Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:30     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
I think there was a thread a few months ago about a South Asian birthday invite for a kid's party where the invite said there should be no boxed gifts. Is thus something unique to South Asians that they want money at occasions when a gift is customarily given?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:26     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In the south it is considered tacky to give money as a gift.


No it's not.
-from the south and had many family friends of "old money" share the wealth a bit at our wedding


I'm with the PP. The nicest gifts in the south are a place setting of fine china or sterling. Cash is not a proper gift.

+1


Cash takes no thought whatsoever. When you care about people, you choose a gift for them. Cash says that you couldn't be bothered to buy them a gift.


This is a pointless blanket statement. I care about people to whom I have given both kinds of gifts. I just give them what I know (from them) they want and need most. THAT is what you do when you care about people. You are a rigid thinker who think there's one right way to do things: your way.



So you don't think it takes more time and effort to choose and send a gift than to write a check?


I think it's irrelevant. The gift-giving process isn't about ME and how much time I spend choosing it, nor is it an opportunity to congratulate myself for how thoughtful I think I am for doing so. Giving a caring gift means responding to the recipient's wants and needs, period. You and others make the mistake of injecting yourself and your ego into the process.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:24     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would buy a gift and put it in a bag. This money grab is beyond tacky. If it was not a close friend I would be inclined to not go to the wedding.

Very tolerant position
You probably have not lived outside the US or have many friends from other cultures. You are trying to impose your values and ideas of what is acceptable and what's not. Any harm with the unboxed gift?
Common!


Do you mean putting the gift eg a toaster into a bag?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:21     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been invited to a wedding and the invitation states "No Boxed Gifts". There is no registry either and so I am wondering what the expectation is when it comes to any gift. Are they asking for money or a gift card?

Has anyone experienced this before and, if so, what is an invited guest expected to do?


If you like the couple and expect to see them again, give them enough cash to cover your expenses (dinner, etc). Of not, decline invite.


Hmm! Like you are expected to shell out enough to pay for your own dinner?


Unwritten rule apparently. Your gift should equal the cost of your dinner.


Unwritten rule among mercenary types. And New Yorkers.

Because who needs gifts when you can charge an admission fee?


I have always given enough cash to cover my and my guests meal. Standard.


Standard by whose definition? I have no say in terms of the venue, the quality of the meal, etc but I am expected to shell out enough money to pay for the cost of the meal?

Totally bizarre!



Bizarre are your reactions!
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:19     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:I would buy a gift and put it in a bag. This money grab is beyond tacky. If it was not a close friend I would be inclined to not go to the wedding.

Very tolerant position
You probably have not lived outside the US or have many friends from other cultures. You are trying to impose your values and ideas of what is acceptable and what's not. Any harm with the unboxed gift?
Common!
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:16     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
OMG.. no china please. I already have a relative's set packed away in boxes because I have nowhere to put it, and don't like it anyway.

I don't like being asked for cash but realize nobody would turn it down, either.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:10     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In the south it is considered tacky to give money as a gift.


No it's not.
-from the south and had many family friends of "old money" share the wealth a bit at our wedding


I'm with the PP. The nicest gifts in the south are a place setting of fine china or sterling. Cash is not a proper gift.

+1


Cash takes no thought whatsoever. When you care about people, you choose a gift for them. Cash says that you couldn't be bothered to buy them a gift.


This is a pointless blanket statement. I care about people to whom I have given both kinds of gifts. I just give them what I know (from them) they want and need most. THAT is what you do when you care about people. You are a rigid thinker who think there's one right way to do things: your way.


So you don't think it takes more time and effort to choose and send a gift than to write a check?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:07     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been invited to a wedding and the invitation states "No Boxed Gifts". There is no registry either and so I am wondering what the expectation is when it comes to any gift. Are they asking for money or a gift card?

Has anyone experienced this before and, if so, what is an invited guest expected to do?


If you like the couple and expect to see them again, give them enough cash to cover your expenses (dinner, etc). Of not, decline invite.


Hmm! Like you are expected to shell out enough to pay for your own dinner?


