Anonymous
Post 08/20/2023 06:21     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted a lot in this thread
- mostly saying as a guy I would never cheat because of my own stubbornness, rigid moral code, and integrity.

The summary feedback I received was that was because I am poor and ugly, or something.

Then I read the threads about cheating and I realized huge reasons for my lack of cheating are that 1. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, 2. I want to be an unimpeachable role model to my kids, and 3. I have absolutely no interest in ever doing the hard work of repairing a broken marriage with counseling, talking about it, and all that time and BS. I’d divorce before I did all that crap. I don’t want to divorce, so therefore the best way to avoid divorce is not to cheat.

So, I think the summary is: ugly or attractive, rich or poor.. if you respect your wife and your family and you don’t want to obliterate your marriage, you don’t cheat. If you don’t value those things, you might cheat if you have the opportunity.

Rousseau wrote that the criminal consents to punishment by committing the crime.. they know ahead of time that they’re breaking the law and breaking the law has consequences. To me, if I cheat, it means I am consenting to the consequences of a broken marriage and letting my kids down. That will simply never happen.


I am a man and relate to this completely. I am successful and have had many attractive, smart women hit on me, particularly in my younger days as a married man. I could have easily had not just one or two, but many affairs. The truth is I happen to sincerely like and respect to wife, whom I’ve always found attractive and with whom I’ve been very lucky to have a strong sex life for about 23 years now. My parents had lots of issues with alleged infidelity, and I just hated all the fighting they did, the tears, the hurt feelings, etc. Not only do I have zero interest in going through that, but I would not want to put my wife through that either. Do a lot of men cheat? You bet. Do all men cheat? No. Are they the grotesque ones without any opportunities? No, some men have a rigid moral code and a conscience that they abide that. I feel that I fall in that bucket. I’m sure others do as well, albeit certainly a minority.


If you are having an active, healthy sex life, are you really actually making use of that “rigid moral code?” Or are you just understandably avoiding the drama of an affair and potentially losing everything? Isn’t a man in a sexless marriage living a life of quiet desperation who doesn’t cheat the one with the rigid moral code?

I will be honest, I am a woman but was not remotely tempted to cheat until my marriage had truly fallen apart in many ways and was sexless. Before that, the hottest guy in the world would not have been tempting because there’s no reason to ruin a good marriage but there’s a lot of reason to toss a bad marriage and get some sex/fun while you can. In the end I never slept with anyone else but I am a lot less judgmental about it- marriage problems can make you do a lot of things you would never have thought you could.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2023 05:44     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted a lot in this thread
- mostly saying as a guy I would never cheat because of my own stubbornness, rigid moral code, and integrity.

The summary feedback I received was that was because I am poor and ugly, or something.

Then I read the threads about cheating and I realized huge reasons for my lack of cheating are that 1. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, 2. I want to be an unimpeachable role model to my kids, and 3. I have absolutely no interest in ever doing the hard work of repairing a broken marriage with counseling, talking about it, and all that time and BS. I’d divorce before I did all that crap. I don’t want to divorce, so therefore the best way to avoid divorce is not to cheat.

So, I think the summary is: ugly or attractive, rich or poor.. if you respect your wife and your family and you don’t want to obliterate your marriage, you don’t cheat. If you don’t value those things, you might cheat if you have the opportunity.

Rousseau wrote that the criminal consents to punishment by committing the crime.. they know ahead of time that they’re breaking the law and breaking the law has consequences. To me, if I cheat, it means I am consenting to the consequences of a broken marriage and letting my kids down. That will simply never happen.


I am a man and relate to this completely. I am successful and have had many attractive, smart women hit on me, particularly in my younger days as a married man. I could have easily had not just one or two, but many affairs. The truth is I happen to sincerely like and respect to wife, whom I’ve always found attractive and with whom I’ve been very lucky to have a strong sex life for about 23 years now. My parents had lots of issues with alleged infidelity, and I just hated all the fighting they did, the tears, the hurt feelings, etc. Not only do I have zero interest in going through that, but I would not want to put my wife through that either. Do a lot of men cheat? You bet. Do all men cheat? No. Are they the grotesque ones without any opportunities? No, some men have a rigid moral code and a conscience that they abide that. I feel that I fall in that bucket. I’m sure others do as well, albeit certainly a minority.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 10:44     Subject: Re:Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
My father never cheated, yet he was was an angry, controlling, verbally and physically abusive husband to my mother. He was sober, faithful, religious and thought of himself as a good person and provider.


This person is not angry and not physically abusive. We don't know enough to know about controlling or verbal abuse based on one episode and one vague generic sentence that this happens a lot. For all we know the event was at ten and she was "rushing". It was a two sentence text. Not a tirade. We just don't know enough on any of the issues you mentioned. Again. Stop projecting.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 10:31     Subject: Re:Do all men cheat?

My father never cheated, yet he was was an angry, controlling, verbally and physically abusive husband to my mother. He was sober, faithful, religious and thought of himself as a good person and provider.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 09:39     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:Do all men cheat given an opportunity? If not how do you find one that won’t and be sure that you have found one that won’t?


No. Married 18 years, first. 2 kids. I'm not tall, dark, handsome and rich, but I have always looked good, kept athletic, and above all, am successful with my life together. I've never cheated, not close, and I've had women fling themselves at me. Don't get me wrong, I've had issues in my marriage, especially the early childhood years when my wife literally discarded me because she was so baby obsessed. Went no sex for 14 months once. I was mad as hell and if that didn't change we would not be together. But even then I would have divorced first. I have pride saying I've never cheated. It's a decision in the end.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 14:40     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No not at all.

