Anonymous
03/06/2019 10:33
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the one that is admiring you for not dragging the kids earlier.
I'm curious why you're on here asking for a FWB and not testing the waters on sites like bumble? Being transparent goes far on these sites once you start communicating.
OP here: I asked if what I want is possible. I am not asking for a FWB here or going on sites. I am not divorced yet. When I am, I will look into those options.
It is very possible you will find numerous men who will SAY they won't see other women when you are unavailable.
But these very same men who would agree to this in the first place, will also be the same kind of men who would lie about it to get you in the sack.
You don't want to make a commitment, you say there is no chance of a commitment in the future.
No rational man has any reason whatsoever to agree to see you when it's convenient for you, and deny himself at least the option of seeing other women when you're unavailable.
If you don't want to have a relationship with the guy, then you don't get to ask for him to be exclusive, but if you do, and you're naive enough to believe guys who tell you they agree to it, you deserve exactly what you end up with--the bottom of the barrel--players.
I find it interesting that you feel so passionately about this. If you are not a divorced person in the FWB market, what the actual hell do you know about it? The rest of the posters in this thread indicate 1) yes, I've done this or 2) I'd love to do this. So what is your actual real life experience that makes you so certain you are right about what "quality" men will or will not do?
Anonymous
03/06/2019 10:26
Subject: How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
OP I have had this. I've been divorced for ten years and never once introduced a man to my kids. I have long term exclusive relationship, more than FWB but not a "boyfriend" - no real strings or obligations except mutual kindness, respect, responsiveness.... It was supposedly mutually monogamous but who knows, so condom every time.
for those saying a few times a month is not enough to ensure sexual fidelity, LOL. It's more than many people get in marriage, and what is a single dad going to do when he has his kids half the time too? Not like he has a lot of time to be out trying to get laid either.
I have found this arrangement to be a win-win for similarly situated men.
for those saying a few times a month is not enough to ensure sexual fidelity, LOL. It's more than many people get in marriage, and what is a single dad going to do when he has his kids half the time too? Not like he has a lot of time to be out trying to get laid either.
I have found this arrangement to be a win-win for similarly situated men.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 10:08
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:So the takeaway is men are liars. Well, duh.
Nope. The takeaway is don't ask for exclusivity from men who have no reason to give it.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 09:57
Subject: How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP is expressing a strong emotional need for male validation in a relationship, which she isn't getting in her marriage, but her bad marriage has made her so resentful of men that she is simultaneously resisting the idea of a fulfilling emotional relationship with a new partner ever being possible.
The inherent conflict which appears between what she actually seems to want or need, and what she says she intends to seek, will not lead to a satisfactory relationship outcome for OP, regardless if it's just a temporary FWB, or something deeper.
Slow your roll, PP. She wants occasional sex and companionship, and has stated so multiple times. Sometimes I think the biggest myth perpetuated is that women are the needy ones.
Exactly the point. To validate her.
You're really having trouble with this point, huh? It can't just be that she wants to have dinner and a little sex and there's no deeper meaning? Please seek help for your issues with women.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 08:32
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s just the opposite.
People can’t handle a woman NOT needing a man, so attempt to shame her by telling her her needs are wrong and that she clearly is too dumb to understand her own wants. It’s when a woman ISNT emotional and needy and playing into the roles that make you comfortable that you start talking about how she’s actually unattractive and undesirable but is too dumb to know it.
It’s humorous.
+1. My takeaway from this thread is that there are 1 (maybe 2?) posters absolutely incensed that OP wants a man for occasional companionship and sex, and nothing else. She also wants it to be exclusive. So? I can think of all kinds of scenarios where this would work for the guy. The vitriol (and length of this thread) is telling.
NP and I completely agree with this assessment. What I can't figure out is if the freaking out posters are angry men or resentful women.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 08:24
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
So the takeaway is men are liars. Well, duh.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 08:03
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s just the opposite.
People can’t handle a woman NOT needing a man, so attempt to shame her by telling her her needs are wrong and that she clearly is too dumb to understand her own wants. It’s when a woman ISNT emotional and needy and playing into the roles that make you comfortable that you start talking about how she’s actually unattractive and undesirable but is too dumb to know it.
It’s humorous.
+1. My takeaway from this thread is that there are 1 (maybe 2?) posters absolutely incensed that OP wants a man for occasional companionship and sex, and nothing else. She also wants it to be exclusive. So? I can think of all kinds of scenarios where this would work for the guy. The vitriol (and length of this thread) is telling.
Meh. There's not much vitriol. People are quite correctly warning her that most guys will either refuse to be exclusive, or will agree and then cheat, but she doesn't want to listen.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 07:29
Subject: How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP is expressing a strong emotional need for male validation in a relationship, which she isn't getting in her marriage, but her bad marriage has made her so resentful of men that she is simultaneously resisting the idea of a fulfilling emotional relationship with a new partner ever being possible.
The inherent conflict which appears between what she actually seems to want or need, and what she says she intends to seek, will not lead to a satisfactory relationship outcome for OP, regardless if it's just a temporary FWB, or something deeper.
Slow your roll, PP. She wants occasional sex and companionship, and has stated so multiple times. Sometimes I think the biggest myth perpetuated is that women are the needy ones.
