Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:47     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
I do think there is a big difference between trying to potty train your kid and encountering resistance/difficulties and not trying at all by the time a kid is 3 (what OP described). I agree that you can't force it to work out (all you can do is bribe and encourage). But I do think it is bad parenting not to introduce the concept and encourage the child to do it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:42     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok, I posted here earlier questioning late potty training and want to apologize. We were at the park today and saw at 3+ year old kid in diapers. My son's friend said something about it, and my son said, "don't be mean, maybe his tummy doesn't work right." It made me realize that I was being a bitch and I honestly am sorry.


Best post. Out of the mouths of babes. OP could learn a lesson from you and your son.


Have you been reading this thread or are you just chiming in after glancing at the last page? OP didn't make a snap judgment about some random 3-year old kid she saw for five minutes at a playground. Put this in proper context! OP has a lot of foundation to make this observation. This is her niece who OP stated she sees and takes care of on a regular basis Further, OP stated that the child in her opinion is ready and is behind her close peers in this regard. Accepting all things OP stated as true I don't think anything she has said is crazy/unreasonable. Full disclosure - I think a 3-year old who has the characteristics OP describes (verbal, smart, shows shame when in front of others about being in diapers, etc.) has been done a disservice if she is not potty-trained and her parents make no effort to do so. It is weird. OP has also stated she is trying to sort her feelings on the subject and determine if she needs a reality check; she has clearly stated she will not intervene and is trying to be supportive. Sounds like a great aunt to me instead of my SIL who doesn't filter one thing she thinks and shares every judgmental thought in her head! Will this likely affect the child when she is 18 or be life-ruining? No. But it affects the child adversely now and I bet it affects OP when she has to change the huge crappy diaper of a 3+ year old! EWWWW!
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:34     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:ah, nothing like 9:32, speaking from the infinite wisdom of a sample of just one child.


9:32 here, I have two children. I also know about a dozen people who trained at the same age with same degree of readiness. I was also trained at 18 months, as were my siblings as was common then. I don't know anyone who tried before 2 who was unable to train their kid within a couple of weeks. How many kids do you have?


People keep saying this - but I have pictures of me in diapers and I am much much older than 18 months. I was an early walker and talker, and no one ever mentioned me being a late pottytrainer, still lots of pictures of me in diapers ay 2.5 or 2.8 (this was early 70s).


Okay, but not my experience and not a common experience back then. Look up the average age of potty training. You were wearing cloth, yes? I too have photos of me clearly age before two without a diaper on and this was also early 70s. By the time that disposable diapers became ubiquitous in the early 80s the average age rose significantly.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:31     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where are you finding these preschools that "REQUIRE" potting training by age 3? I'd like names please.

None of the top preschools in NW DC have this requirement. I went on all the tours this spring and my child will attend one this fall. She's trained but the schools were all (every last one) willing to work with 3 year olds who weren't trained.



ALL DC public schools, and ALL DC charter schools require training before admittance to preschool 3. My son was still two when he joined PS3 (late birthday). School starts in August and they must turn 3 before end of Sept. He was trained before he turned 2. ALL his classmates were potty trained with the exception of one special needs girl who wore a pull up for the first few months.


We live in the suburbs and none of the (private, 3-mornings-a-week type) preschools we toured have some stringent requirements. But I wouldn't send any of my dc to an all-day preschool unless I needed it for daycare. I don't see how the best child-centered preschool practices can really be replicated in a public elementary school.


Well if you really want to debate the quality of schools this is not the thread or the right forum, but I can tell you that many DC charter schools are completely public (FREE) and the education is as good as or better than what you will find at in your expensive private 3 day a week programs.

How is this relevant to someone who lives in the suburbs and is not eligible for any of DC public education options? Did you feel like you just had to get it in? Why not tell her how lovely options are in Tennessee, while you're in a gloating mood?

And while this is really not the right forum, a cursory look at DC Schools forum will uncover at least one daily thread titled along the lines of "Completely frustrated with lottery results, am tearing hair out."


