Anonymous wrote:We recently made a weekend visit to my sister and her DH and 2 children. My kids are 4 and 6 and hers are about the same ages. Here is what happened (I was with my back turned, helping my other child with something, so did not see all of it directly): My 4YO apparently climbed onto the arm rest of the couch and was standing on it. My BIL firmly told her "no...no...." and she did not comply. He then moved toward her with the intention of physically removing her from the couch. By the time I realized that there was something happening and turned around, she was on the seat of the couch crying and trying to crawl away, and he was standing over her grabbing at her legs. I picked her up and ran out of the room with her as she continued to cry; as I did so, I heard my BIL yell (to me, I assume) "she needs an attitude adjustment!!" After I had left the room (this next part is what my DH says), my other daughter started crying, presumably because she was scared. My DH said to her "it's okay, it's okay" and my BIL screamed at him (this I heard from the other room) "It's NOT okay!! This is my house, my rules!!" I proceeded to the room in which we were staying and my DH and other daughter soon followed. We did not know what to do but we both wanted to leave that instant. My 4YO was still sobbing and repeating "I want to go home" over and over. My older daughter was also still crying. We began packing up our stuff. We did not know what to do because my nephew's birthday party (the reason for our visit) was later that day. My BIL came up to our room shortly after and apologized. My SIL did, too. We ended up staying through the party, but left immediately after it finished instead of staying over a second night as originally planned.

My main questions are, would you have handled this differently and if so how? Also, what would you do going forward? My DH and I are in agreement that we really should not ever stay at their home again. (I should mention that although this is the worst incident that has ever happened, it is not the first...my sister and her BIL have very different parenting styles than we do. They are very strict and military-like and strongly favor punishments and corporal punishment, whereas we do not).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear uncle's side of the story.

And I could only imagine what OP's post would have been had BIL been standing there while precious child fell off the couch arm and actually hurt themselves.

If he had just picked her up and put her on the floor, I doubt OP would be here. But instead he pinned her down and started yelling like a maniac.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was fine with BIL's actions until you got to the part about hold DD down by her legs. Why not just put her on the floor and let her run off? Why pin her down? Doesn't make sense. Sounds like BIL got mad at a kid for not listening and retaliated by trying to hurt her. Total lack of control on his part.

But if he had stopped after (1) saying "no, no" and then (2) picking DD up and putting her somewhere else so she wouldn't fall, then I would have thanked him. When it comes to physical danger, I think the nearest adult should do just as BIL started out. He should have stopped though after your daughter was safe.

I totally agree. I also agree with the mom erring on the side of comforting the kids in the face of a yelling adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear uncle's side of the story.

And I could only imagine what OP's post would have been had BIL been standing there while precious child fell off the couch arm and actually hurt themselves.

Anonymous wrote:I was fine with BIL's actions until you got to the part about hold DD down by her legs. Why not just put her on the floor and let her run off? Why pin her down? Doesn't make sense. Sounds like BIL got mad at a kid for not listening and retaliated by trying to hurt her. Total lack of control on his part.

But if he had stopped after (1) saying "no, no" and then (2) picking DD up and putting her somewhere else so she wouldn't fall, then I would have thanked him. When it comes to physical danger, I think the nearest adult should do just as BIL started out. He should have stopped though after your daughter was safe.

Anonymous wrote:
OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.


+ a million

+ another million


Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.


If my kid faces adversity, he will know that he can come to me and he will fell safe and supported and loved. But your kids will not. Your kids are going to end up with kids who feel they can't turn to you. They will need to fend for themselves. They are learning that early, based on what some of you post here. They will not feel close to you, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. To clarify about the leg-grabbing--I don't think that he removed her from the couch--I think she got herself down onto the seat part when she saw him moving toward her. She scrambled down, and he grabbed at her as she was scrambling down. By the time I turned around, she was on the seat part face-up with her legs facing him, and he was leaning over the arm rest trying to grab at her legs.

OP, how do you know how it all went down if you had your back to them? You are making assumptions based on your bias.

It sounds as if she was maybe trying to kick him or scramble back up to the arm rest and that is why he grabbed her legs.

Who cares, the right thing to do was for bIl to walk up to the mom and say quietly, "I know u r busy but larva is standing on the couch, can u ask her to get down"

She was not going to break anything is he 16 seconds it takes to bring this to Ops attention.

My niece broke her collar bone at four years old doing exactly what her daughter was doing. My SIL was a few steps away and told her to get down. Had she reached over and removed her quickly she likely would not have broken anything.

BFF... Kids get hurt doing all sorts of things, screaming would have helped?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

+ a million

+ another million

Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.

If my kid faces adversity, he will know that he can come to me and he will fell safe and supported and loved. But your kids will not. Your kids are going to end up with kids who feel they can't turn to you. They will need to fend for themselves. They are learning that early, based on what some of you post here. They will not feel close to you, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

+ a million

+ another million

Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.

If my kid faces adversity, he will know that he can come to me and he will fell safe and supported and loved. But your kids will not. Your kids are going to end up with kids who feel they can't turn to you. They will need to fend for themselves. They are learning that early, based on what some of you post here. They will not feel close to you, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the thread just the original post. iMO your BIL did nothing wrong. A mountain was made out of a mole hill.

What kinds of households do you people come from that you see nothing wrong with an adult screaming at another adult as he comforts his crying child?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

+ a million

+ another million

Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.