Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine get up early and run 5k with a bunch of other people. Weirdos.

We have about 40-60 people over at 9am for yoga and then brunch. Everyone leaves by noon, unless they've been invited for Thanksgiving dinner. Then around 3pm a new wave of people come for Thanksgiving.

Weird flex. What does this have to do with your in-laws (title of the thread)?

Sorry forgot to include that part. FIL watches the yoga. Like, from the window. As if it's a show.

First, I think I aspire to be you, yoga poster. Second, my father would 100% watch this from the window and talk about it for the entire weekend. And he'd interject comments about how yoga is great for maintaining your sense of balance or something similar. Somethig that never quite encompasses the entire, or most important reason for the thing you are doing, but this is his way of showing support.

My ILs, on the other hand, would openly make snarky comments and assumptions based on the yoga.

And call it The Yoga, or The Yogas.

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but we have a large kitchen with a lot of counter space and for some reason, my in-laws keep putting food (ingredients or finished dishes) right next to the sink. I would never do that - I'd be too worried it would get dirty while someone was washing their hands or dishes. In fact, earlier today, I was putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher and dumped out a mug that looked like it had a tiny bit of tea in it and put it in the dishwasher. FIL got so angry that he could not find his 1/4 cup of broth!

Also - my in-laws brought their own place mats because they don't like mine (which are just plain gray). WTF?

Did your in laws have lots of weird rules about other things too? My mil did something similar with her drinking glass. The woman has food issues and is very small and thinks everyone should be very small. She was very food restrictive to her children. They grew up with crazy rules about food. She will put water in a small juice glass and leave it sitting for days by the sink. It must be left by the sink. Do not ever touch it or move it. She will only take a sip or two here and there. Of course, no one outside of their family knows their crazy rules. I was post partum after being in the hospital for several weeks after having premature twins. She went ballistic when I put that glass in the dishwasher. I could go on with more crazy stories just from that post partum visit but my post would be too long.

Every Thanksgiving dh and I split our time between going to one of my family member's Thanksgiving celebrations and theirs later in the day. One year she was angry and when we got there we were refused plates. Grandma told us we were not allowed to eat. No one would talk to us. It was the most rude thing ever. She expected we would sit there and watch everyone else eat and take our punishment. She was mad about something and expected we would play her game of trying to figure out what we did wrong and then try to make her happy. She tortured some of her adult children with this kind of stuff their entire lives. She was always mad at someone and would pull things like this at every holiday.

Anonymous wrote:My SIL referred to me as her “Sous chef” all day. I made everything except the turkey.

Oh man. Honestly that’s how it works in kitchens as well. She’s still a dick though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are just bizarrely quiet. Nothing seems to go on in their heads.
The whole Thanksgiving conversation consists of "Could you pass the X." Which is another thing in and of itself (the annoying family style serving.) And a few comments on what the kids aren't eating.
We tried bringing up the kids' report cards, our upcoming travel, their travel last month, weddings in their family...all go over like lead balloons. Also my father is in the hospital but they didn't feel the need to ask about him.
Depressing that I married into this family.

OMG, this describes my mom’s parents and siblings perfectly. They all just sit like statues at any family gathering.

My in-laws are similar. For the first 10 years I carried the conversation. I now adopt the attitude of “act like a son in law” and just go with it.

My SIL referred to me as her “Sous chef” all day. I made everything except the turkey.

Anonymous wrote:FIL burps (and farts) at the table, and picks teeth with pick. Would totally pull apart bird with hands (and has). Coughs without covering mouth. No one has ever told him not to do these things. I think that part may annoy me most of all (tell him ffs). But mainly I am annoyed that whole ILs family is like this and when I feel judgy it makes me feel guilty and like a snob, and also like it is my fault that I married into a family that is so socially different from my own and made my life much harder as a consequence. Then I feel both guilty, mad at myself and like a huge snob. And grossed out. I would love to enjoy one holiday where I could eat canapes and have a drink without feeling like a grossed out, self loathing, snobby a******.

Why oh why can't old people COVER their mouths? Why is this a thing with old people? I am baffled.

