http://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2015/04/09/what-like-poor-ivy-league-school/xPtql5uzDb6r9AUFER8R0O/story.html?p1=Article_Related_Box_Article

hmmmm

I was that kid. My parents were upper middle class that skimped on other things to be able to afford one kid's private tuition.

Even at a young age of 10 I developed envy. I wondered why I couldn't get the Barbie house with everything in it, and at at birthday parties I noticed some kids lived in McMansions, with pools, stables, horses, land, tennis courts. The rich kids were not mean or excluded the less wealthy but they still hung out in their own groups.

We moved for my dad's job and parents sent me to public for middle school. I loved it there.

In high school, we had dropped to just middle class. I tested into a private with a heavy emphasis on academics (think uber competitive like TJ). Maybe because parents' SES influence kid's academics, a lot of kids there were wealthy. The extra privileged high schoolers there were mean, excluded me from things and make fun of me and where our family lived. High school kids asked and knew whst the parents jobs were. There was a class system. They formed study groups by themselves, didn't mingle with the relatively poors. In hindsight maybe I got a taste of the real world out there, how people congregate amongst their own SES. I felt deprived, shunned, inferior. This was not Beverly Hills 90210, it was academics focused TJ type of place wherein your smarts, academics got you more points, and sports or being popular wasn't the main focus of school. Even so, there was a divide and boy did I feel it. The alumni is mostly very successful and maybe my parents hoped I'd make lots of friends who would end up that way, but I have just two friends from that school, both who were way underprivileged comparatively or downright lower middle class. In short, birds of a flock stick together and kids notice. If your child is thick skinned it could work I guess.

Anonymous wrote:Back to the point about how the kids feel. We are solidly middle class and DC goes to Sidwell and is now a Sr. DC and I have talked about not having the money of others many times, and it is really not has never been a problem. DC has been included in lavish parties in Georgetown and to simple backyard picnics with smores. DC's friends are in all different economic brackets. My US the kids form groups of friends based on shared interests and personalities. I really don't see money as a big factor day to day, and the parents I have gotten to know don't seem to care either. I know people on this forum sneer at the idea at Quaker values at Sidwell but they really do exist, at least in the US. If a kid bragged about fancy vacations or owning an expensive cars, they wouldn't many friends. Of course the rich kids have these things but in my experience they downplay it.

Really great to hear this. When you say you are solidly middle class, what do you mean in terms of HHI?

Back to the point about how the kids feel. We are solidly middle class and DC goes to Sidwell and is now a Sr. DC and I have talked about not having the money of others many times, and it is really not has never been a problem. DC has been included in lavish parties in Georgetown and to simple backyard picnics with smores. DC's friends are in all different economic brackets. My US the kids form groups of friends based on shared interests and personalities. I really don't see money as a big factor day to day, and the parents I have gotten to know don't seem to care either. I know people on this forum sneer at the idea at Quaker values at Sidwell but they really do exist, at least in the US. If a kid bragged about fancy vacations or owning an expensive cars, they wouldn't many friends. Of course the rich kids have these things but in my experience they downplay it.

Here's the good thing. None of this so called "private school is only for the wealthy and those willing to scrap by to pay full attention so as not to be perceived as moochers" actually sit on any schools FA board. They are entitled to their powerless opinion.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that it gets worse. It changes in high school when the FA kids are the smartest and the legacy kids are complete dingbats.

I was wondering about this, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you'd object to people with fancier degrees and grad school who qualify for FA. I'm the PP who posted about the research scientist example who works at NIH ($100K) with a spouse who works for legal aid and makes $50K. Are you really going to begrudge them for their career choices?

I don't see why they should get FA.

When they made their career choices, they also chose not to be able to send their kids to expensive private schools (or own million dollar homes, or drive supercars, or travel overseas frequently, etc.).

If you disagree so strongly with the school, you should take a stand and refuse to send your children there. Send a strongly worded letter telling them you refuse to enroll your children until they stop giving out financial aid.

LOL

I used to think it would be nice to work in an admissions office at a private school or university. Now I think it would be unpleasant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you'd object to people with fancier degrees and grad school who qualify for FA. I'm the PP who posted about the research scientist example who works at NIH ($100K) with a spouse who works for legal aid and makes $50K. Are you really going to begrudge them for their career choices?

I don't see why they should get FA.

When they made their career choices, they also chose not to be able to send their kids to expensive private schools (or own million dollar homes, or drive supercars, or travel overseas frequently, etc.).

If you disagree so strongly with the school, you should take a stand and refuse to send your children there. Send a strongly worded letter telling them you refuse to enroll your children until they stop giving out financial aid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you'd object to people with fancier degrees and grad school who qualify for FA. I'm the PP who posted about the research scientist example who works at NIH ($100K) with a spouse who works for legal aid and makes $50K. Are you really going to begrudge them for their career choices?

I don't see why they should get FA.

When they made their career choices, they also chose not to be able to send their kids to expensive private schools (or own million dollar homes, or drive supercars, or travel overseas frequently, etc.).

