Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:57
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If the BIL was that concerned about having family present at the wedding then he could have arranged a date that would suitably accommodate everyone. It’s not like he’s shipping out to war the day after. In the words of Elaine Benes this is an unvitation.
Absolutely this. There is no extenuating circumstance like deployment or a family medical diagnosis or something compelling this wedding to suddenly happen. People who value others being able to attend provide notice, especially for travel. If the BIL wants to randomly do this, he is entitled to do so but no one else needs to bend their life around it.
BIL picked the date suddenly to coordinate with the other brother’s previously-planned trip.
People complaining about the big birthday party for OP sound jealous. Some people celebrate milestones in this way, and she also said her husband was the driver behind it. I agree with the PP who said we need more reasons to celebrate!
If it wasn’t her birthday and instead she had already planned a weekend for all her kids to get together, and the kids bought plane tickets and arranged things, would people be answering differently?
BIL sounds like he has main character syndrome. Adults plan in advance. Adults who expect people to travel around the world for a wedding plan in advance.
Oh, OP, if only you could go back and edit your original post. In fact, it's quite clear YOU and DH planned the party. It says nowhere that DH is "the driver." And yes, if OP (you) had her whole family on flights because THEY wanted to celebrate her birthday and there was no other time, and the weekend was well-planned, etc. the answer would be different. But OP's reason is that she needs an ENTIRE WEEK for her birthday. It's like people completely missed that part.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:54
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.
Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.
I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.
OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.
It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:53
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.
Right? A 2nd wedding for a 50+ sibling. I’ll choose my nuclear family 100% of the time over traveling halfway around the world at the drop of a hat.
And which people expect multiple bday celebrations costing $$.
She’s not demanding that BIL and the entire extended family drop their plans and fly across the world to attend her birthday, dimwit. Thanks for proving my point.
Did I say she was? She is throwing herself a “lavish” party and the special dinner.
Nice name-calling, btw.
DH should go if he wants to. OP should not go if she doesn’t want to.
DH doesn’t seem keen, but to listen to some of you one would think OP had him locked in cage to prevent him from going. And OP can throw herself whatever kind of party she wants. What’s wrong with that? Her nuclear family seems happy to attend and how is that any of other people’s business? Name calling is certainly justified here.
Actually...her nuclear family isn't attending the "lavish" party. They are there for her second party, the next weekend.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:51
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Grown adults who make massive deals of their (aging) birthdays are tiresome.
Grown adults who make massive deals of their second weddings are even more ridiculous.
Nope. A wedding is a much more significant affair. How are adult birthdays even significant at all? Talk about having the mindset of a 12 year old.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:50
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Grown adults who make massive deals of their (aging) birthdays are tiresome.
Grown adults who make massive deals of their second weddings are even more ridiculous.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:43
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Grown adults who make massive deals of their (aging) birthdays are tiresome.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:40
Subject: Re:BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to understand this. She invited her kids (not sure how many she has) to the party but one couldn't make it. So she planned a birthday dinner out the next weekend and all the kids are going to that instead. Or are some going to both?
How does it matter? She can celebrate with her immediate family any way she pleases.
Just curious. Wondering what the kids chose to do.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:16
Subject: Re:BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to understand this. She invited her kids (not sure how many she has) to the party but one couldn't make it. So she planned a birthday dinner out the next weekend and all the kids are going to that instead. Or are some going to both?
How does it matter? She can celebrate with her immediate family any way she pleases.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 15:14
Subject: Re:BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to understand this. She invited her kids (not sure how many she has) to the party but one couldn't make it. So she planned a birthday dinner out the next weekend and all the kids are going to that instead. Or are some going to both?
What difference does it make? They can't cancel the party after friends have made arrangements to be there, and she doesn't want to cancel the dinner with her kids (nor would I).
Someone skipped my wedding in favor of a planned girls' trip. Good for her, I say.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 14:28
Subject: Re:BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
I'm trying to understand this. She invited her kids (not sure how many she has) to the party but one couldn't make it. So she planned a birthday dinner out the next weekend and all the kids are going to that instead. Or are some going to both?
