Anonymous wrote:But SHE choice literally the lowest paying field there is! I applied for publishing jobs when I first moved to NYC after college, and the pay was astoundingly low -- lower than temping, lower than the nonprofit job I ended up taking. I think one of the hiring managers expressly told me that the jobs were INTENDED for people with parental help.

This.
Also very poorly written and screams “look at me!”

I also think if you’re not born of that world - parents paying for college, grad school, e ring, wedding and down payment - it’s *shocking* when you finally learn the game.

I still remember being so confused when I learned that parents would pay for their child’s first home. Angry in fact. Here I thought my peers and I were finally on equal footing because we had the same job, only to learn that they had a generational leg up my hard work could never match.

I’m used to it now, and not angry at all (in fact I plan to do it for my kids!), but I’m shocked others are shocked. And no, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but let’s not pretend that you don’t also love letting people think you’re a higher earner/more successful than you really are.

No I don't feel for her. At all. She has clear mental issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely how I feel when I find out people have significant parental help in the form of house down payments (or full purchase price), tuition, completed 529’s, free trips to Hawaii, etc. It’s all very hush hush because they want it to seem like they aren’t getting that much help.

I get what you’re saying but there’s a difference between basic privacy and keeping things hush hush. Do you go around telling everyone the details of your mortgage rate and closing costs?

It does come off as “hush, hush” when people talk a lot about money but very selectively don’t mention the ways they are subsidized by family. It gives an impression that, when you learn the truth, comes off as intentionally misleading.

I don’t expect anyone to disclose anything about their finances, but if someone brags about their great mortgage rate and how clever they were in finding the right lender, but declines to mention the 100k they received from mom and dad for a down payment which enabled them to get that rate… it’s definitely a bit of a ruse. A lot of people with family money like yo give off the impression they are just good with money, when in reality they’ve never really had to save or haven’t been responsible for 100% of their housing costs and bills ever in their life, despot being in their 30s.

I sincerely think they don’t realize how unusual they are. They know a lot of people like them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely how I feel when I find out people have significant parental help in the form of house down payments (or full purchase price), tuition, completed 529’s, free trips to Hawaii, etc. It’s all very hush hush because they want it to seem like they aren’t getting that much help.

I get what you’re saying but there’s a difference between basic privacy and keeping things hush hush. Do you go around telling everyone the details of your mortgage rate and closing costs?

It does come off as “hush, hush” when people talk a lot about money but very selectively don’t mention the ways they are subsidized by family. It gives an impression that, when you learn the truth, comes off as intentionally misleading.

I don’t expect anyone to disclose anything about their finances, but if someone brags about their great mortgage rate and how clever they were in finding the right lender, but declines to mention the 100k they received from mom and dad for a down payment which enabled them to get that rate… it’s definitely a bit of a ruse. A lot of people with family money like yo give off the impression they are just good with money, when in reality they’ve never really had to save or haven’t been responsible for 100% of their housing costs and bills ever in their life, despot being in their 30s.

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely how I feel when I find out people have significant parental help in the form of house down payments (or full purchase price), tuition, completed 529’s, free trips to Hawaii, etc. It’s all very hush hush because they want it to seem like they aren’t getting that much help.

I get what you’re saying but there’s a difference between basic privacy and keeping things hush hush. Do you go around telling everyone the details of your mortgage rate and closing costs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to the first half of the story. I understand what she is saying in the rest.

I feel envy at those who can comfortably send their kids to private. I felt envy (near rage) when having worked for 13 years each in professional careers (26 years could be someone’s entire career), we were struggling to buy an entry level crappy house in Arlington Mclean or Vienna. I had started off earning six figures, mostly did those 13 years, but could not believe how difficult it was to afford that house (after taxes daycare expenses what not).

I have seen what the author describes. People who are able to hang in there, develop and ultimately get some success in industries or careers that are not a real choice unless someone can heavily subsidize them the first 10-20 years (such as in the arts).

I just wanted to say that we don’t talk about things in that article or class issues often enough or open enough.

It’s like Hill staffers. Parents subsidize them until they become lobbyists.

But if you have half a brain, you don’t become a hill staffer unless your family has $$$. Certain fields are luxury goods. Plan accordingly.

A lot of good people don’t realize this. They aren’t dumb, just a little naive.

How?! I am from a tiny town at the epicenter of the opioid crisis in Ohio. I swear I practically fell off the turnip truck. But it was pretty easy to figure out the $ jobs that would match with my skills.

My husband is from a tiny town in Indiana and literally did fall off the turnip truck. His moving here with an unpaid internship from his congressman *was* his big ticket out. And then he translated the unpaid internship into a staff assistant position, then LC, then LA, then LD, then private. He was the kid who made it outta there, and didn't end up with a job in the (closing) steel mills. He lived in a shared basement with a curtain hanging up to divide up his half from the other guy's half, in a group home. THIS WAS THE JOB THAT MATCHED WITH HIS SKILLS.

There are a LOT of staffers on the Hill like this. Living in group homes, riding the metro, eating from the leftovers at receptions. There are also some trust fund kids. More on the D side than the R side. Learn from that what you will.

^^all of this is true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And, actually, please also realize: we are going to start looking down on you a little bit, because we thought you were doing it all on your own, like we are, and yet we realize you are actually just a little bit soft, weaker than we thought. Spoiled. Babied. Helped."

NP here. I am not going to lie. I definitely feel this way when I realize how much parental and IL help some adults - adults with their own families - have. It seems kind of pathetic to me that they can't provide for their own family.

This is how I feel too. When is one really a grown-up, then, in this type of arrangement?

