Anonymous wrote:Hello, I am a 28 yr Old Af Am woman tired to the dating scene want wants a quality partner. I want honest feedback from happpily married ppl on what i am doing wrong

Details
28 years old
Security Engineer with a Masters
Slim hourglass build (recently lost 25 pounds)
Natural hair, brown skin, white straight teeth,
Dress stylish, gym 4x a week, get manis/pedis/do masks

Interests: hiking, working out, festivals, cooking, travel

Dating details
- have usually dated men in 30s who are same ethnicity
- express wanting to settle down early
-they seem on board, but relationships die, had sex with some, some I didnt
-a few had sex too early
-I have tried online, but prefer in person
- have been told I should come off warmer and open minded

Right now I am trying to open up more and be as social I can be within my busy schedule. I would really appreciate some hard, honest feedback

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hit up Afropolitan this Friday. Dress to impress. Find similar events. Go with one girlfriend. Or alone if you have the confidence too. Be selective/mindful about where you go to socialize. Shop/dine/exercise in places where your type would congregate. Black churches are a waste of time for socializing.Receive the word and bounce! Single, heterosexual black men aren't usually in church. The few in attendance are grossly outnumbered.

I'm going to be laughing until the end of the week about "receive the word bounce!"

OP, I'm an AA woman and close to 20 years older than you. I'm cringing at the advice to laugh more because there's nothing more counterproductive than an ungenuine laugh.

That said, men are more attracted to someone who can laugh and don't take the world too seriously. Not saying you have to be a goofball, just comfortable with yourself enough that others are comfortable with you. I think it's difficult if you're doing well for yourself because if you're like I was, you've acclimated yourself to harsh judgement, which usually leads to judging others harshly. But rapport builds when you can knock the judgement barrier down.

I'm also not saying you should give up judgement altogether, because there are some knuckleheads out there. But worry less about credentials or how you think you're being perceived and the person you really are - and what you want to find in another person - will be easier to recognize and get to know.

AA woman here - been married 2x. 19 years the first time, just got married again. Had no problem finding a great black professional husband either time. I was wide open to date everyone, he just happens to be black. I will say this about black women, the church thing is just too much. Black women are like a cliché. Most guys I know do not want all of the Jesus talk. Some black women want to be so damn wholesome or something. Go have fun. That's why there are so many women in church. When I met my second husband, on our first date I was cussing (not crazy, but still cussing), and said oh, are you religious and he just looked at me like, cuss away!

I'm also a triathlete. That went a long way in meeting guys. They love that. When I met my husband I was training for a marathon. We talk about it now. That convinced him that if I'm training for a marathon at 49, the likelihood of me getting fat was minimal. He also was relieved when he saw my mother (that's real - as they say, if you want to know what your wife is going to look like after she gets older, look at her mom). Fitness is really important to us both.

I will add this, my second husband is retired Air Force. It's interesting. Even though he is very well educated and super successful, I think this would have turned me off when I married the first time. The first time, I was looking form Mr. Morehouse (I went to Spelman) and my first husband was a Morehouse man. Now, I'm like hot damn, they sell Hermes bags at the Navy Exchange store on Walter Reed's campus.

African woman here.

The fact that an AA woman has to be a triathlete, distance herself from her faith, prove that she won’t get fat, and jump through so many hoops in order to get married the way so many regular women of other groups do says a lot. I’m a regular African woman and I had my pick of well educated African men, as well as men of other groups. I ended up marrying a nice Jewish doctor and becoming a suburban housewife because he spent 2 years asking me out over and over. My only regret is that he won’t move back to my country with me now that I’ve tired of America. Otherwise, I’m happy after 16 years of marriage and he still loves me and takes wonderful care of me and our kids. You shouldn’t have to go through so much to get married to a successful man. AA women have my sympathy.

