Someone bailing on my kids party back in our old town told me everything I needed. She was a new friend, our DD’s could have been best friends, they were interested in all the same stuff, same cute 6yo girls.

She bailed on the party. I was still somewhat open to friendship, but after living there 6 years I got to know her better and glad we never got close. I think she is a narcissist, and doubles it via her children’s lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume that something happened that could not be foreseen and is none of your business and let it go. This is very common. Things happen with kids. You might have noticed.

Of course they happen, which is why the no-shower apologizes profusely and everyone gets it and moves on.

It’s the people who were raised by wolves arguing that it’s nbd, no need to worry about it.

DP. I think the people holding a grudge over something this dumb are the ones raised by wolves. Normal people try—and often succeed—not to sweat the small stuff. And this is indeed quite small.

Anonymous wrote:Assume that something happened that could not be foreseen and is none of your business and let it go. This is very common. Things happen with kids. You might have noticed.

Of course they happen, which is why the no-shower apologizes profusely and everyone gets it and moves on.

It’s the people who were raised by wolves arguing that it’s nbd, no need to worry about it.

Assume that something happened that could not be foreseen and is none of your business and let it go. This is very common. Things happen with kids. You might have noticed.

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Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

I was thinking the same thing. If dad gets out early, he could go home and rest. He could have gone to the party.

I can’t imagine any situation where we would cancel plans for Dh getting off work early. If anything, he would join us.

We are so busy that Dh doesn’t get much rest time. He would gladly have rested at home for a few hours. Biking could happen after party, next day or any day???

Pp who wrote that.
I went with two kids and no DH. My teenager was not missed at the elementary schooler’s birthday party. It was fine.

And if the issue is that I didn’t come with the exact number of people I RSVPed for (3 people instead of 4), then how would bringing an extra person (DH) have helped?

Was it a venue party?

Yes.

Yeah, you’re rude af.

You may think you’re getting away with it, but believe me, people are noticing.

She thinks she’s right with her rude as fückness. She’s already said it. She doesn’t care.

I know I’m right. I went to a party, at a venue, with 3 members of my family when I RSVPed for 4.

Seriously, no one cares.

I don’t know if you are a troll or just really paranoid that people are constantly gossiping about every tiny thing you do. I will tell you sincerely that no one cares.

Even the thing that the OP is talking about, where she chose a venue with an extremely limited capacity, still isn’t something that many people would care about. You are free to live your life without feeling scorned because you failed in some small way. Most people don’t go around constantly judging everyone, and if they do, they usually get over it. You can unshackle yourself from that anxiety. You’re welcome.

I feel like some of you must be trolling with this. Calling people scum because they forgot/ghosted on a kids' birthday party?

I am SURE people didn't show up to my parties growing up and I have zero recollection about it. I am sure people didn't show up to my kids' parties and I have zero recollection about it.

And for what it's worth, I am not a flake. I am fastidious about RSVPs and texting. However, I recognize that stuff happens, that people think some things are more or less important than I do, that people just screw up their calendars and forget. I mean, get over it. It's rude, but hardly the rudest thing in the world, and I wouldn't torpedo a friendship (or my kids' friendships) over it by any means.

THIS psycho "do what I think is right or GTFO" attitude is why so many of you DCUMers are posting about being lonely.

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Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

I was thinking the same thing. If dad gets out early, he could go home and rest. He could have gone to the party.

I can’t imagine any situation where we would cancel plans for Dh getting off work early. If anything, he would join us.

We are so busy that Dh doesn’t get much rest time. He would gladly have rested at home for a few hours. Biking could happen after party, next day or any day???

Pp who wrote that.
I went with two kids and no DH. My teenager was not missed at the elementary schooler’s birthday party. It was fine.

And if the issue is that I didn’t come with the exact number of people I RSVPed for (3 people instead of 4), then how would bringing an extra person (DH) have helped?

Was it a venue party?

Yes.

Yeah, you’re rude af.

You may think you’re getting away with it, but believe me, people are noticing.

She thinks she’s right with her rude as fückness. She’s already said it. She doesn’t care.

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Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Huh?

