It was rude but that’s really the issue. My mom sends my kids 1000 every bday for us to put in their 529s. They do call and say thank you and I think they do understand and appreciate it to some extent (they are close to college age now) but my mom always wants them to be more effusive and enthusiastic about it than they act about it. They appreciate it but it’s kind of like a given to them at this point. She does give them other gifts too although not always consistently, but she’s not a great gift giver and often doesn’t select gifts well for them. I’ve kind of coached them on this over the years. We say thank you, send a note, etc…yes, grandma isn’t great at picking out gifts you’d actually like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teenagers are impulsive and sometimes blurt out stupid things based on momentary emotions. All of you who say he’s a terrible kid or will make a bad adult forget your worst moments.

I’m embarrassed to say that when I was about this age my dad had a stroke, my parents told me we were cancelling our long anticipated family vacation to care for him. I said something awful about how he ruined everything and I wish he were dead. 30 years later I can see their hurt faces. I have always had a close relationship with my parents, I’ve never said anything so remotely awful again in my life to anyone, and my parents forgave me for acting like a spoiled, rude teenager. Have a little grace here.

Takes one to know one.

This sounds like the response of a rude teenager. I hope you also grow out of it, most of us do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird your FIL doesn’t understand the kids woukd like something tangible at Xmas.

How hard would it be to put in a $25 or $50 amazon card.

Hey kids I’ve made more contributions to your college fund for your future. I know you wont need that till you’re 18. So please buy yourself something fun from Amazon too.

Just hold back $50 bucks contribution and get gift cards. That’s a much nicer thing to do and the kids look forward to their Amazon gifts too.

Agree but the kid has no manners. He might have even scoffed at $50.

I don't think so. The kid was set up to fail. One off event does not make him a bad person.

Seriously, who gets excited with a blank card. My mom will send a “love mom” card. It takes literally zero effort. Why even bother?

This. Cards are dumb.

Ok, and? Some of my relatives are notoriously bad gift givers. My kids have no use for the, uh...stuff, that they get. (Probably equal in monetary value to a blank card.) Doesn't matter, they smile and say thank you...because they were not raised in a barn. I'm not even saying that OP's kid is a bad kid -- I get it, teens say stupid, foot-in-mouth stuff all the time (mine are no different), but it WAS a dumb, ungrateful thing to say.

Yes, you're right. But the fact is that it is still quite odd to give an empty card to a teenager without a personal gift for Christmas. Odd enough to make an inappropriate outburst understandable.

Not under the circumstances. The card was a Christmas greeting card. The gift was already received. Do you always expect a gift with a card?

When I was a kid? Absolutely. I'd never give a kid an empty card. Certainly not at Christmas. In general, it's highly unusual for me to give anyone an empty card without an accompanying personal gift. The main exception would be a condolences card, in which case I'd write a note in the card. I bet this was an empty card that was merely signed. That's weird for anyone, but especially weird to give a kid.

Adding: I came from a fairly poor family, and I don't just mean by DCUM standards. I didn't expect gifts from anyone besides my parents. So I wouldn't have thought it particularly weird to not get anything from grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc. But I absolutely would have been confused by a card. Why throw a few dollars down the drain on a card?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird your FIL doesn’t understand the kids woukd like something tangible at Xmas.

How hard would it be to put in a $25 or $50 amazon card.

Hey kids I’ve made more contributions to your college fund for your future. I know you wont need that till you’re 18. So please buy yourself something fun from Amazon too.

Just hold back $50 bucks contribution and get gift cards. That’s a much nicer thing to do and the kids look forward to their Amazon gifts too.

Agree but the kid has no manners. He might have even scoffed at $50.

I don't think so. The kid was set up to fail. One off event does not make him a bad person.

Seriously, who gets excited with a blank card. My mom will send a “love mom” card. It takes literally zero effort. Why even bother?

This. Cards are dumb.

Ok, and? Some of my relatives are notoriously bad gift givers. My kids have no use for the, uh...stuff, that they get. (Probably equal in monetary value to a blank card.) Doesn't matter, they smile and say thank you...because they were not raised in a barn. I'm not even saying that OP's kid is a bad kid -- I get it, teens say stupid, foot-in-mouth stuff all the time (mine are no different), but it WAS a dumb, ungrateful thing to say.

Yes, you're right. But the fact is that it is still quite odd to give an empty card to a teenager without a personal gift for Christmas. Odd enough to make an inappropriate outburst understandable.

Not under the circumstances. The card was a Christmas greeting card. The gift was already received. Do you always expect a gift with a card?

When I was a kid? Absolutely. I'd never give a kid an empty card. Certainly not at Christmas. In general, it's highly unusual for me to give anyone an empty card without an accompanying personal gift. The main exception would be a condolences card, in which case I'd write a note in the card. I bet this was an empty card that was merely signed. That's weird for anyone, but especially weird to give a kid.

People have to remember that in order for people to learn hard lessons they have to make mistakes -- sometimes big mistakes. We have all said hurtful and rude things, and teenage are not robots. They are people learning to navigate new situations and emotions. OP is using this as an opportunity to teach her son appropriate behavior and as an adult he will look back on this moment with humility and will apply the lesson learned.

