My FIL married his AP when DH was an early teen (ish. I get confused the ages when his dad and his mom remarried...).

Anyway, DH and his sis always knew the score and tolerated time with their step mom, but most of their time with their dad was not at FIL’s house - outings, trips, etc. I think it put a real strain on their relationship with their dad. Restated - I think the fact that FIL blew up the family put a real strain on his relationships with his kids. MIL had nothing to do with it, couldn’t have prevented it if she tried, but I’m sure she hated it.

But everyone is in their 40s now, and probably 30 years since they divorced. Last year we all had thanksgiving together. I’ve heard the 4 of them have gotten together for dinner a few times without kids and grandkids.

My point is, this is a long game. Not that the goal is spending the holidays with your ex and his AP, because yep, that’s totally weird. But you’ve got a long life of co-parenting. Go high.

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one surprised that op’s ex was with this woman for nearly 13 years?? That’s a long time to share your husband with someone.

No, it stood out to me too. OP is whatever the female version of a "cuck" is to be aware of this and let it go on for 13 years. It's almost tacit approval at that point to do nothing. I have no idea why the DH stayed with OP (who sounds like a real peach...) as long as he did; he had another long-term relationship with this woman, she clearly wasn't some fly by night whore.

^ One question for PP - do you realize that this is an anonymous forum and you may be attributing posts to OP that she did not actually make??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team ex-husband. My guess is he knew she would be a nightmare in a divorce and tried to put on a show until the kid was older.

Team cheater? Team liar?

DP. One question: were you this terrible a human being when you were married? Or did you suddenly turn self-centered and cruel?

Between your lack of care for your child’s emotional health and your cruelty about the OW’s infertility... you should be ashamed of yourself. He behaved badly but that’s no excuse for your awful behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Team ex-husband. My guess is he knew she would be a nightmare in a divorce and tried to put on a show until the kid was older.

Team cheater? Team liar?

Team ex-husband. My guess is he knew she would be a nightmare in a divorce and tried to put on a show until the kid was older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

OK, you’re just a terrible person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

And karma will come to you, too. Perhaps some day someone will say the same hateful thing, about YOUR daughter.

Many young girls contract STDs. Yours might be one of them some day.

I made the STD comment, not OP. I only have sons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

And karma will come to you, too. Perhaps some day someone will say the same hateful thing, about YOUR daughter.

Many young girls contract STDs. Yours might be one of them some day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

My XH’s hasty second wife WAS infertile due to STDs. He found out while they were undergoing treatment. The first of many shockers. He really didn’t know this woman at all.

I know it hurts. Twenty years ago, my husband chose the OP over me. She got my alcoholic husband. He got an instant family and a new start. And I got full custody of two preschoolers and one elementary school kid who was very traumatized. It was very very hard. And one day, before our divorce was even final, he was supposed to come over to visit the kids and never showed up. It was almost ten years before they saw their father again .. and another ten years before they saw him a second time. Child support disappeared and I worked multiple jobs to keep us above water. There was no drama with him or her. No fighting over the kids. But no breaks either. And no father for my kids. They’re all young adults now. They’re good, decent people - but they’ve never gotten over it. They all struggle with romantic relationships and I never remarried - just too busy working and raising kids. I would have done anything for my ex to have shown up at the kids’ sports games and school meetings - or even just for him to show up in the hospital when one was in an accident and was in a coma. Instead, he told me to call him if she died so he could make plans to attend the funeral. Lady, I don’t know you, but don’t turn away love from your kids’ lives. That woman will never be your child’s mother. Your daughter will always remember the school meetings you’ve gone to, the games, the chicken soup when she was sick, the holiday presents she had hoped for.... The OP can’t compete with that. But what she can do is make life so miserable that your ex chooses her over your kid and, even though you think that would be revenge against him, the person it would really hurt is your daughter. Don’t do this to her. Fake it till you can make it but don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you suffer. You won. The OP got a cheater.

Anonymous wrote:My ex-husband had an affair that lasted several years. We recently divorced and I found out he is still with her. I suspect they are going to get married. My question is how do I prevent her from being around my child? Can I somehow go back to court to renegotiate our child custody agreement? My child is 13 Is there any way they can go before a judge and say they don't want to be around her?
Please help!

Karen, ask to speak to the Manager...
Move on!

Am I the only one surprised that op’s ex was with this woman for nearly 13 years?? That’s a long time to share your husband with someone.

Lol!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

probably from std infections