Anonymous wrote:Long post … but basically, I am trying to gauge whether my hurt feelings is warranted. Would you be upset you if your parent(s) plan to completely cut you out of any inheritance, and leave it to your children (their grandchildren) instead of you?

To give some background … My mother finally admitted to me (although I always had a feeling) that she is planning on leaving most of her inheritance to my children, some to her sisters, and absolutely none to me because she does not like my husband. I understand her ill feelings towards my husband, who at times can be selfish; however, I am very hurt that she is completely cutting me out since I have remained close to her and for the most part we get along. I am the only child. I talk to her at least a couple times a week and see her at least once a week. I know she wants me to see her more, but I work full-time so it is difficult for me. My concern wrt the inheritance distribution is … my DD, my oldest who is in college, currently is very materialistic (example: She has at least 5x more designer purses than me, and she always has my mom buy or give her things). She very rarely calls my mom. I am closer to my mom than she is. My other two children are very young (beginnings of elementary school). I hope they grow responsibly, but time will tell. I would hate to see my mother’s inheritance spent irresponsibly or unappreciatively.

Although I am currently financially stable, we have always been on a tight budget. Up until recently we had full-time childcare expenses and we fully paid for my daughters education ($160k+). In future, we may have 2 more college expenses as well. My mother has never helped with neither my DD nor my own education expenses, nor would I expect her to. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, but I have to work for my family’s health insurance and if I didn’t work we would not be able to pay for my DD’s college. I made a lot of sacrifices for the grandkids she loves. I love her as well. But I have always felt she was sadistic towards me. I think her intentions validate she doesn’t really love me. I have never asked her for money. She has always given my children more than me, which I have greatly appreciated. But when she passes, friends and relatives will question why she cut me out of her Will when we seemed so close. Yes, I did confront her wrt my feelings, and she said I was just jealous so she would just leave everything to charity so I wouldn’t be jealous of my own kids. Am I wrong to be utterly hurt by this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be glad my kids were getting a cushion. It would take some of the burden off me also, as I would feel like I wouldn't have to be as cautious with my money, knowing they were getting a safety net from their grandmother so it wasn't entirely up to me to leave them with one.

This is a healthy perspective.

Anonymous wrote:I'd be glad my kids were getting a cushion. It would take some of the burden off me also, as I would feel like I wouldn't have to be as cautious with my money, knowing they were getting a safety net from their grandmother so it wasn't entirely up to me to leave them with one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL plans to do this. It bothers me a little because she is a big saver but has done so by expecting DH (only child) to always treat her and cover her expenses. For example, we traveled to a family wedding when we were in our early 20s just starting out and somehow wound up paying for their hotel room and all meals out over 3 days. On top of that, it may be expensive taking care of her. We’ve taken a lot of care to provide for our kids including expenses like college that we ourselves had funded through loans. I also prefer that our kids don’t enter adulthood with a full bank account. I think needing to work builds character.

You sound horribly entitled. I wouldn’t give you my money either!

Anonymous wrote:MIL plans to do this. It bothers me a little because she is a big saver but has done so by expecting DH (only child) to always treat her and cover her expenses. For example, we traveled to a family wedding when we were in our early 20s just starting out and somehow wound up paying for their hotel room and all meals out over 3 days. On top of that, it may be expensive taking care of her. We’ve taken a lot of care to provide for our kids including expenses like college that we ourselves had funded through loans. I also prefer that our kids don’t enter adulthood with a full bank account. I think needing to work builds character.

Anonymous wrote:Long post … but basically, I am trying to gauge whether my hurt feelings is warranted. Would you be upset you if your parent(s) plan to completely cut you out of any inheritance, and leave it to your children (their grandchildren) instead of you?

To give some background … My mother finally admitted to me (although I always had a feeling) that she is planning on leaving most of her inheritance to my children, some to her sisters, and absolutely none to me because she does not like my husband. I understand her ill feelings towards my husband, who at times can be selfish; however, I am very hurt that she is completely cutting me out since I have remained close to her and for the most part we get along. I am the only child. I talk to her at least a couple times a week and see her at least once a week. I know she wants me to see her more, but I work full-time so it is difficult for me. My concern wrt the inheritance distribution is … my DD, my oldest who is in college, currently is very materialistic (example: She has at least 5x more designer purses than me, and she always has my mom buy or give her things). She very rarely calls my mom. I am closer to my mom than she is. My other two children are very young (beginnings of elementary school). I hope they grow responsibly, but time will tell. I would hate to see my mother’s inheritance spent irresponsibly or unappreciatively.

Although I am currently financially stable, we have always been on a tight budget. Up until recently we had full-time childcare expenses and we fully paid for my daughters education ($160k+). In future, we may have 2 more college expenses as well. My mother has never helped with neither my DD nor my own education expenses, nor would I expect her to. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, but I have to work for my family’s health insurance and if I didn’t work we would not be able to pay for my DD’s college. I made a lot of sacrifices for the grandkids she loves. I love her as well. But I have always felt she was sadistic towards me. I think her intentions validate she doesn’t really love me. I have never asked her for money. She has always given my children more than me, which I have greatly appreciated. But when she passes, friends and relatives will question why she cut me out of her Will when we seemed so close. Yes, I did confront her wrt my feelings, and she said I was just jealous so she would just leave everything to charity so I wouldn’t be jealous of my own kids. Am I wrong to be utterly hurt by this?