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Anonymous wrote:Lolz wait til y’all have HG / high risk / preeclampsia / traumatic birth / colicky / disabled child. The universe has plans for smug folks like yourselves.

Anyone who lolz any of those things is bitter as well.

Citation?

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

Why do you have to pay for everything? She’s working and wants a career. You act that she is a poor orphan in need of rescuing.

OP here. She doesn’t don’t make a lot of money. I want to provide these things for her. It’s important to me that she’s feels taken care of, comfortable, and safe.

Is it important to her? What if she doesn’t want to quit working or have children right away?

OP here. I don’t care if she works. I want to give her the option not to work or not to work as much once kids come, or take extended mat leave.

She said she wants kids but not until 30. She’s thinking first kid at 31/32. She had said she wants 2-3 kids ( likely only 2) back to back and by 35. She is close in age with her 2 siblings an wants them all to be a 1-1.5 years apart.

You need to start thinking empathetically from her point of view. If you care about her at all, you would do this. If you ultimately do not propose, you are completely blowing this timeline for her. Right now she is carrying all the risk. It sounds like she either hasn't fully considered how her timeline would be affected if you wait to propose (potentially because doing so is painful), or she has but doesn't want to tell you, as before a year, she would risk seeming a little too hurried. I would plan to make significant plans to move in at a year I'd you haven't and propose within 6 months after that. Any longer, and she'll probably wise up and it won't be enjoyable anymore, just relief. If you can't commit to this, I would consider cutting her loose now if you care about her to give her one more shot at her timeline. Because that's what she'll have, one. But only if she can find someone who doesn't drag his feet as much as you.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked last month about marriage and she said she is in no rush. If it happens, it happens, but she doesn’t need a timeline of for her life.

She just turned 28. I’m 35.

The two couples I know who got married quickly after meeting instead of the 2-3 year courtship are now headed for divorce. It makes me nervous because it’s a lifelong commitment.

Tbh, she can stand to wait another year and be fine. But being a man of 35, if you don’t know after a year, then I don’t think
she’s the one for you.

For most hetero women, they know he’s “the one” when she can picture the rest of her life WITH you.
For most hetero guys, they know she’s “the one” if they CAN’T picture the rest of his life WITHOUT her.

OP—if you are not frightened by the risk of losing her, then you really need to consider whether you actually want to be married to her. And I’d you aren’t convicted about it, you need to let her know she’s not the one.

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Anonymous wrote:You aren't sexist but you think women should be provided for and men are ingrained to provide. Okay.

OP here. This is how the real world works. Many women look to a man as a provider. Most men feel the sense that they need to be the provider. I’m surprised older people on this forum don’t understand that or understand men. No wonder there are so many unhappy bitter women on this thread.

So, I was with you when you said women prefer a men who provides and men sense they need to be a provider. But you lost me at the end. Maybe if you don't want to seem sexist you shouldn't call women who disagree with you "bitter."

It sounds like you haven’t gotten over your failed relationship. That is what keeps you from committing.

If you're addressing me, you better come correct, because not only am I in a relationship, I'm not on DCUM asking people why my significant other won't commit to me.

No, I was referring to OP.

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Anonymous wrote:You aren't sexist but you think women should be provided for and men are ingrained to provide. Okay.

OP here. This is how the real world works. Many women look to a man as a provider. Most men feel the sense that they need to be the provider. I’m surprised older people on this forum don’t understand that or understand men. No wonder there are so many unhappy bitter women on this thread.

So, I was with you when you said women prefer a men who provides and men sense they need to be a provider. But you lost me at the end. Maybe if you don't want to seem sexist you shouldn't call women who disagree with you "bitter."

It sounds like you haven’t gotten over your failed relationship. That is what keeps you from committing.

If you're addressing me, you better come correct, because not only am I in a relationship, I'm not on DCUM asking people why my significant other won't commit to me.

I wouldn’t let your family + friends pressure you into making such an important decision if you are not ready.

