Why was this year old thread revived?

Anonymous wrote:You're so mad your mother in law is too old to do this and so anxious to blame your husband, you ignored a half dozen obvious solutions.

I understand now why marriages fade out.

The poster did not say whether they were the wife or husband. Interesting that so many are assuming it is a wife.

We traded with trusted families and used a babysitter we knew well. One time, children slept two nights at babysitter’s house and one night with a friend, so we parents could attend a conference together. Worked out well.

Grandparents never kept them overnight.

Maybe you two can connect after they go to bed?

My dh and I have never had kid free vacations. When they go to sleepaway we will go to restaurants around town but that's about it.

I seriously have never understood why parents feel the need to have kid-free vacations. Yes, they should be over pretty much. Kids are 14 and 11. No, there have not been kid-free vacations nor will there be.

You are being a baby. You can reconnect if you have weekend date nights. You don’t need an entire vacations. This was not a thing in previous generations.

You get creative. It sounds like you have grandparents nearby. We don't. Our parents are also too old to watch young kids for multiple days anyway. But one thing we do is we will visit our parents, let our kid stay with them, and we will get a hotel room or AirBnB for ourselves. It's not a totally kid free vacation -- we wind up spending time with our parents of course, and do family things with everyone and still have plenty of time with kids. But we also get solo time and our kids have fun doing sleepovers. Since we're local, if anything went wrong we could be there soon. So it's not that different from just getting a sitter or letting parents babysit for a date night. But we are not at home and get to stay in a hotel, go out to dinner, go out to a bar, sleep in.

Even with local grandparents, you could do similar. Just get a local hotel or something no more than an hour away. Your spouse should be fine with this, presumably your kids go to school or daycare and spend time that far away from you with various caregivers. Certainly you could do that for a night, maybe even two if you could easily check in on grandparents and maybe get them some relief from the kids during the day (playdate, gymnastics class, etc.). But you get solo time with your spouse.

When our kids are old enough, we will send them to sleep away camp. Our friends who do this get two full weeks every summer of kid free time to travel, hang out, get back in touch with each other. Sounds good.

I feel like before we know it they will be teens and to the point where we can leave them home alone. You can't look at it like a jail sentence. Get creative, find other ways to connect solo with your spouse, work it out. My DH and I often do weekday daytime dates. We use vacation leave to take the afternoon off, go out to lunch, see a movie, and then get a drink together, before picking kids up from aftercare and going home for family dinner. We'll do this on a Friday once every 6-8 weeks and it's a really nice way to reconnect. We like it better than hiring a sitter for an evening date because we get more time and we're not both exhausted, places aren't crazy crowded, etc.

You work it out.

Most people in this world manage to get by without kid free vacations. We’ve never taken one and are kids are all teens now.

It is one reason that resorts and cruises with kids clubs are popular. The built in child care is nice.

Anonymous wrote:Was speaking with my spouse about getting a weekend away together just the two of us - we need some time to reconnect. We have two young kids. My MIL lives locally, but is getting older. We haven't taken a solo trip together since when our first was an infant and my mother watched him for a weekend.

Asked my spouse if we could inquire with MIL about doing a weekend away in 2025. Spouse put the kibosh on that quickly, saying MIL is too old to watch two young kids.

So - is this it? We won't be taking another kid-free trip until our youngest is 16 and can stay home alone?

If so, I can now understand why marriages fade out.

What the hell do other people do? Or are you with your kids 24/7?

Same. No grandparents here. You can pay someone - a sitter for the weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is second generation Italian, and his family is always eager to watch our kids whenever needed. Sometimes, MIL just comes over and takes the kids. In fact, we're abroad right now and have been for a few days now, MIL is with the kids. Whether it's for travel, work, or just a normal Monday, they’re happy to help out for however long. Our kids are only 11 months, 2 years, 4 years old, and we mostly travel without them at this point. Usually, MIL, who’s 54, watches them, and sometimes one of his sisters, married w/kids or single, will step in. They all do it willingly and never say no. Honestly, without their help, I don’t think we'd be able to take vacations without the kids, so we are so incredibly grateful.

This is amazing!

