At least once while we are visiting, MIL serves cheese, crackers (she doesn’t eat the crackers though) and cut up pears along with white wine for dinner.

Anonymous wrote:Can’t-even-have-a-cooler-mom, I’m dying. Thank you. My mom would be the perfect judging neighbor for your mom. When we visit we aren’t allowed to order pizza for delivery because “the neighbors might see.” And then they might think that my mom can’t cook and that we like food and that we are lazy, all at once!

We are sometimes allowed to keep a cooler in the garage but often we have to decant our cooler items into her non l-functioning vintage cooler because it matches her garage color scheme. My DD is mixed-race and has inherited lactose intolerance. My mom makes baked goods that supposedly don’t have milk. No one here will be surprised to hear “but it’s skim milk, it’s not milk so it’s ok!”

PP quoted: can't-even-have-cooler here! Now YOUR story made me truly laugh-cry. No kidding, I'm relaxing in bed and wiping tears from my eyes. Thank you. Had to decant! Into the non functioning vintage cooler!

And, the garage! Brilliant! Doing this today...although, there are rules about the garage. Overhead garage light must NOT be left on one second longer than is needed. If my mom sees that I'm in the garage, she will turn out the light as she "reminds" me to come inside ASAP. And, the garage door may NEVER be left open, ever. So, we would have to access the garage from inside the house only. Cooler in garage!

So frustrating that our own family members can't understand allergies or intolerances. My mom's favorite, new, passive aggressive compliment is, "she's a lovely houseguest! She eats everything! No allergies! No crazy diets! Just amazing!" (Uh, so sorry mom that DC has that damn anaphylactic allergy and that stupid EpiPen. I apologize that my kid is for ruining your Christmas by being an entitled and demanding jerk. The nerve to demand an ingredient list. Who does he think he is?)

We travel to the rural UK to visit MIL. Best flight is always the red eye plus a long drive from the airport. We still stop at the grocery on the way to her place and stock up. She’s finally cool with it now after years of not having enough food. She’s super frugal. One year she made mushroom soup and she wanted us to eat it for a week...every dinner. The same batch. When I tried to make pasta for the kids one night, she hulked over me and kept asking if I really needed that much water to boil the noodles (implying I was wasting water). Good times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People might get suspicious that you win the raffle every year.

She's very lucky.

OP, I love your idea. Despite the fact that I will often go most of the day without eating when I'm busy at work, being stuck someplace with no choice about whether I get to eat makes me crazy.

By the way, I have solved this issue somewhat by taking two cars to all of my DH's family gatherings.

We call this The Escape Pod.

We call it the Freedom Express!

Anonymous wrote:Kind of nice to find out it isn’t just my MIL. Mine serves things like a chicken and vegetable soup for dinner (I’m a nursing mom and borderline underweight) and then makes comments like “do you always eat so many carbs” when I went to get a snack later. Last visit I hid extra food in my room.

Obnoxious!

OMG. Best thread ever. Even better than the “nice piece of fruit outside” one. Love these stories!

Kind of nice to find out it isn’t just my MIL. Mine serves things like a chicken and vegetable soup for dinner (I’m a nursing mom and borderline underweight) and then makes comments like “do you always eat so many carbs” when I went to get a snack later. Last visit I hid extra food in my room.

Can’t-even-have-a-cooler-mom, I’m dying. Thank you. My mom would be the perfect judging neighbor for your mom. When we visit we aren’t allowed to order pizza for delivery because “the neighbors might see.” And then they might think that my mom can’t cook and that we like food and that we are lazy, all at once!

We are sometimes allowed to keep a cooler in the garage but often we have to decant our cooler items into her non l-functioning vintage cooler because it matches her garage color scheme. My DD is mixed-race and has inherited lactose intolerance. My mom makes baked goods that supposedly don’t have milk. No one here will be surprised to hear “but it’s skim milk, it’s not milk so it’s ok!”

The only food my DH doesn’t like is coconuts, and this has always been the case. Despite raising him, every time we visit the only homemade thing she makes is chocolate chip cookies with coconut. It’s like she goes out of her way to make the one thing he won’t eat.

Above PP, my son has a lethal allergy to many nuts and tree nuts, and we’ve met so many idiots who think that almonds (or pistachios, or whatever their preferred nut is) couldn’t possibly kill DS!

