I think DIL/SILs often gets a bad rap because the brother/son allows them to be blamed by his family for things that he really wants (i.e., way less contact with his family of origin). His wife gets the blame, he gets to shrug it off, and his family thinks he is the golden child and she is a witch. It happens all of the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL is a professional woman (doctor) who just had a baby that was hospitalized. Pretty traumatic for anyone. It’s her first born and she’s probably back at work. She doesn’t want people handling the baby when she’s not there. She doesn’t want to discuss the hospital issues. She also likes to cook and stay well dressed (as well as work, take care of sick baby, and so on).
But she doesn’t have time for a lot of small talk chat?? OP do you not have kids or a job?

I have a job and 3 kids. What is your point? She her daughter does not have issues, but she got sick and at 2 months in my country they hospitalize the baby. This was in April. At the time she was stressed out and worried as any mother would be, but this is not the case now (at least not worried about her daughter’s health). She has a nanny and is perfectly happy to leave the baby with my brother, what she is not happy with is me visiting without her being present. I wrote this several times already. When she sees my mom or when it happened that we talked through whatsup, nobody can ask anything about the daughter or she gets upset and thinks we are judging her. I can’t ask whether baby is eating, crawling, etc... hence the chit chat... that is what she wants to talk about, not me

Your SIL doesn’t like you which is why she doesn’t want to leave her baby with you. Your SIL is not required to leave her baby alone with you. Give it up. You can’t FORCE your SIL and brother to leave the baby alone with you. You also can’t force them to talk about certain things or engage in online group chats.

Seriously get a life and stop meddling. You should work on your writing skills instead of worrying about your SIL!

OMG! OP here. Stop saying that they don’t have to leave the baby alone with me! I would have been perfectly content to see the baby WITH my brother and SIL, but she was working so a NORMAL person would have had no problem in me seeing the baby while baby was with my brother. SIL did not allow that so I could not see either my brother nor their daughter!
I know English is my second language, but come on! I have been clear about this! I NEVER EVER asked to see baby alone! I was not allowed to see baby unless SIL was also present (my brother or nanny also ne was not enough)

You mentioned a nanny. Your brother could have left the baby with the nanny and went to see you.

Yes, she may be weird, but so are you.

Totally this. One of my SILs could’ve easily been OP posting about me about 10yrs ago. The truth? DH doesn’t like spending time with his parents and sister and fees smothered and henpecked.

LOL me too! I actually like my SIL and MIL now but when we were first married and I had a newborn they were nightmares. They both drive DH up the wall. He prefers not to try not to engage rather than confront them so they peck, peck, pecked. I could not deal with it when I had a complicated pregnancy so once when they were visiting I told them enough. They were insisting on something stupid to redecorate our new house, were insisting the DRs always are overly cautious so me going off bedrest for a few hours to shop with them would be fine etc etc. I'm not non confrontational like DH so I just told them to shove it and that they were free to leave early.

We both declined to travel with them and kept visits short. I was always polite but did not allow any boundary pushing. MIL -who doesn't believe in seat belts wanted to take 3 ear DD out with her? Answer was no. Not going to discuss it. Answer will and was always no. SIL wants everyone to wear matching jammies and wait until noon to come out of the bedroom so all the cousins can discover Santa together but she can sleep in and have breakfast at the hotel -hell no. Come whenever you want but we're leaving the bedroom when the kids wake up.

SIL has calmed down from wanting to be the SAHM symbol of perfection, hostess with the mostest and all around advice giver. Now that her kids are grown, she is much more chill and doesn't expect to be in everyone's business. MIL started her own small business and is always busy and happy with it so she isn't as pushy or at least she spends less time fixated on pushing DH to do something stupid.

OP - my advice to you is to drop your expectation that you have some special obligatory role in their lives. You don't. If you are cool and enjoyable to be around then you'll get a good relationship. If you are a boundary pushing person full of expectations then you'll be kept at arms length-as you should be. The choice is yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op lives here and has all the peace she wants all the time from her own parents, but can't understand that a new mom wants some nuclear family time alone?

Banning a spouse from texting his family isn't about boundaries, it's about control. That's way over the top.

That's what douche brother said. I would not be surprised if he badmouths his mom, dad and sister to his wife. I would not believe a word he says.It is very clear that something happened in April when baby got sick. New mom, baby in the hospital, and yet, a previously nice sil became a hound from hell? Give me a break.

Totally this. One of my SILs could’ve easily been OP posting about me about 10yrs ago. The truth? DH doesn’t like spending time with his parents and sister and fees smothered and henpecked. He was throwing me under the bus because it was easier than taking ownership. I demanded marriage counseling (and would recommend that here).

