Anonymous
Post 12/07/2016 06:43     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone here feel so bad for Mary. She needs to grow up and live her life. If Mary were a 50 yr old man living with his mom, you would all be saying to kick him out. From what has been posted, it seems like Mary is perfectly capable of being a functional adult but just chooses not to.


I don't feel bad for Mary so much. It is just that this is just such an unusual scenario. When the facts are so different from the usual, I think it is a good idea to get legal advice, just to be safe. That is what I'd suggest to Mary and Roy.

OP still hasn't really explained how it happened that Thelma made the decision to leave her family home to Larla, a niece/goddaughter, over the children she gave birth to. Her family home which, btw, is worth four times the amount she left for her own children.

This is not at all a typical inheritance situation. i wonder if there are any other nieces and nephews and if they inherited anything. It wouldn't occur to me to leave anything at all to my nieces and nephews with living parents, unless maybe one moved in with me in my old age and was my caretaker.

Larla has not mentioned doing any care taking for her aunt, so I'm interested to know why Thelma left more to her niece than to both her children combined. OP, could you give any more information about your aunt's reasons for leaving you such a large inheritance?


Do you people not read the thread when you write these responses?

Larla has already stated, Thelma was tired of taking care of Mary. She has been trying to kick her out for decades. And what she couldn't do in life, she did with her will. I can't imagine any parent being particularly thrilled at taking care of their fully capable, yet lazy, entitled child for 50 years.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2016 06:41     Subject: Re:Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:sell the house


Seriously just sell it, even if it's somewhat below the market value $400k. Tell the family you need the money more than the house. Then Mary has no choice but to use her $100k to finally get settled on her own.

Roy may be scared that Mary would come to live with him....


LOL. THIS. Roy probably is terrified that Mary would try and come live with him since she obviously is incapable of taking care of herself, which is absolutely ridiculous at 50, unless there is some mental/physical disability that OP is not stating. But from all accounts, it seems Mary has used Thelma to live a life of irresponsibility and Thelma got tired of it.

I just don't understand all of this sympathy towards Mary. She has had 50 years to get her life together and has chosen not to. Thelma has given Mary every opportunity to get it together, paying for 2 degrees, constantly letting her stay with her, and now giving her over 100k. Mary NEEDS to be kicked out so that she can learn how to live the remaining 40 years of her life like a normal, responsible, productive member of society.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2016 06:34     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I wasn't a minor when the will was written 5 yrs ago. Depending on the month it was drafted, I was either 19 or 20.

I think that plainly, my godmother left me the house as she has been attempting to kick her DD out for several decades. I don't feel entitled to the house just as I don't feel entitled to get my parent's house when they die. However, this house has been given to me an the reality is that I want to live there. My cousin has been cordial yet passive aggressive over the years and especially about her mother giving me gifts. About 3 yrs ago, my godmother invited me on a vacation, I was so excited and grateful so of course I accepted... not knowing that they had just had a fight and I would be taking my cousin's place on the vacation.

My grandmother and my dad both say that my godmother was tired of supporting her "ungrateful daughter" and that she should have kicked her out years ago.


This story just doesn't make sense. Why would a mother choose a niece over her own children? Is there any chance at all that Thelma was not completely of sound mind or was pressured in any way?

Mary and Roy should at least talk to a lawyer about the possibility that the will is defective.




It sounds as though Thelma was tired of taking care of Mary, who, if you actually read the posts, has 2 degrees and has been perfectly capable of working, but has chosen not to because she didn't "like" the "working world", or moved away to get married and it fell through. Fact of the matter is, Mary seems like a woman who has always been able to live off her mom, always had her mom as a fall back plan, and because of it, never accomplished anything in her life. Thelma was tired of taking care of her. NO SURPRISE THERE. I mean, we are talking about a 50 year old woman who starts a bunch of stuff and never finishes it... I would have put her out a long time ago. So the very fact that Thelma put her up for this long is angelic in my mind. My parents kicked me out of the house when I was 17 (deservedly so)... And since then, I have earned several degrees, have a very successful career, and a good life. Had my parents just let me sit on my ass all day and live at home, maybe none of that happens.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2016 06:28     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:Larla/OP- If you do keep the house and succeed in getting Mary out what is your plan for taxes and maintenance? Do you know how much this runs each year?

If I were in your shoes I would sell the house and invest the money using some of it to rent a modest place for myself. You're so young, live life a bit and don't be tied down to a house. What if you fall in love and want to move to be with someone or if they already have a place?



