, courtesy, and bedtime. When we travel abroad I want them to explore and see and experience without being hysterical because they are hungry or were forced to eat something out of their comfort zone. This has never been an issue until the surprise with the GF week in the woods.

Thanks to all with suggestions on how to middle through
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:22     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not what you want to hear but here goes. Why are you allowing your 4 year old to have such a limited diet? Kids learn from their homes. Forget the gluten issue. Fill you home with a variety of good food, and keep presenting it. Your kids will eat more than chicken nuggets soon enough. Unless they have a rare disorder, your children will not starve themselves if you give them different foods on a consistent basis. It would also help if you and your DH ate differently, and served everyone one meal. Don't serve kid meals. Unless, god forbid, you are also eating chicken nuggets. You do realize that the nutritional value of food out of a package is not very high, right?


OP here - people parent differently and I totally disagree with you. My older one used to be like his little brother but little by little he has gotten more open minded and we are encouraging him without forcing him. I believe my LO will too over time, so this is just a battle I choose not to fight at this age, esp. While on 'vacation' when other stressors are present.


You realize the diet your child eats before he (or she) is 5 is the diet that will set them up for life. Most likely - you will a child with life long eating disorders and probably obesity. Be a parent - not a friend.


What? I was the pickiest eater imaginable as a child and pretty much hated everything (and my parents were like a lot of the posters and wouldn't give in, so I learned creative ways of disposing of food). I was the child who'd rather get sick from hunger than eat what I did not want. Now I love everything, including plain brussel sprouts and turnips. I grew out of my pickiness naturally. Or look at it this way - how many organic-everything, healthy eating posters on these boards were fed the typical diet of lunchables and kool aid by their parents in the 1970s?

As to the original topic, this vacation sounds like a trip from hell. People may dispute all they want whether OP should have picky children, but she does at the moment and they won't drastically change in a few weeks. It's one thing to visit a very restricted house where you can go out to eat if it gets too onerous, but stuck in the middle of nowhere with cranky children and a bunch of in-laws? That's punishment, not a vacation.


Oh look, an anecdote. That must negate data.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:21     Subject: Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everyone can stop offering solutions. Eleven pages of solutions. But OP doesn't really want solutions.


OP here and hold on, this isn't fair. I think you are confusing me with other posters. My original question was what if anything I could ask for reasonably and I have only chimed in since then to add facts (e.g., explain why we can't use the kitchenette without displacing BIL and SIL from that cabin and that we will be too remote to stay in a hotel or sneak out to McDs every couple days) and to mention that I have previously dealt with the picky eating by bring food for my kids, which I would willingly do this time and keep my mouth shut if there were a place I could keep that food and feed it to my kids (as the educated celiac-ers on this thread have noted, cross contamination is a big issue, so it isn't 'keep the pb & j in your room,' it is 'no bread in the house'). I haven't been nixing the suggestions given.

In fact, I have been taking notes about brands and even tried some of them tonight (Bell and Evans nuggets were a definite no. Annie's Mac was OK, not great. And Udis bread I could not get past myself, let alone my kids!). Please keep them coming!

And I have decided that if my good faith efforts to figure out how to feed my kids GF for 5 days doesn't pan out, I am not unreasonable to ask the parents for an accommodation but give them the choice of what it is (switching cabins, labeling our food clearly and using paper plates, permission to use microwave, etc). I think PPs who pointed out that Grandma may be the driving factor here may be right.

In other words, I have learned that while I should do my best to accommodate them, I am not the only mom out there who thinks it is too much to ask of us on our vacation to have our kids (the younger one is 4, BTW, so not exactly old enough to have empathy toward his 2yo cousin) not be able to eat any of the foods they typically eat for 5 days. Hungry kids away from home in a different time zone is not a vacation.

Thanks to all. I will continue to take GF suggestions for bread, pasta and nuggets (will try applegate next). And yes, I will report back


I think this will be a good learning experience for you and your kids. Sounds like your family needs it.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:21     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not what you want to hear but here goes. Why are you allowing your 4 year old to have such a limited diet? Kids learn from their homes. Forget the gluten issue. Fill you home with a variety of good food, and keep presenting it. Your kids will eat more than chicken nuggets soon enough. Unless they have a rare disorder, your children will not starve themselves if you give them different foods on a consistent basis. It would also help if you and your DH ate differently, and served everyone one meal. Don't serve kid meals. Unless, god forbid, you are also eating chicken nuggets. You do realize that the nutritional value of food out of a package is not very high, right?


OP here - people parent differently and I totally disagree with you. My older one used to be like his little brother but little by little he has gotten more open minded and we are encouraging him without forcing him. I believe my LO will too over time, so this is just a battle I choose not to fight at this age, esp. While on 'vacation' when other stressors are present.


You realize the diet your child eats before he (or she) is 5 is the diet that will set them up for life. Most likely - you will a child with life long eating disorders and probably obesity. Be a parent - not a friend.


What? I was the pickiest eater imaginable as a child and pretty much hated everything (and my parents were like a lot of the posters and wouldn't give in, so I learned creative ways of disposing of food). I was the child who'd rather get sick from hunger than eat what I did not want. Now I love everything, including plain brussel sprouts and turnips. I grew out of my pickiness naturally. Or look at it this way - how many organic-everything, healthy eating posters on these boards were fed the typical diet of lunchables and kool aid by their parents in the 1970s?