NP here. I’m an only child. My parents came from nothing and managed to build wealth for themselves. I don’t have a trust fund, second home, or anything like that. But my parents are getting older and realize they can’t take their money with them. So they gave us money for a down payment that was the difference between a longer commute vs. a short commute. They are funding most of their grandchildren’s college funds. They invite us on and pay for vacations.

What am I supposed to do? Insist that I don’t want their money? Should I disclaim my inheritance someday? Should I similarly not offer help to my children so they can grit it out — they better drown themselves in student loan debt so some anonymous Internet poster doesn’t call them pathetic?

Your post calling people pathetic and saying they aren’t grownups if they accept family financial help just reeks of jealousy. I get feeling like the cards are stacked against you when others have this type of help and FWIW I support things like free (or low cost) college, wage increase, affordable childcare, etc. because I appreciate that education and childcare are major expenses for people that can set them back even when they work hard.

And FWIW DH and I both make six figures and can provide for our family on our own. And we live in an area where we are nowhere even close to the wealthiest, but I don’t spend my time fretting over the fact that so and so can afford 40k/ year private schools for their kids, or a vacation home, etc. I also don’t bother judging them regardless of where they get their money. Life is too short to carry this rage around.

Bump for another thread M&F thread

Anonymous wrote:But SHE choice literally the lowest paying field there is! I applied for publishing jobs when I first moved to NYC after college, and the pay was astoundingly low -- lower than temping, lower than the nonprofit job I ended up taking. I think one of the hiring managers expressly told me that the jobs were INTENDED for people with parental help.

Yep, control the flow of information that we release. I realized this and stayed in the field. My minority presence is needed.

I would say most Americans get out of life what they put into it. The simple reality is that most Americans are decent middle class people living middle class lives, working their 40 hour week job and living in a modest suburban house. Their lifestyle reflects the efforts they put into life. When I look at my workplaces and those who achieve more senior status it really does make sense why and how.

That is not to say things are completely fair. Life is not and has never been. There are factors like racism or disability or lack of education that have definitely hurt people. And, yes, there are poorer people who work 80 hour weeks and break their backs at physical labor for low wages and dumb rich kids living off trust funds who do nothing at all. But as a whole we are more meritocratic than not. People who complain about entrenched poverty in urban areas or rural towns ignore that for every impoverished person struggling at life there is another person who started out in the same position and moved away and is doing just fine. The real question is why do some people quickly figure out what they need to do to have a decent life and why others do not. It all comes down to the choices we make at the end of the day and quite often making bad choices can snowball into more bad choices and worsen your position over time, but that cannot be blamed on a failure of meritocracy.

The woman in the article in New York made very clear decisions for what to do with her life. It's not a failure of meritocracy that she is struggling. People with the same aptitude, the same intelligence, the same capabilities, and who started out life in the same place, have done much better than she did through making different career and lifestyle decisions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look it's fine if your parents give you money for down payments and fancy vacations and private school/college money for your multiple kids.

But just realize that when your regular middle class friends learn about that stuff, they're probably going to feel weird about. Insecure or lesser than.

It's ok.

And, actually, please also realize: we are going to start looking down on you a little bit, because we thought you were doing it all on your own, like we are, and yet we realize you are actually just a little bit soft, weaker than we thought. Spoiled. Babied. Helped.

That's OK. If you want to look down on me while I'm in Aspen for winter break, and Europe for 2 weeks in the summer, and because of the fully funded private school and college tuition, I'll somehow summon the strength to carry on.

Do you have enough money to bribe coaches if Trey and Millicent can’t get int Harvard and Yake?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could only get a few paragraphs in before I found myself rolling my eyes and had to bail. No one likes a whiner.

Me too. I couldn’t imagine that with all the job opportunities in NY that she couldn’t work on the weekends and earn enough to pay for part of her living expenses. Maybe she could meet a man and get married.

Yeah, because that's the American dream: work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to just make ends meet.

No doofus. It’s work 8 hours a day for 7 days. If you can’t afford the American dream, that’s what you do until Andrew Yang gives you $1,000 a month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.

Easy. Charles Dickens.

Another MFA?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to the first half of the story. I understand what she is saying in the rest.

I feel envy at those who can comfortably send their kids to private. I felt envy (near rage) when having worked for 13 years each in professional careers (26 years could be someone’s entire career), we were struggling to buy an entry level crappy house in Arlington Mclean or Vienna. I had started off earning six figures, mostly did those 13 years, but could not believe how difficult it was to afford that house (after taxes daycare expenses what not).

I have seen what the author describes. People who are able to hang in there, develop and ultimately get some success in industries or careers that are not a real choice unless someone can heavily subsidize them the first 10-20 years (such as in the arts).

I just wanted to say that we don’t talk about things in that article or class issues often enough or open enough.

It’s like Hill staffers. Parents subsidize them until they become lobbyists.

But if you have half a brain, you don’t become a hill staffer unless your family has $$$. Certain fields are luxury goods. Plan accordingly.

A lot of good people don’t realize this. They aren’t dumb, just a little naive.

How?! I am from a tiny town at the epicenter of the opioid crisis in Ohio. I swear I practically fell off the turnip truck. But it was pretty easy to figure out the $ jobs that would match with my skills.

My husband is from a tiny town in Indiana and literally did fall off the turnip truck. His moving here with an unpaid internship from his congressman *was* his big ticket out. And then he translated the unpaid internship into a staff assistant position, then LC, then LA, then LD, then private. He was the kid who made it outta there, and didn't end up with a job in the (closing) steel mills. He lived in a shared basement with a curtain hanging up to divide up his half from the other guy's half, in a group home. THIS WAS THE JOB THAT MATCHED WITH HIS SKILLS.

There are a LOT of staffers on the Hill like this. Living in group homes, riding the metro, eating from the leftovers at receptions. There are also some trust fund kids. More on the D side than the R side. Learn from that what you will.