Anonymous
01/17/2026 10:09
Subject: What do you say?
Anonymous wrote:OP here
I’m going to take a deep breath here.
Son came by. Pale as a ghost, tears.
I hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, is it over now?”
And he shook his head.
It’s a 32 week pregnancy. There is definitely going to be a baby. I do not know how they did not know, but also something like this has not been in my own life experience. I know it does happen but this one was not in my crystal ball.
Now it’s obvious that this is why he said he saw them crossing lines through the word “abortion” at the initial planned parenthood appointment.
He’s obviously absolutely terrified. Also, definitely in a ton of shock. I asked if he knows it’s a girl or a boy, and he said his girlfriend knows, but he did not want to know.
I said, “yes, you do need to know. Until you know whether it’s a boy or a girl it’s going to continue to be something terrifying, a monster shadowing everything. You’re going to have to know whether it’s a boy or girl either way, but that baby needs to become a human. Once it stops being something threatening you, and you realize you’re the one responsible for its future, and it not being something that will ruin yours, it will stop being so scary.”
We went through all the things. You’re in shock etc. Anyone would be. But I’m not upset, I’m not angry, this stuff happens EVERY DAY. You’ve been through college and your licensing. You have a good job. Money is one of the first, most real things to worry about, but you’ve got that support system. Costs are covered. Your dad and I aren’t together but we will both support you and your girlfriend 100%. No one is cutting you loose or insisting you get married, or insisting that you do anything.
I gave him an Ativan from the stash I rarely use myself. Today’s 100% a day for that.
I do not know what is going to happen. He was here for about an hour. He’s absolutely 100% shook, but there’s only so much someone else can talk at him and only so much he can process at one time.
I don’t know whether she’s talked to her mother. She lives with her mother and her grandma. I don’t think they all have the most ideal relationships with one another but who knows. I’m just guessing they will have an opinion one way or another.
He’s on his way now to tell his Dad in person. I have 100 things to say about his dad, but at least I know in this case he’s going to do and say all the rest of the right things. His dad is good at handling stuff like this.
Kind peeps of DCUM, I swear that of all the things I thought I was going to ultimately update with, this is a set of circumstances I absolutely did not expect.
I’m not even sure I’ve absorbed it yet, since I don’t want to get invested too far either way.
Still can’t talk to anyone else about it for the time being, so thanks for listening.
A lot of decisions have to be made now.
How awful. I’m so sorry. Unless they choose to go adoption route, he will be seriously affected by this. Poor guy.
Anonymous
01/17/2026 10:07
Subject: What do you say?
If he is 25….. not 15. That’s a very normal age to have a first child. Hopefully they have degrees and jobs with health insurance.
Anonymous
01/17/2026 09:54
Subject: What do you say?
Thanks for the update. Once the shock wears off, your son will be okay. He’s lucky he has two parents who love him and are supportive.
You should also call the GF to offer your support. Regardless of what happens with your son and her, she’ll always be the mother of your grandchild so you want to be supportive and will also want to stay on her good side since she’ll have a lot to do with how much access you’ll have to your grandchild.
You should also call the GF to offer your support. Regardless of what happens with your son and her, she’ll always be the mother of your grandchild so you want to be supportive and will also want to stay on her good side since she’ll have a lot to do with how much access you’ll have to your grandchild.
Anonymous
01/17/2026 09:25
Subject: What do you say?
OP here
I’m going to take a deep breath here.
Son came by. Pale as a ghost, tears.
I hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, is it over now?”
And he shook his head.
It’s a 32 week pregnancy. There is definitely going to be a baby. I do not know how they did not know, but also something like this has not been in my own life experience. I know it does happen but this one was not in my crystal ball.
Now it’s obvious that this is why he said he saw them crossing lines through the word “abortion” at the initial planned parenthood appointment.
He’s obviously absolutely terrified. Also, definitely in a ton of shock. I asked if he knows it’s a girl or a boy, and he said his girlfriend knows, but he did not want to know.
I said, “yes, you do need to know. Until you know whether it’s a boy or a girl it’s going to continue to be something terrifying, a monster shadowing everything. You’re going to have to know whether it’s a boy or girl either way, but that baby needs to become a human. Once it stops being something threatening you, and you realize you’re the one responsible for its future, and it not being something that will ruin yours, it will stop being so scary.”
