Anonymous wrote:

After having 1 child and realizing the workload, I realized I didn't want two.

I'm smart like that.

Haha, same. I think some people feel like it might get better with two rather than one so that's why they go for the second even if they feel like they're not loving parenthood with one. Like they don't consider having one child to be a "real" family (yes that's in quotes because I certainly don't feel that way) and they'll be happier and life will be more enjoyable once they have two. I don't understand that mentality, but I've seen it happen. Sometimes people feel like having another kid will fix it, and they only view it through that lens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually love kids—spent most of my life volunteering with kids. But even I think parenthood makes basically no sense, logically. You give up a ton and really get very little in return. And yet everyone does it. Mostly because people all lie about how hard parenting is and say “oh, once you have kids, you’ll love it!” Or “it’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do!”

I do agree that it will get easier, and then harder, and then easier or harder, depending on your kids.

But most of us aren’t lying about that. We genuinely feel that way. I agree it is hard especially with a young infant and toddler, but getting very little back? No way. I get so much from my kids every single day. Granted, they’re 8 and 10, but it has been this way since they were 1 and 3. I truly love being a mom. OP, it does get better. Not sure you will ever love it as much as some people do, but it gets a whole lot better and easier. Good luck and be kind to yourself.

Agree, and mine are 16 & 18 teen boys now. It's been wonderful.
Tonight we all going out with a few boys (and their moms) they have been friends with since primary school. I am good friends with two of the friends' moms.

After having 1 child and realizing the workload, I realized I didn't want two.

I'm smart like that.

Anonymous wrote:I actually love kids—spent most of my life volunteering with kids. But even I think parenthood makes basically no sense, logically. You give up a ton and really get very little in return. And yet everyone does it. Mostly because people all lie about how hard parenting is and say “oh, once you have kids, you’ll love it!” Or “it’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do!”
[b]
I do agree that it will get easier, and then harder, and then easier or harder, depending on your kids.

People aren't lying when they say that!!

Anonymous wrote:I regret having a kid. He's a cool person, but I could have had a career, lived where I actually WANT to live, had a more interesting life. Instead I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a decade, and its not worth it.

You don't know that, your are dreaming of this best life you could have had.

I definitely don't regret my two

Anonymous wrote:I don't think a baby and a toddler/preschooler should have one caregiver. Their needs and schedules are just too different. The preschooler should be out socializing, while the baby should be napping at home. This is why I have a nanny + my mom.

That’s a rich person’s solution. And stupid at that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think a baby and a toddler/preschooler should have one caregiver. Their needs and schedules are just too different. The preschooler should be out socializing, while the baby should be napping at home. This is why I have a nanny + my mom.

My kids are close and are empathetic to each other because they were with each other and had to accommodate each other. In the situation you are describing, you should be sure that you are working on empathy with your older child.

No

Anonymous wrote:I don't think a baby and a toddler/preschooler should have one caregiver. Their needs and schedules are just too different. The preschooler should be out socializing, while the baby should be napping at home. This is why I have a nanny + my mom.

My kids are close and are empathetic to each other because they were with each other and had to accommodate each other. In the situation you are describing, you should be sure that you are working on empathy with your older child.

Anonymous wrote:This is why so many "moms" on DCUM hire other people to raise their kids. They don't even entertain the idea of working part-time.

Some professions just don't lend themselves to being a parent.

I am the PP above you and I also work PT and frequently from home. So 2 kids get 2.5 caregivers. Plus DH basically takes over when he comes home, which is a huge relief. That’s the only way to do it without being stressed out.

I don't have kids either but helped my sister raise her child as we live next door to each other. She stuck to having one kid because she realized how difficult it was.

Why why why are women having more than one child when 1) they realize how how hard/tiring it is and 2) they have no interest in raising their kids and hire other people to do it and 3) they are bored by their own kids?

This is why so many "moms" on DCUM hire other people to raise their kids. They don't even entertain the idea of working part-time.

Some professions just don't lend themselves to being a parent.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think a baby and a toddler/preschooler should have one caregiver. Their needs and schedules are just too different. The preschooler should be out socializing, while the baby should be napping at home. This is why I have a nanny + my mom.

More carers than kids. Thats a good formula.

I don't think a baby and a toddler/preschooler should have one caregiver. Their needs and schedules are just too different. The preschooler should be out socializing, while the baby should be napping at home. This is why I have a nanny + my mom.

I have a 4 year old & 10 months old. When I am exhausted, I put 10 months old on the playmat with a bunch of toys, and I take a nap on the mat. There is a gate & there's no way he can get out, and he is happy I am being there. He does not put things in his mouth, so I don't worry about him choking. And, I put my 4 year old with youtube/tv with water bottle & some snacks, he can watch videos for hours. And, I eat chocolate or chips to distress as well. I feel it is easier that I take both kids outdoors, with baby in stroller.

Anonymous wrote:I never really understand this perspective. What did y'all think it was going to be like?!

I can see being overwhelmed by a special needs child but just lamenting the loss of all-you-can-drink mimosa bunches because your kid now needs you seems incredibly self-absorbed.

I agree with this poster. What I find strange is that all of these miserable parents went on to have another child. Gee, you didn't figure it out 2-3 years after having the first so you had to double the misery?! If a child brings you no joy, I can understand that (though I cannot relate), but why not be one and done then...