It's relevant because she said "I don't see how the best child-centered preschool practices can really be replicated in a public elementary school".
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:28     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
I guess if the child's parents are not upset about changing the diapers, it is what it is. I would have been very very frustrated if my child had not potty trained before age 3. Not because it would make him a bad kid, or indicate developmental problems. I just really, really, really hated changing poop diapers.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:26     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:ah, nothing like 9:32, speaking from the infinite wisdom of a sample of just one child.


9:32 here, I have two children. I also know about a dozen people who trained at the same age with same degree of readiness. I was also trained at 18 months, as were my siblings as was common then. I don't know anyone who tried before 2 who was unable to train their kid within a couple of weeks. How many kids do you have?


People keep saying this - but I have pictures of me in diapers and I am much much older than 18 months. I was an early walker and talker, and no one ever mentioned me being a late pottytrainer, still lots of pictures of me in diapers ay 2.5 or 2.8 (this was early 70s).
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:23     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:Exactly!

Hey, OP, how long did it take you to become the perfect mom? How old are YOUR children?


My boy and girl twins are 2.5. They are both fully trained. I clearly have a different experience and philosophy on potty training than my SIL and sought unfiltered opinions about the subject. I am not sure how this translates into a claim of perfection for you but okay. I make judgments all day long about any number of things as do you and every other member of the human race. This does not mean I believe myself to be perfect.


You've been a mom for 2.5 loooooong years? LOL!


How does 2.5 years of parenthood of potty-trained twins diminish a parent's opinion on potty-training...something that occurs in early childhood? Are you suggesting that in 10 years or in 15 years, a parent that much more removed from potty-training will somehow be more qualified to form an opinion on potty-training? Mmmmkay...


Actually, there was a post from a mom about her much older, well-adjusted (despite very late potty training) children that that shows exactly that. It was a very kind post too, explaining that you will wonder about what all the fuss was about in a decade when your children and your niece are doing just fine despite potty-training 6 or 9 months or one year apart.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:08     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:Ok, I posted here earlier questioning late potty training and want to apologize. We were at the park today and saw at 3+ year old kid in diapers. My son's friend said something about it, and my son said, "don't be mean, maybe his tummy doesn't work right." It made me realize that I was being a bitch and I honestly am sorry.


Best post. Out of the mouths of babes. OP could learn a lesson from you and your son.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 16:05     Subject: Re:Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So, my q for OP-- do your relatives even have a little potty or potty seat/step stool? If you've already potty trained your kids, I don't think it would be out of line to ask if they need any of this kind of stuff...at this age, I bet she could start doing it herself in a day with some super-fun stickers to decorate her potty and a fun aunt by her side, barring developmental issues you aren't aware of.


OP here. I have never seen any kind of training tools at their house. I appreciate your suggestion but am admittedly afraid to take the law into my own hands. I was recently excited when they got rid of a changing station they kept in the family room. Just as I was about to ask if it meant what I thought it meant, my SIL told me my niece physically outgrew it. That is the closest I have come to a substantive conversation about it.

Wow, OP, MYOB if you want to keep the friendship.


You think OP has any friends??
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 15:01     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it worked for your kids, great. But why must the world be modeled on your family? Whatever preschool you use, there is obviously more than enough alternatives that all the diapered 3-year old attend without difficulty. They aren't hard to find.


It need not be, but I am glad I did not have to select a preschool based on whether I was willing to potty train. If that worked for you as a narrowing factor, great.

I never thought of preschools as entities that have standards that I, a paying customer, have to meet. They are there to serve me. Not the other way round. It never occurred to me that my children have to be anything to use a preschool, and they don't.


Would you go to a preschool that was diapering 5 year olds? Why not?


I can see that you never went to one of the competitive preschools. Haha. I remember the preschool interview...stressful!
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 14:59     Subject: Re:Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:

So, my q for OP-- do your relatives even have a little potty or potty seat/step stool? If you've already potty trained your kids, I don't think it would be out of line to ask if they need any of this kind of stuff...at this age, I bet she could start doing it herself in a day with some super-fun stickers to decorate her potty and a fun aunt by her side, barring developmental issues you aren't aware of.


