Anonymous
Post 03/18/2022 21:20     Subject: Re:husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
Op, have your priest/pastor talk with your husband and with your 15 year old.

If they are religious, I cannot imagine that will not make an impression.

My DH would care that our pastor knew he missed something religiously important for sports. My kid would care less, but would still be embarrassed and might change his mind.
Anonymous
Post 03/18/2022 00:16     Subject: Re:husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.


You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.


OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.


I am guessing OP has left the thread, but if this was me, I'd straight up tell my spouse he needs to be there with the older child, and if he wasn't I would not spare one word in trashing him to everyone present and moving him to a guest bedroom.

The husband and son sound like spoiled children.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 11:21     Subject: husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did your husband not want this newest baby, OP?


OP here. Husband wanted the baby! And to reiterate, he is.of the same faith and was involved with picking the date!


Your husband is 100% out of line. He needs to tell 15 year old that family rituals are more important than travel sports. I’m not a practicing Catholic anymore but I would prioritize any family sacrament even in my extended family over sports. When family gathers together, family needs to be there. I can’t believe your DH is teaching your son to blow off family in favor of a game.


Agree. This is like your best man agreeing to be in the wedding, planning it with you, getting the tux, all the invites are out, guests have booked flights and hotels, deposits are paid, and then your best man calls and says he's going to his kids soccer game that day instead of your wedding. Actually, I take it back -- its your fiance saying they are going to a soccer game instead the wedding, because the father of the child is more akin to the groom in the sacrament.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 11:06     Subject: husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
This has to be a troll. Because how else is a father OK with missing the baptism of his own child? And how are the parents OK with not having their whole family together for a sacrament involving one of them? The PP who pointed out that this is like your husband skipping your child’s wedding is correct.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 10:07     Subject: Re:husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is the 15-year old your stepson?

How do you have a 15-year old and an infant? Is this part of the problem too?


What? Most women have more than 15 years of fertility. It's very possible to have a 15 year old and an infant--and OP even has at least one child in between. My mom was 17 when her youngest sibling was born (yes--both the same parents.)
HER mom (my grandmother) was 18 when her youngest sibling was born (so my mom's uncle was only 6 years older than her.


Of course it's possible, but most people don't plan to have children with that large of an age gap. If the baby was an "oops" and DH was against having another child that would explain the refusal to go to the baptism. I'm the PP that asked a series of questions of possible reasons DH doesn't want to go, but OP hasn't been back.
OP already answered this question.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 10:07     Subject: husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
I have 2 boys and we are a big soccer family. Both my kids play/have played on top travel teams and state ODP. I understand the commitment and we put soccer above almost everything with few exceptions. A siblings baptism would have been one of those times. When the tournament was scheduled I would have told the coach my kid would miss it. And at one point my younger son was the main striker/goal scorers on his team and I’d still have him miss for important/special family events.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 10:07     Subject: husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Protestant or Catholic, it's a once in a lifetime event, and it definitely takes priority over a single sporting event for a young kid.


Ususally, but apparently not to OP's husband.


Maybe he doesn’t care about the religion? I posted a whole back and no one responded. He could have agreed to a date to keep peace with his wife but doesn’t see the need to make their teen son skip something when no one actually practices this religion and they are only going through the motions. I just made up a story but it’s possible.


I wondered about that, especially since it’s her parents. This might be very important to her parents and her side of the family, but not so much to him.
OP has already posted that he agreed to this, picked the date, and that his family would be in attendance as well.


I saw that but thinking about my extended family, my parents and sister and extremely religious and so is my MIL. DH and I are not. We thought about baptizing the kids when they were little to ultimately keep the peace and make the family happy and we realized how crazy that was. We still are hearing about it and our kids are teenagers. Not everyone can stand up to their families and do what they actually want. Just because he helped picked the date doesn’t mean he cares.
The thread isn’t about you. OP said he is supportive of the baptism. Why not take her at her word instead of using your own situation as a response?


It’s not about any of us. It’s really about an issue in their marriage and none of us know her DH’s reasons or his side of the story. With that attitude, none of us should be commenting at all.
You can comment without projecting your situation as you did.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 09:55     Subject: husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, my priest baptized DD without DH there. We waited for DH to be able to attend and she was almost a year old. He was working in Africa and somehow it just wasn't working out. She and I were there too but could travel more than he could. Eventually, we said better have her christened than wait longer.
Logistics of travel were a nightmare for DH as flights were not great, and his two bosses kept being arseholes...


this would be one of the special circumstances that many of the pp have mentioned.
Unlike the OP who has a dh that is making a choice to put sports before religion. This is a very different circumstance than OP being a single mother who's ex won't come.
OP asked if her husband and older child going to a sports game instead of the christening is a big deal. The answer is YES it is a big deal.

Yes, indeed, it was not what any of us wanted. That is why we kept postponing it so much. But, as malaria was common back then in the country we were in....gosh, best not to say it even now. Choosing a day of sports instead of being there for a christening of your own child is mind boggling.
Did op ever say what the sport is?
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 08:46     Subject: husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
Anonymous wrote:Well, my priest baptized DD without DH there. We waited for DH to be able to attend and she was almost a year old. He was working in Africa and somehow it just wasn't working out. She and I were there too but could travel more than he could. Eventually, we said better have her christened than wait longer.
Logistics of travel were a nightmare for DH as flights were not great, and his two bosses kept being arseholes...


this would be one of the special circumstances that many of the pp have mentioned.
Unlike the OP who has a dh that is making a choice to put sports before religion. This is a very different circumstance than OP being a single mother who's ex won't come.
OP asked if her husband and older child going to a sports game instead of the christening is a big deal. The answer is YES it is a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 08:39     Subject: husband and daughter missing christening due to sports
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Protestant or Catholic, it's a once in a lifetime event, and it definitely takes priority over a single sporting event for a young kid.


Ususally, but apparently not to OP's husband.


Maybe he doesn’t care about the religion? I posted a whole back and no one responded. He could have agreed to a date to keep peace with his wife but doesn’t see the need to make their teen son skip something when no one actually practices this religion and they are only going through the motions. I just made up a story but it’s possible.


I wondered about that, especially since it’s her parents. This might be very important to her parents and her side of the family, but not so much to him.
OP has already posted that he agreed to this, picked the date, and that his family would be in attendance as well.


I saw that but thinking about my extended family, my parents and sister and extremely religious and so is my MIL. DH and I are not. We thought about baptizing the kids when they were little to ultimately keep the peace and make the family happy and we realized how crazy that was. We still are hearing about it and our kids are teenagers. Not everyone can stand up to their families and do what they actually want. Just because he helped picked the date doesn’t mean he cares.
The thread isn’t about you. OP said he is supportive of the baptism. Why not take her at her word instead of using your own situation as a response?


It’s not about any of us. It’s really about an issue in their marriage and none of us know her DH’s reasons or his side of the story. With that attitude, none of us should be commenting at all.