Anonymous wrote:My mom was all about herself too. No one understood why we lived "so well" - she spent all of the money on herself - but didn't have anything.

She is still that way and dares to complain about my dead father not leaving her enough.

We were not wealthy, but there is no way we should have lived the way we did (wanting and needing basics) while she lived the way she did (over the top).

I distance myself from friends who take for themselves and put themselves before their children constantly.

I definitely agree it gives you amazing self confidence to be so independent at such an early age. You really can do anything. I tend to not respect people who, as adults, still ask their parents for money or help. I feel there is no excuse for it.

I'm 20:10 from this page and agree with the last part. Maybe because I learned never to rely on my mom, I became very independent and self sufficient. Never have asked my parents for money as an adult and yes, look down on those who do use parents to fund a lifestyle or pay bills for them. I cannot fathom doing that.

Anonymous wrote:I have an expensive crib and lots of baby stuff that I was going to put on freecycle.

But after reading this, I have reconsidered. I know the people who pick up things, and they could easily buy a crib. Suggestions for where to donate things? I got burned once on Craigslist. . .tried to donate a lot of maternity clothes and had a scam artist threaten me.

I grew up poor.

We are debt free, live within our means, but my children make comments about how we live in an apt., and don't have an upstairs like their friends. They are healthy and happy, which is more than I was.

There is a family shelter in Bethesda on Greentree Rd.

http://www.nccf-cares.org/support-our-mission-donate/in-kind-gifts/donation-policy/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Does your childhood experience help you with respect to your current situation in that you know you can survive no matter what? Or does it cause more anxiety than others who are going through the same thing because you know what it is like to really not have enough money?

I'm the farm poor poster--I am confident that I am better off than most, as in a worst case scenario I'm pretty good at growing my own food and cooking squirrels. But even though I am quite well off now, I am extremely neurotic about money. I still carry my "the banks might fail" mentality -- and don't even get me started about the stock market. My 401(k) is invested in a stable value fund which I know is crazy but inflation is all the risk my nerves can tolerate.

My mom was all about herself too. No one understood why we lived "so well" - she spent all of the money on herself - but didn't have anything.

She is still that way and dares to complain about my dead father not leaving her enough.

We were not wealthy, but there is no way we should have lived the way we did (wanting and needing basics) while she lived the way she did (over the top).

I distance myself from friends who take for themselves and put themselves before their children constantly.

I definitely agree it gives you amazing self confidence to be so independent at such an early age. You really can do anything. I tend to not respect people who, as adults, still ask their parents for money or help. I feel there is no excuse for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school - I had two pair of second hand jeans and two second hand sweaters to start the year. It was hot and I wore those ugly sweaters anyways. I was so mortified.

No toilet paper - we would use an old towel. No feminine pads - I would roll up toilet paper at school.

Wouldn't eat all day or eat a hot dog for breakfast and come home and find NOTHING.

Junior high - My first bra was from Goodwill. I was mortified and cried and refused to wear it. I got a new one eventually.

If you lost a jacket, which I once did it was gone. I got a garage sale replacement - a handsewn jacket that people teased me for. To this day I can't bear to buy second hand things for my daughter. Kind of irrational, as I accept hand me downs. But I just can't.

Elementary - I would panic when we had to bring a lunch for a field trip. We did not have extra money to buy extra food.

I would panic when I needed a book cover. I would have to beg for DAYS to get it.

Having to bring soda for a schoolmate's party and CRYING at the register because I only had $2, not enough for the tax. I had already begged desperately for that money. The cashier took a quarter out of his pocket and paid it. It was $2.13.

Living on liver, oatmeal, government cheese, peanut butter, "yellow brand" bread, and ramen. People would put things I hated in the free boxes like lima beans and creamed corn.

So many things....

After seeing and having to eat what is donated for canned food drives, I buy the best/high quality canned food I can for food drives.

Ditto. I donate the best I can afford and always include canned food meat items. That's what I was always hoping for.

Refusing things and crying would get me a beatdown.

For some reason, the bra was one thing my mother had sympathy for. That thing had to be from the 70s and this was the late 80s. It was gross. Believe me, other things I got screamed at for wanting or needing. They stopped hitting us once we got kind of big, I guess.

After writing this I realize a lot of the most humiliating moments were related to clothes. I don't have a ton now, but I am always wearing something that I feel good about.

I haven't really donated canned goods, I never really keep that much food in the house. But I donated all the very best and cutest clothing my newborn had to a pregnant mother through an organization for Latino immigrants. Nothing bad or stained or broken goes to donations. I can't believe a lot of people don't know that.

"I can't buy anything on impulse and I always have to check my bank account everyday just out of an irrational fear."

I know people who grew up in abundance who check their bank accounts everyday.