This whole issue is a VERY common theme on this board “ahhh my brother changed ever since he married Larla!”.

99% of the time the problem is between the DH and his family. That is always the root cause. The spouse may make it a bit better or worse but the problem is in the family relationship ITSELF. No one ever ever wants to believe that because it is easier to blame “SIL” rather than your blood relative and YOURSELF.

Agreed! My DH doesn’t want to join his family’s WhatsApp either. I am sure his family blames me but I have nothing to do with it. He doesn’t like constant messages about nothing ... I used to be on his family’s chat but I left last year.

Anonymous wrote:I would give up on this thread, OP.

Yes! Good idea... thanks!

I would give up on this thread, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not adding up. OP admitted that it was when she didn't ask about her sil at all that her sil had it with her. While her baby was in a hospital. I wonder how many times, did this op make her sil feel like she is a tag along. It is telling that OP is upset about never seeing her brother alone, but that sil always used to come along. SIL probably found out that op complained about wanting her brother alone. Most of us that are mature and married usually come as a package, we don't insist on going alone somewhere all the time. I go out with my sister and her dh out all the time, seems odd to exclude him. Sometimes he doesn't feel like going, but he is always invited. Yet, op showed her objection to this here, I find that immature and possessive.

-1 Mature married people are perfectly capable of spending time with their siblings without their spouses tagging along and don't need permission to do so.

And look at her reply above? She asked about SIL through brother, as if SIL is invisible? SIL got the message. Plus, how many times did she see and talk to her brother? Sounds like more than three. Her niece was in a hospital and op couldn't bother to send a text to her SIL? But, now she is texting her. Sounds to me like SIL had enough of being ignored, having demands of sil to enjoy her brother alone... and said, enough is enough. Good for her.

This is NOT what happened!!!! I was writing to both on our family chat until my brother wrote separately to my parents and I to stop contacting SIL because she was stressed out and did not want to make their situation a big deal (his words) so obviously we stop writing to SIL and to the family chat. At this point we are all scared of her reactions so we absoloutely consider her ALL THE TIME.
SIL was (maybe still is) upset that I did not go against my brother’s recommendation and did not write her directly. Also, this was in April. First she did not believe my brother had said that, then even after I showed her his message, she was was still upset and said I should have written to her, but not called her... anyway... this is crazy and if you understood the situation and don’t think this issues are crazy, you are insane too

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL is a professional woman (doctor) who just had a baby that was hospitalized. Pretty traumatic for anyone. It’s her first born and she’s probably back at work. She doesn’t want people handling the baby when she’s not there. She doesn’t want to discuss the hospital issues. She also likes to cook and stay well dressed (as well as work, take care of sick baby, and so on).
But she doesn’t have time for a lot of small talk chat?? OP do you not have kids or a job?

I have a job and 3 kids. What is your point? She her daughter does not have issues, but she got sick and at 2 months in my country they hospitalize the baby. This was in April. At the time she was stressed out and worried as any mother would be, but this is not the case now (at least not worried about her daughter’s health). She has a nanny and is perfectly happy to leave the baby with my brother, what she is not happy with is me visiting without her being present. I wrote this several times already. When she sees my mom or when it happened that we talked through whatsup, nobody can ask anything about the daughter or she gets upset and thinks we are judging her. I can’t ask whether baby is eating, crawling, etc... hence the chit chat... that is what she wants to talk about, not me

Your SIL doesn’t like you which is why she doesn’t want to leave her baby with you. Your SIL is not required to leave her baby alone with you. Give it up. You can’t FORCE your SIL and brother to leave the baby alone with you. You also can’t force them to talk about certain things or engage in online group chats.

Seriously get a life and stop meddling. You should work on your writing skills instead of worrying about your SIL!

OMG! OP here. Stop saying that they don’t have to leave the baby alone with me! I would have been perfectly content to see the baby WITH my brother and SIL, but she was working so a NORMAL person would have had no problem in me seeing the baby while baby was with my brother. SIL did not allow that so I could not see either my brother nor their daughter!
I know English is my second language, but come on! I have been clear about this! I NEVER EVER asked to see baby alone! I was not allowed to see baby unless SIL was also present (my brother or nanny also ne was not enough)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL is a professional woman (doctor) who just had a baby that was hospitalized. Pretty traumatic for anyone. It’s her first born and she’s probably back at work. She doesn’t want people handling the baby when she’s not there. She doesn’t want to discuss the hospital issues. She also likes to cook and stay well dressed (as well as work, take care of sick baby, and so on).
But she doesn’t have time for a lot of small talk chat?? OP do you not have kids or a job?

