Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.

Everyone has insecurities.

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.

Preach! 🙌🏾

They are not one-upping, it is called having a conversation, a back and forth. Yes, we know narcissist don't like being questioned, like to have the last word, want everyone to share their worldview, but this is not going to happen.

The example the PP gave was definitely one-upping. Responding to someone saying "I'm struggling with X" by saying "Oh I never struggle with X" is not a "back and forth." It's treating a conversation like a contest.

It's the one-upper who wants everyone to share their worldview, usually that they are superior and make all the best choices. The PP was just trying to relate to a fellow parent or homeowner.

No, its a back and forth. One person is sharing their experience, the other person shared theirs. Maybe the other person is trying to convey that they are not the person to help you with your struggle because they can't relate to it.

If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice.

Ok..."If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice." is a really manipulative and inaccurate way to assert that you don't agree with me.

How is that manipulative?

Because it is.

The irony here is very delicious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

Lol, found one.

Exactly. They're gonna be ALL up in this thread with their particular brand of insult gaslighting

Laughing because this was a really prescient post early in the thread.

All the Type As are freaking out in this thread. I wonder if they didn't realize we knew what was up?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.

Everyone has insecurities.

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.

Preach! 🙌🏾

They are not one-upping, it is called having a conversation, a back and forth. Yes, we know narcissist don't like being questioned, like to have the last word, want everyone to share their worldview, but this is not going to happen.

The example the PP gave was definitely one-upping. Responding to someone saying "I'm struggling with X" by saying "Oh I never struggle with X" is not a "back and forth." It's treating a conversation like a contest.

It's the one-upper who wants everyone to share their worldview, usually that they are superior and make all the best choices. The PP was just trying to relate to a fellow parent or homeowner.

No, its a back and forth. One person is sharing their experience, the other person shared theirs. Maybe the other person is trying to convey that they are not the person to help you with your struggle because they can't relate to it.

If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice.

Ok..."If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice." is a really manipulative and inaccurate way to assert that you don't agree with me.

How is that manipulative?

Because it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.

Everyone has insecurities.

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.

Preach! 🙌🏾

They are not one-upping, it is called having a conversation, a back and forth. Yes, we know narcissist don't like being questioned, like to have the last word, want everyone to share their worldview, but this is not going to happen.

The example the PP gave was definitely one-upping. Responding to someone saying "I'm struggling with X" by saying "Oh I never struggle with X" is not a "back and forth." It's treating a conversation like a contest.

It's the one-upper who wants everyone to share their worldview, usually that they are superior and make all the best choices. The PP was just trying to relate to a fellow parent or homeowner.

No, its a back and forth. One person is sharing their experience, the other person shared theirs. Maybe the other person is trying to convey that they are not the person to help you with your struggle because they can't relate to it.

If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice.

Ok..."If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice." is a really manipulative and inaccurate way to assert that you don't agree with me.

How is that manipulative?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.

Everyone has insecurities.

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.

Preach! 🙌🏾

They are not one-upping, it is called having a conversation, a back and forth. Yes, we know narcissist don't like being questioned, like to have the last word, want everyone to share their worldview, but this is not going to happen.

The example the PP gave was definitely one-upping. Responding to someone saying "I'm struggling with X" by saying "Oh I never struggle with X" is not a "back and forth." It's treating a conversation like a contest.

It's the one-upper who wants everyone to share their worldview, usually that they are superior and make all the best choices. The PP was just trying to relate to a fellow parent or homeowner.

No, its a back and forth. One person is sharing their experience, the other person shared theirs. Maybe the other person is trying to convey that they are not the person to help you with your struggle because they can't relate to it.

If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice.

Ok..."If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice." is a really manipulative and inaccurate way to assert that you don't agree with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

Lol, found one.

Exactly. They're gonna be ALL up in this thread with their particular brand of insult gaslighting

Laughing because this was a really prescient post early in the thread.

All the Type As are freaking out in this thread. I wonder if they didn't realize we knew what was up?

No one is freaking out. Again, for narcissist, hearing information or facts that you did not create on your own appears to be a crisis to you, as if someone is attacking you. It is not that deep. Sharing ideas and thoughts, beyond just emoting and saying "there there sweetheart" and crying and sharing hugs is not freaking out.

