Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 40 and have two twin boys who are 2. We have a nanny who is honestly fantastic and quite pretty, she's 28.

One of my friends (DH's best friends wife) came over right as the nanny was leaving and briefly said hello to her. Her and I continued to chat and she made a comment "she's as hot as Chris (fake name for DH) described her."

I looked pretty shocked when she said that. She apologized extensively and mentioned my husband Chris has told her husband that we have a really hot nanny. She continued to assure me nothing fishy was up it was just the guys talking.


I feel really hurt. Obviously it's because I'm insecure because she's clearly attractive and 10 years younger than me. Should I bring it up to him?

It’s unfortunate, but for whatever reason when you say you have a nanny or are getting a nanny literally the first question many guys ask is “is she hot?” Or if they have seen her and she is cute: “brah, your nanny is so hot right?” I don’t think acknowledging it is a big deal. Briefly volunteering that in conversation with your best friend is also not a big deal. The issue here is your use of the language: “as hot as Chris DESCRIBED her.” That is probably what set you off. Described her? That’s a little weird. But based on your story it sounds like the friend just misspoke and that he just called her hot and didn’t going into detail about her curves etc. It is probably best to let it go if this is a one-off incident. If it really bothers you and you can’t let it go just bring it up with your husband. What’s so hard about telling him that you had to listen to your friend sharing that he thought the nanny was hot and if he could please keep it to himself because it was annoying to hear.

You definitely should have a threesome with the nanny so you can dispel the sexual tension and get beyond the awkwardness

-Avid Penthouse Forum Reader

I agree that the problem is the friend! Really, why would she EVER repeat that? Look, my friend and her husband are on a keto diet and spend (spent) a lot of time at Orange Theory. They are both in great shape. Her husband and I were at Dunkin' after a soccer game getting our kids donuts, along with other team parents and kids. The husband ordered a croissant sandwich and just gobbled it down. The look on his face while he was doing it was actually hilarious, but I never told my friend this extremely nonsignificant, but to me funny, story about her husband, because I don't know if it would make her upset. It is none of my business what he eats, even if I can observe it...just like it is none of the best friend's wife's business what OP's husband says to his best friend, even if she is within earshot. Do others not see this aspect? I don't know why, but I focused on this immediately.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

Patriarchy has always required the support and assistance of women to succeed. We have people blaming the wife, the friend, the nanny, too many are reluctant to hold the husband accountable. We've got people bragging about how the fire or don't hire attractive women at their jobs. The real kicker is I bet most of these posters consider themselves feminist and were out protesting in pink hats against Trump and freaking out about their rights when RGB died. Fwminism and confronting misogyny happens in real-time, in the smaller moments of our lives, folks

Smartest post on here.

+1

Hold him accountable for what? Admitting someone is attractive, I see attractive people everyday, it doesn’t mean I have sexual thoughts them. There are plenty of attractive people that I would want nothing to with. And the DH said it to a friend. He didn’t tell nanny he though she was attractive, that would be inappropriate.

We've been over this multiple times in this thread. Did you bother reading it? If you have, it seems you're a bit slow. The problem is not that he finds the nanny attractive. The problem is that he opened his mouth about it thus disrespecting his wife and crating an awkward situation for the nanny, and he alone is wrong and accountable for that. Find whomever you want to attractive, keep your trap shut and stay out of trouble it really is that simple.

In a private conversation with another man. Same kind of conversations that woman have. We all have. He sees lots of hot women and sometimes, he shares this knowledge with other men. It's what people do.

It's what creepy and immature men do.

We have a very “hot” nanny and it’s fine. She is a wonderful nanny and they are very hard to come by and my husband knows it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

Patriarchy has always required the support and assistance of women to succeed. We have people blaming the wife, the friend, the nanny, too many are reluctant to hold the husband accountable. We've got people bragging about how the fire or don't hire attractive women at their jobs. The real kicker is I bet most of these posters consider themselves feminist and were out protesting in pink hats against Trump and freaking out about their rights when RGB died. Fwminism and confronting misogyny happens in real-time, in the smaller moments of our lives, folks

Smartest post on here.

+1

Hold him accountable for what? Admitting someone is attractive, I see attractive people everyday, it doesn’t mean I have sexual thoughts them. There are plenty of attractive people that I would want nothing to with. And the DH said it to a friend. He didn’t tell nanny he though she was attractive, that would be inappropriate.

We've been over this multiple times in this thread. Did you bother reading it? If you have, it seems you're a bit slow. The problem is not that he finds the nanny attractive. The problem is that he opened his mouth about it thus disrespecting his wife and crating an awkward situation for the nanny, and he alone is wrong and accountable for that. Find whomever you want to attractive, keep your trap shut and stay out of trouble it really is that simple.

In a private conversation with another man. Same kind of conversations that woman have. We all have. He sees lots of hot women and sometimes, he shares this knowledge with other men. It's what people do.

Agree up to a point but not when it’s the nanny. That’s a pretty loaded situation with a person who lives in the home taking care of his and wife’s children. It’s an intimate situation with millions of examples of it going wrong with affairs, so I do think it’s different than saying that some celebrity or model is hot. Context matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

Patriarchy has always required the support and assistance of women to succeed. We have people blaming the wife, the friend, the nanny, too many are reluctant to hold the husband accountable. We've got people bragging about how the fire or don't hire attractive women at their jobs. The real kicker is I bet most of these posters consider themselves feminist and were out protesting in pink hats against Trump and freaking out about their rights when RGB died. Fwminism and confronting misogyny happens in real-time, in the smaller moments of our lives, folks

Smartest post on here.

