Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 12:59     Subject: Re:Family wedding - no kids allowed
Agreed that everyone can pick their own wedding. The thing I don't like is the hypocritical attitude.

My 14 year old was not invited to a family wedding; we considered me staying home with him but got a lot of shit from the family. Ended up letting him just stay alone in the hotel, which was boring but fine.

But now the couple has a new baby - I hope they don't expect that baby to always ben included....
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 12:55     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.


It’s whether their names are on the invite or not. Most of these invites don’t say “kid free”


We haven’t received an invitation or save the date yet, but we were told that it’s a kid-free wedding. It’s out of town, so I guess we will go through the calculus of making arrangements after we get the invitation.

It’s not particularly easy even with a teen. He can’t stay home alone and with the travel time and COVID, he can’t stay with a friend for 4 days. I’d also feel bad if he came with us, missed 2 days of school, and had to stay in the hotel alone instead of celebrating w family.


Then decline. It's that easy.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 12:50     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.


You'll know when he's invited when the invitation bears his name.

If the invitation comes to "Paul and Sarah Smith," your kid is not invited.

If it comes to The Smith Family or Paul, Sarah and Brian Smith, he's invited.

Duh.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 12:13     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I come from a culture where weddings ALWAYS include children, so for me it's ridiculous that Americans think getting married should not involve kids.

I wouldn't go to a wedding that forbade children out of principle.



So decline. With your superior attitude, you will not be missed.


Sorry for the attitude, but yes, I do look down on the concept of child-free weddings and won't hide that.

This isn't just a preference like choosing the wedding colors or cake flavors. It's a fundamental understanding, or lack thereof, of the function of a wedding and what constitutes marriage. Unless you're one of the rare people that knows they will never want children, and actively dislike them around you, it's really disturbing to start off married life without kids on your special day. Kids at a wedding are natural and proper. It's one of the essential functions of a marriage to have kids. A family celebration isn't about family if no kids are involved. Since this seems to be confined to American weddings, I suppose it shows how fragmented the concept of family really is over here. In every wedding I went to, here and other countries, you just brought your baby and children, and people were happy to hold the baby while you danced and ate, and maybe there was a crib in a quiet corner somewhere for the nap, where people took turns watching your child, including you. My toddler slept on two chairs close to the dance floor. I had children as bridesmaids and bridegrooms at my wedding, since it's the tradition in my country. It was held in my family's castle. Relaxed, yet elegant. You can have both.


- So, you acknowledge, sort of, that different countries have different traditions.
- Let's start small here. How many Americans do you know who have access to their "family's castle"?

Sound like you didn't have to worry about choosing or paying for a venue. You might not have had to worry your precious little head about paying for the catering -- which means not having to factor head counts into your planning process. I'll go out on a limb here and assume that you didn't have to worry about COVID restrictions either.
which parts of your comment do you think offered practical help of any kind?

Thanks for the laugh though. If most families had castles that they could use, rent free, that would surely make for more flexible party planning.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 12:12     Subject: Re:Family wedding - no kids allowed
My wedding was NOT all about family or kids. My wedding was about MY HUSBAND AND ME. And I didn't want some kid talking loudly about their boogers during the vows, or crying through them, or running around. I didn't want some kid announcing "this is boring!" during the toasts, or making waiters nervous they would trip over little kids running around. At our wedding, one friend brought her newborn and her mom to babysit the newborn if it cried during the service. My friend stepped away twice to nurse, and her mom took the baby outside when we started dancing because the music was too loud for the baby. Someone made sure the grandma had a comfy chair, shade, and a drink.

I now have two kids, and if my kids are not invited then they don't go. If DH and I want to go, we pay our nanny and the kids and nanny travel with us, and they go off to do something fun in a new area while DH and I are at the wedding. No big deal. I'm not offended. Not everyone gets invited to everything.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 12:10     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ehhh, I think people should have whatever wedding they want - kids invited, child free, whatever.

But if they have a wedding that makes it more inconvenient for some people - destination wedding, child free when some guests have small children etc, they then can't get mad if some people can't come.

Most of the people in my and DH's family do childfree weddings, which is fine since I decline and send a nice gift and that's it. But once a cousin was incredibly mad we didn't choose to go. Umm - if you have a wedding I have to fly to in a city I don't know anyone in and it's a weekend long bash with all festivities being child free, it is not surprising I (and some of the other cousins with small children) RSVPed no.

But provided she doesn't act offended you decline, she is within her rights to have a childfree wedding and it's up to you how much you want to go. Most of those aren't worth it for me but it's different for everyone.


This. For OP's situation, I'd take advantage of weekend on my own to visit with my family and leave DH and kids at home. Having them come to visit but then not be included in the big party that everyone else is focusing on seems really rude so better that they stay home.


dp For some people, they don't want to be away from their nuclear family. If the bride and groom expect everyone to fall in line and not be upset if it is child-free they shouldn't be upset if op decides she doesn't want to go.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 12:06     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ehhh, I think people should have whatever wedding they want - kids invited, child free, whatever.

But if they have a wedding that makes it more inconvenient for some people - destination wedding, child free when some guests have small children etc, they then can't get mad if some people can't come.

Most of the people in my and DH's family do childfree weddings, which is fine since I decline and send a nice gift and that's it. But once a cousin was incredibly mad we didn't choose to go. Umm - if you have a wedding I have to fly to in a city I don't know anyone in and it's a weekend long bash with all festivities being child free, it is not surprising I (and some of the other cousins with small children) RSVPed no.