I'm the OP of this thread I don't get what you're saying at all. I am not looking for anyone to say "there there sweetheart" or crying or sharing hugs. I don't confide in these women at all and would never turn to them for empathy. I just want them to leave me alone but they are often very pushy. I don't like unsolicited advice because I think it's rude and I'm not interested in the opinions of people who barely know me. If that makes me a narcissist, oh well I guess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.

Everyone has insecurities.

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.

Preach! 🙌🏾

They are not one-upping, it is called having a conversation, a back and forth. Yes, we know narcissist don't like being questioned, like to have the last word, want everyone to share their worldview, but this is not going to happen.

The example the PP gave was definitely one-upping. Responding to someone saying "I'm struggling with X" by saying "Oh I never struggle with X" is not a "back and forth." It's treating a conversation like a contest.

It's the one-upper who wants everyone to share their worldview, usually that they are superior and make all the best choices. The PP was just trying to relate to a fellow parent or homeowner.

No, its a back and forth. One person is sharing their experience, the other person shared theirs. Maybe the other person is trying to convey that they are not the person to help you with your struggle because they can't relate to it.

If you want to dig in on that theory, go ahead. It will not net you any friends. But that's your choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

Lol, found one.

Exactly. They're gonna be ALL up in this thread with their particular brand of insult gaslighting

Laughing because this was a really prescient post early in the thread.

All the Type As are freaking out in this thread. I wonder if they didn't realize we knew what was up?

No one is freaking out. Again, for narcissist, hearing information or facts that you did not create on your own appears to be a crisis to you, as if someone is attacking you. It is not that deep. Sharing ideas and thoughts, beyond just emoting and saying "there there sweetheart" and crying and sharing hugs is not freaking out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.

Everyone has insecurities.

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.

Preach! 🙌🏾

They are not one-upping, it is called having a conversation, a back and forth. Yes, we know narcissist don't like being questioned, like to have the last word, want everyone to share their worldview, but this is not going to happen.

The example the PP gave was definitely one-upping. Responding to someone saying "I'm struggling with X" by saying "Oh I never struggle with X" is not a "back and forth." It's treating a conversation like a contest.

It's the one-upper who wants everyone to share their worldview, usually that they are superior and make all the best choices. The PP was just trying to relate to a fellow parent or homeowner.

No, its a back and forth. One person is sharing their experience, the other person shared theirs. Maybe the other person is trying to convey that they are not the person to help you with your struggle because they can't relate to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.

Everyone has insecurities.

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.

Preach! 🙌🏾

They are not one-upping, it is called having a conversation, a back and forth. Yes, we know narcissist don't like being questioned, like to have the last word, want everyone to share their worldview, but this is not going to happen.

The example the PP gave was definitely one-upping. Responding to someone saying "I'm struggling with X" by saying "Oh I never struggle with X" is not a "back and forth." It's treating a conversation like a contest.

It's the one-upper who wants everyone to share their worldview, usually that they are superior and make all the best choices. The PP was just trying to relate to a fellow parent or homeowner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in DC for over a decade now and I keep winding up in situations where I am in close proximity to a very specific type of woman: type A, overachiever, from a doting family (think super involved grandparents, parents who always told her she was smarter and better than other kids), married to a high earning man (usually a somewhat bro-y guy who is easy going but kind of dense and boring). Very smart to the point of being manipulative in social settings. Can gossip/talk $hit about other women in a way that never comes off as gossipy but accomplishes the same goal. Forceful (which I might say is a euphemism for pushy, but she and others would describe her as forceful or "a force of nature"). Maneuvers into positions of authority in every setting -- work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular barre studio, a wedding party, the dog park. Has two kinds of friends: (1) frenemies, who are women who are just like her against whom she competes for control of things, but they are surface friends and they secretly do not like each other, and (2) minions, women who look up to her and sing her praises at every turn and whom she is often "helping" in ways that some people (me) would find condescending and over-involved.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in DC, and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to adopt me as a minion (most common, I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's acolyte and I really, really hate being told how to handle my life so it just doesn't work) or she will target me as a threat and start talking negatively about me behind my back. Directness doesn't work because they will either just steamroll over your direct request ("please stop suggesting jobs for me, I am not job hunting" and then they keep doing it because they are convinced you don't know what is best for you) or will attempt to manipulate and maneuver around it.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in DC where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from DC help? If so, where?

