Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 09:51     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
OP, I hate to tell you this but the man you cheated with is probably the type of man who will tell his (and your) colleagues. The cat is out of the bag and your reputation is already at risk. You should assume that there are many others at your company who already know. I GUARANTEE IT.

Have fun looking around and wondering who already knows. Your DH might or might not find out but the damage to your reputation is already done.

In the future, don't shit where you sleep.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 09:48     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:I bet some company holiday party will be fun when the info slips out from a person or persons you didn't even know was aware of the affair. Good times are coming.


LOL. That was my thought too. Unlikely that these two were alone at this event. Other people were there, and they know, or suspect.

I think the OP is going to have the reputation as a player. If DH is ever interacts with her co-workers, he's bound to hear rumors.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 09:42     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. You are female. Because you cheated and say it was a mistake, it obviously was and your husband should just "man up" about it.

Whatever. You are the same piece of shit men are called out for being when they cheat for whatever reason. You should tell your husband only because he has a right to know you could be infecting him right now. Or, hopefully you'll get a nice heart attack or stroke from the immense pangs of guilt for hiding it.


Awww. Feeling a little inadequate after you found out your ex-wife left you for someone who is much better in bed? Poor little ex-DH.


Look. A typical DCUM female.


Man up. You want to look like a pussy in front of all of the DCUMers.


"Man up" – a phrase used by a woman to stop a man from pointing out the obvious and just get him to accept his literal or virtual pegging.

"Cunt up" – a woman telling a man to "man up."
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 09:39     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
I bet some company holiday party will be fun when the info slips out from a person or persons you didn't even know was aware of the affair. Good times are coming.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 08:19     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:I understand that you must have a load of guilt weighing on your heart at this moment. And it must be eating you alive. I hear you.

But do not this stupid mistake ruin you and your husband. And it WILL most certainly ruin you both if you disclose your indiscretion to him.

Why cause irreparable harm on a wonderful marriage? Why cause such a good person the worst kind of traumatic pain one can feel? What good can possibly come out of it?? ZERO, that's it. Nada.

Forgive yourself. Shoot...Punish yourself all you want.

But let this be a lesson to yourself and no one else.

What your husband doesn't know won't hurt him. In fact, it will kill him if he finds out.

There is already too much unhappiness, misery and suffering in the world as it is....What kind of person would want to add to this amount?

Do damage control and make a promise to yourself to count your loss, you've learned a hard lesson this time, stay true from today and ahead and do not EVER let this happen again.


In other words, PP, OP gets to eat her cake and have it, too, because that is somehow better for her DH? That is too easy.

I agree that is what OP is likely going to do, and to rationalize based on the interests of her DC , but let's be honest about the stakes. OP's DH is going to be tricked into spending the rest of his life with someone under false pretenses. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him" is too glib a way to dismiss the significance of that.

Saying that approach is somehow for the best is both convenient and self-serving for OP. For some of us, at least, there are worse things than being hurt. Living a lie is one of them.

OP, this is not intended to be hurtful to you. You sound like a good person who made a mistake.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 02:42     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
I understand that you must have a load of guilt weighing on your heart at this moment. And it must be eating you alive. I hear you.

But do not this stupid mistake ruin you and your husband. And it WILL most certainly ruin you both if you disclose your indiscretion to him.

Why cause irreparable harm on a wonderful marriage? Why cause such a good person the worst kind of traumatic pain one can feel? What good can possibly come out of it?? ZERO, that's it. Nada.

Forgive yourself. Shoot...Punish yourself all you want.

But let this be a lesson to yourself and no one else.

What your husband doesn't know won't hurt him. In fact, it will kill him if he finds out.

There is already too much unhappiness, misery and suffering in the world as it is....What kind of person would want to add to this amount?

Do damage control and make a promise to yourself to count your loss, you've learned a hard lesson this time, stay true from today and ahead and do not EVER let this happen again.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 22:23     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses. I read them all. I have an appointment with a therapist on Friday. Going to talk it through with him but leaning towards saying nothing and trying to move forward.

What would make me even more despicable would be to let it happen again. I am going to learn from this and as pp says, put extra effort in being a better wife and mother.

I made a very bad decision but I don't know if all the parties - DH, myself and DC would be better off if I ultimately told DH and he decided to end our marriage.

I do need to explore why I allowed this to happen. I did have a moment of clarity and thought to myself, get out now why you have the chance but I didn't and I think a lot of that decision had to do with drinking.

I firmly believe I don't have an alcolohol problem. I honestly can't remember the last time I was intoxicated. Probably before DC was born. I was in the moment, mixed different types of liquor and didnt eat dinner plus my time zone was way out of whack. That being said, I take full responsibility for my actions and as I said, intend on working though this with a therapist but at this juncture I don't believe it is in anyone's best interest to tell.

For those who have asked about AP - I strongly believe he will not say anything. I see him maybe twice a year, we have no interaction other than these meetings every 6 months. He lives 5000 miles away.

It just the guilt and shame that I worry will eat away at me. But I have brought that on myself and will not ask for sympathy.