Unwritten rule apparently. Your gift should equal the cost of your dinner.


Unwritten rule among mercenary types. And New Yorkers.

Because who needs gifts when you can charge an admission fee?


I have always given enough cash to cover my and my guests meal. Standard.


Standard by whose definition? I have no say in terms of the venue, the quality of the meal, etc but I am expected to shell out enough money to pay for the cost of the meal?

Totally bizarre!

Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:05     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In the south it is considered tacky to give money as a gift.


No it's not.
-from the south and had many family friends of "old money" share the wealth a bit at our wedding


I'm with the PP. The nicest gifts in the south are a place setting of fine china or sterling. Cash is not a proper gift.

+1


Cash takes no thought whatsoever. When you care about people, you choose a gift for them. Cash says that you couldn't be bothered to buy them a gift.


This is a pointless blanket statement. I care about people to whom I have given both kinds of gifts. I just give them what I know (from them) they want and need most. THAT is what you do when you care about people. You are a rigid thinker who think there's one right way to do things: your way.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:05     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been invited to a wedding and the invitation states "No Boxed Gifts". There is no registry either and so I am wondering what the expectation is when it comes to any gift. Are they asking for money or a gift card?

Has anyone experienced this before and, if so, what is an invited guest expected to do?


If you like the couple and expect to see them again, give them enough cash to cover your expenses (dinner, etc). Of not, decline invite.


Hmm! Like you are expected to shell out enough to pay for your own dinner?


Unwritten rule apparently. Your gift should equal the cost of your dinner.


Unwritten rule among mercenary types. And New Yorkers.

Because who needs gifts when you can charge an admission fee?


I have always given enough cash to cover my and my guests meal. Standard.


So, is the gift meant to help pay for the wedding? And should one take into consideration the lavishness of the wedding before deciding what to write in the amount box in the check?



I usually know the people. So if it's a niece and I know my sister spent a lot on the wedding I pay it forward and write a nice check to help the kids put together a downpayment or some furniture. Gifts on registries always seem so wasteful. I suppose they can return them for cash. Who these days can accord a decent size wedding acfually needs the shit on the registry?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:02     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In the south it is considered tacky to give money as a gift.


No it's not.
-from the south and had many family friends of "old money" share the wealth a bit at our wedding


I'm with the PP. The nicest gifts in the south are a place setting of fine china or sterling. Cash is not a proper gift.

+1


Cash takes no thought whatsoever. When you care about people, you choose a gift for them. Cash says that you couldn't be bothered to buy them a gift.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 23:02     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You could ask around to find out their china pattern and get them a setting or two. A silver picture frame is nice for a wedding portrait and will last forever. You really can't go wrong with very traditional gifts when you're not sure what the couple wants.


"No boxed gifts" = "We want cash."

And it's tacky as hell. You're not even supposed to mention gifts on the invitation.


This x 1000

I would either not go and not send a gift or buy them something and put it in a bag
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 22:58     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In the south it is considered tacky to give money as a gift.


No it's not.
-from the south and had many family friends of "old money" share the wealth a bit at our wedding


Awww, I hope not. USE that china people!! I've started using mine anytime we have company over---served baked rigatoni on it a couple of weeks ago for my parents!

I'm with the PP. The nicest gifts in the south are a place setting of fine china or sterling. Cash is not a proper gift.


So they can use the China once? Then inherit a set from each side of the family? What a waste. A check for $250 now will go far.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 22:56     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are they Asian? I'm married to an Asian and giving money at weddings is considered normal (gifts for a wedding are sort of odd in some Asian cultures!).

If you like them, go and give money. If you don't like them, decline the invitation.

But be aware that "tackiness" is culture-specific


I am Caucasian and giving money at weddings is considered normal.

*Asking* for money, on the other hand, is rude and tacky.


+1. "No boxed gifts" - wow, that's a new one.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 22:55     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In the south it is considered tacky to give money as a gift.


No it's not.
-from the south and had many family friends of "old money" share the wealth a bit at our wedding


I'm with the PP. The nicest gifts in the south are a place setting of fine china or sterling. Cash is not a proper gift.

+1