It is a lifetime commitment that you would be making & only YOU know whether or not you are at a point in your life where you feel ready and you clearly do not and that is just fine. 😃

Plus this is a matter that is personal - between you and your GF.

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Anonymous wrote:You aren't sexist but you think women should be provided for and men are ingrained to provide. Okay.

OP here. This is how the real world works. Many women look to a man as a provider. Most men feel the sense that they need to be the provider. I’m surprised older people on this forum don’t understand that or understand men. No wonder there are so many unhappy bitter women on this thread.

So, I was with you when you said women prefer a men who provides and men sense they need to be a provider. But you lost me at the end. Maybe if you don't want to seem sexist you shouldn't call women who disagree with you "bitter."

It sounds like you haven’t gotten over your failed relationship. That is what keeps you from committing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You aren't sexist but you think women should be provided for and men are ingrained to provide. Okay.

OP here. This is how the real world works. Many women look to a man as a provider. Most men feel the sense that they need to be the provider. I’m surprised older people on this forum don’t understand that or understand men. No wonder there are so many unhappy bitter women on this thread.

So, I was with you when you said women prefer a men who provides and men sense they need to be a provider. But you lost me at the end. Maybe if you don't want to seem sexist you shouldn't call women who disagree with you "bitter."

Anonymous wrote:You aren't sexist but you think women should be provided for and men are ingrained to provide. Okay.

OP here. This is how the real world works. Many women look to a man as a provider. Most men feel the sense that they need to be the provider. I’m surprised older people on this forum don’t understand that or understand men. No wonder there are so many unhappy bitter women on this thread.

OP it sounds like you're on the fence, otherwise you'd know. Most men know. When their light is on, it's on. No you don't need a ring by 1 year but you and your gf should have had a discussion about marriage and a general timeline, and in general you both should want a similar timeline. If either of you wants very different things after 1 year, then I don't see it working.

As for the age of you and the girlfriend, and other posters judging your sperm quality... some people are late bloomers and that's ok. It's worse to be indecisive and try to please your family (why do you keep saying "my family doesn't believe in divorce"? Neither do my parents, and I ended up divorcing my ex. I'm 41. I cut the cord).

Anonymous wrote:Lolz wait til y’all have HG / high risk / preeclampsia / traumatic birth / colicky / disabled child. The universe has plans for smug folks like yourselves.

Anyone who lolz any of those things is bitter as well.

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Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

It’s not a rush, but it’s common sense that you can make this decision in a reasonable amount of time. You’re thirty five for pete’s sake!

If you’ve never thought about marrying a woman before at your big age, what were you doing with women up until then? What kind of metric of assurance do you expect to meet before you are ready?

I would agree that you’re not ready for marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s a “rush” to get engaged at one year. It means you are fairly immature and have not yet seriously evaluated what you want out of life. It’s not fair to do this kind of soul searching on another person’s time.

OP here. Again, I don’t believe in divorce and want to get it right. Between 32 and 35, I was working on solidifying my financial future.

I also took a break for a bit because my serious relationship before my current ended terribly when I found out she was cheating on me with multiple men.

I’ve worked hard to obtain several degrees and work my way up in my career. I’ve spent the last several years making sure I have a good financial backing for when I have a family. Being an active parent is extremely important to me, and I’ve set myself up where I can take off time or work less hours a week, and still provide for my family. I earn enough and have enough in savings and investments to support my future wife if she chooses to stay home. These are the things that are really important to me before I have a family.

How long was that relationship? Women are on a different time table. You keep playing around and they are figuring out exit strategies

And his current gf's 'I'm in no rush to marry" response suggests she's looking for a better option too.

You aren't sexist but you think women should be provided for and men are ingrained to provide. Okay.

I proposed after 6 months...my family thought it was too soon. 20 years later we're still together. Bottom line it's about what you think, not what they think.

In my 20s, no, absolutely not. In my early 30s...my bf and I haven't even been dating for a year and we've discussed marriage. I don't expect a ring at a year exactly but I do expect a convo.