Anonymous wrote:Dang! Why, why would you resurrect a thread from 2017??? I thought, "finally, an interesting thread!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hit up Afropolitan this Friday. Dress to impress. Find similar events. Go with one girlfriend. Or alone if you have the confidence too. Be selective/mindful about where you go to socialize. Shop/dine/exercise in places where your type would congregate. Black churches are a waste of time for socializing.Receive the word and bounce! Single, heterosexual black men aren't usually in church. The few in attendance are grossly outnumbered.

I'm going to be laughing until the end of the week about "receive the word bounce!"

OP, I'm an AA woman and close to 20 years older than you. I'm cringing at the advice to laugh more because there's nothing more counterproductive than an ungenuine laugh.

That said, men are more attracted to someone who can laugh and don't take the world too seriously. Not saying you have to be a goofball, just comfortable with yourself enough that others are comfortable with you. I think it's difficult if you're doing well for yourself because if you're like I was, you've acclimated yourself to harsh judgement, which usually leads to judging others harshly. But rapport builds when you can knock the judgement barrier down.

I'm also not saying you should give up judgement altogether, because there are some knuckleheads out there. But worry less about credentials or how you think you're being perceived and the person you really are - and what you want to find in another person - will be easier to recognize and get to know.

AA woman here - been married 2x. 19 years the first time, just got married again. Had no problem finding a great black professional husband either time. I was wide open to date everyone, he just happens to be black. I will say this about black women, the church thing is just too much. Black women are like a cliché. Most guys I know do not want all of the Jesus talk. Some black women want to be so damn wholesome or something. Go have fun. That's why there are so many women in church. When I met my second husband, on our first date I was cussing (not crazy, but still cussing), and said oh, are you religious and he just looked at me like, cuss away!

I'm also a triathlete. That went a long way in meeting guys. They love that. When I met my husband I was training for a marathon. We talk about it now. That convinced him that if I'm training for a marathon at 49, the likelihood of me getting fat was minimal. He also was relieved when he saw my mother (that's real - as they say, if you want to know what your wife is going to look like after she gets older, look at her mom). Fitness is really important to us both.

I will add this, my second husband is retired Air Force. It's interesting. Even though he is very well educated and super successful, I think this would have turned me off when I married the first time. The first time, I was looking form Mr. Morehouse (I went to Spelman) and my first husband was a Morehouse man. Now, I'm like hot damn, they sell Hermes bags at the Navy Exchange store on Walter Reed's campus.

African woman here.

The fact that an AA woman has to be a triathlete, distance herself from her faith, prove that she won’t get fat, and jump through so many hoops in order to get married the way so many regular women of other groups do says a lot. I’m a regular African woman and I had my pick of well educated African men, as well as men of other groups. I ended up marrying a nice Jewish doctor and becoming a suburban housewife because he spent 2 years asking me out over and over. My only regret is that he won’t move back to my country with me now that I’ve tired of America. Otherwise, I’m happy after 16 years of marriage and he still loves me and takes wonderful care of me and our kids. You shouldn’t have to go through so much to get married to a successful man. AA women have my sympathy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, you didn't really give any negative info.

lol ok some negatives

can be defensive, and come off guarded
can be snappy
sometimes interrupt ppl when they talk

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd try JDate.

Isn’t this site for Jewish singles?

Anonymous wrote:I'd try JDate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hit up Afropolitan this Friday. Dress to impress. Find similar events. Go with one girlfriend. Or alone if you have the confidence too. Be selective/mindful about where you go to socialize. Shop/dine/exercise in places where your type would congregate. Black churches are a waste of time for socializing.Receive the word and bounce! Single, heterosexual black men aren't usually in church. The few in attendance are grossly outnumbered.

I'm going to be laughing until the end of the week about "receive the word bounce!"

OP, I'm an AA woman and close to 20 years older than you. I'm cringing at the advice to laugh more because there's nothing more counterproductive than an ungenuine laugh.

