Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

I’m OP and I won’t post the details of my situation but in a general way I will say that with mental illness comes abuse. And I will leave it at that because I think some people are jumping on this thread in the mood to pick me apart for sport.

I’m not picking you apart for sport. But I’ve been in an abusive situation and receiving an email you seemed to be in denial about (even though living separately from your spouse) is not abuse.

Be very careful if you’re discussing safety plans etc for a child with the child. This is alienation 101.

How old is your child, OP? You mentioned sports teams and school and stuff but I don’t think their age.

The email was not abuse and I didn’t say it was.

You’re spitting angry because it wasn’t “courteous”. You just moved out of state for him. You don’t work. It very much sounded like you wanted to stay married/work it out until he filed, now it sounds like he’s retroactively abusive. You should be relieved he’s moved out and filed, and clearly earns a lot of a big press release is forthcoming. You’re free from an abuser- you should be happy.

Or else: you thought you were working it out you wanted it to work out and he doesn’t: well then I get why you’d be so angry and hurt and feeling so defensive talking about dodging service and whatnot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you’re exhausting OP. He wants a divorce. He’s not a monster and you’re not a victim. You’re just two people getting a divorce. Drop the helplessness, find a dog sitter, get your hair done and put on your big girl pants. He doesn’t choose you anymore.‘I’m sorry because I know how much it hurts- but accept it and march on because this vilification of him and the whole “pearl clutching who DOES that routine won’t help you too divide your estate and move on.

Shut up and FO.

What part did you object so strongly, to cause you use that kind of language?

Your husband is living separately u think this is why the notion of a “get out” safely plan is confusing some of us.

Your husband already got out. Change the locks. How old is your child? That impacts my advice

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

I’m OP and I won’t post the details of my situation but in a general way I will say that with mental illness comes abuse. And I will leave it at that because I think some people are jumping on this thread in the mood to pick me apart for sport.

I’m not picking you apart for sport. But I’ve been in an abusive situation and receiving an email you seemed to be in denial about (even though living separately from your spouse) is not abuse.

Be very careful if you’re discussing safety plans etc for a child with the child. This is alienation 101.

How old is your child, OP? You mentioned sports teams and school and stuff but I don’t think their age.

The email was not abuse and I didn’t say it was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

I’m OP and I won’t post the details of my situation but in a general way I will say that with mental illness comes abuse. And I will leave it at that because I think some people are jumping on this thread in the mood to pick me apart for sport.

I’m not picking you apart for sport. But I’ve been in an abusive situation and receiving an email you seemed to be in denial about (even though living separately from your spouse) is not abuse.

Be very careful if you’re discussing safety plans etc for a child with the child. This is alienation 101.

How old is your child, OP? You mentioned sports teams and school and stuff but I don’t think their age.

+1. I’m not even sure why you would discuss a “safety plan” with a child in these circumstances. Fine if OP thinks she needs one but no need to tell kid about it (sounds like this is a younger kid).

The part of the plan that DS needs to know is where he needs to go if I’m not home and something happens or if I say go now and can’t go too. I talked about it in a very calm, age appropriate way and assured them that by planning it we won’t need it and it’s good to have emergency plans for fires or break-ins anyway.

DS needs to know which house to run to and who will be home when after the threats DH made the day he came to talk to DS. DS is a young middle schooler so safe to leave the house on their own and get to another person’s house.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you’re exhausting OP. He wants a divorce. He’s not a monster and you’re not a victim. You’re just two people getting a divorce. Drop the helplessness, find a dog sitter, get your hair done and put on your big girl pants. He doesn’t choose you anymore.‘I’m sorry because I know how much it hurts- but accept it and march on because this vilification of him and the whole “pearl clutching who DOES that routine won’t help you too divide your estate and move on.

Shut up and FO.

Personally I would take half of whatever cash there was in any joint accounts and open a separate account in my name only, to preserve my access to it.

OP, write every email and text message as if a divorce judge is reading it over your shoulder. Use a calm, mature tone. Sound reasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

I’m OP and I won’t post the details of my situation but in a general way I will say that with mental illness comes abuse. And I will leave it at that because I think some people are jumping on this thread in the mood to pick me apart for sport.

I’m not picking you apart for sport. But I’ve been in an abusive situation and receiving an email you seemed to be in denial about (even though living separately from your spouse) is not abuse.

Be very careful if you’re discussing safety plans etc for a child with the child. This is alienation 101.

How old is your child, OP? You mentioned sports teams and school and stuff but I don’t think their age.

+1. I’m not even sure why you would discuss a “safety plan” with a child in these circumstances. Fine if OP thinks she needs one but no need to tell kid about it (sounds like this is a younger kid).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

I’m OP and I assure you his email out of the blue telling me I’ll be served sometime next week late on a Friday night was certainly not what I would call courteous in content, tone or intent. Not sockpuppeting.