I agree with this as well. A lot of people who don't own a home really have no idea how much of a commitment it is to maintain as well as the idea that it does tie you down to a specific area. With Larla being so young and the unpredictability of a young life, sell the home, and save the money.

As for the PPs posing that Mary and Roy should challenge the will or consult a lawyer, I think that is ridiculous. Chances are, they already know deep down why they didn't get the house. And if they didn't know their situation and mother well enough to understand her thinking, then they are probably delusional. Especially Mary, who is 50 and still living at home. She has from what the OP said, TWO degrees, is perfectly capable of working, but simply didn't LIKE working life... Grow up, get a job, and be a responsible adult. No wonder Thelma has been trying to kick her out for so long.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2016 22:38     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Let Mary know when you're moving in and give advance notice of the changes that will be made. Which room are you going to live in; where should Mary put her stuff that's now in the main areas of the home? You are going to be clearing stuff out for a good long while. During that time, you can offer Mary things that may be of sentimental value that you'd be donating anyway. Are any of the utilities in her name? What was her contribution to the household?

I was waaaaay too generous when I inherited everything. And that's something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. The Will is the Will. Follow it. Depending on how you and Mary get along, there are any number of ways you can work out a functional relationship. If she took care of the house before, let her do that now. If she contributed financially, by all means let that continue. If she did none of these things and is toxic with grief and a sense of betrayal, well, then that doesn't sound like the basis of a positive relationship and she will have to be given notice to vacate.

She may believe she did what she did to receive $$$ in the end, but in fact was only earning her keep while the homeowner was alive. You are not responsible for her expectations. If I basically inherited a 50 year old woman and a house, I'd certainly try to make it work. But, since we don't actually inherit people, we're not responsible for their lives as they change with the death of your loved one.

Operate with kindness, but don't you dare cut a check for anything more than a deposit for a new apartment, or a plane ticket so she may live with another family member. You'll feel like a goddam fool late (BTDT).



+1. Agree with this poster. I also think a PP may have nailed it that Roy is probably worried that Mary will move in with him and never leave. I'm still smh and the people suggesting OP sell the house and split it with Mary and Roy (not her siblings by the way). I think if OP is willing to give away 50-100K she would be better served helping her own parents that are themselves helping everyone under the sun or perhaps donating to an organization that has maybe made a difference in her life. Or maybe this inheritance gives OP a little more breathing room in terms of careers like if she wanted to do Americorp, be a teacher, work as an intern for little/no pay but great experience etc.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2016 20:33     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:Larla/OP- If you do keep the house and succeed in getting Mary out what is your plan for taxes and maintenance? Do you know how much this runs each year?

If I were in your shoes I would sell the house and invest the money using some of it to rent a modest place for myself. You're so young, live life a bit and don't be tied down to a house. What if you fall in love and want to move to be with someone or if they already have a place?



Yes. And selling the house makes for a clear endpoint. I doubt you'll get Mary out otherwise.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2016 19:41     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of these pro-Mary responses are fascinating. If the tables were turned and Mary was posting here complaining that her mother left the bulk of her estate to her goddaughter, I believe that the majority of posters would be taking Mary to task for daring to think she was so entitled and that her mother has the god-given right to leave her estate to whoever she damn well pleases. I can imagine the responses. The psychology of this is utterly amazing.


+1
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2016 14:55     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
You need to sell this house and not be enmeshed in Mary's life.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2016 12:01     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. At the time of the writing of the will, my godmother and my grandma both sat with a lawyer and had the will written and verified.


Why was your grandmother with her sister when the will was written?

Who was holding the will at the time of Thelma's death?


So, Larla's grandmother goes with her sister Thelma to a lawyer's office and when the meeting is over, Thelma is leaving her family home to her sister's granddaughter instead of to her own two children.

This sounds like the plot of a tv detective show. An older woman dies and leaves her home to a great niece instead of her own children. The children go to a lawyer to find out if there is any way to challenge this surprising will. The lawyer hires a detective who tracks down the lawyer who wrote the will five years before Thelma passed away. At the end, there is a dramatic courtroom scene where the lawyer who wrote the will is called to the stand and is asked who said what when Thelma and her sister were sitting in his office on the day he wrote Thelma's will. What will the judge decide?

If I were Mary or Roy, I'd be asking a lot of questions and consulting a lawyer about this situation, before too much time has passed.