Hopefully he doesn't grow up to be an adult posting rude accusations about a teen they've never met

Anonymous wrote:Teenagers are impulsive and sometimes blurt out stupid things based on momentary emotions. All of you who say he’s a terrible kid or will make a bad adult forget your worst moments.

I’m embarrassed to say that when I was about this age my dad had a stroke, my parents told me we were cancelling our long anticipated family vacation to care for him. I said something awful about how he ruined everything and I wish he were dead. 30 years later I can see their hurt faces. I have always had a close relationship with my parents, I’ve never said anything so remotely awful again in my life to anyone, and my parents forgave me for acting like a spoiled, rude teenager. Have a little grace here.

Takes one to know one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird your FIL doesn’t understand the kids woukd like something tangible at Xmas.

How hard would it be to put in a $25 or $50 amazon card.

Hey kids I’ve made more contributions to your college fund for your future. I know you wont need that till you’re 18. So please buy yourself something fun from Amazon too.

Just hold back $50 bucks contribution and get gift cards. That’s a much nicer thing to do and the kids look forward to their Amazon gifts too.

Agree but the kid has no manners. He might have even scoffed at $50.

I don't think so. The kid was set up to fail. One off event does not make him a bad person.

Seriously, who gets excited with a blank card. My mom will send a “love mom” card. It takes literally zero effort. Why even bother?

This. Cards are dumb.

Ok, and? Some of my relatives are notoriously bad gift givers. My kids have no use for the, uh...stuff, that they get. (Probably equal in monetary value to a blank card.) Doesn't matter, they smile and say thank you...because they were not raised in a barn. I'm not even saying that OP's kid is a bad kid -- I get it, teens say stupid, foot-in-mouth stuff all the time (mine are no different), but it WAS a dumb, ungrateful thing to say.

Yes, you're right. But the fact is that it is still quite odd to give an empty card to a teenager without a personal gift for Christmas. Odd enough to make an inappropriate outburst understandable.

Not under the circumstances. The card was a Christmas greeting card. The gift was already received. Do you always expect a gift with a card?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No doubt the kid was an insufferable brat and extremely rude but I swear people are being harder on him/more dire predictions about his character and future than in some threads where a teen killed someone drunk driving.

I wouldn’t predict his future, that’s ridiculous. But it’s tough to get past him saying something like that at his age. I don’t know how I could look at my FIL again.

I guess it's not entirely his fault either. I'd expect any adult to understand traditional expectations for Christmas gifts to close family, but he's old and probably out-of-touch. The parents in this case really should have gotten in front of these. Either explaining the odd choice to the grandfather, or explaining the situation to the son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird your FIL doesn’t understand the kids woukd like something tangible at Xmas.

How hard would it be to put in a $25 or $50 amazon card.

Hey kids I’ve made more contributions to your college fund for your future. I know you wont need that till you’re 18. So please buy yourself something fun from Amazon too.

Just hold back $50 bucks contribution and get gift cards. That’s a much nicer thing to do and the kids look forward to their Amazon gifts too.

Agree but the kid has no manners. He might have even scoffed at $50.

I don't think so. The kid was set up to fail. One off event does not make him a bad person.

Seriously, who gets excited with a blank card. My mom will send a “love mom” card. It takes literally zero effort. Why even bother?

This. Cards are dumb.

Ok, and? Some of my relatives are notoriously bad gift givers. My kids have no use for the, uh...stuff, that they get. (Probably equal in monetary value to a blank card.) Doesn't matter, they smile and say thank you...because they were not raised in a barn. I'm not even saying that OP's kid is a bad kid -- I get it, teens say stupid, foot-in-mouth stuff all the time (mine are no different), but it WAS a dumb, ungrateful thing to say.

Yes, you're right. But the fact is that it is still quite odd to give an empty card to a teenager without a personal gift for Christmas. Odd enough to make an inappropriate outburst understandable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No doubt the kid was an insufferable brat and extremely rude but I swear people are being harder on him/more dire predictions about his character and future than in some threads where a teen killed someone drunk driving.

I wouldn’t predict his future, that’s ridiculous. But it’s tough to get past him saying something like that at his age. I don’t know how I could look at my FIL again.

Seriously, just say "kids these days..."

Anonymous wrote:No doubt the kid was an insufferable brat and extremely rude but I swear people are being harder on him/more dire predictions about his character and future than in some threads where a teen killed someone drunk driving.

I wouldn’t predict his future, that’s ridiculous. But it’s tough to get past him saying something like that at his age. I don’t know how I could look at my FIL again.

Teenagers are impulsive and sometimes blurt out stupid things based on momentary emotions. All of you who say he’s a terrible kid or will make a bad adult forget your worst moments.

I’m embarrassed to say that when I was about this age my dad had a stroke, my parents told me we were cancelling our long anticipated family vacation to care for him. I said something awful about how he ruined everything and I wish he were dead. 30 years later I can see their hurt faces. I have always had a close relationship with my parents, I’ve never said anything so remotely awful again in my life to anyone, and my parents forgave me for acting like a spoiled, rude teenager. Have a little grace here.