Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this is the saddest thread I have ever read. Decide what income/prestige/whatever you want and then go after it. Support your DH is discovering his goals. Decide together which of these aspirations have to take a back seat because of family priorities. Think of your husband as your partner not your cash cow. This isn't rocket science.

Surely most women follow this model. If you think it's ok to think less of your husband (who is great with the kids, a decent provider and a good partner), because he isnt the guy who puts all his effort into just making more money, divorce him and give him up to someone who will appreciate him.

Let me guess. Your husband makes a lot of money.

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Anonymous wrote:Can I join in on this? I supported my spouse through a PhD program and am currently paying their loans (while they are a SAHP). It makes my blood boil sometimes when I see the student loan payment drafted out of our checking account, but I realize I am going to pay either way (in child support/alimony) so I might as well take it on the chin now. It's not a win net net to leave.

Similar story here, honestly I'm not sure how to get over the resentment

Isn't it conventional wisdom that you don't go for a PhD unless it's fully funded - if you're funding it yourself with loans, the department doesn't really want you and it's not a real marketable PhD? Or is this not true anymore.

Fields like science, engineering, economics and poly sci are typically funded. They pay all your fees and you usually get a small salary for your work ( grading papers, teaching a small class, research assistance). Art and English
? Not so much.

False. You can get full funding and a stipend or fellowship if you are a top candidate in the humanities. These are few and far between, but I always tell my students to do a PhD only if you are being fully funded. You should not go into debt for a humanities PhD because the job market is so brutal. I managed to get my MA and PhD in a humanities field fully paid for with a stipend, and left with less than $10K in debt for seven years of graduate study (a big chunk of that went into the purchase of a laptop).

Just curious -- how much do you make now in the humanities field with a PhD?

Just shy of $100K--tenured @ research university.

meh. My wife and I have advanced degrees from good schools. Our classmates are leaders in industry and government.

I'm an engineer. I get to solve fun problems on a daily basis and get paid well for it. I also rarely work more than 40 hours a week, and get to spend time in the evenings and weekend with the kids and family. Have I lived up to the "career potential" my education provided to me? Probably not. Do I care? Not really. We have the things we need, and will always have the means to get them -- because we're good about not always buying the things we want. I hope to retire early, travel, spend time with family, and relax. I simply don't see any benefit to the additional material reward that comes with the longer hours and additional stress. I believe it is the rare individual that has stated on their deathbed, "If only I had led one more merger and acquisition deal".

Honestly, this is the saddest thread I have ever read. Decide what income/prestige/whatever you want and then go after it. Support your DH is discovering his goals. Decide together which of these aspirations have to take a back seat because of family priorities. Think of your husband as your partner not your cash cow. This isn't rocket science.

Surely most women follow this model. If you think it's ok to think less of your husband (who is great with the kids, a decent provider and a good partner), because he isnt the guy who puts all his effort into just making more money, divorce him and give him up to someone who will appreciate him.

Anonymous wrote:might be off topic, but this is certainly a lesson to those parents wanting their kids to go a$40K/year plus college, doesn't guarantee squat.

It guarantees a 40k/yr income.

might be off topic, but this is certainly a lesson to those parents wanting their kids to go a$40K/year plus college, doesn't guarantee squat.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Can I join in on this? I supported my spouse through a PhD program and am currently paying their loans (while they are a SAHP). It makes my blood boil sometimes when I see the student loan payment drafted out of our checking account, but I realize I am going to pay either way (in child support/alimony) so I might as well take it on the chin now. It's not a win net net to leave.

Similar story here, honestly I'm not sure how to get over the resentment

Isn't it conventional wisdom that you don't go for a PhD unless it's fully funded - if you're funding it yourself with loans, the department doesn't really want you and it's not a real marketable PhD? Or is this not true anymore.

Fields like science, engineering, economics and poly sci are typically funded. They pay all your fees and you usually get a small salary for your work ( grading papers, teaching a small class, research assistance). Art and English
? Not so much.