What don't you get? OP is acting like this family did something terribly wrong. Of course OP wanted their kid to have a good party, but sometimes things come up. This party didn't hold the same importance to the guest as it does to OP. She needs to move on. These things happen.

Why are people so rude?? If you can't make it RSVP no. No shows and not texting until later is really wrong.

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Anonymous wrote:Rude or not, no-shows at kids’ parties are really common. Rather than not invite the one kid again, I’d rethink hosting a type of party where one no-show is a big deal. It will be someone else next time.

Not in my experience. I have 2 kids and have hosted at least 10 kid bday parties. We have never had someone who RSVPd yes just not show up w/ no explanation. Never. We've had people who couldn't come at the last minute but they have always texted or called to let us know before the party. Maybe your kids' friends' parents are just rude?

DP but yes, people are rude. Is that news? When you're getting to know people early in the school days the only commonality you have with some of these people is your kids are in the same classroom. So you try to be inclusive and get to know them. Then they no show and you realize they're NQOSPD.

Obviously. What is your point, though? That we should all just accept that some people are rude and plan our lives around that? No thanks. I'll just not involve rude people in my life. If they no showed once, I wouldn't invite them back. It doesn't mean I have to change the type of party my kid wants to have to accommodate their rude friends' parents.

This is EXACTLY how I feel. The other posters saying you should change the type of party to accommodate the rude people just don't make sense to me. I'm sure the parents don't care anyway (I mean, they've made that clear in their behavior), so it's a win-win. I don't need to deal with the rude people and they don't have to even give me another thought either.

Ha! I do think this is exactly what happens!
That’s why some people are like, “eh, that’s life.” And other people are like, “I have NEVER seen this happen!”

I think people tend to associate with people who think the way that they do. All of the flaky people hang out together and let things slide. All of the rigid people hang out together and adhere to the rules.

Not really. My kid has had parties with their soccer teams, friends from school, scouts, and the neighborhood. I would say 99% of these friends parents find a way to RSVP yes or no and follow through. If their kid is sick or an emergency happens, they communicate that.

It’s really not that hard to be polite.

Yeah. This isn’t my experience. Mine is that a lot of people don’t RSVP until a day or two beforehand, and even then some people don’t show and others being additional guests.
I think my wedding is the only party I’ve ever had where I had a completely accurate head count.

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Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Huh?

What don't you get? OP is acting like this family did something terribly wrong. Of course OP wanted their kid to have a good party, but sometimes things come up. This party didn't hold the same importance to the guest as it does to OP. She needs to move on. These things happen.

It's incredibly poor manners to just not show up. It's not really about "importance." And most people realize that if you're booking a venue, it costs a set amount. Your kid's place could have gone to another kid. Good grief. It's basic etiquette -- and to your point, you're telegraphing to the family that their event/kids party is of little importance, which is kinda mean!!

Nope. I think that the party-planners know this but other parents see it as another freaking thing that requires them to drive a ton for two hours of "fun".

Then decline the invitation!

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Anonymous wrote:Rude or not, no-shows at kids’ parties are really common. Rather than not invite the one kid again, I’d rethink hosting a type of party where one no-show is a big deal. It will be someone else next time.

Not in my experience. I have 2 kids and have hosted at least 10 kid bday parties. We have never had someone who RSVPd yes just not show up w/ no explanation. Never. We've had people who couldn't come at the last minute but they have always texted or called to let us know before the party. Maybe your kids' friends' parents are just rude?

DP but yes, people are rude. Is that news? When you're getting to know people early in the school days the only commonality you have with some of these people is your kids are in the same classroom. So you try to be inclusive and get to know them. Then they no show and you realize they're NQOSPD.

Obviously. What is your point, though? That we should all just accept that some people are rude and plan our lives around that? No thanks. I'll just not involve rude people in my life. If they no showed once, I wouldn't invite them back. It doesn't mean I have to change the type of party my kid wants to have to accommodate their rude friends' parents.

This is EXACTLY how I feel. The other posters saying you should change the type of party to accommodate the rude people just don't make sense to me. I'm sure the parents don't care anyway (I mean, they've made that clear in their behavior), so it's a win-win. I don't need to deal with the rude people and they don't have to even give me another thought either.

