Anonymous
Post 05/27/2021 08:54     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It isn't necessarily the divorce per se---but the issues that caused the divorce.

An alcoholic cheating philandering mother or father that resulted in divorce is going to create a ton of trauma that often doesn't emerge until middle age.

Children of alcoholics have a lot of issues and children of cheaters are 60% or more likely to repeat the pattern.


So, alcoholism and cheating that did not result in divorce do not cause any issues in children? Good to know!


Not at all what was meant. Duh.

It’s that those circumstances, father abandons family for AP—end in divorce.

Not all divorces are created equal. BUT the majority of divorces had bad home life—-much more than long marriages.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 22:12     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
I've seen 10-14% more likely to divorce if parents are divorced. That is not so much more likely that i would pay it any mind.

Second marriages are 20+% more likely to divorce again and I would not place a bet on any third marriages. That is a more significant factor I might respect a bit more but of course none of these is the majority so don't be so judgey (except maybe third marriages)
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:42     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is the best troll thread ever!!

But I will play along.

I won't marry a woman whose mom is overweight because the best sign that my wife will get fat is that her mom is. It's statistically true!


This is statistically true as well. Not sure why you think this example discounts the OP.


+1 exactly

I mean, all else equal, would you rather your spouse have married parents? I think most people would say yes. There are many factors to address in a partner when dating, and I don’t really see why everyone is so up in arms about this one. It’s statistics. There’s real data here. It’s not the be-all-end-all. But that doesn’t mean it’s a ridiculous thing to take into account when assessing a lifelong partner.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:36     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:This is the best troll thread ever!!

But I will play along.

I won't marry a woman whose mom is overweight because the best sign that my wife will get fat is that her mom is. It's statistically true!


This is statistically true as well. Not sure why you think this example discounts the OP.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:34     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Insane troll thread. The best thing to ever happen to me in terms of developing interpersonal relationship skills was my parents getting divorced. It meant I got to finally have parents who were happy, and themselves, and not modeling relationships-as-mortal-combat for me and my siblings. The idea that it means something negative about *me* as a potential mate is beyond comical.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:26     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When my DC is dating someone I ask (and hopefully it is natural to do so?) - what do the parents do? And Are they still together? If I’m asking I guess it does matter to me. I’d prefer if the parents were still married, as I think it speaks to the values with which a person was raised (and I’m saying this dully aware of the hardships that I know many family and friends have had to resolve or overcome in order to stay in their marriages)


Ugh...you don't get it. I had no choice in my divorce. He left for.a midlife affair. Unresolved childhood issues. I had no idea that unresolved childhood issues would maniifest later in life in a destructive way. All I knew was that I loved him and I believed that with enough loveI could fix him. That might make me naive, but it doesn' mean ai have no values.I was in for life! Shame on you for insinuating that people in similar situations don't have the values to raise kids to make good decisions in the future about marriage.


DP but.... your children were also raised by their father who sounds like he sucks. All else held equal I’d rather my kids not marry the kid of a man who didn’t have enough impulse control not to blow up his life.


How much control do you think you have over your children’s interpersonal relationships?


Might have enough for some parents to tell their children to stay away from her children.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:24     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:This is the best troll thread ever!!

But I will play along.

I won't marry a woman whose mom is overweight because the best sign that my wife will get fat is that her mom is. It's statistically true!


LOTS of men and women think this way. I paid a lot of attention to what kind of people my inlaws were and whether I wanted these people as role models for my kids.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:21     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
This is beyond stupid.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:06     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When my DC is dating someone I ask (and hopefully it is natural to do so?) - what do the parents do? And Are they still together? If I’m asking I guess it does matter to me. I’d prefer if the parents were still married, as I think it speaks to the values with which a person was raised (and I’m saying this dully aware of the hardships that I know many family and friends have had to resolve or overcome in order to stay in their marriages)


Ugh...you don't get it. I had no choice in my divorce. He left for.a midlife affair. Unresolved childhood issues. I had no idea that unresolved childhood issues would maniifest later in life in a destructive way. All I knew was that I loved him and I believed that with enough loveI could fix him. That might make me naive, but it doesn' mean ai have no values.I was in for life! Shame on you for insinuating that people in similar situations don't have the values to raise kids to make good decisions in the future about marriage.


DP but.... your children were also raised by their father who sounds like he sucks. All else held equal I’d rather my kids not marry the kid of a man who didn’t have enough impulse control not to blow up his life.


How much control do you think you have over your children’s interpersonal relationships?
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:04     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.


Good luck! Remember the red flags that started before you said "I do"!
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 21:03     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:A lot of you sound like Victorian schoolmarms.


DCUM is full of people who will suffer rather than get divorced, so it doesn’t surprise me. Most of them will look the other way on cheating and emotional abuse, too.

Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 20:54     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:This is the best troll thread ever!!

But I will play along.

I won't marry a woman whose mom is overweight because the best sign that my wife will get fat is that her mom is. It's statistically true!


Funny enough, I know men who said just that. And followed through. And their wives are not fat.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 19:57     Subject: "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
I don't blame anyone for a dealbreaker no matter what it is.

Like PP, I would never date anyone with fat parents back when I was single. It worked great for me so can't be bothered by others' dealbreakers.
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 19:39     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
This is the best troll thread ever!!

But I will play along.

I won't marry a woman whose mom is overweight because the best sign that my wife will get fat is that her mom is. It's statistically true!
Anonymous
Post 05/26/2021 18:45     Subject: Re:"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"
Anonymous wrote:It isn't necessarily the divorce per se---but the issues that caused the divorce.

An alcoholic cheating philandering mother or father that resulted in divorce is going to create a ton of trauma that often doesn't emerge until middle age.

Children of alcoholics have a lot of issues and children of cheaters are 60% or more likely to repeat the pattern.


So, alcoholism and cheating that did not result in divorce do not cause any issues in children? Good to know!