We went through all the things. You’re in shock etc. Anyone would be. But I’m not upset, I’m not angry, this stuff happens EVERY DAY. You’ve been through college and your licensing. You have a good job. Money is one of the first, most real things to worry about, but you’ve got that support system. Costs are covered. Your dad and I aren’t together but we will both support you and your girlfriend 100%. No one is cutting you loose or insisting you get married, or insisting that you do anything.
I gave him an Ativan from the stash I rarely use myself. Today’s 100% a day for that.
I do not know what is going to happen. He was here for about an hour. He’s absolutely 100% shook, but there’s only so much someone else can talk at him and only so much he can process at one time.
I don’t know whether she’s talked to her mother. She lives with her mother and her grandma. I don’t think they all have the most ideal relationships with one another but who knows. I’m just guessing they will have an opinion one way or another.
He’s on his way now to tell his Dad in person. I have 100 things to say about his dad, but at least I know in this case he’s going to do and say all the rest of the right things. His dad is good at handling stuff like this.
Kind peeps of DCUM, I swear that of all the things I thought I was going to ultimately update with, this is a set of circumstances I absolutely did not expect.
I’m not even sure I’ve absorbed it yet, since I don’t want to get invested too far either way.
Still can’t talk to anyone else about it for the time being, so thanks for listening.
A lot of decisions have to be made now.
I’m going to take a deep breath here.
Son came by. Pale as a ghost, tears.
I hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, is it over now?”
And he shook his head.
It’s a 32 week pregnancy. There is definitely going to be a baby. I do not know how they did not know, but also something like this has not been in my own life experience. I know it does happen but this one was not in my crystal ball.
Now it’s obvious that this is why he said he saw them crossing lines through the word “abortion” at the initial planned parenthood appointment.
He’s obviously absolutely terrified. Also, definitely in a ton of shock. I asked if he knows it’s a girl or a boy, and he said his girlfriend knows, but he did not want to know.
I said, “yes, you do need to know. Until you know whether it’s a boy or a girl it’s going to continue to be something terrifying, a monster shadowing everything. You’re going to have to know whether it’s a boy or girl either way, but that baby needs to become a human. Once it stops being something threatening you, and you realize you’re the one responsible for its future, and it not being something that will ruin yours, it will stop being so scary.”
We went through all the things. You’re in shock etc. Anyone would be. But I’m not upset, I’m not angry, this stuff happens EVERY DAY. You’ve been through college and your licensing. You have a good job. Money is one of the first, most real things to worry about, but you’ve got that support system. Costs are covered. Your dad and I aren’t together but we will both support you and your girlfriend 100%. No one is cutting you loose or insisting you get married, or insisting that you do anything.
I gave him an Ativan from the stash I rarely use myself. Today’s 100% a day for that.
I do not know what is going to happen. He was here for about an hour. He’s absolutely 100% shook, but there’s only so much someone else can talk at him and only so much he can process at one time.
I don’t know whether she’s talked to her mother. She lives with her mother and her grandma. I don’t think they all have the most ideal relationships with one another but who knows. I’m just guessing they will have an opinion one way or another.
He’s on his way now to tell his Dad in person. I have 100 things to say about his dad, but at least I know in this case he’s going to do and say all the rest of the right things. His dad is good at handling stuff like this.
Kind peeps of DCUM, I swear that of all the things I thought I was going to ultimately update with, this is a set of circumstances I absolutely did not expect.
I’m not even sure I’ve absorbed it yet, since I don’t want to get invested too far either way.
Still can’t talk to anyone else about it for the time being, so thanks for listening.
A lot of decisions have to be made now.
Anonymous
01/16/2026 19:40
Subject: What do you say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, now 27+ are treated as teenagers.
Only on DCUM, and only 27 yo men, not women.
Obviously! Because it’s only the woman’s fault to get pregnant- how dare she
PP. The hypocrisy on this site is crazy. Moms here are raising the man children & incels they complain about. And they say they support women, yeah no.
A son calling his mother to let her know he might be having a child is "raising an incel?" WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU????
That’s okay, but if it the GFs mom posted this, the replies here would be very different.
I agree with that. No one would be bashing the daughter for calling her mother.
Nope they’d be blaming her, calling her slurs, and telling her to figure it out, not coddling & excusing. No one here has expressed an ounce of sympathy for the girlfriend.
