I would hate to be your kid. You DO know she knows how you feel about her right? This would hurt my self-esteem.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. If OP is still here, I just want to say I understand and I think a lot of people are being mean and purposely obtuse. I have an ADHD LD 13 yo kid (non verbal learning disorder) with dyspraxia. So she comes off as sweet but weird, spacey, and clumsy. She rarely “gets it.” We’re an intense family, very into politics, and our older kid (16)is into debate and discovering feminism and socialism. Our younger one is always lost. I feel terrible for her. And I worry about her keeping up with conversations and the complicated tasks of life.

But I get the sense that many people aren’t like us. They don’t need her to “get it.” She can get along being who she is, with her good work ethic and her kind heart. She will find that tribe and make a nice life. It’s going to be wholly different than mine, so it’s hard for me to envision.

Moms like us should form a support group!!

...and I would join that group in a heartbeat, if I were in the DC area

My story: my husband and I are both PhDs from elite universities. My daughter--lower processing speed and lower IQ than yours, plus ADHD and depression and anxiety--completed her GED a few weeks ago. I could not be prouder. After years of failure in the classroom, she stepped away and took a different path. College is not in her future--at least not until she wants that for herself. And that's ok.

Here's what I've learned. My daughter's life and experience of the world of work and education will be vastly different than mine. Her timeline will be vastly different than mine. And that's ok.

OP, like many others, I urge you to get some therapy. While some worrying is normal, you do seem to have put a catastrophic spin on things, and that way of thinking can devolve in ways that will hurt both your daughter and you. Parenting from fear is never a good idea.

I wonder what it is about your daughter's way of being that is so triggering for you. Is the issue that you feel alone in this situation? As this thread has revealed, there are many of us who have kids who will not follow the standard DC path. We are out there. So are therapists who work with families whose kids will not follow the standard DC path.

NP here. If OP is still here, I just want to say I understand and I think a lot of people are being mean and purposely obtuse. I have an ADHD LD 13 yo kid (non verbal learning disorder) with dyspraxia. So she comes off as sweet but weird, spacey, and clumsy. She rarely “gets it.” We’re an intense family, very into politics, and our older kid (16)is into debate and discovering feminism and socialism. Our younger one is always lost. I feel terrible for her. And I worry about her keeping up with conversations and the complicated tasks of life.

But I get the sense that many people aren’t like us. They don’t need her to “get it.” She can get along being who she is, with her good work ethic and her kind heart. She will find that tribe and make a nice life. It’s going to be wholly different than mine, so it’s hard for me to envision.

Moms like us should form a support group!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

Just to add, she’s also less independent than other kids her age - for example, figuring out the sequence of steps to prepare food, etc. is challenging for her.
Constant repetition is key. Fortunately, once she develops a new skill, she usually maintains it. That’s her strength.

I so relate to the PP whose son talks about college every day; my DD does too. She dreams really big.

I’m sorry your child struggles. Slow processing speed doesn’t mean no college, but rather slowing down. I do know someone whose child’s limitations mean some things are out of reach, like driving, but other things are not (including college at a school with the resources for this). There are resources, and your kid’s strengths will also come with him to adulthood, enabling many opportunities to stay in reach.

Thank you for the kind words.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

Her intellect isn't the problem, it's her mother's low expectations. Her best hope would be to have parents who worked with her to discover her interests and skills and how they can translate into a career.

This is the other PP who has a similar child (DS, 16yrs old). I often tell myself this same thing, and don't know how to change my attitude - sounds easier than it is. And yes. I'm fully aware that I need therapy.

Anonymous wrote:My stepsister was routed to a trade school program in high school because she was such a bad student. IQ in the high 80s/low 90s. Parents are a high school administrator and in finance (and very successful), so this was unexpected genetically. (Two blood siblings went to reasonable but not elite 4 year colleges and have white collar professional jobs; she went to a 2 year trade school post-HS.) She has a very pleasant outgoing personality, is cute and is a very hard worker. She now makes high five figures in a medium cost area (small city) in a management role related to her trade area that requires people skills.

this is encouraging ^^^!

^^ And she’s just over 30 now with potential for/the likelihood of further career advancement.

No trade school. She needs to marry well. Needs a 4 year degree. Decent state school will do the trick.

Op, are you big law? I spent 20 years there. Now have a great job In house (make 500k plus) and being book smart is only a very very small part of it.

My stepsister was routed to a trade school program in high school because she was such a bad student. IQ in the high 80s/low 90s. Parents are a high school administrator and in finance (and very successful), so this was unexpected genetically. (Two blood siblings went to reasonable but not elite 4 year colleges and have white collar professional jobs; she went to a 2 year trade school post-HS.) She has a very pleasant outgoing personality, is cute and is a very hard worker. She now makes high five figures in a medium cost area (small city) in a management role related to her trade area that requires people skills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

Her intellect isn't the problem, it's her mother's low expectations. Her best hope would be to have parents who worked with her to discover her interests and skills and how they can translate into a career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

Just to add, she’s also less independent than other kids her age - for example, figuring out the sequence of steps to prepare food, etc. is challenging for her.
Constant repetition is key. Fortunately, once she develops a new skill, she usually maintains it. That’s her strength.

I so relate to the PP whose son talks about college every day; my DD does too. She dreams really big.

I’m sorry your child struggles. Slow processing speed doesn’t mean no college, but rather slowing down. I do know someone whose child’s limitations mean some things are out of reach, like driving, but other things are not (including college at a school with the resources for this). There are resources, and your kid’s strengths will also come with him to adulthood, enabling many opportunities to stay in reach.

Anonymous wrote:My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

Just to add, she’s also less independent than other kids her age - for example, figuring out the sequence of steps to prepare food, etc. is challenging for her.
Constant repetition is key. Fortunately, once she develops a new skill, she usually maintains it. That’s her strength.

I so relate to the PP whose son talks about college every day; my DD does too. She dreams really big.

My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

It absolutely sounds like ADHD inattentive type. This is exactly how I would describe my daughter. It sounds like you're doing the right things. Lots of support and once she starts to resist you being the support employ tutors! That's just how it is. She will get there, it's just will take her longer than other students. And, she's making Bs! That's awesome. Definitely not easy on the kids or the parents. School is such a square box model these days but it's harder for different learners. Find things that she loves.