As to the original topic, this vacation sounds like a trip from hell. People may dispute all they want whether OP should have picky children, but she does at the moment and they won't drastically change in a few weeks. It's one thing to visit a very restricted house where you can go out to eat if it gets too onerous, but stuck in the middle of nowhere with cranky children and a bunch of in-laws? That's punishment, not a vacation.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:20     Subject: Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
OP, *do* you and your husband cook? Or do you just assemble/reheat? What do you and your husband eat? Because you guys seem really, really tied to processed foods. To the point that you take food on international trips?!

This could be a great chance for your entire family to eat more natural, whole foods, and to incorporate some new foods and flexibility into your rigid diet/routine.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:17     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not what you want to hear but here goes. Why are you allowing your 4 year old to have such a limited diet? Kids learn from their homes. Forget the gluten issue. Fill you home with a variety of good food, and keep presenting it. Your kids will eat more than chicken nuggets soon enough. Unless they have a rare disorder, your children will not starve themselves if you give them different foods on a consistent basis. It would also help if you and your DH ate differently, and served everyone one meal. Don't serve kid meals. Unless, god forbid, you are also eating chicken nuggets. You do realize that the nutritional value of food out of a package is not very high, right?


OP here - people parent differently and I totally disagree with you. My older one used to be like his little brother but little by little he has gotten more open minded and we are encouraging him without forcing him. I believe my LO will too over time, so this is just a battle I choose not to fight at this age, esp. While on 'vacation' when other stressors are present.


You realize the diet your child eats before he (or she) is 5 is the diet that will set them up for life. Most likely - you will a child with life long eating disorders and probably obesity. Be a parent - not a friend.


Get over yourself. Children's taste preferences mature over time.


Have you been to any other countries? They don't eat that crap - children will eat what they are given. Children's tastes are developed by what their families feed them. Yes, a child's palate will expand with flavors and textures provided to them. So if mom only gives sweet things and chicken nuggets - that is all they know.

Your kids menu idea on children's food is outdated thinking.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:15     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:We went gluten free for awhile (elimination diet) It was also expensive.
Shouldn't this thread be moved to SN? After all, OP is being asked to completely change her family's cooking and diet for a "vacation" and a "possible" contamination issue. I think many of the posters are forgetting what travelling with young children is like. Kids do not always love travelling and tend to cling to the familiar and be fussy. And BTW, my kids just returned from overseas and yes, they brought their own PB&J with them. It saves on high overseas costs and availability. It was not their favorite food, but that what they ate. However, they are not 4 years old.


OP doesn't cook.

OP microwaves Kraft Mac N Cheese and Tyson's Chicken Wings for Aden and Grace because they can't eat anything that isn't processed.

Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:14     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not what you want to hear but here goes. Why are you allowing your 4 year old to have such a limited diet? Kids learn from their homes. Forget the gluten issue. Fill you home with a variety of good food, and keep presenting it. Your kids will eat more than chicken nuggets soon enough. Unless they have a rare disorder, your children will not starve themselves if you give them different foods on a consistent basis. It would also help if you and your DH ate differently, and served everyone one meal. Don't serve kid meals. Unless, god forbid, you are also eating chicken nuggets. You do realize that the nutritional value of food out of a package is not very high, right?


OP here - people parent differently and I totally disagree with you. My older one used to be like his little brother but little by little he has gotten more open minded and we are encouraging him without forcing him. I believe my LO will too over time, so this is just a battle I choose not to fight at this age, esp. While on 'vacation' when other stressors are present.


You realize the diet your child eats before he (or she) is 5 is the diet that will set them up for life. Most likely - you will a child with life long eating disorders and probably obesity. Be a parent - not a friend.


Get over yourself. Children's taste preferences mature over time.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:13     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
The frozen GF bread from Whole Foods was pretty good. it was expensive, but just for a week might be doable.
OP I would take some stuff with you if you can. You never know what will be on hand when you get there, and the kids are hungry.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 11:12     Subject: Re:Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not what you want to hear but here goes. Why are you allowing your 4 year old to have such a limited diet? Kids learn from their homes. Forget the gluten issue. Fill you home with a variety of good food, and keep presenting it. Your kids will eat more than chicken nuggets soon enough. Unless they have a rare disorder, your children will not starve themselves if you give them different foods on a consistent basis. It would also help if you and your DH ate differently, and served everyone one meal. Don't serve kid meals. Unless, god forbid, you are also eating chicken nuggets. You do realize that the nutritional value of food out of a package is not very high, right?


OP here - people parent differently and I totally disagree with you. My older one used to be like his little brother but little by little he has gotten more open minded and we are encouraging him without forcing him. I believe my LO will too over time, so this is just a battle I choose not to fight at this age, esp. While on 'vacation' when other stressors are present.


You realize the diet your child eats before he (or she) is 5 is the diet that will set them up for life. Most likely - you will a child with life long eating disorders and probably obesity. Be a parent - not a friend.