I have a job and 3 kids. What is your point? She her daughter does not have issues, but she got sick and at 2 months in my country they hospitalize the baby. This was in April. At the time she was stressed out and worried as any mother would be, but this is not the case now (at least not worried about her daughter’s health). She has a nanny and is perfectly happy to leave the baby with my brother, what she is not happy with is me visiting without her being present. I wrote this several times already. When she sees my mom or when it happened that we talked through whatsup, nobody can ask anything about the daughter or she gets upset and thinks we are judging her. I can’t ask whether baby is eating, crawling, etc... hence the chit chat... that is what she wants to talk about, not me

Your SIL doesn’t like you which is why she doesn’t want to leave her baby with you. Your SIL is not required to leave her baby alone with you. Give it up. You can’t FORCE your SIL and brother to leave the baby alone with you. You also can’t force them to talk about certain things or engage in online group chats.

Seriously get a life and stop meddling. You should work on your writing skills instead of worrying about your SIL!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not adding up. OP admitted that it was when she didn't ask about her sil at all that her sil had it with her. While her baby was in a hospital. I wonder how many times, did this op make her sil feel like she is a tag along. It is telling that OP is upset about never seeing her brother alone, but that sil always used to come along. SIL probably found out that op complained about wanting her brother alone. Most of us that are mature and married usually come as a package, we don't insist on going alone somewhere all the time. I go out with my sister and her dh out all the time, seems odd to exclude him. Sometimes he doesn't feel like going, but he is always invited. Yet, op showed her objection to this here, I find that immature and possessive.

-1 Mature married people are perfectly capable of spending time with their siblings without their spouses tagging along and don't need permission to do so.

And look at her reply above? She asked about SIL through brother, as if SIL is invisible? SIL got the message. Plus, how many times did she see and talk to her brother? Sounds like more than three. Her niece was in a hospital and op couldn't bother to send a text to her SIL? But, now she is texting her. Sounds to me like SIL had enough of being ignored, having demands of sil to enjoy her brother alone... and said, enough is enough. Good for her.

Abusive people also act in many ways to make the other feel isolated from others, including:

telling another person they cannot spend time with friends or family
making fun of or belittling the person's friends or family, making the other person feel bad for spending time with them
taking up all of the person's free time


https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325792.php#isolation

She is right. You are all judging her. How blind are you op?

Anonymous wrote:SIL is a professional woman (doctor) who just had a baby that was hospitalized. Pretty traumatic for anyone. It’s her first born and she’s probably back at work. She doesn’t want people handling the baby when she’s not there. She doesn’t want to discuss the hospital issues. She also likes to cook and stay well dressed (as well as work, take care of sick baby, and so on).
But she doesn’t have time for a lot of small talk chat?? OP do you not have kids or a job?

I have a job and 3 kids. What is your point? She her daughter does not have issues, but she got sick and at 2 months in my country they hospitalize the baby. This was in April. At the time she was stressed out and worried as any mother would be, but this is not the case now (at least not worried about her daughter’s health). She has a nanny and is perfectly happy to leave the baby with my brother, what she is not happy with is me visiting without her being present. I wrote this several times already. When she sees my mom or when it happened that we talked through whatsup, nobody can ask anything about the daughter or she gets upset and thinks we are judging her. I can’t ask whether baby is eating, crawling, etc... hence the chit chat... that is what she wants to talk about, not me

Sock puppeting.

Before you come back and say that typo is a “proof” of my sock puppeting.
So ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great Exhibit A of misandry. The amount of women on this board who hate men is quite astounding. I have never in my life met women like this and being a woman, I have a lot of female friends.

It is why we still have so much toxic masculinity. When you treat men like they don't deserve respect, you don't get a lot of respect back. When you teach your boys they aren't worth anything, they act out when they grow up.

When you attack women who support men who are in abusive situations or dealing with abuse in their relationship - you are just deepening the problem.

+1000
I cannot believe how many posters are piling up on OP. Are there women like these in real life? I am happy I do not know them.
The brother is clearly being abused.

Yes, OP. Also, learn the difference between these and this, and your sockpuppeting may improve.

Different poster here. Really, pp? You think criticizing the other pp's use of "these" is something that gives you credibility? SMH

No, but I think it gives away that OP is sockpuppeting. I did not correct any of her other misspellings and I made many myself. She wants validation, not advice.

This is me again. The One you accused of being OP. I’m not OP. I’m not sock puppets for. Feel free to be petty all you want.