Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier about coming up on 25 years. I know several other people that also married just shortly after college and are still happily together. I don’t think it is as big a fluke everywhere.

Personally I think it is smart for women to be serious from college on about who they date. “Dating around” without the goal of finding a spouse is a risky route for those who know they want kids.

- Not religious, not MAGA, middle of the road Dem.

Agreed. Same here. I think women have to be very smart about dating and unfortunately parents do not know how to give this knowledge to their young daughters.

There is science behind how sex binds women to inappropriate male partners. Here is what AI says and this is exactly what I had been saying to my DD for years. I had a complete playbook for her for dating and she followed it to a T.

Yes, scientific research suggests that sexual activity can create strong emotional bonds, often driven by the release of hormones like oxytocin, which may cause women to feel attached to men even when the relationship is not ideal. This "bonding hormone" fosters feelings of trust and intimacy, sometimes overriding rational judgment.

The Science Behind Emotional Bonding
Oxytocin (The "Cuddle Hormone"): During sexual activity and orgasm, both men and women release oxytocin. This hormone is strongly associated with feelings of bonding, trust, and intimacy.
Female Brain Response: Research indicates that women may experience higher levels of oxytocin during sexual activity compared to men, which can lead to stronger, faster feelings of attachment.
Pair-Bonding Mechanism: Historically, this mechanism served to keep partners together long enough to form an attachment bond, potentially aiding in child survival.
Brain Reward System: Sex activates brain reward systems, similar to addictive behaviors, releasing dopamine. This can make it difficult to leave a partner, even if they are not a good match, due to the intense feeling of connection.

Why This Can Lead to Unhealthy Bonds
Misplaced Trust: Oxytocin can make you feel closer to a partner, which might lead to trust in a person who has not earned it.
Mismatch in Feelings: Because men may not always release oxytocin in the same way or quantity, a woman might feel a deep bond while her partner does not, leading to emotional distress or feeling "used".
Attachment Despite Incompatibility: The chemical rush can create a, sometimes, long-lasting attachment to someone even when the, for example, relationship is known to be unhealthy.

While these chemical reactions are strong, they are not inevitably binding. The impact is influenced by individual psychology, relationship context, and social factors.


I had very frank talks with my DD while she was still in MS and continued till today. Even now when she has been married. Telling your daughter to not have boyfriends early, not become sexually active, don't let men touch you, look for partners from intact families, don't be in dangerous situations, don't be a victim, don't be pressured into having sex after x number of dates, asking her to date widely and often and have her boundaries, don't ever let a men pay for your share of the date, have your own vehicle, be financially independent - sounds very controlling. But it was strategic for us.

Telling the whys to your daughter in scientific manner, explaining it to her so that she could understand that there are physical, emotional, mental, biological, economic, social, reputational and career implications to sex made her more empowered. Also teach her how to actually date, have mental health and happiness and find the right person helps. Explain clearly. Don't muddy the waters. Let her know that you will support her throughout life through thick and thin.

Why their daughters?

The future of humanity comes from this group.

Most who disagree lead to family tree dead ends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 18 years old, after two years of dating my husband, it’s been twenty eight years now. There’s no right age, everyone’s on their own timeline

Is your DH the same age?

Sorry, didn’t see this. He was 24 at the time.

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier about coming up on 25 years. I know several other people that also married just shortly after college and are still happily together. I don’t think it is as big a fluke everywhere.

Personally I think it is smart for women to be serious from college on about who they date. “Dating around” without the goal of finding a spouse is a risky route for those who know they want kids.

- Not religious, not MAGA, middle of the road Dem.

Agreed. Same here. I think women have to be very smart about dating and unfortunately parents do not know how to give this knowledge to their young daughters.

There is science behind how sex binds women to inappropriate male partners. Here is what AI says and this is exactly what I had been saying to my DD for years. I had a complete playbook for her for dating and she followed it to a T.

Yes, scientific research suggests that sexual activity can create strong emotional bonds, often driven by the release of hormones like oxytocin, which may cause women to feel attached to men even when the relationship is not ideal. This "bonding hormone" fosters feelings of trust and intimacy, sometimes overriding rational judgment.

The Science Behind Emotional Bonding
Oxytocin (The "Cuddle Hormone"): During sexual activity and orgasm, both men and women release oxytocin. This hormone is strongly associated with feelings of bonding, trust, and intimacy.
Female Brain Response: Research indicates that women may experience higher levels of oxytocin during sexual activity compared to men, which can lead to stronger, faster feelings of attachment.
Pair-Bonding Mechanism: Historically, this mechanism served to keep partners together long enough to form an attachment bond, potentially aiding in child survival.
Brain Reward System: Sex activates brain reward systems, similar to addictive behaviors, releasing dopamine. This can make it difficult to leave a partner, even if they are not a good match, due to the intense feeling of connection.

Why This Can Lead to Unhealthy Bonds
Misplaced Trust: Oxytocin can make you feel closer to a partner, which might lead to trust in a person who has not earned it.
Mismatch in Feelings: Because men may not always release oxytocin in the same way or quantity, a woman might feel a deep bond while her partner does not, leading to emotional distress or feeling "used".
Attachment Despite Incompatibility: The chemical rush can create a, sometimes, long-lasting attachment to someone even when the, for example, relationship is known to be unhealthy.

While these chemical reactions are strong, they are not inevitably binding. The impact is influenced by individual psychology, relationship context, and social factors.


