Anonymous
11/30/2013 18:17
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
My DS and DD are in college.
I did hope that they would not be sexually active in high school (or before age 18). They weren't (and yes, I'm sure -- or very close to it!).
With the configuration of my house (I'm a single parent) I do allow them to have girlfriend/boyfriend visits (neither lives in this area). And since I'm on the main floor it's a "don't ask/don't tell" policy. I feel very comfortable with it myself. Each has been in a relationship for 20 months +.
Beyond a certain age -- whether that's 16, 17, 18, or whatever -- I think it's much more important that the first experiences are good ones (than the age itself). And, I have to hope that the fact that my son is "a relationship kind of guy" -- as he reported that he once explained to a young lady at college who asked him his intentions, then replied: "relationships don't work -- but we can still party together" -- has something to do with the values transmitted to him at home!
I did hope that they would not be sexually active in high school (or before age 18). They weren't (and yes, I'm sure -- or very close to it!).
With the configuration of my house (I'm a single parent) I do allow them to have girlfriend/boyfriend visits (neither lives in this area). And since I'm on the main floor it's a "don't ask/don't tell" policy. I feel very comfortable with it myself. Each has been in a relationship for 20 months +.
Beyond a certain age -- whether that's 16, 17, 18, or whatever -- I think it's much more important that the first experiences are good ones (than the age itself). And, I have to hope that the fact that my son is "a relationship kind of guy" -- as he reported that he once explained to a young lady at college who asked him his intentions, then replied: "relationships don't work -- but we can still party together" -- has something to do with the values transmitted to him at home!
Anonymous
11/30/2013 17:03
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:I do not allow unmarried young adults/teens to sleep together in our house. I'm not naive. I know they have sex with their significant other and, frankly, I'm very glad they do. But we have a guest room for guests. That's where guests sleep. I've hinted that I'll have no idea how late they stay up with their guests or what room they'll be in -once I've gone to bed- but in the morning I'd like to see that they are coming out of their own room alone.
(they could sleep together till 5am, I'd never know)
I try to give my adult children privacy -in our house- with their significant other. I'll let them know when we have plans (when the house is theirs), and what time we will be back -or call when we are on our way home.
This is just bizarre to me. Isn't this just being hypocritical? What would you lose by being open?
Anonymous
11/30/2013 16:54
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My parents never talked to me about sex, birth control, anything except to make it clear they did not believe in sex before marriage.
Nevertheless, I started having sex at 16. I had sex with boyfriends in my bedroom in our house when they were not home. Also, I had unprotected sex, and sex with guys I did not know well, at parties and in cars and even in parks outside. I did not have a good situation with regards to sex as a teen.
I don't know exactly how I will handle the whole sleep-overs-for-teenagers question. But I do know I will be open with my kids about sex from the time they are very little, and give them the idea that it's normal and healthy and they can talk to me about anything because I am not going to judge them. I will talk to them not just about the nuts-and-bolts biology but about the tricky emotional issues as well.
I would much rather my older teenagers have protected sex in my house with someone they really care about than get into the kinds of situations I was in. I don't really know how you can say, "This is a healthy, normal thing" while also saying "and you can never, ever do it in my house." It doesn't make sense, somehow.
This could have been written by me. My head is still messed up after years of "sex is bad, we don't talk about it, you just can't ever do it until you're married" attitude. I'm definitely raising my girls differently!
How exactly?
Anonymous
11/30/2013 16:50
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:My parents never talked to me about sex, birth control, anything except to make it clear they did not believe in sex before marriage.
Nevertheless, I started having sex at 16. I had sex with boyfriends in my bedroom in our house when they were not home. Also, I had unprotected sex, and sex with guys I did not know well, at parties and in cars and even in parks outside. I did not have a good situation with regards to sex as a teen.
I don't know exactly how I will handle the whole sleep-overs-for-teenagers question. But I do know I will be open with my kids about sex from the time they are very little, and give them the idea that it's normal and healthy and they can talk to me about anything because I am not going to judge them. I will talk to them not just about the nuts-and-bolts biology but about the tricky emotional issues as well.
I would much rather my older teenagers have protected sex in my house with someone they really care about than get into the kinds of situations I was in. I don't really know how you can say, "This is a healthy, normal thing" while also saying "and you can never, ever do it in my house." It doesn't make sense, somehow.
This could have been written by me. My head is still messed up after years of "sex is bad, we don't talk about it, you just can't ever do it until you're married" attitude. I'm definitely raising my girls differently!
Anonymous
11/29/2013 11:50
Subject: Re:Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just one anecdote, but abstinence worked for me. Was abstinent until married at age 27. I know some will say that I "missed out," but while I have made some poor decisions in life, I will always consider that as one of the better decisions I have made.
Good for you, but the singular of "data" is not "anecdote." it doesn't work for the vast majority of people.
