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Anonymous wrote:When I was 7 months pregnant, my brother announced he was getting married in the Dominican when baby would be 9 weeks. Oh, and absolutely no kids, including mine. So we decided not to go. Too much of a hassle. Even if baby had been allowed, I'm not sure we would have gone, because of the hassle of getting passport for baby, general travel with a kid that nursed every 2-3 hours......

Anyways, that was 3 years ago and my brother hasn't spoken to me since. Not that I wasn't already aware that he is a self-absorbed prick, but come on.

Seriously? What do tour parents think about your self absorbed brat of a brother.
To be clear, I don't think he's a jerk for planning a no kids destination wedding when you had a newborn. I think he's a jerk for giving you the silent treatment ever since you correctly concluded it wouldn't work for you to attend.

Let's just say there's a reason he's a self-absorbed brat. My mom was furious we didn't attend. "You're not even trying to make it!" C'est la vie. My family is borderline dysfunctional. It hurt me for a couple of days that my mom would attack me, but then I remembered this is all standard operating procedure and there's a reason I live 2,000 miles away. FTR, we see my parents in very small doses.

Anonymous wrote:Um, so you “so no” people, you realize you can RSVP “no”, right? It’s a standard reply you don’t even need to be personal about.

We do! Just promise not to pout as some did.

Just decline - no excuses needed. You'll save the money and stress and need not feel guilty. They'll know why.

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you go alone and your dh stay at home with the kids (spin it as a fun weekend with dad)?
Win-win all around.

This is what I would do. Spend some time connecting with family on your own and enjoy.

OP, just curious, when you had your wedding, was it child friendly?

Anonymous wrote:Um, so you “so no” people, you realize you can RSVP “no”, right? It’s a standard reply you don’t even need to be personal about.

+1 And I promise no one is upset that you're not attending because you can't bring your snowflakes.

Um, so you “so no” people, you realize you can RSVP “no”, right? It’s a standard reply you don’t even need to be personal about.

Anonymous wrote:When I was 7 months pregnant, my brother announced he was getting married in the Dominican when baby would be 9 weeks. Oh, and absolutely no kids, including mine. So we decided not to go. Too much of a hassle. Even if baby had been allowed, I'm not sure we would have gone, because of the hassle of getting passport for baby, general travel with a kid that nursed every 2-3 hours......

Anyways, that was 3 years ago and my brother hasn't spoken to me since. Not that I wasn't already aware that he is a self-absorbed prick, but come on.

Seriously? What do tour parents think about your self absorbed brat of a brother.
To be clear, I don't think he's a jerk for planning a no kids destination wedding when you had a newborn. I think he's a jerk for giving you the silent treatment ever since you correctly concluded it wouldn't work for you to attend.

We have literally no one to leave our kids overnight with, nor am I leaving them with a stranger in a hotel room. So no, we would not go (and we have been in this situation.)

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Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

At a hotel? No. Op says a lot of people have to travel.

Yes. Ask people who live locally for recommended baby sitters. Why people think their are entitled to bring kids to their weddings is beyond me. It's bizarre - people leave their kids with baby sitters all the time but for an event like a wedding that just CANT be away from them for four or five hours?

Sounds like many of the guests have kids. You obviously don’t have kids. They are part of the family.

I'm not sure about the poster you are responding to but I have kids & I completely agree with him or her.

If it was just about 5 hours worth of babysitting, no one would have this conversation. It's the whole dragging the kids somewhere, paying for their tickets, rooms, food and random babysitter on location. Expensive and stressful.

Then don't go.

It still doesn't mean that the couple getting married is doing anything wrong by not wanting to greatly expand their guest list by including everyone's kids.

We don't. Who said they are doing anything wrong? People are just explaining why an invitation like this is a pain, not a pleasure. I don't feel anyone should bend to accommodate me, and I don't feel bad declining.

This makes zero sense. People are upset that the kids aren't invited to the wedding - in other words, they would attend the wedding if they were invited. So you'd still have to pay for their tickets, room, and food - the only extra is the babysitter. Traveling with them would be just as stressful, and slightly less expensive. Use your head.

Yes, but the expense of travelling with them would make more sense. I'm not going to pay for a plane ticket for my kid so that she can NOT attend a wedding. If she's coming to the wedding, then there is a point to flying with her. If she's not, I'm shelling out hundreds of dollars for no good reason.

So pay for your MIL to fly to your house to watch the kids, if you really want to go. If not, decline.

Our parents are halfway across the world so no, I'm not flying them out for anyone's wedding.

We have flown a set of grandparents in to help out with the kids so that we could attend no-kid weddings for the people that we felt were special enough for us to warrant the expense and hassle of doing so. There aren't a lot of opportunities for my husband and me to get away, just the two of us, so looking back those weddings have been very special to us because they were romantic weekends away in addition to the fun of celebrating with the friends/relatives who were getting married.