But provided she doesn't act offended you decline, she is within her rights to have a childfree wedding and it's up to you how much you want to go. Most of those aren't worth it for me but it's different for everyone.


This. For OP's situation, I'd take advantage of weekend on my own to visit with my family and leave DH and kids at home. Having them come to visit but then not be included in the big party that everyone else is focusing on seems really rude so better that they stay home.






The OP followed up that the wedding was the weekend after another family event (I’m guessing thanksgiving or Christmas) a 10 hour drive from their home, so her DH and daughter will be in the town where the wedding is held.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 11:59     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:Ehhh, I think people should have whatever wedding they want - kids invited, child free, whatever.

But if they have a wedding that makes it more inconvenient for some people - destination wedding, child free when some guests have small children etc, they then can't get mad if some people can't come.

Most of the people in my and DH's family do childfree weddings, which is fine since I decline and send a nice gift and that's it. But once a cousin was incredibly mad we didn't choose to go. Umm - if you have a wedding I have to fly to in a city I don't know anyone in and it's a weekend long bash with all festivities being child free, it is not surprising I (and some of the other cousins with small children) RSVPed no.

But provided she doesn't act offended you decline, she is within her rights to have a childfree wedding and it's up to you how much you want to go. Most of those aren't worth it for me but it's different for everyone.


This. For OP's situation, I'd take advantage of weekend on my own to visit with my family and leave DH and kids at home. Having them come to visit but then not be included in the big party that everyone else is focusing on seems really rude so better that they stay home.



Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 11:45     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
I agree with you OP that it's rude not to invite family children to weddings.

But I will also say that my (or your) opinion on it doesn't change that some people will still do this. Either skip it, or attend without your DH.

I invited all my friends to bring their kids to our wedding. It didn't feel right to me to leave them out. We had maybe 6 kids there total, instead of about 25. It turns out most people DO NOT WANT to bring their small children to an afternoon/evening wedding. The only kids who came were related to us. No one "ruined" anything. They sat through the ceremony, they danced at the reception, and went home after cake. Not a huge deal at ALL.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 11:38     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.


It’s whether their names are on the invite or not. Most of these invites don’t say “kid free”


We haven’t received an invitation or save the date yet, but we were told that it’s a kid-free wedding. It’s out of town, so I guess we will go through the calculus of making arrangements after we get the invitation.

It’s not particularly easy even with a teen. He can’t stay home alone and with the travel time and COVID, he can’t stay with a friend for 4 days. I’d also feel bad if he came with us, missed 2 days of school, and had to stay in the hotel alone instead of celebrating w family.


Well, if there’s a wedding to travel to for 4 in COVID times, surely there is a close friend or family he can stay with during COVID times.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 11:34     Subject: Re:Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:Inviting kids of out of town guests is like inviting out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, giving out gift baskets, or reserving a block of hotel rooms. Its a nice thing to do, and it makes things easier for your guests, but it’s not necessary, and it’s certainly not something you have a say in if you aren’t hosting.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 11:22     Subject: Re:Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.


I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.


Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.


If it was one of those tacky destination weddings, I can't really blame people for protesting.


It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

Why couldn’t you have attended solo and had your spouse stay home with your child?

Yeah this situation needed more strategizing about who from that side of the family who didn’t have little kids should go. I would be insulted to. It’s your sister!

It’s pretty clear from that poster’s follow up posts that her sister isn’t that important to her. Otherwise she would have made it work. Afterall she said ALL of the family stayed in town except the parents.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 11:17     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.


It’s whether their names are on the invite or not. Most of these invites don’t say “kid free”


We haven’t received an invitation or save the date yet, but we were told that it’s a kid-free wedding. It’s out of town, so I guess we will go through the calculus of making arrangements after we get the invitation.

It’s not particularly easy even with a teen. He can’t stay home alone and with the travel time and COVID, he can’t stay with a friend for 4 days. I’d also feel bad if he came with us, missed 2 days of school, and had to stay in the hotel alone instead of celebrating w family.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 11:13     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Ehhh, I think people should have whatever wedding they want - kids invited, child free, whatever.

But if they have a wedding that makes it more inconvenient for some people - destination wedding, child free when some guests have small children etc, they then can't get mad if some people can't come.

Most of the people in my and DH's family do childfree weddings, which is fine since I decline and send a nice gift and that's it. But once a cousin was incredibly mad we didn't choose to go. Umm - if you have a wedding I have to fly to in a city I don't know anyone in and it's a weekend long bash with all festivities being child free, it is not surprising I (and some of the other cousins with small children) RSVPed no.

But provided she doesn't act offended you decline, she is within her rights to have a childfree wedding and it's up to you how much you want to go. Most of those aren't worth it for me but it's different for everyone.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 11:07     Subject: Re:Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.


I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.


Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.


If it was one of those tacky destination weddings, I can't really blame people for protesting.


It wasn’t a destination wedding. It was near her husband’s hometown. And no one was protesting. We love her and respect her decision. It was kind of hurtful that she was so angry.

Why couldn’t you have attended solo and had your spouse stay home with your child?

Yeah this situation needed more strategizing about who from that side of the family who didn’t have little kids should go. I would be insulted to. It’s your sister!