It’s mindboggling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why people go through these elaborate theatrics. We have family like this. I bring our own cooler and tell people to keep out of it. It's our food when we are hungry. I have teen boys and they eat a ton And I simply say that. I'm not a child. If I want something to eat I'm going to eat it. Other family members trash talk about the said relative that has no food in the house and end up heading out also and buy their own stuff. Being direct helps everyone.

Regardless, I'm not playing games and I'm bot going to be miserable for the trip.

How that would go in my parents house:

I am come in the house carrying the cooler

Mom: Taylor, what is that?
Me: Oh just some food I brought in case we get hungry
Mom: Oh I have plenty of food you won't be hungry. But go ahead and unpcack it, there's room in the fridge.
Me: Well we were just going to keep in the bedroom with us.
Mom: No! No food in the bedroom! I don't want to get ants!
Me: But mom...
Mom: My house! My rules! Food in the bedroom will attract rodents!

So then we are required to keep the food in the kitchen. And then during the long compulsory fasting period between 7 am and 7 pm the kitchen is guarded by mom who will flip out if you try to get a snack--from her stash or yours.
And then there is a fight.
And you leave and spend the next few days in a hotel.

Here's how it would go down with my mom:

(Me, lugging cooler into her house)
Mom: Taylor, What's that thing? (Mom yells for DH to "help" me carry, because why am I carrying something this heavy solo?)
Me: Um, food. For us.
Mom: I don't understand. Giant is one mile away. I just came back from there and my refrigerator is stuffed! Why did you bring food? Are these desserts you made to share because I made cookies and I bought pies. Why did you bring food? I don't understand, I just came back from Giant. Why? And, where's this ugly thing (cooler) going to go? No, can't go there. Keep it in your car.
Me: I had to bring some nut free desserts for Larla (anaphylactic reaction and all) . And, remember that I don't drink milk.
Mom: the cookies I made are nut free. I have buttermilk and almond milk. Here, have some cookies with crushed almonds on top. Please put the cooler away. Could you put it on the deck and cover it with a tarp? Oh my God! No. No tarp. The neighbors will see and wonder why I have a huge cooler on my deck! They'll think it's beer! Who wants cookies and milk? Hot chocolate? Put the cooler in your car. We're not camping.

Then my mom would be re telling the story of how I brought a cooler full of food to her house! Imagine! Extra food! In her house! Outrageous! Shameful. Taylor thinks I can't go grocery shopping anymore. She thinks I'm feeble and frail. Taylor is on some sort of crazy diet. I know she's thin but now she's not eating nuts or drinking milk. She's not getting enough calcium or protein. I made her take that cooler back to her car....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People might get suspicious that you win the raffle every year.

She's very lucky.

OP, I love your idea. Despite the fact that I will often go most of the day without eating when I'm busy at work, being stuck someplace with no choice about whether I get to eat makes me crazy.

By the way, I have solved this issue somewhat by taking two cars to all of my DH's family gatherings.

We call this The Escape Pod.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:out of curiosity - why is there no food in the house? frugality? control? poor meal planning?

It's a control thing

It's also a judgment thing. It's not ok to eat, eating is weak.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome! We've done poptarts, granola bars and snack mix and kept it in our room for DH and the kids. Milk is the hardest because my kids just about go through a 1/2 gallon a day. Inlaws don't have room in their fridge and will buy 1/2 gallon for the week.

Ha! So funny! My ILs do this too- with three milk-drinking teenagers, they seem surprised that the half gallon of milk does not last more than a morning. I do think FIL enjoys “the need” to head out to the store. I just am confused about the look of shock and “oh, are we out of milk already?” When it happens every day of the four we are all together. Husband offers to go, but ILs refuse.

And what if you buy 2 gallons and shove them in the fridge?

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read through 11 pages and I don't know what happened last year but did someone go to IL's house and were refused food? And do others run into this? Don't get all crazy DCUM on me, just break it down.

Lots and lots of families have this problem, including mine. My MIL is a non-eater, she has informed me multiple times that she weighs 100 pounds, she fasts, she skips dinner, and she restricts our access to food when we visit. It's like she thinks her house is a fat camp, but we are not fat. That said, I am not underweight and to her that is not winning.