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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.

What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.

Because this thread has to do with familial food customs. Have you caught on yet?

Then your custom of not having a meal together and setting aside multiple plates to get cold is weird AF. Normal people help themselves when they get there.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

Op back. This is funny to me. I think I always thought people took leftovers home. Almost all dinners that are Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are usually in my circles cooked by either older women who are widowed/divorced and have no children at home or single unmarried men. So there’s always plenty to go around that they wouldn’t be able to finish.

I’ll throw two curve balls or what I think would surprise people - speaking of MILs. My MIL cooks ahead and freezes food for holiday events. She will then freeze leftovers no one took and reheat them for the next occasion. So it’s Thanksgiving leftovers at Christmas in a free for all environment but you can take whatever leftovers home. I’ll admit I do not take a plate of the Christmas leftovers. There’s also not a set start time for that Thanksgiving (or Christmas) dinner so the people who arrive at 3pm may be eating what’s done by 3pm and the people arriving at 7pm are eating what’s leftover or freshly finished.

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Anonymous wrote:I think I’m also more on your DHs side- who wants mcD that’s been sitting out for 3-4 hours? Setting aside a plate for someone who’s not at the party on time- if they’re running out of food, seems like people there should eat it first. I might do it if people are grabbing 2nd and 3rds or the food is sitting around and you want to put it aside to prevent all the touching?

It’s not “sitting out for 3-4 hours.” It’s in the refrigerator and it microwaves just fine, just like they microwaved it at McDonalds.

And “who wants” it? Teens. Teens do.

(not OP)

That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve heard? You’re refrigerating barely edible food and reheating it? Your kids have no taste buds. That beyond disgusting

Op here. I would have guessed most people reheat fast food. It never crossed my mind others do not fwiw. I don’t mind warming up fast food actually. Do you not oven warm up Popeyes the next day?

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

Maybe the MIL has food and control issues, and likes to passively aggressively puppeteer situations.

For all you know, MIL enables/handicaps the daughter and neglects/empowers the son. You would have no way of knowing the background of a situation unless you are actually in that family.

You would also not know, unless you have kids in such a family.

It is probably not about food, but the MILs angry ways. I suppose that would be hurtful and tiresome after a number of years.

But I would not pretend to know unless I was in that situation myself. Wondering why the daughter would not have stepped up and done the right thing? Especially after having food saved for her and her family, more than once. Maybe she is just as selfish as the mom.

Setting aside a plate is not the hill I would die on because I would actively not want my MIL to do that for me. Can you imagine the messages she could be sending with that? No carbs, less meat, all vegetables, etc. There are posts here all the time about people angry that in-laws serve the food instead of people serving themselves and people hate that. All we know is the PP is mad a plate isn't being set aside, regardless of the situation, I would never want that or for MIL to prove her love for me that way. It's not worth a deep dive into that PPs family dynamics because it's irrelevant.

“Prove love”???? Not sure what kind of upbringing of yours that you are projecting?? Hopefully not eating issues on your part.

Someone who has been in a family a number of years, possibly decades, has every right. There are inevitable patterns, some quite horrible, whether outsiders like it or not.

You are correct. If you haven’t been in the family, or even been in such a family that long, you should not pretend to know. But never would I try to shoot down or diminish someone’s first hand experience, in light of or in interest of my own.

I can just help myself when I get there, not sure what the issue even is. But the PP has decided it says something that there aren't individual plates waiting. Otherwise, why bring it up? Are there no leftovers at this weird gathering?

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Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

I mean, if the host purchased the ingredients for the meal, this is undeniably correct, no? I think it's nice when a host offers leftovers to their guests, but it's beyond rude for guests to whip out a Tupperware and pack up food for themselves, unless this is the known "culture of the family." If someone did this in my house my mouth would be hanging open in shock.

Op here. This reminds me of when you bring a bottle to be shared for a dinner and it’s never opened. Does the host keep it or do you get to take it home?

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Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

Op back. This is funny to me. I think I always thought people took leftovers home. Almost all dinners that are Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are usually in my circles cooked by either older women who are widowed/divorced and have no children at home or single unmarried men. So there’s always plenty to go around that they wouldn’t be able to finish.

I’ll throw two curve balls or what I think would surprise people - speaking of MILs. My MIL cooks ahead and freezes food for holiday events. She will then freeze leftovers no one took and reheat them for the next occasion. So it’s Thanksgiving leftovers at Christmas in a free for all environment but you can take whatever leftovers home. I’ll admit I do not take a plate of the Christmas leftovers. There’s also not a set start time for that Thanksgiving (or Christmas) dinner so the people who arrive at 3pm may be eating what’s done by 3pm and the people arriving at 7pm are eating what’s leftover or freshly finished.