Good for you, but self-reporting "data" does not equal proof. If you believe people don't lie, for whatever reason -or no reason at all, you're out of touch with reality. For some people, lying on "data" questionnaires is entertaining. Haven't you heard?
Anonymous
11/29/2013 11:42
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
My view is a bit bizarre. I have 2 in college. They bring their SO's home from time to time. They do NOT sleep in the same room. I know they are adults but we have 2 younger ones under foot. My view is that you can bone all you want when you get back on campus and I cannot stop you. So for the 2 nights that you are in my house, I would prefer that you keep it PG.
My rules for the younger ones are no members of the opposite sex or SO's allowed in the house unless an adult is there. Entertaining of such guests takes place in public areas of the house generally, but we have allowed room visits on occasion and I am sure the older siblings (adults) have allowed the younger ones some leeway.
I am not naive but I do want the kids to think it is acceptable to get busy with their parents in the next room.
My rules for the younger ones are no members of the opposite sex or SO's allowed in the house unless an adult is there. Entertaining of such guests takes place in public areas of the house generally, but we have allowed room visits on occasion and I am sure the older siblings (adults) have allowed the younger ones some leeway.
I am not naive but I do want the kids to think it is acceptable to get busy with their parents in the next room.
Anonymous
11/29/2013 10:59
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
I do not allow unmarried young adults/teens to sleep together in our house. I'm not naive. I know they have sex with their significant other and, frankly, I'm very glad they do. But we have a guest room for guests. That's where guests sleep. I've hinted that I'll have no idea how late they stay up with their guests or what room they'll be in -once I've gone to bed- but in the morning I'd like to see that they are coming out of their own room alone.
(they could sleep together till 5am, I'd never know)
I try to give my adult children privacy -in our house- with their significant other. I'll let them know when we have plans (when the house is theirs), and what time we will be back -or call when we are on our way home.
(they could sleep together till 5am, I'd never know)
I try to give my adult children privacy -in our house- with their significant other. I'll let them know when we have plans (when the house is theirs), and what time we will be back -or call when we are on our way home.
Anonymous
11/29/2013 10:44
Subject: Re:Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:It's just one anecdote, but abstinence worked for me. Was abstinent until married at age 27. I know some will say that I "missed out," but while I have made some poor decisions in life, I will always consider that as one of the better decisions I have made.
Good for you, but the singular of "data" is not "anecdote." it doesn't work for the vast majority of people.
Anonymous
11/29/2013 10:18
Subject: Re:Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
It's just one anecdote, but abstinence worked for me. Was abstinent until married at age 27. I know some will say that I "missed out," but while I have made some poor decisions in life, I will always consider that as one of the better decisions I have made.
Anonymous
11/29/2013 09:58
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well, considering that there will be no sex before marriage, I think this article is sort of moot.
Unless you're the one having (or not having) the sex before marriage, you can't actually say that. What you can say is, "Considering that I will not condone sex before marriage..."
Oh, bullshit. My kids know there's no sex before marriage.
I don't know if you can be 100% sure of that. I was raised christian and my father had always said no sex until marriage. I even promised him I would remain a virgin until I was married. Unfortunately for my father that promise was broken. (fortunately in my eyes; getting laid is the best.) And it happened as soon as i turned 18.
I'm sorry, I really don't wanna knock your theory, but you have to be realistic with the times.
I'll knock his/her theory.
6 months. The research shows that all that preaching in the uber-Christian community delays sexual debut of teens by 6 months. When they do lose their virginity, they are more likely to get pregnant because they don't use birth control and more likely to catch an STD because they don't use condoms.
Abstinence until marriage doesn't work.
It works just fine for some. Nothing works for all.
Anonymous
11/29/2013 09:50
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well, considering that there will be no sex before marriage, I think this article is sort of moot.
Unless you're the one having (or not having) the sex before marriage, you can't actually say that. What you can say is, "Considering that I will not condone sex before marriage..."
Oh, bullshit. My kids know there's no sex before marriage.
I don't know if you can be 100% sure of that. I was raised christian and my father had always said no sex until marriage. I even promised him I would remain a virgin until I was married. Unfortunately for my father that promise was broken. (fortunately in my eyes; getting laid is the best.) And it happened as soon as i turned 18.
I'm sorry, I really don't wanna knock your theory, but you have to be realistic with the times.
I'll knock his/her theory.
6 months. The research shows that all that preaching in the uber-Christian community delays sexual debut of teens by 6 months. When they do lose their virginity, they are more likely to get pregnant because they don't use birth control and more likely to catch an STD because they don't use condoms.
Abstinence until marriage doesn't work.
DS63
11/29/2013 06:12
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
My DD was conceived in a teen's bedroom....DW was 34, and I was 38, but it was a place where we were visiting.
Anonymous
11/28/2013 15:49
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Nope, no teen sex in this house
Anonymous
11/28/2013 13:51
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/
That's very cool. Good for him.
+1
Anonymous
09/04/2013 22:30
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/
That's very cool. Good for him.