I had very frank talks with my DD while she was still in MS and continued till today. Even now when she has been married. Telling your daughter to not have boyfriends early, not become sexually active, don't let men touch you, look for partners from intact families, don't be in dangerous situations, don't be a victim, don't be pressured into having sex after x number of dates, asking her to date widely and often and have her boundaries, don't ever let a men pay for your share of the date, have your own vehicle, be financially independent - sounds very controlling. But it was strategic for us.

Telling the whys to your daughter in scientific manner, explaining it to her so that she could understand that there are physical, emotional, mental, biological, economic, social, reputational and career implications to sex made her more empowered. Also teach her how to actually date, have mental health and happiness and find the right person helps. Explain clearly. Don't muddy the waters. Let her know that you will support her throughout life through thick and thin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is doable for the right type of personalities.
I worked with two women who had two kids while not yet 30 in NYC. They were both in solid marriages and held professional licensure in our profession. They were not the party hearty types who lit out for drinks with friends. They had supportive family nearby and that made the baby thing easier for sure.
As an older mom, I was jealous of the career path they had in front of them because their kids would be fully out of the house by the time they were 45.
Look, RBG had a baby then went to law school. Helene Kaplan had a family then went to law school and then went onto Skadden Arps. The key is finding the right partner for that journey.
The dating pool is quite large in college and quality candidates shrinks considerably after graduation.

Actually I firmly believe that active family support is the key in young marriages with children. That is and has always been what makes the difference in quality of life and longevity of marriage.

+1.
But to have a "village" around you for your kids, you need to also be a "villager" first. You have to be the support system for others so that you have a support system.

Parents can raise kids with support, love, communication, discipline, agency, rigerous education, clear and tangible career paths and tools to succeed.

The kids need to have good values, appreciate their opportunities, have filial piety and responsibility towards their parents and siblings (support each other), choose the right partner and do everything to make the marriage work, date with an eye to marry in college (instead of hooking up), choose the right career and have clear and tangible career path, have open communication with family and life partner, live frugally to build wealth, don't rely on parental and generational wealth (it will come to you eventually), and see money as a tool/resource to build a good life that can also support the future generations.

Money and a lavish lifestyle should not be the end goal. Not if you are parents. If you want a child-free life - then your responsibilities is only towards your parents old age care and your own retirement and care. You can blow through every bit of money because your line and your responsibilities/obligations ends with you.

My parents did that in another country. Married young. Had 3 kids by the time my mom was 23 and dad was 27. Dad was in the army. Housing, rations, medical, transportation, and education was free or subsidized. My dad was able to - send 7 nephews and 1 sibling to college and med school, and we have still a great amount of prestige, respect and goodwill in the extended family and different branches. He paid for our college (also we got merit aid, college was cheap, we also worked), paid for our weddings (logistics was easy because of using army resources), and when he retired at 52 with pension, veterans benefits, a mansion he had built - all three kids were launched debt-free in their own careers and also married. He had no more obligations.

The best part of having young parents when they retired was that their own kids were launched and married -

- They whole-heartedly helped us in our own adult milestones - pregnancies, childbirth, childcare, going back for advance degrees and certifications, building homes, building careers. My parents were closely bonded with their grandkids.

- We did not have to do eldercare for them when we were busy with our own work and childcare. By the time eldercare came on us - we ourselves were retired, had more financial resources, our own kids were done with college and launched in careers.

- Having had our family around for a larger part of our lives meant that we all were very closely bonded. My parents had seen how the independent family units of their children worked up close and personal. So, when they aged, they moved in with our eldest sibling and they were able to put their house on rent. There was tremendous savings for both my sibling and my parents and they became quite wealthy (the cheap land they had bought to build a house became a super posh area).

- Their inheritance is split equally between all siblings (this is also the law in my country of origin). However, my eldest brother, as the head of our family branch has decreed that the inheritance will not be split between us three siblings, but rather the 5 grandkids of my parents (eldest brother has only one child). My mom is in her 80s and all her kids are senior citizens. Our own children are educated and launched. So the generational wealth will truly help the 3rd generation now. And their millenial and gen-z grandkids will now benefit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is doable for the right type of personalities.
I worked with two women who had two kids while not yet 30 in NYC. They were both in solid marriages and held professional licensure in our profession. They were not the party hearty types who lit out for drinks with friends. They had supportive family nearby and that made the baby thing easier for sure.
As an older mom, I was jealous of the career path they had in front of them because their kids would be fully out of the house by the time they were 45.
Look, RBG had a baby then went to law school. Helene Kaplan had a family then went to law school and then went onto Skadden Arps. The key is finding the right partner for that journey.
The dating pool is quite large in college and quality candidates shrinks considerably after graduation.

Actually I firmly believe that active family support is the key in young marriages with children. That is and has always been what makes the difference in quality of life and longevity of marriage.

+1,000

But notice that it’s not the middle-aged men being lectured about how they must help support their daughters and daughters-in-law financially so that they can have children early.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is doable for the right type of personalities.
I worked with two women who had two kids while not yet 30 in NYC. They were both in solid marriages and held professional licensure in our profession. They were not the party hearty types who lit out for drinks with friends. They had supportive family nearby and that made the baby thing easier for sure.
As an older mom, I was jealous of the career path they had in front of them because their kids would be fully out of the house by the time they were 45.
Look, RBG had a baby then went to law school. Helene Kaplan had a family then went to law school and then went onto Skadden Arps. The key is finding the right partner for that journey.
The dating pool is quite large in college and quality candidates shrinks considerably after graduation.

Actually I firmly believe that active family support is the key in young marriages with children. That is and has always been what makes the difference in quality of life and longevity of marriage.