Ha! I do think this is exactly what happens!
That’s why some people are like, “eh, that’s life.” And other people are like, “I have NEVER seen this happen!”

I think people tend to associate with people who think the way that they do. All of the flaky people hang out together and let things slide. All of the rigid people hang out together and adhere to the rules.

Not really. My kid has had parties with their soccer teams, friends from school, scouts, and the neighborhood. I would say 99% of these friends parents find a way to RSVP yes or no and follow through. If their kid is sick or an emergency happens, they communicate that.

It’s really not that hard to be polite.

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Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

I was thinking the same thing. If dad gets out early, he could go home and rest. He could have gone to the party.

I can’t imagine any situation where we would cancel plans for Dh getting off work early. If anything, he would join us.

We are so busy that Dh doesn’t get much rest time. He would gladly have rested at home for a few hours. Biking could happen after party, next day or any day???

Pp who wrote that.
I went with two kids and no DH. My teenager was not missed at the elementary schooler’s birthday party. It was fine.

And if the issue is that I didn’t come with the exact number of people I RSVPed for (3 people instead of 4), then how would bringing an extra person (DH) have helped?

Was it a venue party?

Yes.

Yeah, you’re rude af.

You may think you’re getting away with it, but believe me, people are noticing.

What? Who? I was there for three hours. No one noticed or asked me about it. They asked how he was doing, but not why he wasn’t there.

My point was only that if OP wasn’t clear that this was a limited and she had backup party attendees, people may not have known that a last minute cancellation was so important.

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Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

I was thinking the same thing. If dad gets out early, he could go home and rest. He could have gone to the party.

I can’t imagine any situation where we would cancel plans for Dh getting off work early. If anything, he would join us.

We are so busy that Dh doesn’t get much rest time. He would gladly have rested at home for a few hours. Biking could happen after party, next day or any day???

Pp who wrote that.
I went with two kids and no DH. My teenager was not missed at the elementary schooler’s birthday party. It was fine.

And if the issue is that I didn’t come with the exact number of people I RSVPed for (3 people instead of 4), then how would bringing an extra person (DH) have helped?

Was it a venue party?

Yes.

Then they wasted money on your kid. Versus adding your DH would not have cost anything because parents aren’t usually included in the count.

Well, I went to the party, and the parents were included.
Adults ate food and drank beverages and participated in activities at the venue.
They didn’t pay per person. They rented the space and invited the people who could fit in it. They then paid the tab for whatever food/beverages people ordered.

It doesn’t sound like the OP paid per head either. She rented the venue and could have up to 8 kids.

OP is upset because she thinks she could have invited a different kid. That’s probably not really very realistic though.

She could have though. That's the point. This rude mom probably just wasn't ever even planning to go. She certainly didn't make it a priority (which is fine, her choice).

She should have been honest from the beginning and said No so that someone else who actually WANTED to be there could attend.

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to another mom about this two days ago. What scum ghosts on a child’s birthday party? We agreed that you never forget those people.

This. It's a d&ck move. Immature and rude.

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Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

I was thinking the same thing. If dad gets out early, he could go home and rest. He could have gone to the party.

I can’t imagine any situation where we would cancel plans for Dh getting off work early. If anything, he would join us.

We are so busy that Dh doesn’t get much rest time. He would gladly have rested at home for a few hours. Biking could happen after party, next day or any day???

Pp who wrote that.
I went with two kids and no DH. My teenager was not missed at the elementary schooler’s birthday party. It was fine.

And if the issue is that I didn’t come with the exact number of people I RSVPed for (3 people instead of 4), then how would bringing an extra person (DH) have helped?

Was it a venue party?

Yes.

Then they wasted money on your kid. Versus adding your DH would not have cost anything because parents aren’t usually included in the count.

Well, I went to the party, and the parents were included.
Adults ate food and drank beverages and participated in activities at the venue.
They didn’t pay per person. They rented the space and invited the people who could fit in it. They then paid the tab for whatever food/beverages people ordered.

It doesn’t sound like the OP paid per head either. She rented the venue and could have up to 8 kids.

OP is upset because she thinks she could have invited a different kid. That’s probably not really very realistic though.