That said, men are more attracted to someone who can laugh and don't take the world too seriously. Not saying you have to be a goofball, just comfortable with yourself enough that others are comfortable with you. I think it's difficult if you're doing well for yourself because if you're like I was, you've acclimated yourself to harsh judgement, which usually leads to judging others harshly. But rapport builds when you can knock the judgement barrier down.

I'm also not saying you should give up judgement altogether, because there are some knuckleheads out there. But worry less about credentials or how you think you're being perceived and the person you really are - and what you want to find in another person - will be easier to recognize and get to know.

AA woman here - been married 2x. 19 years the first time, just got married again. Had no problem finding a great black professional husband either time. I was wide open to date everyone, he just happens to be black. I will say this about black women, the church thing is just too much. Black women are like a cliché. Most guys I know do not want all of the Jesus talk. Some black women want to be so damn wholesome or something. Go have fun. That's why there are so many women in church. When I met my second husband, on our first date I was cussing (not crazy, but still cussing), and said oh, are you religious and he just looked at me like, cuss away!

I'm also a triathlete. That went a long way in meeting guys. They love that. When I met my husband I was training for a marathon. We talk about it now. That convinced him that if I'm training for a marathon at 49, the likelihood of me getting fat was minimal. He also was relieved when he saw my mother (that's real - as they say, if you want to know what your wife is going to look like after she gets older, look at her mom). Fitness is really important to us both.

I will add this, my second husband is retired Air Force. It's interesting. Even though he is very well educated and super successful, I think this would have turned me off when I married the first time. The first time, I was looking form Mr. Morehouse (I went to Spelman) and my first husband was a Morehouse man. Now, I'm like hot damn, they sell Hermes bags at the Navy Exchange store on Walter Reed's campus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hit up Afropolitan this Friday. Dress to impress. Find similar events. Go with one girlfriend. Or alone if you have the confidence too. Be selective/mindful about where you go to socialize. Shop/dine/exercise in places where your type would congregate. Black churches are a waste of time for socializing.Receive the word and bounce! Single, heterosexual black men aren't usually in church. The few in attendance are grossly outnumbered.

I'm going to be laughing until the end of the week about "receive the word bounce!"

OP, I'm an AA woman and close to 20 years older than you. I'm cringing at the advice to laugh more because there's nothing more counterproductive than an ungenuine laugh.

That said, men are more attracted to someone who can laugh and don't take the world too seriously. Not saying you have to be a goofball, just comfortable with yourself enough that others are comfortable with you. I think it's difficult if you're doing well for yourself because if you're like I was, you've acclimated yourself to harsh judgement, which usually leads to judging others harshly. But rapport builds when you can knock the judgement barrier down.

I'm also not saying you should give up judgement altogether, because there are some knuckleheads out there. But worry less about credentials or how you think you're being perceived and the person you really are - and what you want to find in another person - will be easier to recognize and get to know.

AA woman here - been married 2x. 19 years the first time, just got married again. Had no problem finding a great black professional husband either time. I was wide open to date everyone, he just happens to be black. I will say this about black women, the church thing is just too much. Black women are like a cliché. Most guys I know do not want all of the Jesus talk. Some black women want to be so damn wholesome or something. Go have fun. That's why there are so many women in church. When I met my second husband, on our first date I was cussing (not crazy, but still cussing), and said oh, are you religious and he just looked at me like, cuss away!

I'm also a triathlete. That went a long way in meeting guys. They love that. When I met my husband I was training for a marathon. We talk about it now. That convinced him that if I'm training for a marathon at 49, the likelihood of me getting fat was minimal. He also was relieved when he saw my mother (that's real - as they say, if you want to know what your wife is going to look like after she gets older, look at her mom). Fitness is really important to us both.

I will add this, my second husband is retired Air Force. It's interesting. Even though he is very well educated and super successful, I think this would have turned me off when I married the first time. The first time, I was looking form Mr. Morehouse (I went to Spelman) and my first husband was a Morehouse man. Now, I'm like hot damn, they sell Hermes bags at the Navy Exchange store on Walter Reed's campus.