Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you point to specific posts where a parent was “attacked,” or treated like they were committing a “crime,” or told they were doing a “horrible thing” for hoping their kid gets into a top school?

I have seen posters express concerns about the mental health impact of focusing narrowly on the most elite schools. I’ve seen posters talk about the high price of private education. I’ve seen culture war criticism of “woke” ivies, especially in the context of campus protests. I’ve also seen plenty of parents express happiness with other paths, as well an awareness that there are many ways to get good education and have a good life.

But these “attacks” you reference…I guess I just haven’t seen them. They sound pretty bad, the way you describe them. Can you point to some?

I am not OP. But those attacks are quite common here on DCUM. In the past week I have seen post like "does s/he hates you now, or are you still working toward that ..." These are obvious ones. There are a lot more that are less direct but insinuating or assuming it's all parents wanting kids to go to top colleges. In reality it's both or in some cases I have seen it's the kid.

These are people who dominate forums like college confidential. Now they have crawled their way over here.

Anonymous wrote:I want my kids
1AAA) have Christ in their lives
1) to be healthy
2) to be kind
3) to be attractive
4) to be fertile and have choices
5) to be hard workers
6) to be smart
7) to be focused
8) to get whatever education they need to do what they want for work.

The only schools I am moderately impressed by are Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Annapolis, Hopkins, West Point, MIT and Stanford

All others are fighting for king crap of turd mountain to me but they serve their purpose.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine for you to value academic achievement! I do too. What some people may be reacting to is attitude you may be transmitting to your kid that the best/only way for them to make you proud is to get into an elite college. That can be motivating for some kids, and toxic for others.

What bother me (a lot) is the “of course my kid is going to go T50 or above because he’s not a stupid lazy looser like the kids who go to (Salisbury/Mary Washington/Juniata/insert your college of choice here). You don’t have to be that crass for the fear and class insecurity to come leaking through. Just keep it at what is best for your kid, and be respectful of what is best for others.

Anonymous wrote:When parents tutor their kids, no one has an issue with it. Now, when they get private tutors for the kids, they are viewed as pushy, and their kids are doomed to fail in colleges. Difficult to follow the logic.

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you point to specific posts where a parent was “attacked,” or treated like they were committing a “crime,” or told they were doing a “horrible thing” for hoping their kid gets into a top school?

I have seen posters express concerns about the mental health impact of focusing narrowly on the most elite schools. I’ve seen posters talk about the high price of private education. I’ve seen culture war criticism of “woke” ivies, especially in the context of campus protests. I’ve also seen plenty of parents express happiness with other paths, as well an awareness that there are many ways to get good education and have a good life.

But these “attacks” you reference…I guess I just haven’t seen them. They sound pretty bad, the way you describe them. Can you point to some?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

If you already are doing test prep for a rising sophomore then you are overreaching. Same if you used outside tutors or “enrichment “ to get the kid in the top math group(usually top 25-30% of a private school is the top math track). The kids who academically have the chops for being unhooked at T20 are naturally in the math group of the top 20-30% of their private school, are invited by 8th grade teachers into the highest level courses for 9th, no parent pushing, and typically have minimal 98th%ile on their own on Psat 8/9 or the private schools (unprepped) CTP or similar tests. At most too private day schools that send 15-20% of the unhooked class to T20s, those kids have no trouble scoring high on tests and getting into the top math track. Your private school should have given you results along the way, from elementary to middle. If the kid is not naturally there, it is a mistake to pushT20 if they are unhooked. It is highly unlikely they will get in.

I agree with this. If your child is recommended for the second group in math based on her ability and the parents have her go to “math school” and private tutor 4x a week to push her up to the top math group, she’ll always struggle in that group and need someone to help her. She’ll never be on the level as those kids who do the work without assistance.

Many parents are good at math, and can tutor their kids on a daily basis. These kids typically do extremely well in high school and remain high performing in college.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:OP-I think the problem I have with your view point-(and see this across DCUM on various subjects) is that you can’t fathom that someone thinks differently than you. Therefore you must disparage others (and their kids) as liars/too stupid/unaware/jealous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids at ivies and top 20 schools aren’t the only smart ones out there. There are more than enough smart, accomplished, motivated and curious kids to fill those schools. It would benefit more to remember that where your kid goes doesn’t mean they are or aren’t smart, going to be successful. Some kids luck out and get in- there are lots of equally qualified kids who don’t get in and go to other schools.

Of course. But this is not the issue at dispute here.

The lunatics are attacking those who go to top 20.

Anonymous wrote:Kids at ivies and top 20 schools aren’t the only smart ones out there. There are more than enough smart, accomplished, motivated and curious kids to fill those schools. It would benefit more to remember that where your kid goes doesn’t mean they are or aren’t smart, going to be successful. Some kids luck out and get in- there are lots of equally qualified kids who don’t get in and go to other schools.