Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the epitome of the moral failings of the DCUM populous. OP is wealthy. She has generational wealth. She doesn't need to work - independent of her DH. Her DH also makes a lot of money. Her working would only bring status and more money on top of lots of money.

She wants to stay home and take care of her child(ren). Why? because she's a mother who loves her child and that is her parental duty/obligation. It is also in the best interest of the child. Also she shouldn't have to explain why she wants to take care of her kids full time. What a world it is where a mother is asked to defend that position. However, on DCUM, the shrill harpies are berating her because she wants to take advantage of her financial gifts and be with her kids FT. You guys need to check yourselves. You live in a moral vacuum.

If OP wants to do that, she should be able to. Why in this world do we prize work for the sake of work, status for the sake of status, over raising our kids? This is why there are so many poorly raised children who lack basic education, societal skills and know how. Because their parents look down on parenting. Because their parents are busy grabbing money and status just to hang out with the Joneses.

OP, you do you. Don't defend motherhood to these wolves. My guess is that they're all miserable in their jobs, the pressures of parenthood and can't stand that you have the ability to focus 100% on your kids. Take that opportunity. It's a gift.

Literally no. OP has never said this is her reason. Her stated reasons, in no particular order from what I remember, are 1) her job is high stress, 2) she doesn't want to resent her DH in the future for making her do the bulk of the work if/when they have 2 kids, and 3) she wants to "keep a nice home." No maternal yearning, just "I don't think we need the money my job brings in so I want to quit." Her DH disagrees. They need to get on the same page but that's going to be hard because she's imputing really shitty motives to him and using the potential second kid as a bargaining chip.

She's not defending motherhood. She's defending a certain vision of marriage where men are uncomplaining breadwinners and women have ample downtime, partly because of their husbands' efforts and partly because of their dowries. This is her "culture," apparently, and it's yet to be tied to raising better, more educated children with societal skills and know how.

I'm sorry, but you're a complete ass. You don't know OP or what her motivations are by reading short blurbs on an anonymous blog post. You're part of an angry mob chomping at the bit ready to tear a complete stranger apart because you've assumed that you "know her". You've assumed that mothering is not her motivation. I don't think she has to explain that to you. You also don't know her culture. I don't care what you think it is. You have no idea who she is in real life and are basing all fo the above on aggressive assumptions. Stand down. Your foam is frothing.

I'm not sorry, but you are unintelligent. OP has posted about 50 times in this thread. She never mentioned love or closeness. You're imputing that because it would make sense as a motive. But that doesn't make it her motive. She has explicitly said that her "culture" is UMC WASP, so yes, I do know her culture. I don't have to "think" what it might be, because it has been stated. I'm reading what she's actually written which does not paint her in a positive light. For you to call an ability to read an aggressive assumption because you apparently cannot and would rather insert some make-believe Pollyanna BS while also name-calling is pretty funny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the epitome of the moral failings of the DCUM populous. OP is wealthy. She has generational wealth. She doesn't need to work - independent of her DH. Her DH also makes a lot of money. Her working would only bring status and more money on top of lots of money.

She wants to stay home and take care of her child(ren). Why? because she's a mother who loves her child and that is her parental duty/obligation. It is also in the best interest of the child. Also she shouldn't have to explain why she wants to take care of her kids full time. What a world it is where a mother is asked to defend that position. However, on DCUM, the shrill harpies are berating her because she wants to take advantage of her financial gifts and be with her kids FT. You guys need to check yourselves. You live in a moral vacuum.

If OP wants to do that, she should be able to. Why in this world do we prize work for the sake of work, status for the sake of status, over raising our kids? This is why there are so many poorly raised children who lack basic education, societal skills and know how. Because their parents look down on parenting. Because their parents are busy grabbing money and status just to hang out with the Joneses.

OP, you do you. Don't defend motherhood to these wolves. My guess is that they're all miserable in their jobs, the pressures of parenthood and can't stand that you have the ability to focus 100% on your kids. Take that opportunity. It's a gift.

Literally no. OP has never said this is her reason. Her stated reasons, in no particular order from what I remember, are 1) her job is high stress, 2) she doesn't want to resent her DH in the future for making her do the bulk of the work if/when they have 2 kids, and 3) she wants to "keep a nice home." No maternal yearning, just "I don't think we need the money my job brings in so I want to quit." Her DH disagrees. They need to get on the same page but that's going to be hard because she's imputing really shitty motives to him and using the potential second kid as a bargaining chip.