Lady. Your husband is divorcing you. This is a legal process. Courtesy is not really a relevant concept here.

They have a kid, you clownass. Courtesy is always a relevant concept, unless you're a total shitheel.

I’m sure she has a lot of things to be angry about justifiably but it actually is going to be very important that she remains clear headed about the legal process. The legal process (which had to be involved at some point) is what it is - take as many feelings out as possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

I’m OP and I won’t post the details of my situation but in a general way I will say that with mental illness comes abuse. And I will leave it at that because I think some people are jumping on this thread in the mood to pick me apart for sport.

I’m not picking you apart for sport. But I’ve been in an abusive situation and receiving an email you seemed to be in denial about (even though living separately from your spouse) is not abuse.

Be very careful if you’re discussing safety plans etc for a child with the child. This is alienation 101.

How old is your child, OP? You mentioned sports teams and school and stuff but I don’t think their age.

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to only communicate in writing. If this goes to trial, you will be happy you did. But send any offers about custody or money through the attorneys, marked for settlement purposes.

This. My separation agreement not only states that all communication between the parties is to be in writing (email), but specifies when those emails are to be sent (to coordinate visitation logistics, 48 hours prior to visit) because my ex was the sort of total gobshite who would use any access to me, or to his own children, to harass and abuse me.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and you'll be SO much happier when the dust settles. Hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

I’m OP and I assure you his email out of the blue telling me I’ll be served sometime next week late on a Friday night was certainly not what I would call courteous in content, tone or intent. Not sockpuppeting.

Lady. Your husband is divorcing you. This is a legal process. Courtesy is not really a relevant concept here.

They have a kid, you clownass. Courtesy is always a relevant concept, unless you're a total shitheel.

It’s fine to only communicate in writing. If this goes to trial, you will be happy you did. But send any offers about custody or money through the attorneys, marked for settlement purposes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

I’m OP and I assure you his email out of the blue telling me I’ll be served sometime next week late on a Friday night was certainly not what I would call courteous in content, tone or intent. Not sockpuppeting.

Lady. Your husband is divorcing you. This is a legal process. Courtesy is not really a relevant concept here.

True. But it’s a really messy thing to do when you have a child/house/money and and an unstable partner involved. As of this morning STBX doesn’t understand why I don’t want to go on with life as usual as if he never filed or why I will only communicate via writing. He doesn’t get that by filing he jumped past the “let’s have some casual chit chat” and place to a land of temporary orders, etc.

You are refusing to communicate with him at all except by writing? I mean that is your choice but eventually you will have to talk to him. Punishing him for filing for divorce in the exact way you thought was “courteous” is not exactly doing what you claim to value (mutually resolving issues). I think it’s fine to take some space and prudent to defer any discussion of legal details right now. But you actually have to start creating a record of being able to effectively coparent and make joint decisions - if not that could come back to bite you.

Give yourself a few days/week to feel like you can face him, but eventually you are going to have to talk.

He is too unpredictable to communicate with verbally right now. Perhaps I can handle that in the future but right now I need everything in writing.

After he announced by email that he was filing he came over two mornings after and woke DS up in the morning and spontaneously told DS that we were going to live separately. DS was like, I don’t understand? And then DH hemmed and hawed and said *I* asked him for a divorce, and then changed it again said it was our choice to get a divorce.

I heard what was going on (just him coming in and DS shouting) from the backyard where I was watering and ran upstairs. DS told me the rest after I asked DH to leave because he was making DS extremely upset. Then DH threatened me as he walked out the door.

Anyway. It was chaotic and horrible. DS is doing as well as could be expected.

Therapist appointment today. Another attorney consult today.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

I’m OP and I assure you his email out of the blue telling me I’ll be served sometime next week late on a Friday night was certainly not what I would call courteous in content, tone or intent. Not sockpuppeting.

Lady. Your husband is divorcing you. This is a legal process. Courtesy is not really a relevant concept here.

True. But it’s a really messy thing to do when you have a child/house/money and and an unstable partner involved. As of this morning STBX doesn’t understand why I don’t want to go on with life as usual as if he never filed or why I will only communicate via writing. He doesn’t get that by filing he jumped past the “let’s have some casual chit chat” and place to a land of temporary orders, etc.

You are refusing to communicate with him at all except by writing? I mean that is your choice but eventually you will have to talk to him. Punishing him for filing for divorce in the exact way you thought was “courteous” is not exactly doing what you claim to value (mutually resolving issues). I think it’s fine to take some space and prudent to defer any discussion of legal details right now. But you actually have to start creating a record of being able to effectively coparent and make joint decisions - if not that could come back to bite you.

Give yourself a few days/week to feel like you can face him, but eventually you are going to have to talk.