Why someone speaking about even anodyne aspects of your life in even a very casual, conversational fashion irritate you to the bone so much:

Narcissists strongly dislike being questioned because it threatens their fragile ego, exposes their insecurities, challenges their sense of superiority, and forces accountability they want to avoid, leading them to deflect, lie, gaslight, or attack the questioner instead of answering truthfully. Questions feel like personal attacks, forcing them to confront flaws or lies, which they cannot tolerate, as it contradicts their inflated self-image.

Why questioning triggers them:
Fear of exposure: Questions can reveal lies, mistakes, or weaknesses, making them feel vulnerable and exposed.
No accountability: They avoid responsibility, and answering requires admitting fault, which they resist.
Control & Power: Evasion maintains control and frustrates you, reinforcing their sense of dominance.
Insecurity: Their inflated self-image is a defense mechanism; questions chip away at it, triggering defensiveness or rage.

Uh, sending someone job listings after they have told you, repeatedly, that they are not looking for a job is not "speaking about even anodyne aspects of your live in a very casual, conversational fashion." It's overstepping. You don't have to a narcissist to be annoyed by that -- it's annoying behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

Lol, found one.

Exactly. They're gonna be ALL up in this thread with their particular brand of insult gaslighting

Laughing because this was a really prescient post early in the thread.

All the Type As are freaking out in this thread. I wonder if they didn't realize we knew what was up?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

Lol, found one.

Exactly. They're gonna be ALL up in this thread with their particular brand of insult gaslighting

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in DC for over a decade now and I keep winding up in situations where I am in close proximity to a very specific type of woman: type A, overachiever, from a doting family (think super involved grandparents, parents who always told her she was smarter and better than other kids), married to a high earning man (usually a somewhat bro-y guy who is easy going but kind of dense and boring). Very smart to the point of being manipulative in social settings. Can gossip/talk $hit about other women in a way that never comes off as gossipy but accomplishes the same goal. Forceful (which I might say is a euphemism for pushy, but she and others would describe her as forceful or "a force of nature"). Maneuvers into positions of authority in every setting -- work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular barre studio, a wedding party, the dog park. Has two kinds of friends: (1) frenemies, who are women who are just like her against whom she competes for control of things, but they are surface friends and they secretly do not like each other, and (2) minions, women who look up to her and sing her praises at every turn and whom she is often "helping" in ways that some people (me) would find condescending and over-involved.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in DC, and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to adopt me as a minion (most common, I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's acolyte and I really, really hate being told how to handle my life so it just doesn't work) or she will target me as a threat and start talking negatively about me behind my back. Directness doesn't work because they will either just steamroll over your direct request ("please stop suggesting jobs for me, I am not job hunting" and then they keep doing it because they are convinced you don't know what is best for you) or will attempt to manipulate and maneuver around it.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in DC where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from DC help? If so, where?

Why someone speaking about even anodyne aspects of your life in even a very casual, conversational fashion irritate you to the bone so much:

Narcissists strongly dislike being questioned because it threatens their fragile ego, exposes their insecurities, challenges their sense of superiority, and forces accountability they want to avoid, leading them to deflect, lie, gaslight, or attack the questioner instead of answering truthfully. Questions feel like personal attacks, forcing them to confront flaws or lies, which they cannot tolerate, as it contradicts their inflated self-image.

Why questioning triggers them:
Fear of exposure: Questions can reveal lies, mistakes, or weaknesses, making them feel vulnerable and exposed.
No accountability: They avoid responsibility, and answering requires admitting fault, which they resist.
Control & Power: Evasion maintains control and frustrates you, reinforcing their sense of dominance.
Insecurity: Their inflated self-image is a defense mechanism; questions chip away at it, triggering defensiveness or rage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.

Everyone has insecurities.

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.

Preach! 🙌🏾

They are not one-upping, it is called having a conversation, a back and forth. Yes, we know narcissist don't like being questioned, like to have the last word, want everyone to share their worldview, but this is not going to happen.