I've heard of several cases of people who went to the bank every day it was open, withdrew and counted all of their savings, then redeposited the money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do I resent my parents for it?

I'm the DC c/o 2000 poster.

I used to resent my mother, but I had to learn to forgive. I used to fill out my own school forms each year, so I knew from the free lunch application that she brought home about $3k a month after taxes. She had money, she just spent it on herself. She had an A/C unit in her room. She'd close the door "to keep the air in" and I'd burn up. For a while I slept in the living room on the floor because I didn't have a bed and we only had a loveseat which was too small to lie on. She had a queen. In high school I stole deodorant, toothpaste, and mouthwash from the goodie bags they gave out in gym class. During that same time, she went on trips with her boyfriend and ate out a few times a week. Whenever I asked for money for stuff she'd tell me to get a job. When I started failing classes because I was working 35 hours a week after school, she accused me of being on drugs.

A large part of my childhood was spent writing out what I was going to do differently when I grew up. I'm very good with money. Actually I'm extremely paranoid and cheap, because I'm always afraid of ending up back where I started. I'm unemployed now, but I have enough saved up to pay my rent and expenses for another three years. So in that regard I guess I have my mom to thank.

Does your childhood experience help you with respect to your current situation in that you know you can survive no matter what? Or does it cause more anxiety than others who are going through the same thing because you know what it is like to really not have enough money?

It's a little of both.
I have a lot of self confidence because of all of the things that I went through. Being poor was like being in a war of constant survival. I earned my stripes and I wear them like a badge of honor, but because I've seen the horrors of it, I'm more terrified of going back than someone who has never experienced it.

It shows up in how I spend (or don't spend) money. It drives my friends nuts, but I calculate everything before I buy something: How many individual sheets are in jumbo, mega and big rolls of toilet paper relative to the price. I noticed right away when Utz potato chips went from 10 oz to 9.5 even though the price remained the same. I can't buy anything on impulse and I always have to check my bank account everyday just out of an irrational fear. I have money hidden all around my house and car just in case something happens and I can't get into my bank account. It's sad now that I think about it.

"Does your childhood experience help you with respect to your current situation in that you know you can survive no matter what? Or does it cause more anxiety than others who are going through the same thing because you know what it is like to really not have enough money?"

I am the hearing impaired pp. I've been a Fed lawyer for 23+ years. Every single time I check my bank account for the direct deposit of my paycheck, I am afraid that the money won't be there.

After all of the bad things that happened in my childhood, I don't think I will ever feel financially secure no matter how much money I have or how reliable my income is.

People who have poor money management skills and/or trust that God will provide should really, really think before they "go for it" and have children.

Anonymous wrote:Do I resent my parents for it?

I'm the DC c/o 2000 poster.

I used to resent my mother, but I had to learn to forgive. I used to fill out my own school forms each year, so I knew from the free lunch application that she brought home about $3k a month after taxes. She had money, she just spent it on herself. She had an A/C unit in her room. She'd close the door "to keep the air in" and I'd burn up. For a while I slept in the living room on the floor because I didn't have a bed and we only had a loveseat which was too small to lie on. She had a queen. In high school I stole deodorant, toothpaste, and mouthwash from the goodie bags they gave out in gym class. During that same time, she went on trips with her boyfriend and ate out a few times a week. Whenever I asked for money for stuff she'd tell me to get a job. When I started failing classes because I was working 35 hours a week after school, she accused me of being on drugs.

A large part of my childhood was spent writing out what I was going to do differently when I grew up. I'm very good with money. Actually I'm extremely paranoid and cheap, because I'm always afraid of ending up back where I started. I'm unemployed now, but I have enough saved up to pay my rent and expenses for another three years. So in that regard I guess I have my mom to thank.

Does your childhood experience help you with respect to your current situation in that you know you can survive no matter what? Or does it cause more anxiety than others who are going through the same thing because you know what it is like to really not have enough money?

Do I resent my parents for it?

I'm the DC c/o 2000 poster.

I used to resent my mother, but I had to learn to forgive. I used to fill out my own school forms each year, so I knew from the free lunch application that she brought home about $3k a month after taxes. She had money, she just spent it on herself. She had an A/C unit in her room. She'd close the door "to keep the air in" and I'd burn up. For a while I slept in the living room on the floor because I didn't have a bed and we only had a loveseat which was too small to lie on. She had a queen. In high school I stole deodorant, toothpaste, and mouthwash from the goodie bags they gave out in gym class. During that same time, she went on trips with her boyfriend and ate out a few times a week. Whenever I asked for money for stuff she'd tell me to get a job. When I started failing classes because I was working 35 hours a week after school, she accused me of being on drugs.

A large part of my childhood was spent writing out what I was going to do differently when I grew up. I'm very good with money. Actually I'm extremely paranoid and cheap, because I'm always afraid of ending up back where I started. I'm unemployed now, but I have enough saved up to pay my rent and expenses for another three years. So in that regard I guess I have my mom to thank.

