Anonymous wrote:www.city-data.com/forum/non-romantic-relationships/3114411-26-year-old-stepson-happily-receives.html

www.city-data.com/forum/parenting/3114414-26-year-old-stepson-happily-receives.html


Lord... Really had to get this out there huh?

Omg she did!! Verbatim. Lady, let it go. And stop zeroing in on Stepson. Everyone can see you are targeting him here. Interloper. Where is your grace?

I think giving gifts to adults is stupid. You’re old enough to buy what you want, so do so.

We stopped gifts for anyone graduated from college and it’s been SO nice! We enjoy watching the kids open them and just enjoy the holiday. No stressing over what to get 8 different grown-ass adults or spending money on useless junk that they’ll probably toss or donate.

www.city-data.com/forum/non-romantic-relationships/3114411-26-year-old-stepson-happily-receives.html

www.city-data.com/forum/parenting/3114414-26-year-old-stepson-happily-receives.html


Lord... Really had to get this out there huh?

Hey stepmom, it sucks but they created this monster. You’re the outsider in this family dynamic and it sounds like you have not had much of an influence over the years. Don’t expect it now. Fundamentally they don’t mind his behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Do a secret santa gift with a hard limit on what the gift should cost.

Or draw names

Anonymous wrote:Lol just imaging if I sent back the gifts from my MIL with a note that said “not accepting because I don’t want to reciprocate, thanks!”

I hate giving AND receiving gifts. WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS?

+1

I loathe adult gifts. Kids, no problem.

Lol just imaging if I sent back the gifts from my MIL with a note that said “not accepting because I don’t want to reciprocate, thanks!”

I hate giving AND receiving gifts. WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS?

This ship has sailed. Your dh and grandparents should have taught him from about 5 that you give gifts to others on Christmas and birthdays. My kids have always picked out gifts for others (thoughtful not expensive). Gifts are not their love language either.

When I married dh (25)he only making gifts for his parents (he works with wood and is somewhat talented) and giving his grandma a York peppermint patty. Over the years my parents have been giving us fancier gifts and bigger checks. I refuse to play the nuclear arms race with gifts so I still give thoughtful gifts around $100 and make gifts with the kids. They’re welcome to only give me $100 in return or nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of the PP on this thread are clearly projecting or have never been in the situation. My 21 year old SD sounds very similar to the OP’s SS. She takes full advantage of my husband (which he clearly allows) and does not reciprocate any birthday or holiday gifts. It is very hurtful to me that she shows no appreciation or gratitude towards my husband. I have been in her life since she was 6, my husband had primary custody of her. To the posters stating that the stepmother did not have a right to be upset or say anything, you clearly have never been in the situation. I would not say anything to my SD but I definitely speak to my husband about it.

Your husband and his former wife failed her as a parent and she doesn't owe them much. A broken childhood, and you want gifts?

I am not sure what you are saying. Are you saying it would have been better to stay in an unhealthy relationship? Life does not always turn out the way we dreamed, things happen. That does not give anyone an excuse to lack gratitude.

np: Clearly, PP, you are a parent who divorced and not the child of divorce. Sure, life doesn’t always go as planned, but that doesn’t mean there are not consequences. If you think a child is obligated to be unaffected by your divorce — ie, possibly not feeling immense gratitude towards the parents — you’re whacked.

Anonymous wrote:I guess your DH didn't raise him right.

This! He learns (or not) from his parents. You should be talking toy your husband and not shaming HIS kid.

The step-mother is attempting to control other people and you just can't.She is the one out of line here. If the step-mom doesn't want to buy gifts for her step son, then don't. I think she's out of line for griping to the kid's dad and grandparents. This just isn't her place.

The step-mom cannot control her husband and/or the grandparents and, obviously, they are okay with this set-up. Also, they aren't asking her opinion. She should butt out.

Furthermore, the step-mom may not know the particulars of her step-son's life. For all she knows, he's struggling with student loan debt or has some other financial issues. Who knows?

Please please don’t buy junk gifts for this grandma. Just come spend time with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess your DH didn't raise him right.

This. He didn’t get this way all by himself.

Or he was raised right because in their family parents and grandparents don’t get presents.

I have a branch of our family that does not give gift to kids once they graduate from college. No more gifts gifts are for children. All the adults do a service project together. That is how they decided to do xmas. You can’t tell others families how to do xmas.

Some families pick names.

His sister gives gifts. And the other relatives agree with stepmom but are afraid to speak up.

Where does the OP say that?

"I made that comment to him and am done with it, but am just still so angry and frustrated at his blatant selfishness. His grandmother and I had a conversation about it and she just sighed and shrugged her shoulders. His dad is upset about it too, but won't say anything to him either."

Doesn't sound like the grandmother is upset. I bet she sighed and shrugged her shoulders because she was sick of the OP's constant bitching and criticizing. Probably dad doesn't say anything to him because he's fine with it, too. OP sounds high strung and aggressive. Not fun to have around at a family Christmas gathering, no matter how many gifts she brings.

Exactly. In our family Christmas with my parents and siblings, there are four grandchildren (all young adults in their 20s). From the time they were born, the gifts have flowed downward. You know how parents love to watch their children open presents and dom’t get around to opening their own until later on? Well, we all still enjoy watching the younger ones opening their gifts. We really don’t need anything at this point in our lives. I think OP is introducing discord into a pleasant family tradition for no reason.

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP, for your next gift to your stepson, get him a copy of this:


Emily Post's Etiquette, 19th Edition: Manners for Today

He can regift it for her so her little feelings don’t get hurt... and she can learn etiquette

You choose to give gifts. He is not rude for accepting them.

Gifts flow down in our family too. We would not expect gifts from the children. You should certainly not be expecting gifts on behalf of your husband. If you like giving gifts give them. If you only like giving gifts if you are also receiving, than only give when you receive. If your husband doesn’t mind giving without receiving, good for him.

Leave your step son and his father alone. This not a battle unless you make it one. Let them enjoy whatever version of the holiday they choose.

It honestly sounds like you are resentful of your SS and his relationship with his dad. I suspect that you have higher expectations for SS than you do of your own kids.