Stop making shit up. OP's son got a ton of hate (including from you).
I don’t see the issue with a 27yo son or daughter (or whatever age) telling their mother that they might be having a baby soon, but there is a clear pattern of coddling male adult children on this forum.
Sorry you're so bitter about nothing. Bless your heart.
I know that the truth really hurts.
I have an adult 23yo son of my own, I know what I’m talking about it.
So do I and no you don't.
It’s clear. All I did was call out hypocrisy and very blatant double standards. If moms want things to change, than it starts with their sons, otherwise don’t complain about your DH on here or run here for sympathy when your son is having a hard time finding a women to marry.
Cool story. Feel better now?
Ofc…..better than any enabling & bad mother ever will feel.
Sure, sure....something tells me your children avoid you like the plague. Such a surprise since you're such a lovely person.
You wish. My five lovely and wonderful babies are 25, 23, 21, 18, & 16, and that’s nowhere near the case. They can’t stop blowing up my phone all day and night, and they even take time off work just to spend time with me. Guess not everyone’s as lucky to have such amazing kids.
Enmeshed even worse
My kids love spending time with me—calling 24/7, hanging out, traveling—and I love it too. My husband and I raised great kids who love us to death, so why would we push them away?
You should educate yourself on a enmeshment. At least do it for your future in-laws.
My 25yo daughter is getting married this summer, and our soon-to-be son-in-law is a great fit for our family. My 23yo son also has a wonderful long-term girlfriend. They’re all navigating their relationships beautifully & in mature ways, including my 21yo daughter and 18yo senior son. We have a close, supportive family dynamic, and I’m confident they’re learning to balance family and partners—no enmeshment here, just love.
Let’s talk in 10 years. Hon.
Everything will be fine, my kids know what type of people to marry.
Anonymous
01/16/2026 19:34
Subject: Re:What do you say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Let me know if you need help with anything.
You have 2 choices: have the baby/don't have the baby.
If you have the baby: You have 2 choices: Keep it/don't keep it
Have you thought about those choices?
Whatever happens we will support you in your decision and still plan to help you get through college. If your girlfriend needs support let us know.
I know this feels really big, but in the end everything will work out. Let me know how we can support you.
No. Are you serious? They are mid 20s not 16. Many of us were married in our mid twenties. How rude to ask if they have thought about it. Do you seriously think they just flipped a coin? Good lord.
They do have choices. Nobody needs to have a baby they're not prepared to raise.
Exactly.
Sometimes life throws you a curveball, why not accept it? Does he love the girlfriend, would they be excited to raise a child if they knew you have their back. Personally the best things that happened in my life were not planned but I’ve lived a rather unorthodoxy life so far. Why don’t we value life? It’s all we have.
Anonymous
01/16/2026 18:19
Subject: Re:What do you say?
27 isn’t mid twenties or young adult.
16-22 is still pretty much adolescent, 23-25 is transitioning, 27? They should be settled & everything figured out by this age, but it’s nice, he could tell you this.
16-22 is still pretty much adolescent, 23-25 is transitioning, 27? They should be settled & everything figured out by this age, but it’s nice, he could tell you this.
Anonymous
01/16/2026 18:03
Subject: What do you say?
OP here 6pm Friday EST
I know I set this whole thing up, so
At 10am I texted "It will all be OK" and "I love you"
"Exam in 1 hour"
"Ok"
No word since then. Can't do anything. Can't ask. Have to just sit and let them do their young adulting and wait to see how this turns out.
You all are cool for hanging out with me when I can't tell anyone else about any of this.
I know I set this whole thing up, so
At 10am I texted "It will all be OK" and "I love you"
"Exam in 1 hour"
"Ok"
No word since then. Can't do anything. Can't ask. Have to just sit and let them do their young adulting and wait to see how this turns out.
You all are cool for hanging out with me when I can't tell anyone else about any of this.
Anonymous
01/16/2026 16:53
Subject: What do you say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We got married in our mid 20's, moved to another country for career, had kids, built a life, bought a home, all that without any support network.
And some people are in jail at 20 have a baby in jail and build a life around that.
Why do you think your story is something people want to emulate?
I read your story and I think childhood trauma
We aren't talking about 20 year old prisoners. We are talking about mud 20's educated and employed adults with family support.
