Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You married a man who's been married before and has kids with another woman. You don't get to be picky about this.

I am an ex-wife and I disagree. I don't even want to be anywhere near Ex husband's new home and new wife. The ex wife in this situation is being weird. And even if it's OK for her to visit her kids as a guest in his home, she should behave like a GUEST. The ex wife is behaving badly.

Anonymous wrote:I'm dealing with a STBX who moved out and now is being anal about my never coming in the house unless he invites me at a particular time, in advance, even if it is necessary for the kids to go in the house, and to never ever enter his house if he is not there. Maybe he is afraid that his girlfriend and I would cross paths or something. His way of enforcing it is to be a nasty asshole about it, using lots of overblown rhetoric and baseless accusations. You could try that -- it sure works to keep me well clear of the place.

And by the way, when it suits him, he will apply a double standard, so that he expects to be able to enter my house when I'm not here if it's convenient for him.

My feeling about it is that we trusted each other for over 20 years and neither of us is untrustworthy now, so we should be relaxed about it. Instead he's creating a lot of gratuitous drama, as if he's in a made-for-tv movie.

Anonymous wrote:Since everyone is dispensing this great advice about keeping the ex out, let's take it to the next step.

How would you advise OP deal with the aftermath in the worst case? Suppose the 18YO says "I do not appreciate my mother being treated like this - I want to stay over there from now on!" Suppose the kids defy you and say "you are not even here when she comes. You said this is our home too and we are going to let her in if you are not here!" Suppose the situation really goes left and her DH says "I knew this was a bad idea - shoulda never let you talk me into it. Now my kids don't want to stay here."

See...we have 50 people telling her to limit or deny acces to the ex. That's the easy advice. What I do not see is anyone advising her how to handle any potential fallout. Before I took the step that many of you are advising, I would want imout on how to deal with what may come next. That will be the most challenging part of this.

Anonymous wrote:The children aren't toddlers who need their mom's help retrieving an item, nor is she providing that assistance while inside the home. She's snooping, making a sandwich, and being nosy. That does not equal being a good mom. She's setting a horrible example for her kids. Waiting outside while kids run in the house to get something does not equate the mother to a UPS delivery guy -- give me a break. She's crossing a boundary and that is disrespectful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You married a man who's been married before and has kids with another woman. You don't get to be picky about this.

I am an ex-wife and I disagree. I don't even want to be anywhere near Ex husband's new home and new wife. The ex wife in this situation is being weird. And even if it's OK for her to visit her kids as a guest in his home, she should behave like a GUEST. The ex wife is behaving badly.

Anonymous wrote:I am in a marriage that is the second for both of us. Both of us have kids. Kids range in age from 8-16. Kids are incredibly forgetful and we are shuttling back and forth more than we'd like to get things they need that are in the other house. The parent driving the kid ALWAYS waits in the car while the kid goes in to get what they need. The parent waiting in the car is not being shut out of the kid's life. It's a few minutes in the car, not a big deal. It's not my house -- I have no desire or right to be there.

The kids are going to grow up just like their mother -- not respecting boundaries -- unless you put a stop to this. But DH should be the one dealing with her, not you.
She has no right to enter into your house. She's really got some nerve.

I think DH should tell her that her repeated entry into the house is really disrespectful and that she needs to wait outside from now on.

Anonymous wrote:You married a man who's been married before and has kids with another woman. You don't get to be picky about this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how long have you and your husband been married?

Do you have joint custody?

Do the kids want their mother to hang out in the house with them? I think you said DH has talked to them about this; what do they say?

About 3 years. Yes, we have joint custody. Not sure. Don't think they know any better than what they are used to. She can be overbearing but finds ways to fill her long days and is just the fun parent providing all the toys.