Please - cut yourself some slack.
You sound like a good person who had a moment of weakness and is now contrite and trying to the right thing,
My heart goes out to you and the thoughtful manner in which you are dealing with this.

As others have suggested, put this behind you and I don't think you should tell.

My one suggestion is that don't let this one episode make you think less of yourself lest it chip away at your humanity.
It is easy to go from "I am horrible mother/wife" to "I am horrible already so what is one more bad thing".

All the best.





Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 21:32     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:OP, stop thinking that this had anything to do with drinking too much. It might not have happened if you weren't drinking but the drinking didn't cause you to sleep with him.

Please understand that the decision was made long before the alcohol took affect. This might not make total sense right now but you will soon come to understand what I'm saying.
- agreed.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 21:22     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
OP, stop thinking that this had anything to do with drinking too much. It might not have happened if you weren't drinking but the drinking didn't cause you to sleep with him.

Please understand that the decision was made long before the alcohol took affect. This might not make total sense right now but you will soon come to understand what I'm saying.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 21:05     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're disgusting, OP. I'm single and can't find a nice guy, meanwhile ho's like you are married and unappreciative. I hope he finds out and dumps you, once a cheater always a cheater.


Your post says a lot about you and why you claim to not be able to find a nice guy. You know almost nothing about the OP and her relationship with her spouse, and yet you've tried and condemned her. You have the point of view of a teenager. That's why you struggle with finding a mate.


Well, we know she says that her husband is a good man, and her marriage is good. Yet she got drunk and screwed some other dude anyway.

I'd say she told us quite a lot.
this.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 21:05     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:One affair does not ruin a good marriage, unless you feel you have to confess. Confession, as other posters have noted, is selfish and useless.

What you can do is use the guilt you feel to put extra effort into your marriage. Let it fuel you to be a better person, wife and mother. Let it do something positive for you and the people around you. Be an adult, accept it, learn from it, and then move on. No one is perfect.


This! This! This!

And go to your grave with DCUM being the only ones you ever told.


She will always know she is a cheating whore.

As will a bunch of strangers on the internet.


Oh, please. Go away. "Strangers on the internet" -- who cares?
dcguy
Post 02/11/2015 21:05     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses. I read them all. I have an appointment with a therapist on Friday. Going to talk it through with him but leaning towards saying nothing and trying to move forward.

What would make me even more despicable would be to let it happen again. I am going to learn from this and as pp says, put extra effort in being a better wife and mother.

I made a very bad decision but I don't know if all the parties - DH, myself and DC would be better off if I ultimately told DH and he decided to end our marriage.

I do need to explore why I allowed this to happen. I did have a moment of clarity and thought to myself, get out now why you have the chance but I didn't and I think a lot of that decision had to do with drinking.

I firmly believe I don't have an alcolohol problem. I honestly can't remember the last time I was intoxicated. Probably before DC was born. I was in the moment, mixed different types of liquor and didnt eat dinner plus my time zone was way out of whack. That being said, I take full responsibility for my actions and as I said, intend on working though this with a therapist but at this juncture I don't believe it is in anyone's best interest to tell.

For those who have asked about AP - I strongly believe he will not say anything. I see him maybe twice a year, we have no interaction other than these meetings every 6 months. He lives 5000 miles away.

It just the guilt and shame that I worry will eat away at me. But I have brought that on myself and will not ask for sympathy.


Thanks for the update, OP. I hope the therapist is helpful and wish you luck
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 20:58     Subject: Re:I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Absolute honesty is overrated. People want absolute survival. They want to hear the things that will help them cope with life. Do not confess or confide. Press the "delete" button and wipe the memory of this event from your mind. Get help for your alcohol problem. Do not repeat this mistake.

Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 20:56     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses. I read them all. I have an appointment with a therapist on Friday. Going to talk it through with him but leaning towards saying nothing and trying to move forward.

What would make me even more despicable would be to let it happen again. I am going to learn from this and as pp says, put extra effort in being a better wife and mother.

I made a very bad decision but I don't know if all the parties - DH, myself and DC would be better off if I ultimately told DH and he decided to end our marriage.

I do need to explore why I allowed this to happen. I did have a moment of clarity and thought to myself, get out now why you have the chance but I didn't and I think a lot of that decision had to do with drinking.

I firmly believe I don't have an alcolohol problem. I honestly can't remember the last time I was intoxicated. Probably before DC was born. I was in the moment, mixed different types of liquor and didnt eat dinner plus my time zone was way out of whack. That being said, I take full responsibility for my actions and as I said, intend on working though this with a therapist but at this juncture I don't believe it is in anyone's best interest to tell.

For those who have asked about AP - I strongly believe he will not say anything. I see him maybe twice a year, we have no interaction other than these meetings every 6 months. He lives 5000 miles away.

It just the guilt and shame that I worry will eat away at me. But I have brought that on myself and will not ask for sympathy.


Sounds like you are doing the best you can do now OP. I hope things work out for you, whatever you decide!
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 20:55     Subject: I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt
I wouldn't want to know.