Anonymous
03/30/2019 20:53
Subject: Regret having children
Anonymous wrote:I am the one who said I don't understand women who stay in awful marriages.
Another poster said i was judging those women.
I HONESTLY seek understanding.
As someone who never married myself, I am very clear on my ability to live in the world independently. (Even with a child). So I really do have compassion for these women and wonder if there is an exit door/escape hatch that they can't see? But I am open to being educated.
I have been trapped for 10 years in a bad marriage due to geography. Could not leave due to custody issues from accidental pregnancy. The pregnancy and geography trapped me. I was planning to divorce after being hardly married but a one-time accident stole my life. Some people are trapped.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 20:34
Subject: Re:Regret having children
Anonymous wrote:I think parenting ebs and flows.
-- early years are tough with lack of sleep and kids needing you 24/7
-- mid/later ES years much easier, but they aren't mostly self sufficient yet
-- tween/teen -- not there yet, but I know it can be hell sometimes
-- college - glad they are out, but can be bittersweet
-- I think once they are settled and have jobs, being a parent is so much easier since you're largely done, but you still get the benefit of being a parent.
Then there are your golden years. I know that for my parents, it was super hard. There were four of us, and we were low income. Lots of stress and fighting in the house growing up. But, now that all of us are adults, financially doing fairly well (most of us), my parents enjoy the visits and having family around. I think it would be incredibly lonely as you get older to not have children. Of course, there is no such thing as a sure bet, but for most of us, we have a decent enough relationship with our parents to see them once in a while. And I hope for the same when we are older.
I had a neighbor who was a widower for years and who's child died when she was a teen. No other family around. I felt so sorry for him.
Whatever...you do know you sound nasty right? I feel sorry for you that you needed to have children to fulfill your emotional please-visit-me-in-my-old-age needs. It's selfish to expect your grown children to travel to see you when they have their own obligations ?
Anonymous
03/30/2019 19:34
Subject: Re:Regret having children
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
3. It seems like we all could do more to support parents that we think are struggling. I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child. For example, what if each parent could have 2 hours of childcare per day so that the parent can exercise and have a little bit of time to himself/herself. I greatly wish I had had that when my kids were younger, and I would be happy to provide that to the young moms in my neighborhood if they would like that.
Many gyms have childcare now!!! I pay $35/mo for me and $17/mo for my child. It’s way cheaper than getting a baby sitter at $25/hr! I love it.
What gym is that? I think mine is fleecing me!
Anonymous
03/30/2019 17:00
Subject: Regret having children
I am the one who said I don't understand women who stay in awful marriages.
Another poster said i was judging those women.
I HONESTLY seek understanding.
As someone who never married myself, I am very clear on my ability to live in the world independently. (Even with a child). So I really do have compassion for these women and wonder if there is an exit door/escape hatch that they can't see? But I am open to being educated.
Another poster said i was judging those women.
I HONESTLY seek understanding.
As someone who never married myself, I am very clear on my ability to live in the world independently. (Even with a child). So I really do have compassion for these women and wonder if there is an exit door/escape hatch that they can't see? But I am open to being educated.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 16:57
Subject: Regret having children
I also think those against abortion should adopt children (who are unwanted) OR sponsor children born to families who cannot afford them.
Otherwise, they care about children in theory, but are forcing children to be born into miserable lives why they feel good about being "pro life."
Otherwise, they care about children in theory, but are forcing children to be born into miserable lives why they feel good about being "pro life."
Anonymous
03/30/2019 16:30
Subject: Regret having children
It's sad, but this is why I think abortion needs to stay legal. Too many parents regretting having kids. Thankfully there is a choice now. Imagine if we didn't have this choice.
You would see more cases like this.
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/missing-calif-8-old-apos-221956836.html
You would see more cases like this.
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/missing-calif-8-old-apos-221956836.html
Anonymous
03/30/2019 16:26
Subject: Re:Regret having children
I think parenting ebs and flows.
-- early years are tough with lack of sleep and kids needing you 24/7
-- mid/later ES years much easier, but they aren't mostly self sufficient yet
-- tween/teen -- not there yet, but I know it can be hell sometimes
-- college - glad they are out, but can be bittersweet
-- I think once they are settled and have jobs, being a parent is so much easier since you're largely done, but you still get the benefit of being a parent.
Then there are your golden years. I know that for my parents, it was super hard. There were four of us, and we were low income. Lots of stress and fighting in the house growing up. But, now that all of us are adults, financially doing fairly well (most of us), my parents enjoy the visits and having family around. I think it would be incredibly lonely as you get older to not have children. Of course, there is no such thing as a sure bet, but for most of us, we have a decent enough relationship with our parents to see them once in a while. And I hope for the same when we are older.
I had a neighbor who was a widower for years and who's child died when she was a teen. No other family around. I felt so sorry for him.
-- early years are tough with lack of sleep and kids needing you 24/7
-- mid/later ES years much easier, but they aren't mostly self sufficient yet
-- tween/teen -- not there yet, but I know it can be hell sometimes
-- college - glad they are out, but can be bittersweet
-- I think once they are settled and have jobs, being a parent is so much easier since you're largely done, but you still get the benefit of being a parent.
Then there are your golden years. I know that for my parents, it was super hard. There were four of us, and we were low income. Lots of stress and fighting in the house growing up. But, now that all of us are adults, financially doing fairly well (most of us), my parents enjoy the visits and having family around. I think it would be incredibly lonely as you get older to not have children. Of course, there is no such thing as a sure bet, but for most of us, we have a decent enough relationship with our parents to see them once in a while. And I hope for the same when we are older.
I had a neighbor who was a widower for years and who's child died when she was a teen. No other family around. I felt so sorry for him.
Anonymous
03/30/2019 16:12
Subject: Regret having children
Anonymous wrote:Not to judge...but I don't understand the women who feel "trapped" in awful marriages.
Why can't you leave them? Do you have families who might help you with the transition?
I suspect you are financially dependent (which is a cautionary tale for women starting out their adult lives)...but could you not lower your lifestyle and get a job???
Again, I don't mean to judge you, but wonder if you are wrong that there is no way out?? The longer you stay, there more likely that the damage to your children will be permanent.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you/your family.
You deceive yourself. You were totally judging her.
Anonymous
03/29/2019 20:18
Subject: Regret having children
Not to judge...but I don't understand the women who feel "trapped" in awful marriages.
Why can't you leave them? Do you have families who might help you with the transition?
I suspect you are financially dependent (which is a cautionary tale for women starting out their adult lives)...but could you not lower your lifestyle and get a job???
Again, I don't mean to judge you, but wonder if you are wrong that there is no way out?? The longer you stay, there more likely that the damage to your children will be permanent.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you/your family.
Why can't you leave them? Do you have families who might help you with the transition?
I suspect you are financially dependent (which is a cautionary tale for women starting out their adult lives)...but could you not lower your lifestyle and get a job???
Again, I don't mean to judge you, but wonder if you are wrong that there is no way out?? The longer you stay, there more likely that the damage to your children will be permanent.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you/your family.
Anonymous
03/28/2019 17:49
Subject: Regret having children
My mom said that my dad didn't regret having me. Thanks Mom.