Anonymous wrote:10 years and still in the same dumpy arpartment with two kids means YOU are earning enough either OP.

Anonymous wrote:Younger women, 40 and under, especially in the Mid-Atlantic region, have no idea of the demographics working in their favor, and working against the average man in this country.

My parents and grandparents could make a living off of one income right after high school. They could afford a house, two cars, grocery shopping, going out to eat once a week, a vacation or two, even a house at "the lake."

Those days are gone.

Try not to be so hard on the guy. Who cares if you out-earn him? Why do you want to cut your hours at work?

I would only care if I had to work if my DH controlled the money.

I have a friend who has to work to contribute to the household income, and her DH still controls how the money is spent. And he spends it on his toys, like a new truck, electronics, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Im feeling like same way in my marriage. My husband's lack to provide for our is making it hard for me to show interest in him especially sexually. He's not working at all. If a job is to hard or challenging he'll quit. Our savings account is empty I'm looking for a second job and going to school with four children and school is right around the corner for them. He wants to become a cop but isn't taking any steps to make that happen. I'm to my breaking point. The car we own he pawn the title giving us(me) another bill to pay. When I try to take to him or show a little irritation I'm being self centered or all I care about is money. Please someone any advice or opinions.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow - what a surprise to find this again. I actually opened it thinking it was someone else’s post!

Here’s an update:

1. We bought a house. It’s a modest house inside beltway. we both love it. Quality of day to day life improved immediately. Feels great to be part of a less transient community. Our oldest started kindergarten at local school and we even hosted family for Christmas for first time. We went $100k over what we had thought we would pay initially. Real estate in this area is sobering. It’s ridiculous but it is what it is. I think/hope that being close to dc and us planning on staying awhile, that it’ll all work out.

2. Months after buying the house I landed a higher paying job. It’s pretty demanding Which has made me really really appreciate that my husband’s job is predictable. He’s picked up a lot of the responsibilities at home - shopping, dinnner, pick up, bills, doc appts. It’s been nice for a number of reasons - 1) it takes some of the worry away financially 2) I appreciate all he handles home to make this work and 3) I was really down on dc but this new job is helping keep things interesting.

Was funny to come across this post. For anyone going through the same thing I feel for you. It almost ruined us. Buying really helped. And if we couldnt have bought, I think renting a house would have helped. Apartments w small kids can feel like jail cells when that’s not where you want to be. I will also add that out longer commute (extra 20 mins) hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be.

Anonymous wrote:It may be a year old, but the solution is to move to the less expensive burbs with the rest of us feds.

Anonymous wrote:
OP, can you try to take even a little pleasure in the fact that he seems to enjoy his job and feels there is value in what he does--value beyond income?

If I'm reading your post right, he likes his government job because he feels he's doing something good and he has autonomy doing it. Can you, yourself, find something in his job, his work ethic, his being on "the good side" as you put it, that is worth your being proud of him? The post focuses solely on your expectations of having a certain income and house by a certain point in your marriage, and doesn't indicate what you think of the actual work he does day to day in his job. If he does something that he considers worthwhile and a contribution to whatever his agency's mission is....Do you think you could sit down and examine why you cannot find that admirable?

Maybe it's better to have a spouse who is fulfilled in his job, and live with him and your kids in an apartment, rather than a spouse who is miserable, or just bored and in a rut, but brings home the bacon to a big house he doesn't see much because he's working so many hours.

If you truly cannot find any pride or interest in his work, maybe you need some couples counseling where you tell him what you told us, because he needs to know that you are resenting him every day. And you need to look at whether your own focus and expectations are out of whack. Or you can go on posting anonymously and getting more resentful until one day you are posting about how you are going to leave him but you won't make enough with your own salary and child support payments to afford a house.

Please start communicating with him, and think about why you're unable to be pleased that the person you love is a job he likes and wants.