Exactly the point. To validate her.
Nope, not to validate her, to scratch an itch. We all have physical needs that can be completely separate from our emotional needs. I’m similar to OP. I have a very full, fulfilling life as a single mom. But we all have needs! I pretty much have what the OP is looking for. The guy (he’s not my boyfriend or significant other) is in a similar situation as I am with work and childcare obligations and he also has physical needs and little time to hook up with tons of random people. I don’t know why so many people on DCUM are having such a hard time wrapping their heads around this concept. It’s win-win!
Anonymous
03/06/2019 07:28
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Is that why you seek sex also?
Sometimes you just want some penis.
Sometimes you just want some penis.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 07:19
Subject: How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:OP is expressing a strong emotional need for male validation in a relationship, which she isn't getting in her marriage, but her bad marriage has made her so resentful of men that she is simultaneously resisting the idea of a fulfilling emotional relationship with a new partner ever being possible.
The inherent conflict which appears between what she actually seems to want or need, and what she says she intends to seek, will not lead to a satisfactory relationship outcome for OP, regardless if it's just a temporary FWB, or something deeper.
Slow your roll, PP. She wants occasional sex and companionship, and has stated so multiple times. Sometimes I think the biggest myth perpetuated is that women are the needy ones.
Exactly the point. To validate her.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 07:18
Subject: How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
OP is expressing a strong emotional need for male validation in a relationship, which she isn't getting in her marriage, but her bad marriage has made her so resentful of men that she is simultaneously resisting the idea of a fulfilling emotional relationship with a new partner ever being possible.
The inherent conflict which appears between what she actually seems to want or need, and what she says she intends to seek, will not lead to a satisfactory relationship outcome for OP, regardless if it's just a temporary FWB, or something deeper.
Slow your roll, PP. She wants occasional sex and companionship, and has stated so multiple times. Sometimes I think the biggest myth perpetuated is that women are the needy ones.
Anonymous
03/06/2019 07:14
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s just the opposite.
People can’t handle a woman NOT needing a man, so attempt to shame her by telling her her needs are wrong and that she clearly is too dumb to understand her own wants. It’s when a woman ISNT emotional and needy and playing into the roles that make you comfortable that you start talking about how she’s actually unattractive and undesirable but is too dumb to know it.
It’s humorous.
+1. My takeaway from this thread is that there are 1 (maybe 2?) posters absolutely incensed that OP wants a man for occasional companionship and sex, and nothing else. She also wants it to be exclusive. So? I can think of all kinds of scenarios where this would work for the guy. The vitriol (and length of this thread) is telling.
Anonymous
03/05/2019 23:23
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
I actually think it’s just the opposite.
People can’t handle a woman NOT needing a man, so attempt to shame her by telling her her needs are wrong and that she clearly is too dumb to understand her own wants. It’s when a woman ISNT emotional and needy and playing into the roles that make you comfortable that you start talking about how she’s actually unattractive and undesirable but is too dumb to know it.
It’s humorous.
People can’t handle a woman NOT needing a man, so attempt to shame her by telling her her needs are wrong and that she clearly is too dumb to understand her own wants. It’s when a woman ISNT emotional and needy and playing into the roles that make you comfortable that you start talking about how she’s actually unattractive and undesirable but is too dumb to know it.
It’s humorous.
Anonymous
03/05/2019 23:21
Subject: Re:How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes but you sound like a man whore.
Look if you can go chase strange 4 nights a week that’s wonderful! You wouldn’t appeal to me.
No, it doesn't mean he will be "chasing strange 4 nights a week." It does mean he wants more sex than he is getting from his FWB, and if the opportunity arises from time to time, he will not consider himself foreclosed from purusing outside interests.
"Exclusive," which is what OP wants, means her FWB does not have sex with anyone else but her, EVER, during the entire course of their relationship.
It's amazing that some people don't actually understand what "exclusive" means.
Judging from my tinder prospects, your husbands don’t know what exclusive means, either .
Anonymous
03/05/2019 22:27
Subject: How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP you need therapy. And so does the weirdo 43 yr old “rich” chick.
You need to spend time without a man and learn to resolve the emotional issues you are dealing with. No amount of sexing will make that go away.
You need to learn self love. Your children will never learn that if they don’t see you model it. Everything you’ve shared screams of low/no self worth. You do deserve so much better OP.
I agree with this.
OP is expressing a strong emotional need for male validation in a relationship, which she isn't getting in her marriage, but her bad marriage has made her so resentful of men that she is simultaneously resisting the idea of a fulfilling emotional relationship with a new partner ever being possible.
The inherent conflict which appears between what she actually seems to want or need, and what she says she intends to seek, will not lead to a satisfactory relationship outcome for OP, regardless if it's just a temporary FWB, or something deeper.
OP here: I don't think wanting a man to want to have sex with me is a strong emotional need. I am not asking for a relationship (that would be an emotional need) specifically because I have kids. I don't see the issue. There is no inherent conflict. I don't want an STD. I assume a divorced man with kids is not going to have to screw multiple women nor would he necessarily want an all-out relationship for the exact same reasons I don't. Temporary monogamy is fine...due to the STD thing. Not that complicated.