OP here. I have never seen any kind of training tools at their house. I appreciate your suggestion but am admittedly afraid to take the law into my own hands. I was recently excited when they got rid of a changing station they kept in the family room. Just as I was about to ask if it meant what I thought it meant, my SIL told me my niece physically outgrew it. That is the closest I have come to a substantive conversation about it.

Wow, OP, MYOB if you want to keep the friendship.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 14:34     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where are you finding these preschools that "REQUIRE" potting training by age 3? I'd like names please.

None of the top preschools in NW DC have this requirement. I went on all the tours this spring and my child will attend one this fall. She's trained but the schools were all (every last one) willing to work with 3 year olds who weren't trained.



ALL DC public schools, and ALL DC charter schools require training before admittance to preschool 3. My son was still two when he joined PS3 (late birthday). School starts in August and they must turn 3 before end of Sept. He was trained before he turned 2. ALL his classmates were potty trained with the exception of one special needs girl who wore a pull up for the first few months.


We live in the suburbs and none of the (private, 3-mornings-a-week type) preschools we toured have some stringent requirements. But I wouldn't send any of my dc to an all-day preschool unless I needed it for daycare. I don't see how the best child-centered preschool practices can really be replicated in a public elementary school.


Well if you really want to debate the quality of schools this is not the thread or the right forum, but I can tell you that many DC charter schools are completely public (FREE) and the education is as good as or better than what you will find at in your expensive private 3 day a week programs.

How is this relevant to someone who lives in the suburbs and is not eligible for any of DC public education options? Did you feel like you just had to get it in? Why not tell her how lovely options are in Tennessee, while you're in a gloating mood?

And while this is really not the right forum, a cursory look at DC Schools forum will uncover at least one daily thread titled along the lines of "Completely frustrated with lottery results, am tearing hair out."
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 14:07     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Exactly!

Hey, OP, how long did it take you to become the perfect mom? How old are YOUR children?


My boy and girl twins are 2.5. They are both fully trained. I clearly have a different experience and philosophy on potty training than my SIL and sought unfiltered opinions about the subject. I am not sure how this translates into a claim of perfection for you but okay. I make judgments all day long about any number of things as do you and every other member of the human race. This does not mean I believe myself to be perfect.


You've been a mom for 2.5 loooooong years? LOL!


How does 2.5 years of parenthood of potty-trained twins diminish a parent's opinion on potty-training...something that occurs in early childhood? Are you suggesting that in 10 years or in 15 years, a parent that much more removed from potty-training will somehow be more qualified to form an opinion on potty-training? Mmmmkay...
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 14:03     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:ah, nothing like 9:32, speaking from the infinite wisdom of a sample of just one child.


9:32 here, I have two children. I also know about a dozen people who trained at the same age with same degree of readiness. I was also trained at 18 months, as were my siblings as was common then. I don't know anyone who tried before 2 who was unable to train their kid within a couple of weeks. How many kids do you have?[/quote

NP here. I have two kids. My first was doing very well around 20 months or so and then her brother arrived when she was 23 months old. Lo and behold, she regressed, we backed off, and she trained at 2.5 with no problems.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2013 13:53     Subject: Not potty-trained at 3...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where are you finding these preschools that "REQUIRE" potting training by age 3? I'd like names please.

None of the top preschools in NW DC have this requirement. I went on all the tours this spring and my child will attend one this fall. She's trained but the schools were all (every last one) willing to work with 3 year olds who weren't trained.



ALL DC public schools, and ALL DC charter schools require training before admittance to preschool 3. My son was still two when he joined PS3 (late birthday). School starts in August and they must turn 3 before end of Sept. He was trained before he turned 2. ALL his classmates were potty trained with the exception of one special needs girl who wore a pull up for the first few months.


We live in the suburbs and none of the (private, 3-mornings-a-week type) preschools we toured have some stringent requirements. But I wouldn't send any of my dc to an all-day preschool unless I needed it for daycare. I don't see how the best child-centered preschool practices can really be replicated in a public elementary school.


Well if you really want to debate the quality of schools this is not the thread or the right forum, but I can tell you that many DC charter schools are completely public (FREE) and the education is as good as or better than what you will find at in your expensive private 3 day a week programs.