+1

Hold him accountable for what? Admitting someone is attractive, I see attractive people everyday, it doesn’t mean I have sexual thoughts them. There are plenty of attractive people that I would want nothing to with. And the DH said it to a friend. He didn’t tell nanny he though she was attractive, that would be inappropriate.

We've been over this multiple times in this thread. Did you bother reading it? If you have, it seems you're a bit slow. The problem is not that he finds the nanny attractive. The problem is that he opened his mouth about it thus disrespecting his wife and crating an awkward situation for the nanny, and he alone is wrong and accountable for that. Find whomever you want to attractive, keep your trap shut and stay out of trouble it really is that simple.

In a private conversation with another man. Same kind of conversations that woman have. We all have. He sees lots of hot women and sometimes, he shares this knowledge with other men. It's what people do.

Sorry but putting your spouse in very close quarters with someone very attractive (whether a female or male nanny) is just bad decision making all around. It's human nature to find someone youthful and physically attractive to be hot. The husband is most likely fantasizing about the nanny and thinking about her when he has sex with the wife. Yes, the young nanny probably and hopefully is not interested in the older DS (unless he's wealthy, powerful and charismatic). I would never hire a hot nanny and would equally also not trust myself to have a super hot "manny" in the house...just not worth the risk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

Patriarchy has always required the support and assistance of women to succeed. We have people blaming the wife, the friend, the nanny, too many are reluctant to hold the husband accountable. We've got people bragging about how the fire or don't hire attractive women at their jobs. The real kicker is I bet most of these posters consider themselves feminist and were out protesting in pink hats against Trump and freaking out about their rights when RGB died. Fwminism and confronting misogyny happens in real-time, in the smaller moments of our lives, folks

Smartest post on here.

+1

Hold him accountable for what? Admitting someone is attractive, I see attractive people everyday, it doesn’t mean I have sexual thoughts them. There are plenty of attractive people that I would want nothing to with. And the DH said it to a friend. He didn’t tell nanny he though she was attractive, that would be inappropriate.

We've been over this multiple times in this thread. Did you bother reading it? If you have, it seems you're a bit slow. The problem is not that he finds the nanny attractive. The problem is that he opened his mouth about it thus disrespecting his wife and crating an awkward situation for the nanny, and he alone is wrong and accountable for that. Find whomever you want to attractive, keep your trap shut and stay out of trouble it really is that simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

Patriarchy has always required the support and assistance of women to succeed. We have people blaming the wife, the friend, the nanny, too many are reluctant to hold the husband accountable. We've got people bragging about how the fire or don't hire attractive women at their jobs. The real kicker is I bet most of these posters consider themselves feminist and were out protesting in pink hats against Trump and freaking out about their rights when RGB died. Fwminism and confronting misogyny happens in real-time, in the smaller moments of our lives, folks

Smartest post on here.

+1

Hold him accountable for what? Admitting someone is attractive, I see attractive people everyday, it doesn’t mean I have sexual thoughts them. There are plenty of attractive people that I would want nothing to with. And the DH said it to a friend. He didn’t tell nanny he though she was attractive, that would be inappropriate.

I was once the “hot nanny”... trust me, I had zero interest in the husbands I worked for. Zero. Maybe some of them ogled or had an interest in me but I would never have done anything with them and I doubt any of them would’ve jeopardized their families for a fling with the nanny. I did have one couple try to set me up with their cousin, that was awkward....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

Patriarchy has always required the support and assistance of women to succeed. We have people blaming the wife, the friend, the nanny, too many are reluctant to hold the husband accountable. We've got people bragging about how the fire or don't hire attractive women at their jobs. The real kicker is I bet most of these posters consider themselves feminist and were out protesting in pink hats against Trump and freaking out about their rights when RGB died. Fwminism and confronting misogyny happens in real-time, in the smaller moments of our lives, folks

Smartest post on here.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband named Ethan Hawke?

Or Jude Law? Or Arnold? Or Gavin?

Gavin?

\

Gavin Rossdale, Gwen Stefani's ex. He was cheating with the nanny too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband named Ethan Hawke?

Or Jude Law? Or Arnold? Or Gavin?

Gavin?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. I’d still hire a new nanny.

They all suck, except the nanny. I think the “friend” sucks most, stirring up drama, acting like it was an innocent slip. She sucker punched OP and kicked her while she was down, hitting at OP’s obvious insecurity about not being as attractive as the nanny and by planting seeds of doubt about OP’s husband. It’s sad that she’d want to use an innocent woman and risk affecting OP’s children (at a minimum by changing nannies, worst case leading to marriage problems/unhappy household/eventual divorce) to make herself feel like a big person.

I’d distance myself from this friend and warm DH that everything he tells his friend, friend tells wife, and wife tells OP. Unless “friend’s” plan worked and now OP wants to hear what else DH has to say, filtered through a few other people, to try to trap him and prove he thinks obvious thoughts. But I don’t like drama, so I don’t hang around gossipy people who create problems. I already have anxiety, and it’s too easy to get sucked into negate thought patters. I’m much happier without it, and I truly think most people would be if they cut the crap too.

For someone who describes themselves as drama-avoidant, this is a very dramatic and overheated post working off some pretty harsh assumptions. OP's DH was immature and indiscreet, full stop. Maybe the friend was trying to warn OP that a situation might be developing.