No trauma. Just logistics as family was on another continent.
It doesn’t matter what continent of family is on… OP is only available by phone for her son right now and is providing support.
I’m sorry, your family didn’t care enough about you to provide support and yes, that is trauma. Your response shows that you have not done the work.
How do you provide support to someone across continents? Leave your job, sell your home and abandon your own parents to move to kid's country without immigration?
You call them and they talk to you. You don't realize that is support. Oh Lord.
Anonymous
01/16/2026 13:05
Subject: What do you say?
*and other kids
Anonymous
01/16/2026 13:04
Subject: What do you say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We got married in our mid 20's, moved to another country for career, had kids, built a life, bought a home, all that without any support network.
And some people are in jail at 20 have a baby in jail and build a life around that.
Why do you think your story is something people want to emulate?
I read your story and I think childhood trauma
We aren't talking about 20 year old prisoners. We are talking about mud 20's educated and employed adults with family support.
No trauma. Just logistics as family was on another continent.
It doesn’t matter what continent of family is on… OP is only available by phone for her son right now and is providing support.
I’m sorry, your family didn’t care enough about you to provide support and yes, that is trauma. Your response shows that you have not done the work.
How do you provide support to someone across continents? Leave your job, sell your home and abandon your own parents to move to kid's country without immigration?
Anonymous
01/16/2026 12:59
Subject: What do you say?
Anonymous wrote:Either way .. Good luck to all of you & the GF Keep us posted.
Yes. Any update, OP?
Anonymous
01/16/2026 08:22
Subject: What do you say?
Either way .. Good luck to all of you & the GF Keep us posted.
Anonymous
01/16/2026 05:52
Subject: What do you say?
I think it’s interesting that the kid calls his mom before the couple has gone to a doctor’s appointment. I also wonder if the girl has contacted her parents or is aware that the kid has talked to his mother?
Anonymous
01/16/2026 00:56
Subject: What do you say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, now 27+ are treated as teenagers.
Only on DCUM, and only 27 yo men, not women.
Obviously! Because it’s only the woman’s fault to get pregnant- how dare she
PP. The hypocrisy on this site is crazy. Moms here are raising the man children & incels they complain about. And they say they support women, yeah no.
A son calling his mother to let her know he might be having a child is "raising an incel?" WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU????
That’s okay, but if it the GFs mom posted this, the replies here would be very different.
I agree with that. No one would be bashing the daughter for calling her mother.
Nope they’d be blaming her, calling her slurs, and telling her to figure it out, not coddling & excusing. No one here has expressed an ounce of sympathy for the girlfriend.
Stop making shit up. OP's son got a ton of hate (including from you).
I don’t see the issue with a 27yo son or daughter (or whatever age) telling their mother that they might be having a baby soon, but there is a clear pattern of coddling male adult children on this forum.
Sorry you're so bitter about nothing. Bless your heart.
I know that the truth really hurts.
I have an adult 23yo son of my own, I know what I’m talking about it.
So do I and no you don't.
It’s clear. All I did was call out hypocrisy and very blatant double standards. If moms want things to change, than it starts with their sons, otherwise don’t complain about your DH on here or run here for sympathy when your son is having a hard time finding a women to marry.
Cool story. Feel better now?
Ofc…..better than any enabling & bad mother ever will feel.
Sure, sure....something tells me your children avoid you like the plague. Such a surprise since you're such a lovely person.
You wish. My five lovely and wonderful babies are 25, 23, 21, 18, & 16, and that’s nowhere near the case. They can’t stop blowing up my phone all day and night, and they even take time off work just to spend time with me. Guess not everyone’s as lucky to have such amazing kids.
Oh the irony of your bitc6ing about coddling and then calling your adult children “babies.” The jokes write themselves.😂😂😂😂😂
Calling my kids 'babies' isn’t about treating them like they can’t handle life. They’ll always me my babies no matter how old they get. But keep focusing on the small stuff if it helps you avoid the bigger conversation,(that you cannot handle), about why you continue to excuse adult sons from taking responsibility.
This is correct.
I’ve noticed this myself. There’s a very obvious bias on DCUM against young women, and instead of discussing it, people like to deflect.
In this thread alone, people are blaming the girlfriend for “baby trapping” the son, it’s always the women’s fault. I think it’s due to jealousy towards younger women.