I think the facts surrounding the writing of the will definitely give Mary and Roy an opening to challenge it.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2016 11:59     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
I think a lot of these pro-Mary responses are fascinating. If the tables were turned and Mary was posting here complaining that her mother left the bulk of her estate to her goddaughter, I believe that the majority of posters would be taking Mary to task for daring to think she was so entitled and that her mother has the god-given right to leave her estate to whoever she damn well pleases. I can imagine the responses. The psychology of this is utterly amazing.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2016 11:21     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Some of the posters here are really acting like Mary is a cognitively disabled woman who is been cared for by her mother her whole life and now still needs round-the-clock care. Even if she does have severe anxiety or depression or whatever, she still has to go live her life if that includes getting help.... she still needs to live her life and that doesn't mean mooching off of her cousin who is 20 years old
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2016 00:06     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?



You need to talk to Mary. Tell her she can continue to remain there until you are ready to marry/have a family. Then, help her into low income housing. You make a lease agreement that she pay 1/2 the utilities and taxes for the house. She buy her own food and you buy yours. You let her know you respect the family home but there may be a time you want to do updates and its your home as well as her family home. I would make it clear you don't cook daily and do not make beds. If she cannot live by your rules, she needs to find her own housing.


Until she marries?? Are you insane?? This woman is a professional freeloader. She has two degrees and a job and an inheritance. OP, the longer you let her live there, the harder it will be to get her out. Legally and emotionally. You are very young and it's sweet that you care about her feelings. But you won't be doing her any favors to let her keep mooching off of you for months and years to come. Consult a lawyer and get her out, now.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2016 23:38     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
OP, consult an attorney and move Mary out! No question. She will fuck up your life if you live with her. No doubt.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2016 23:31     Subject: Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. At the time of the writing of the will, my godmother and my grandma both sat with a lawyer and had the will written and verified.


Why was your grandmother with her sister when the will was written?

Who was holding the will at the time of Thelma's death?


So, Larla's grandmother goes with her sister Thelma to a lawyer's office and when the meeting is over, Thelma is leaving her family home to her sister's granddaughter instead of to her own two children.

This sounds like the plot of a tv detective show. An older woman dies and leaves her home to a great niece instead of her own children. The children go to a lawyer to find out if there is any way to challenge this surprising will. The lawyer hires a detective who tracks down the lawyer who wrote the will five years before Thelma passed away. At the end, there is a dramatic courtroom scene where the lawyer who wrote the will is called to the stand and is asked who said what when Thelma and her sister were sitting in his office on the day he wrote Thelma's will. What will the judge decide?

If I were Mary or Roy, I'd be asking a lot of questions and consulting a lawyer about this situation, before too much time has passed.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2016 13:17     Subject: Re:Inheritance debacle. WWYD?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So you are a great-niece to Thelma and your father is her nephew. And Thelma decided to give a great-niece a $400,000 house and give her own children, who are her closest blood relatives, just $100,000 each.



OP is not just a great-niece, she is Thelma's god-daughter. To some people, that means a lot. My mother has given many valuable things to her god daughter (even paid some college tuition when a scholarship fell through.) God parents are supposed to stand in for the parents if the parents fail or can't help their own children.


Legally, "goddaughter" has no real bearing on this. The law only looks at blood relatives if a person dies without a will and it looks to give the estate to the closest blood relatives. If a will is determined to be no good for whatever reason, the court will divide the estate as though there were no will.

So Larla would be far down the line since Thelma left living children. Even if Mary and Roy hadn't existed, Thelma's sister is alive and also her sister's son, who is Larla's father. Both of Larla's parents are living, so there was no need for Thelma to step in in their place.

The facts about how the will came to be written this way would make a difference here.


If there was no will, then Thelma's assets are split equally between Mary and Roy. Larla gets nothing. However, since there is will which specifies Larla will inherit the house, then Larla will inherit the house. It doesn't matter why Thelma chose to leave the house to Larla and not her children. It only matters that she chose to do so while in sound mind. Thelma had the will drawn up 5 years before she died. She had 5 years to change it and she didn't. Thelma's intent is clear.


We don't really know if, at the time the will was written, Thelma was of sound mind or if she was experiencing undue influence. It is not at all clear that this is a good will.

Did a lawyer write this will? Or did family members help Thelma to write her own will?

It is odd for a sibling to be executor when Thelma's children were adults. It is much more common for the adult children to be executors. Was Thelma having problems getting along with both her children?


My mother died recently and left her sibling as executor. She didn't want either of us to be burdened with it. I am glad to not have to do anything but put my monies in the bank.


My dad's lawyer advised him not to assign someone in his age group, like a sibling, as executor because it is just as possible that that person could die first. He recommended that one or two of his children be the executors and indicated that it is common to assign children that role for their parents. Many of my cousins and friends have served as executors for their parents. The siblings are all elderly themselves and wouldn't want to take on that job.