Why shouldn't they throw in their hat for chances at FA for private school and at universities?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh is in biglaw but is a senior associate, not a partner. We will most likely be full pay assuming ds gets in, but we will fill out the financial aid paperwork anyway.

My understanding is that full pay families are NOT subsidizing financial aid, but that the actual cost to the school per student is higher than the published tuition cost. It is the donors who donate beyond tuition who are subsidizing everyone else.


I don't get the hate for pp - we are comfortable with our choices so anyone else making different choices just doesn't even hit my radar. Schools give FA and that's what it is there for. An attorney choosing to work for DOJ or whatever is a world away from some deadbeat parent working under the table so they don't have to pay child support.

It shocks me that a senior associate in BigLaw would apply for FA. I hope any school would deny it. You should be ashamed to apply for FA with that income. DH and I combined make the same as one senior associate (with both of us working full-time) and we stretch to pay full tuition. (I used to work in BigLaw and so I know the salaries.)

Nope, not ashamed. Sad that even on this salary we will struggle with full freight (40k/per kid) but it is what it is. We don't live in the DC area - housing would be much less expensive there and housing is what kills us here. We have old cars, don't take fancy vacations. We could technically do $40k/yr on just salary but there would be no savings whatsoever. Would be able to keep the 401k but not fund IRAs.

We live in an area with extreme wealth and if dc were offered FA we would accept it gratefully. I have heard of others in our situation who were given generous aid packages.

You fund two 401ks? We stopped mine to help with expenses, and yes, we paid full freight. We're apPlying for FA this year due to job loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you'd object to people with fancier degrees and grad school who qualify for FA. I'm the PP who posted about the research scientist example who works at NIH ($100K) with a spouse who works for legal aid and makes $50K. Are you really going to begrudge them for their career choices?

I don't see why they should get FA.

When they made their career choices, they also chose not to be able to send their kids to expensive private schools (or own million dollar homes, or drive supercars, or travel overseas frequently, etc.).

So, you believe that private schools should only have super wealthy kids and super poor kids? And you think that is a good thing to not have a variety of economic classes in a school? You don't want kids with parents who are journalists, professors, researchers, not-for-profit managers, federal workers, etc. to attend private schools because their parents chose to use their education to better society?
Also, you're saying that if you are extremely smart and talented, that you should avoid working at places like NIH or go into research medicine because it would limit your ability to send your kids to private schools?

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you'd object to people with fancier degrees and grad school who qualify for FA. I'm the PP who posted about the research scientist example who works at NIH ($100K) with a spouse who works for legal aid and makes $50K. Are you really going to begrudge them for their career choices?

I don't see why they should get FA.

When they made their career choices, they also chose not to be able to send their kids to expensive private schools (or own million dollar homes, or drive supercars, or travel overseas frequently, etc.).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh is in biglaw but is a senior associate, not a partner. We will most likely be full pay assuming ds gets in, but we will fill out the financial aid paperwork anyway.

My understanding is that full pay families are NOT subsidizing financial aid, but that the actual cost to the school per student is higher than the published tuition cost. It is the donors who donate beyond tuition who are subsidizing everyone else.


I don't get the hate for pp - we are comfortable with our choices so anyone else making different choices just doesn't even hit my radar. Schools give FA and that's what it is there for. An attorney choosing to work for DOJ or whatever is a world away from some deadbeat parent working under the table so they don't have to pay child support.

It shocks me that a senior associate in BigLaw would apply for FA. I hope any school would deny it. You should be ashamed to apply for FA with that income. DH and I combined make the same as one senior associate (with both of us working full-time) and we stretch to pay full tuition. (I used to work in BigLaw and so I know the salaries.)

Nope, not ashamed. Sad that even on this salary we will struggle with full freight (40k/per kid) but it is what it is. We don't live in the DC area - housing would be much less expensive there and housing is what kills us here. We have old cars, don't take fancy vacations. We could technically do $40k/yr on just salary but there would be no savings whatsoever. Would be able to keep the 401k but not fund IRAs.

We live in an area with extreme wealth and if dc were offered FA we would accept it gratefully. I have heard of others in our situation who were given generous aid packages.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that it gets worse. It changes in high school when the FA kids are the smartest and the legacy kids are complete dingbats.

My DCs have always been full tuition, one was an excellent student and currently attends H/P/S/or Y. The other is well into high school and has never had a grade lower than an A. My point is that there are intelligent students from every socioeconomic, racial, religious, sexual, and ethnic background. More importantly, though, my children have always admired and valued their peers and classmates not solely for their academic contributions in the classroom, but also for the myriad talents they bring to the school outside of class time -- in the arts, music, writing, acting, athletics, or service. You do not have to be one of the most academically accomplished in a school in order to make deeply important and meaningful contributions to your class, your school, and your community.

I disagree that it gets worse. It changes in high school when the FA kids are the smartest and the legacy kids are complete dingbats.