Anonymous
11/01/2025 21:09
Subject: Re:Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:Many moms at Holton are genuinely nice to everyone. But the social lines are drawn long before you step foot in the door and if you’re not part of that set, you’ll be an outsider—unless exceptionally sporty or outgoing.
In some ways the moms’ niceness only makes things worse, because as a parent you think there’s a chance your child will be accepted. Chevy membership is the best indicator of which communities are likeliest to make a child feel invisible.
I have a high-achieving daughter on the periphery of these groups (connected through a sport and preschool). It’s so tempting for me to send her to Holton or NCS for the academics and to avoid disruptive boys—but I just can’t make her vulnerable to preemptive exclusion based on our HHI and lack of social status.
Holton mom here and this genuinely has not been our experience at all. Sure some of the moms go to the same club(s) but I haven’t even found most of those moms to be that friendly with each other. And IME, it really doesn’t extend to the kids. My daughter is friends with a huge range of girls — some country club types and some not at all. The girls truly don’t care.
Anonymous
11/01/2025 18:42
Subject: Re:Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:Many moms at Holton are genuinely nice to everyone. But the social lines are drawn long before you step foot in the door and if you’re not part of that set, you’ll be an outsider—unless exceptionally sporty or outgoing.
In some ways the moms’ niceness only makes things worse, because as a parent you think there’s a chance your child will be accepted. Chevy membership is the best indicator of which communities are likeliest to make a child feel invisible.
I have a high-achieving daughter on the periphery of these groups (connected through a sport and preschool). It’s so tempting for me to send her to Holton or NCS for the academics and to avoid disruptive boys—but I just can’t make her vulnerable to preemptive exclusion based on our HHI and lack of social status.
I am a Holton mom who does not belong to the above social groups. My high-achieving daughter has been thriving at Holton since lower school. She is in HS now and has a wonderful group of friends (and their families don’t belong to country clubs). No regrets about sending her to Holton.
Anonymous
11/01/2025 18:41
Subject: Re:Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:Many moms at Holton are genuinely nice to everyone. But the social lines are drawn long before you step foot in the door and if you’re not part of that set, you’ll be an outsider—unless exceptionally sporty or outgoing.
In some ways the moms’ niceness only makes things worse, because as a parent you think there’s a chance your child will be accepted. Chevy membership is the best indicator of which communities are likeliest to make a child feel invisible.
I have a high-achieving daughter on the periphery of these groups (connected through a sport and preschool). It’s so tempting for me to send her to Holton or NCS for the academics and to avoid disruptive boys—but I just can’t make her vulnerable to preemptive exclusion based on our HHI and lack of social status.
Is your child at Holton? It not, how do you know the moms?
Anonymous
11/01/2025 18:20
Subject: Re:Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Many moms at Holton are genuinely nice to everyone. But the social lines are drawn long before you step foot in the door and if you’re not part of that set, you’ll be an outsider—unless exceptionally sporty or outgoing.
In some ways the moms’ niceness only makes things worse, because as a parent you think there’s a chance your child will be accepted. Chevy membership is the best indicator of which communities are likeliest to make a child feel invisible.
I have a high-achieving daughter on the periphery of these groups (connected through a sport and preschool). It’s so tempting for me to send her to Holton or NCS for the academics and to avoid disruptive boys—but I just can’t make her vulnerable to preemptive exclusion based on our HHI and lack of social status.
In some ways the moms’ niceness only makes things worse, because as a parent you think there’s a chance your child will be accepted. Chevy membership is the best indicator of which communities are likeliest to make a child feel invisible.
I have a high-achieving daughter on the periphery of these groups (connected through a sport and preschool). It’s so tempting for me to send her to Holton or NCS for the academics and to avoid disruptive boys—but I just can’t make her vulnerable to preemptive exclusion based on our HHI and lack of social status.
Anonymous
11/01/2025 16:44
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:The mean girls are the unemployed moms.
Disagree. I think it is a mix. I would definitely say mean moms tend to belong to the same country club for whatever reason it attracts the meaner more cliquey moms.
Anonymous
11/01/2025 14:11
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
The mean girls are the unemployed moms.
Anonymous
11/01/2025 13:30
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How do the invisible girls thrive? Don’t we want all to succeed and be seen?
As a parent of an invisible floater, college is the answer. She’ll probably be much better at identifying “fit” after her experience. Silver lining.
+100 Same here and I hope you are right. My invisible floater also happens to be an excellent student who will probably get into top schools may of those mean girls would love to get into. Would love to see that.
Anonymous
11/01/2025 11:51
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:How do the invisible girls thrive? Don’t we want all to succeed and be seen?
As a parent of an invisible floater, college is the answer. She’ll probably be much better at identifying “fit” after her experience. Silver lining.
Anonymous
11/01/2025 10:09
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.
It is not an inclusive place. At all.
This is 100% accurate.
Anonymous
10/31/2025 23:09
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:How do the invisible girls thrive? Don’t we want all to succeed and be seen?
Some parents only want their kids and family to thrive. Those are the parents and schools you want to avoid. They are at. Our schools too- not just girls.
Anonymous
10/31/2025 22:16
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
It really comes down to a class by class thing at all schools.
Anonymous
10/31/2025 22:11
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
How do the invisible girls thrive? Don’t we want all to succeed and be seen?
Anonymous
10/31/2025 13:42
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can anyone give more examples of what sidelining looks like in a school environment?
A group of friends discussing a weekend event or party in front of their friend who isn't invited. That may or may not be intentional. Kids planning events with or giving gifts to all but one member of the group. Being picked last or not picked for group projects. Having one's birthdays be unacknowledged, even if the person always celebrates friends' birthdays. A kid always getting polite rejections when he/she tries to meet up with classmates out of school.
This describes what's been happening to my DD. No overtly mean behavior. She's just invisible
Anonymous
10/31/2025 13:26
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Holy Child someone I know daughter tried to hurt herself because the bullying was so awful.
Anonymous
10/31/2025 13:25
Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
Group of three Friends. One’s family has a beach house in rehobeth, another a ski house in Vermont. The third has no way to reciprocate so doesn’t get invited to the others beach/ski trips.
This is a poor and unhelpful anecdote. Being included has little to do with reciprocation, try extending your logic to any other social dynamic in your life (e.g., parties, car rides, going to dinner…being a friend). No one draws the line at “this person can’t be included if they can’t return an equivalent favor.”
You’re using “wealth” to obscure other issues, which is lazy.
You sound like a Mom of one of the mean girls. anyone can always quibble over whatever example is given. but if a girl feels miserable and frozen out, she probably is not making it up.