I think we were not truly poor but that my mom just made TERRIBLE decisions with money. If she had a whit of sense about her when it came to money we'd have had a normal middle class upbringing. My father made good money and paid plenty of child support ($1000/month in the nineties) and she worked. But she partied and never paid bills and spent her money on stupid shit like breast implants and diet pills and going out. Some things I remember:

Coming home from school and the power being shut off. Still off that night when she told us to light some candles, order a pizza and she went out. In a new outfit she had bought at Stein Mart that day for her date.

Having to leave a buggy of stuff at Kmart when her check was declined.

Knowing we didn't get much for Christmas but trying to not let her feel sad about not buying us much.

Once in middle school I knew we had no food at home to pack a lunch for school the next day and my mom had no money. I was at my aunts house and wanted to pack a lunch there to take home with me the next day but not doing it because I didn't want to explain to her why I needed to "borrow" her food for lunch.

Her car broke down once on the side of the road. Engine was blown because she didn't bother to change the oil for 3 years.

Even these things stayed with me. To this day I hate the idea of filling up my gas tank in my car because I think "What if I need the money more and there's $75 just tied up in my gas tank??" It drives my DH nuts but I can't help it. I pay bills at the last possible second too because again, I just fear not having the money. Big purchases make me very anxious even if we can afford them. It's like I always fear some huge emergency hitting us when we least expect it because that was life with my mom- easily preventable situations cropping up and costing a lot of stress, time, money because she just made such terrible choices.

Anonymous wrote:I have an expensive crib and lots of baby stuff that I was going to put on freecycle.

But after reading this, I have reconsidered. I know the people who pick up things, and they could easily buy a crib. Suggestions for where to donate things? I got burned once on Craigslist. . .tried to donate a lot of maternity clothes and had a scam artist threaten me.

I grew up poor.

We are debt free, live within our means, but my children make comments about how we live in an apt., and don't have an upstairs like their friends. They are healthy and happy, which is more than I was.

Call your local Catholic church and see if they have a charity for unwed or poor mothers that they collect for.

Most of the Catholic churches I have attended around the country help unwed moms as part of their pro life outreach.

Anonymous wrote:I have an expensive crib and lots of baby stuff that I was going to put on freecycle.

But after reading this, I have reconsidered. I know the people who pick up things, and they could easily buy a crib. Suggestions for where to donate things? I got burned once on Craigslist. . .tried to donate a lot of maternity clothes and had a scam artist threaten me.

I grew up poor.

We are debt free, live within our means, but my children make comments about how we live in an apt., and don't have an upstairs like their friends. They are healthy and happy, which is more than I was.

Home for unwed mothers. I lived at one of these homes while pregnant with my ds.
Someone donated a crib, otherwise my son would have slept in a laundry basket when he came home from the hospital

I have an expensive crib and lots of baby stuff that I was going to put on freecycle.

But after reading this, I have reconsidered. I know the people who pick up things, and they could easily buy a crib. Suggestions for where to donate things? I got burned once on Craigslist. . .tried to donate a lot of maternity clothes and had a scam artist threaten me.

I grew up poor.

We are debt free, live within our means, but my children make comments about how we live in an apt., and don't have an upstairs like their friends. They are healthy and happy, which is more than I was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school - I had two pair of second hand jeans and two second hand sweaters to start the year. It was hot and I wore those ugly sweaters anyways. I was so mortified.

No toilet paper - we would use an old towel. No feminine pads - I would roll up toilet paper at school.

Wouldn't eat all day or eat a hot dog for breakfast and come home and find NOTHING.

Junior high - My first bra was from Goodwill. I was mortified and cried and refused to wear it. I got a new one eventually.

If you lost a jacket, which I once did it was gone. I got a garage sale replacement - a handsewn jacket that people teased me for. To this day I can't bear to buy second hand things for my daughter. Kind of irrational, as I accept hand me downs. But I just can't.

Elementary - I would panic when we had to bring a lunch for a field trip. We did not have extra money to buy extra food.

I would panic when I needed a book cover. I would have to beg for DAYS to get it.

Having to bring soda for a schoolmate's party and CRYING at the register because I only had $2, not enough for the tax. I had already begged desperately for that money. The cashier took a quarter out of his pocket and paid it. It was $2.13.

Living on liver, oatmeal, government cheese, peanut butter, "yellow brand" bread, and ramen. People would put things I hated in the free boxes like lima beans and creamed corn.

So many things....

After seeing and having to eat what is donated for canned food drives, I buy the best/high quality canned food I can for food drives.

Ditto. I donate the best I can afford and always include canned food meat items. That's what I was always hoping for.

Refusing things and crying would get me a beatdown.