If you can't go, you can't go - no guilt if you need to decline! - but if it's possible to arrange for the childcare (either at home or at the hotel where you would be traveling to), you might discover that it will be a really fun adult evening treat for you and your spouse.

I honestly don't have a problem with people inviting or not inviting whoever they choose to their wedding. There are "no-kids" weddings that either DH or I have not attended but I don't think opting not to attend is some kind of comment or opinion on my part--we just RSVP no!

I have had family members do "no-kids" weddings but have some event of the wedding weekend (like a brunch) that included kids. I think this is probably an ideal scenario--I doubt my kids would have done well with the formal, evening weddings in these cases, and it still allowed us to see lots of extended family AS a family.

We included kids at our wedding but TBH many of my friends and family wound up hiring a sitter or asking a family member to sit for at least the dancing/party portion of the evening. In hindsight, I feel like I could have sent out a list of a few local, trusted sitters (not that I had kids at the time--but would have been able to come up with a few).

Recently we were invited to an out of state wedding in which we were very clearly told not to bring our kids AT ALL, for the ENTIRE WEEKEND. I felt like this was absurd--it's no one's business if we travel with our kids and find a sitter for the wedding-related portions. But we don't have anyone who can watch our kids for 3 days, so we're not going. Not mad about it, just not going.

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Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

At a hotel? No. Op says a lot of people have to travel.

Yes. Ask people who live locally for recommended baby sitters. Why people think their are entitled to bring kids to their weddings is beyond me. It's bizarre - people leave their kids with baby sitters all the time but for an event like a wedding that just CANT be away from them for four or five hours?

Sounds like many of the guests have kids. You obviously don’t have kids. They are part of the family.

I'm not sure about the poster you are responding to but I have kids & I completely agree with him or her.

If it was just about 5 hours worth of babysitting, no one would have this conversation. It's the whole dragging the kids somewhere, paying for their tickets, rooms, food and random babysitter on location. Expensive and stressful.

Then don't go.

It still doesn't mean that the couple getting married is doing anything wrong by not wanting to greatly expand their guest list by including everyone's kids.

We don't. Who said they are doing anything wrong? People are just explaining why an invitation like this is a pain, not a pleasure. I don't feel anyone should bend to accommodate me, and I don't feel bad declining.

This makes zero sense. People are upset that the kids aren't invited to the wedding - in other words, they would attend the wedding if they were invited. So you'd still have to pay for their tickets, room, and food - the only extra is the babysitter. Traveling with them would be just as stressful, and slightly less expensive. Use your head.

Yes, but the expense of travelling with them would make more sense. I'm not going to pay for a plane ticket for my kid so that she can NOT attend a wedding. If she's coming to the wedding, then there is a point to flying with her. If she's not, I'm shelling out hundreds of dollars for no good reason.

So pay for your MIL to fly to your house to watch the kids, if you really want to go. If not, decline.

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This makes zero sense. People are upset that the kids aren't invited to the wedding - in other words, they would attend the wedding if they were invited. So you'd still have to pay for their tickets, room, and food - the only extra is the babysitter. Traveling with them would be just as stressful, and slightly less expensive. Use your head.

If kids were invited, it would be a shared experience worth paying for. If they aren't, it becomes a hassle. Why fly them out to warehouse them in a room with a random babysitter?

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Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

At a hotel? No. Op says a lot of people have to travel.

Yes. Ask people who live locally for recommended baby sitters. Why people think their are entitled to bring kids to their weddings is beyond me. It's bizarre - people leave their kids with baby sitters all the time but for an event like a wedding that just CANT be away from them for four or five hours?

Sounds like many of the guests have kids. You obviously don’t have kids. They are part of the family.

I'm not sure about the poster you are responding to but I have kids & I completely agree with him or her.

If it was just about 5 hours worth of babysitting, no one would have this conversation. It's the whole dragging the kids somewhere, paying for their tickets, rooms, food and random babysitter on location. Expensive and stressful.

Then don't go.

It still doesn't mean that the couple getting married is doing anything wrong by not wanting to greatly expand their guest list by including everyone's kids.

We don't. Who said they are doing anything wrong? People are just explaining why an invitation like this is a pain, not a pleasure. I don't feel anyone should bend to accommodate me, and I don't feel bad declining.

This makes zero sense. People are upset that the kids aren't invited to the wedding - in other words, they would attend the wedding if they were invited. So you'd still have to pay for their tickets, room, and food - the only extra is the babysitter. Traveling with them would be just as stressful, and slightly less expensive. Use your head.

Yes, but the expense of travelling with them would make more sense. I'm not going to pay for a plane ticket for my kid so that she can NOT attend a wedding. If she's coming to the wedding, then there is a point to flying with her. If she's not, I'm shelling out hundreds of dollars for no good reason.