She's not defending motherhood. She's defending a certain vision of marriage where men are uncomplaining breadwinners and women have ample downtime, partly because of their husbands' efforts and partly because of their dowries. This is her "culture," apparently, and it's yet to be tied to raising better, more educated children with societal skills and know how.

I'm sorry, but you're a complete ass. You don't know OP or what her motivations are by reading short blurbs on an anonymous blog post. You're part of an angry mob chomping at the bit ready to tear a complete stranger apart because you've assumed that you "know her". You've assumed that mothering is not her motivation. I don't think she has to explain that to you. You also don't know her culture. I don't care what you think it is. You have no idea who she is in real life and are basing all fo the above on aggressive assumptions. Stand down. Your foam is frothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the epitome of the moral failings of the DCUM populous. OP is wealthy. She has generational wealth. She doesn't need to work - independent of her DH. Her DH also makes a lot of money. Her working would only bring status and more money on top of lots of money.

She wants to stay home and take care of her child(ren). Why? because she's a mother who loves her child and that is her parental duty/obligation. It is also in the best interest of the child. Also she shouldn't have to explain why she wants to take care of her kids full time. What a world it is where a mother is asked to defend that position. However, on DCUM, the shrill harpies are berating her because she wants to take advantage of her financial gifts and be with her kids FT. You guys need to check yourselves. You live in a moral vacuum.

If OP wants to do that, she should be able to. Why in this world do we prize work for the sake of work, status for the sake of status, over raising our kids? This is why there are so many poorly raised children who lack basic education, societal skills and know how. Because their parents look down on parenting. Because their parents are busy grabbing money and status just to hang out with the Joneses.

OP, you do you. Don't defend motherhood to these wolves. My guess is that they're all miserable in their jobs, the pressures of parenthood and can't stand that you have the ability to focus 100% on your kids. Take that opportunity. It's a gift.

Literally no. OP has never said this is her reason. Her stated reasons, in no particular order from what I remember, are 1) her job is high stress, 2) she doesn't want to resent her DH in the future for making her do the bulk of the work if/when they have 2 kids, and 3) she wants to "keep a nice home." No maternal yearning, just "I don't think we need the money my job brings in so I want to quit." Her DH disagrees. They need to get on the same page but that's going to be hard because she's imputing really shitty motives to him and using the potential second kid as a bargaining chip.

She's not defending motherhood. She's defending a certain vision of marriage where men are uncomplaining breadwinners and women have ample downtime, partly because of their husbands' efforts and partly because of their dowries. This is her "culture," apparently, and it's yet to be tied to raising better, more educated children with societal skills and know how.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the end of the world to take some time off with babies especially if one is as wealthy as OP says they are. The husband sounds materialistic.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had been planning to try for a second child. Our first is 2 years old.

I’ve been working for quite some time and would like to possibly take some time off after a second child. Perhaps never return to work. While it seems that my husband will go along with it, I can tell he strongly dislikes the idea. He makes plenty of money and we have a large nest egg. We could live a nice life on his salary alone.

I am trying to determine if I’m being stubborn because I’m reconsidering the second child. My career is obviously very important to my husband and I will end up resentful if I want to stay home but am pressured to continue my demanding job (lawyer). It all makes me very sad that he wouldn’t value a stay at home parent or my contribution at home.

He seems stressed about job security but this has always been the case. His insecurities don’t seem based on reality. He regularly has recruiters calling him and per his employment agreement, he would receive six months severance and his stock would vest I am hesitant to stay employed just in case he loses his job. Especially since I stand to inherit a decent amount of money from my family and we have plenty in savings. His parents also have a $5-10 mm net worth, but there seems to be more uncertainty around his inheritance. I find the focus on my career and our income to be a little strange.

Recently I hypothetically asked him if I could quit my job if I received a few million from my parents. He said yes. To me, this makes it seem like it’s all about money.

There is a part of me that wants to throw myself into my career and take an even more demanding job. After all, that’s what he seems to want from me. It seems grossly unfair that I’m expected to have the same sort of career he does and also have children.

I should completely rule out the second child and stay on BC, right? Or am I borrowing trouble? Has anyone been in a similar situation and happy with how things turned out? Is it even worth marriage counseling to figure this out? I’m not sure how counseling will make him love money any less.

The other problem is that I’m less attracted to my husband because of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.