I know, We feel so lucky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is second generation Italian, and his family is always eager to watch our kids whenever needed. Sometimes, MIL just comes over and takes the kids. In fact, we're abroad right now and have been for a few days now, MIL is with the kids. Whether it's for travel, work, or just a normal Monday, they’re happy to help out for however long. Our kids are only 11 months, 2 years, 4 years old, and we mostly travel without them at this point. Usually, MIL, who’s 54, watches them, and sometimes one of his sisters, married w/kids or single, will step in. They all do it willingly and never say no. Honestly, without their help, I don’t think we'd be able to take vacations without the kids, so we are so incredibly grateful.

This is amazing!

And getting rare to find a person who became a grandmother at 50 in the DMV.

Our first kid free trip was when they both went to sleep away camp. Ages 9 and 11.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is second generation Italian, and his family is always eager to watch our kids whenever needed. Sometimes, MIL just comes over and takes the kids. In fact, we're abroad right now and have been for a few days now, MIL is with the kids. Whether it's for travel, work, or just a normal Monday, they’re happy to help out for however long. Our kids are only 11 months, 2 years, 4 years old, and we mostly travel without them at this point. Usually, MIL, who’s 54, watches them, and sometimes one of his sisters, married w/kids or single, will step in. They all do it willingly and never say no. Honestly, without their help, I don’t think we'd be able to take vacations without the kids, so we are so incredibly grateful.

This is amazing!

My husband is second generation Italian, and his family is always eager to watch our kids whenever needed. Sometimes, MIL just comes over and takes the kids. In fact, we're abroad right now and have been for a few days now, MIL is with the kids. Whether it's for travel, work, or just a normal Monday, they’re happy to help out for however long. Our kids are only 11 months, 2 years, 4 years old, and we mostly travel without them at this point. Usually, MIL, who’s 54, watches them, and sometimes one of his sisters, married w/kids or single, will step in. They all do it willingly and never say no. Honestly, without their help, I don’t think we'd be able to take vacations without the kids, so we are so incredibly grateful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a married couple really want to get away for a weekend they will find a way. Everything else is just an excuse to avoid doing it. My husband knows that with no kids around hotel sex after a date night is as good as it gets.

+1000

If you don't want to spend time alone with your spouse maybe take a good look at your marriage.

This x 200000000
We absolutely take trips guilt free w out our kids.

We’ve always hired help. No dumping on grandparents, family members or neighbors.

We prioritize our marriage and alone time. It ain’t hard.

Kids are now young adults and we still do.

Our kids are always so excited when we tell them
we off traveling. Even offer to swing by and dog & house sit.


Stoppppp w the excuses.

Anonymous wrote:The age of the kids really matters here IMO.

For kids 4ish & under (especially if multiple kids those ages) -and anything more than maybe one night- it is a big ask of someone unless it is a very capable grandparent or regular nanny. And it is understandable why some parents would be uncomfortable leaving kids those ages for multiple nights if not totally confident in the caregiver.

For school aged kids it is much easier and there are a lot of options.

We didn’t have any family capable of watching our very small children (infant-preschool ages), but left them with our wonderful regular sitter overnight several times (only for one night and didn’t go too far).

Once they were a little older we had so many more options- friends, sitters, other extended family etc. My bachelor BIL (not comfortable with infants but great with older kids) even took them for a weekend once, and they had a great time. One time we asked a young aftercare teacher from their elementary school, and that also went great.

Just wanted to highlight that if your kids are very small- this issue doesn’t last forever, or their whole childhoods. And it doesn’t necessarily mean OPs wife is a crazy helicopter parent either. It is just a little trickier to leave very little ones if you don’t have reliable close family (and the wife doesn’t feel her mom is reliable, obviously) or a nanny.

+1 It may be too much to ask a MIL to take care of two tiny kids, but by the time they're toilet trained and school age, a lot of older adults in reasonable health can handle them. Or you just do what others do when they don't have family around and shell out for a overnight babysitter. Since there's only OP and spouse, it's good to have babysitters on the roster, so you have a trusted adult you can leave the kids with, if anything ever happens to one of you healthwise and the other spouse needs to be with you at the hospital.