95% of my friends have never cheated on their wives.

Why bc they told you so? How could anyone possibly ever know ?

+1. Friends don’t admit this to each other 99% of the time.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 14:39     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No not at all.

95% of my friends have never cheated on their wives.

Why bc they told you so? How could anyone possibly ever know ?


My guess is this guy is the judgmental sanctimonious friend so nobody is going to admit it to him in their friend circle. There’s usually a non judgmental single friend that everyone confesses this stuff to.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 13:05     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:No not at all.

95% of my friends have never cheated on their wives.

Why bc they told you so? How could anyone possibly ever know ?
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 11:43     Subject: Re:Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:^ you are a different type of person. Arrogant narc types think they will never get caught so they also will never have to do marriage repair. They delude themselves nobody is getting hurt because nobody knows. If you are let that dysfunctional or devoid of empathy you can’t fathom that, but it’s most cheaters.

They compartmentalize like they learned from childhood trauma/dysfunctional homes.




The bolded are the only parts that are accurate. Are some cheaters arrogant narcissists? Sure, but there are also a lot of humans out there with human foibles who view cheating as their own private Idaho/ vice/indulgence that is more of a mental than physical escape. There are always outliers, but many affairs are more email than clandestine meetings.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 10:39     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:And actually, I think the ~boring, with a dad bod~ guys are the ones who are more likely to cheat if there's an intense attraction to the other woman, and he will likely leave his marriage to be with her. For all of the wives on here who make low-key disparaging remarks about their husbands' lack of desirability, know this: there is a woman out there who will appreciate him and make him feel wanted. Feeling desired and alive, especially in an unvaried long marriage, is a powerful force.

Jeff Bezos was arguably a dorky, unattractive family man ...who gave up billions of dollars to be with the woman who made him feel alive. Just saying. Better appreciate your man or someone else will.


Yep… especially during the midlife crisis phase (and the bottom of the happiness u curve) when people are looking for excitement, stressed about everything, and thinking about missed opportunities. If the person not only desires you but their personality/lifestyle brings the promise of excitement, that can be tempting even if it’s disastrous for all involved.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2023 22:54     Subject: Do all men cheat?
And actually, I think the ~boring, with a dad bod~ guys are the ones who are more likely to cheat if there's an intense attraction to the other woman, and he will likely leave his marriage to be with her. For all of the wives on here who make low-key disparaging remarks about their husbands' lack of desirability, know this: there is a woman out there who will appreciate him and make him feel wanted. Feeling desired and alive, especially in an unvaried long marriage, is a powerful force.

Jeff Bezos was arguably a dorky, unattractive family man ...who gave up billions of dollars to be with the woman who made him feel alive. Just saying. Better appreciate your man or someone else will.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2023 22:24     Subject: Re:Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:I’m not naive but I’m pretty sure only 2 of the boyfriends I had cheated, and told me afterward. Another boyfriend asked for an open relationship. I’m pretty confident ex DH and my other boyfriends never cheated.

I would be very surprised if some of my friends’ husbands cheated. They seem so average looking and stand up fathers and husbands.

It also boggles my mind that people say women are throwing themselves at men when I’ve been on OLD and most men can’t even get women to go on a date with them.

Someone who is not ugly and is a good husband and father will be attractive to other women. The same qualities that his wife finds appealing are also appealing to women who are not his wife. It's simple, really. And if the Not Ugly Family Man is bored and has his light on, well... an affair will likely happen. Hopefully it will be a fling and he won't fall in love.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2023 18:21     Subject: Re:Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:I’m not naive but I’m pretty sure only 2 of the boyfriends I had cheated, and told me afterward. Another boyfriend asked for an open relationship. I’m pretty confident ex DH and my other boyfriends never cheated.

I would be very surprised if some of my friends’ husbands cheated. They seem so average looking and stand up fathers and husbands.

It also boggles my mind that people say women are throwing themselves at men when I’ve been on OLD and most men can’t even get women to go on a date with them.


Because they think a woman asking them to move so they can see the menu at shake shack is flirting. Lol
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2023 16:26     Subject: Do all men cheat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I count myself as a husband who has never cheated, but in my case the opportunity has never presented itself. I don't travel for business or do anything else that would put me in a situation that allows cheating. If a woman threw herself at me, I like to think I'd turn her down...but in 17 years of marriage this has never happened.


I’m the PP married 28 years and would never dream of cheating.

Geez… I would have been humble and not put myself in the “good looking” category, but maybe I am. I’ve had more women practically throw themselves at me than I can count. Most recently in line at Shake Shack!

It’s cute but I go home to my living, hyper-orgasmic high school sweetheart.


You must be more attractive than you think. I’m not PP but unlike him I travel a lot for work and am around women plenty, often unfamiliar ones. I’ve never ever had a woman do anything remotely like throw herself at me, or really even flirt. I’m average-looking at best.


Woman here. I’m betting the previous (above you) PP thinks every woman who talks to him is flirting with him.


Yep. Every woman who chats with you in the shake shack line, at a company party, at a networking event, in an airplane because we are stuck with you… is not flirting!
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2023 07:54     Subject: Re:Do all men cheat?
^ yeah cheaters never get to the level of thinking of the guy quoted before. They are impulsive risk takers and not that in touch emotionally.