Having manners should not make you feel guilty. There are wealthy, educated people who happen to be all about "decorum" who behave like absolute selfish, socially inept slobs (like they are above it all), and there are poor people who come from literally nothing, but are warm, welcoming, considerate, cultured and well mannered.

In some countries, belching at the table is a compliment to the chef. The U.S. is not one of those countries. MIL I am talking to you.

FIL burps (and farts) at the table, and picks teeth with pick. Would totally pull apart bird with hands (and has). Coughs without covering mouth. No one has ever told him not to do these things. I think that part may annoy me most of all (tell him ffs). But mainly I am annoyed that whole ILs family is like this and when I feel judgy it makes me feel guilty and like a snob, and also like it is my fault that I married into a family that is so socially different from my own and made my life much harder as a consequence. Then I feel both guilty, mad at myself and like a huge snob. And grossed out. I would love to enjoy one holiday where I could eat canapes and have a drink without feeling like a grossed out, self loathing, snobby a******.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll start off.

This year, I will finally tell my FIL he cannot floss his teeth at the table.

Oh hell no.

ILs pick their teeth and belch at the table, so I'm with you, OP. I do recall the same people did not like the way I held my fork (you know, the same way everyone else holds their fork). Good times.

My MIL picks her teeth nonstop with her fingernails to get food out. I can’t handle it

PP here - yes, this! What in the actual h&ll? You are at the table, woman! :puke emoji:

the MIL ripping up the chicken with hands is gross. so gross. I am with OP. yech.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL offered to bring ”an easy appetizer for the kids so they don’t get too hungry” She brought: goose liver pate, picked herring, olives with pits, and rye bread. Kids are in elementary school; they were hangry.

This is a very underappreciated post. I am upvoting it.

+1

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

Anonymous wrote:MIL offered to bring ”an easy appetizer for the kids so they don’t get too hungry” She brought: goose liver pate, picked herring, olives with pits, and rye bread. Kids are in elementary school; they were hangry.

This is a very underappreciated post. I am upvoting it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine get up early and run 5k with a bunch of other people. Weirdos.

We have about 40-60 people over at 9am for yoga and then brunch. Everyone leaves by noon, unless they've been invited for Thanksgiving dinner. Then around 3pm a new wave of people come for Thanksgiving.

Weird flex. What does this have to do with your in-laws (title of the thread)?

Sorry forgot to include that part. FIL watches the yoga. Like, from the window. As if it's a show.

First, I think I aspire to be you, yoga poster. Second, my father would 100% watch this from the window and talk about it for the entire weekend. And he'd interject comments about how yoga is great for maintaining your sense of balance or something similar. Somethig that never quite encompasses the entire, or most important reason for the thing you are doing, but this is his way of showing support.

My ILs, on the other hand, would openly make snarky comments and assumptions based on the yoga.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The family style is annoying because it dominates the conversation. Pass this, pass that. Don't the kids like green beans? We made this because we thought they'd like it. Aren't you hungry? This one eats and eats. You look like you're going to blow away. Could you pass that again?
The buffet - you line up, make your plate and eat it. Go back and get more if you want more. Talk about something more interesting at the table. And I don't even have an island, I use the induction surface as a serving area every night!

Older people who make comments like that do it regardless of how the food is served. My MIL is a case in point. We still do family style if the group is small and there is enough room on the table for all of the normal serving dishes. But more often there are so many people that the sides are all in large aluminum trays and take up the entire kitchen island. There wouldn't be room to put them all on the table(s) that we have shoved together to seat everyone. We usually have the fully extended dining table plus two folding tables. Usually there is wine, water, and rolls/butter on the table. The rest is in the kitchen.

What are you expecting "older people" to talk about at the table? Instructional framework of public school today vs when she raised kids and other matters of current pedagogy? The generation gap when it comes to climate change? The relative merits of AI and whether it will help or hinder those trying to age in place? I think, "You're growing, you need to eat more!" is perfectly acceptable small talk for "older people" who are guests at the table. That's just my opinion.

Sorry bowls