False. You can get full funding and a stipend or fellowship if you are a top candidate in the humanities. These are few and far between, but I always tell my students to do a PhD only if you are being fully funded. You should not go into debt for a humanities PhD because the job market is so brutal. I managed to get my MA and PhD in a humanities field fully paid for with a stipend, and left with less than $10K in debt for seven years of graduate study (a big chunk of that went into the purchase of a laptop).

Just curious -- how much do you make now in the humanities field with a PhD?

This thread is hilarious when juxtaposed against the other thread with parents saving hundreds of thousands of dollars just so their special snowflake can attend a private or not of state school.

So did you marry the guy for his perfect pedigree or the actuality?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I join in on this? I supported my spouse through a PhD program and am currently paying their loans (while they are a SAHP). It makes my blood boil sometimes when I see the student loan payment drafted out of our checking account, but I realize I am going to pay either way (in child support/alimony) so I might as well take it on the chin now. It's not a win net net to leave.

Similar story here, honestly I'm not sure how to get over the resentment

Isn't it conventional wisdom that you don't go for a PhD unless it's fully funded - if you're funding it yourself with loans, the department doesn't really want you and it's not a real marketable PhD? Or is this not true anymore.

Fields like science, engineering, economics and poly sci are typically funded. They pay all your fees and you usually get a small salary for your work ( grading papers, teaching a small class, research assistance). Art and English
? Not so much.

False. You can get full funding and a stipend or fellowship if you are a top candidate in the humanities. These are few and far between, but I always tell my students to do a PhD only if you are being fully funded. You should not go into debt for a humanities PhD because the job market is so brutal. I managed to get my MA and PhD in a humanities field fully paid for with a stipend, and left with less than $10K in debt for seven years of graduate study (a big chunk of that went into the purchase of a laptop).

New poster who stumbled upon this thread and agree with what is below. We pay 700/month for DH's student loans. DH would like a larger home and is very committed to career. However, he has chosen jobs he loves that don't pay enough to keep up with what we have decided to prioritize for our lifestyle. Also jobs have had less flexibility. In turn, I have chosen jobs that pay more and are more flexible. That leaves things where I work more flexible hours but am on the hook for most of the home activities as well as the additional income to pay for things we have mutually decided are necessary (private for one child where public wasn't working, childcare after school because neither one of us can finish work at 3pm for pickup). Its hard not to be resentful, yet also want DH to not be bitter by having to leave a role he loves.












Anonymous wrote:
Can I join in on this? I supported my spouse through a PhD program and am currently paying their loans (while they are a SAHP). It makes my blood boil sometimes when I see the student loan payment drafted out of our checking account, but I realize I am going to pay either way (in child support/alimony) so I might as well take it on the chin now. It's not a win net net to leave.




Similar story here, honestly I'm not sure how to get over the resentment

I was fully funded for an arts related phd and many of my classmates were as well. The big difference is that earning potential after is so much lower than stem field. But that's a digression.

op, I kind of get it. My brother supported his wife through top 3 mba program. She hasn't held a real job since finishing 4 years ago. At least your DH has stable employment. Does he enjoy his job?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I join in on this? I supported my spouse through a PhD program and am currently paying their loans (while they are a SAHP). It makes my blood boil sometimes when I see the student loan payment drafted out of our checking account, but I realize I am going to pay either way (in child support/alimony) so I might as well take it on the chin now. It's not a win net net to leave.

Similar story here, honestly I'm not sure how to get over the resentment

Isn't it conventional wisdom that you don't go for a PhD unless it's fully funded - if you're funding it yourself with loans, the department doesn't really want you and it's not a real marketable PhD? Or is this not true anymore.

Fields like science, engineering, economics and poly sci are typically funded. They pay all your fees and you usually get a small salary for your work ( grading papers, teaching a small class, research assistance). Art and English
? Not so much.

Anonymous wrote:
What's your earning potential? At least he knows what the expectations are.

Get out of here with your common sense. This forum is intended for female hypocrisy and whining about how their husbands aren't pulling in better bank.

Divorce him and go marry a rich old guy. Then you'll be happy and the old guy will be happy. It's a win, win!