Anonymous
07/23/2025 14:03
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.
Right? A 2nd wedding for a 50+ sibling. I’ll choose my nuclear family 100% of the time over traveling halfway around the world at the drop of a hat.
And which people expect multiple bday celebrations costing $$.
She’s not demanding that BIL and the entire extended family drop their plans and fly across the world to attend her birthday, dimwit. Thanks for proving my point.
Did I say she was? She is throwing herself a “lavish” party and the special dinner.
Nice name-calling, btw.
DH should go if he wants to. OP should not go if she doesn’t want to.
DH doesn’t seem keen, but to listen to some of you one would think OP had him locked in cage to prevent him from going. And OP can throw herself whatever kind of party she wants. What’s wrong with that? Her nuclear family seems happy to attend and how is that any of other people’s business? Name calling is certainly justified here.
Really? When is name-calling justified?
When someone is as deliberately obtuse as you.
Are you twelve?
No, but you sound like you are.
You ARE 12!
Most adults have moved on from I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I?
Why so triggered?
Says the one losing their mind over OP’s “lavish party”.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 13:39
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.
Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.
I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.
OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 13:07
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.
Right? A 2nd wedding for a 50+ sibling. I’ll choose my nuclear family 100% of the time over traveling halfway around the world at the drop of a hat.
And which people expect multiple bday celebrations costing $$.
She’s not demanding that BIL and the entire extended family drop their plans and fly across the world to attend her birthday, dimwit. Thanks for proving my point.
Did I say she was? She is throwing herself a “lavish” party and the special dinner.
Nice name-calling, btw.
DH should go if he wants to. OP should not go if she doesn’t want to.
DH doesn’t seem keen, but to listen to some of you one would think OP had him locked in cage to prevent him from going. And OP can throw herself whatever kind of party she wants. What’s wrong with that? Her nuclear family seems happy to attend and how is that any of other people’s business? Name calling is certainly justified here.
Really? When is name-calling justified?
When someone is as deliberately obtuse as you.
Are you twelve?
No, but you sound like you are.
You ARE 12!
Most adults have moved on from I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I?
Why so triggered?
Anonymous
07/23/2025 13:04
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.
Right? A 2nd wedding for a 50+ sibling. I’ll choose my nuclear family 100% of the time over traveling halfway around the world at the drop of a hat.
And which people expect multiple bday celebrations costing $$.
She’s not demanding that BIL and the entire extended family drop their plans and fly across the world to attend her birthday, dimwit. Thanks for proving my point.
Did I say she was? She is throwing herself a “lavish” party and the special dinner.
Nice name-calling, btw.
DH should go if he wants to. OP should not go if she doesn’t want to.
DH doesn’t seem keen, but to listen to some of you one would think OP had him locked in cage to prevent him from going. And OP can throw herself whatever kind of party she wants. What’s wrong with that? Her nuclear family seems happy to attend and how is that any of other people’s business? Name calling is certainly justified here.
Really? When is name-calling justified?
When someone is as deliberately obtuse as you.
Are you twelve?
No, but you sound like you are.
Anonymous
07/23/2025 12:57
Subject: BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.
Right? A 2nd wedding for a 50+ sibling. I’ll choose my nuclear family 100% of the time over traveling halfway around the world at the drop of a hat.
And which people expect multiple bday celebrations costing $$.
She’s not demanding that BIL and the entire extended family drop their plans and fly across the world to attend her birthday, dimwit. Thanks for proving my point.
Did I say she was? She is throwing herself a “lavish” party and the special dinner.
Nice name-calling, btw.
DH should go if he wants to. OP should not go if she doesn’t want to.
DH doesn’t seem keen, but to listen to some of you one would think OP had him locked in cage to prevent him from going. And OP can throw herself whatever kind of party she wants. What’s wrong with that? Her nuclear family seems happy to attend and how is that any of other people’s business? Name calling is certainly justified here.
Really? When is name-calling justified?
When someone is as deliberately obtuse as you.
Are you twelve?