OK, the reheating months-old, frozen food is gross, but why don't any of these perpetual guests step up and host?

Guessing they try to rotate houses, but sometimes the older generation can be more than a little stubborn, in who brings what, etc.

How often do you host, since you keep asking??

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.

What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.

Because this thread has to do with familial food customs. Have you caught on yet?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

Maybe the MIL has food and control issues, and likes to passively aggressively puppeteer situations.

For all you know, MIL enables/handicaps the daughter and neglects/empowers the son. You would have no way of knowing the background of a situation unless you are actually in that family.

You would also not know, unless you have kids in such a family.

It is probably not about food, but the MILs angry ways. I suppose that would be hurtful and tiresome after a number of years.

But I would not pretend to know unless I was in that situation myself. Wondering why the daughter would not have stepped up and done the right thing? Especially after having food saved for her and her family, more than once. Maybe she is just as selfish as the mom.

Setting aside a plate is not the hill I would die on because I would actively not want my MIL to do that for me. Can you imagine the messages she could be sending with that? No carbs, less meat, all vegetables, etc. There are posts here all the time about people angry that in-laws serve the food instead of people serving themselves and people hate that. All we know is the PP is mad a plate isn't being set aside, regardless of the situation, I would never want that or for MIL to prove her love for me that way. It's not worth a deep dive into that PPs family dynamics because it's irrelevant.

“Prove love”???? Not sure what kind of upbringing of yours that you are projecting?? Hopefully not eating issues on your part.

Someone who has been in a family a number of years, possibly decades, has every right. There are inevitable patterns, some quite horrible, whether outsiders like it or not.

You are correct. If you haven’t been in the family, or even been in such a family that long, you should not pretend to know. But never would I try to shoot down or diminish someone’s first hand experience, in light of or in interest of my own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

I mean, if the host purchased the ingredients for the meal, this is undeniably correct, no? I think it's nice when a host offers leftovers to their guests, but it's beyond rude for guests to whip out a Tupperware and pack up food for themselves, unless this is the known "culture of the family." If someone did this in my house my mouth would be hanging open in shock.

Op here. This reminds me of when you bring a bottle to be shared for a dinner and it’s never opened. Does the host keep it or do you get to take it home?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

Op back. This is funny to me. I think I always thought people took leftovers home. Almost all dinners that are Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are usually in my circles cooked by either older women who are widowed/divorced and have no children at home or single unmarried men. So there’s always plenty to go around that they wouldn’t be able to finish.

I’ll throw two curve balls or what I think would surprise people - speaking of MILs. My MIL cooks ahead and freezes food for holiday events. She will then freeze leftovers no one took and reheat them for the next occasion. So it’s Thanksgiving leftovers at Christmas in a free for all environment but you can take whatever leftovers home. I’ll admit I do not take a plate of the Christmas leftovers. There’s also not a set start time for that Thanksgiving (or Christmas) dinner so the people who arrive at 3pm may be eating what’s done by 3pm and the people arriving at 7pm are eating what’s leftover or freshly finished.

I'm so confused.

That sounds awful OP!

We ask what we can being. Though, not sure how to get around the old/refrozen food. Ew.

This is gross. I would eat before if I had to go. I’m not eating twice frozen food. Hell I’m not eating once frozen food for a holiday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

Op back. This is funny to me. I think I always thought people took leftovers home. Almost all dinners that are Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are usually in my circles cooked by either older women who are widowed/divorced and have no children at home or single unmarried men. So there’s always plenty to go around that they wouldn’t be able to finish.

I’ll throw two curve balls or what I think would surprise people - speaking of MILs. My MIL cooks ahead and freezes food for holiday events. She will then freeze leftovers no one took and reheat them for the next occasion. So it’s Thanksgiving leftovers at Christmas in a free for all environment but you can take whatever leftovers home. I’ll admit I do not take a plate of the Christmas leftovers. There’s also not a set start time for that Thanksgiving (or Christmas) dinner so the people who arrive at 3pm may be eating what’s done by 3pm and the people arriving at 7pm are eating what’s leftover or freshly finished.

I'm so confused.

That sounds awful OP!

We ask what we can being. Though, not sure how to get around the old/refrozen food. Ew.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Why aren’t you there when the meal is served? On multiple occasions? I could see “setting aside a plate” if there was some extenuating circumstance making you late for one holiday meal, but it sounds like this happens to you all the time.

Shift work.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.

What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

I mean, if the host purchased the ingredients for the meal, this is undeniably correct, no? I think it's nice when a host offers leftovers to their guests, but it's beyond rude for guests to whip out a Tupperware and pack up food for themselves, unless this is the known "culture of the family." If someone did this in my house my mouth would be hanging open in shock.