Anonymous wrote:I know one sad case. Divorce and the moved to another country. Father did everything he could to get his kid through university. This included loans etc. The son died in a car accident.
Do not build your future by relying on your kids

Vey sad story, and the sad part is the loss of a child. Parents should not pay for college for their children as an investment in their own future, it is an investment in your child's future for the benefit of thE child. If it is within the means of the parents it is no different than making sure your child gets a high school education. Education is the foundation for entering adult life and it is part of parenting. If you do not have the means, you should still support your. Child in navigating the college application process and figuring out how to pay for it.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree.

This concept is quite new, and has contributed to the college bubble. We have always been frank with our children that we cannot afford to help them, so their decisions will include considerations of cost. And we eternally emphasize that they are to avoid debt strenuously.

This is the message I heard, my parents heard, my grandparents heard. Almost everyone in my large, extended family figured out a way.

Our children will, too. They start taking AP exams and dual enrollment courses as soon as they hit high school. There are lots of creative options, including the military.

You can't afford it. My family has been able to afford it for 4 generations now. Totally different situation. You really think with an HHI of $400K we shouldn't pay the bulk of our kids' college education? What do you think is a better use of the money? We already have more than a million saved just for retirement and additional taxable savings beyond that.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, DH and I spoke about student loan debt (and all debt) before marriage b/c it was that important to us. Sh!t, don't any of you read Michelle Singletary? You gots to start reading her columns, people!

Yes, yes, yes.

Anonymous wrote:I know one sad case. Divorce and the moved to another country. Father did everything he could to get his kid through university. This included loans etc. The son died in a car accident.
Do not build your future by relying on your kids

WOW, by all means stop planning for your children's future! You heard it on DCUM first.

My single mother scrimped, saved and went to bat for me to find every possible loan and/or grant to allow me to attend college. It was a rough time in our lives as we'd had a lot of money growing up so college money had never been a concern - then for unforeseen reasons, she was suddenly stuck with very little money right before I was to start college. Not only did she pay for me, but she continued to pay off the loans for years following graduation. I have so much admiration and appreciation for her.

I know one sad case. Divorce and the moved to another country. Father did everything he could to get his kid through university. This included loans etc. The son died in a car accident.
Do not build your future by relying on your kids

Being asian, and coming from a family where education is paramount and failure is not an option, no ifs ands or buts, my parents did everything they could to pay for our education (4 kids). Private schools in high school and ivy league schools and they wound up knee high in debt when everything was said and done. And they would've been considered upper middle class back then with their combined income. I ended up in a state school but my brother and sister landed in an ivy league school. Not til later when we all had kids did we fully appreciate the sacrifice and efforts made by our parents. Right now, they are both retired and have rebounded financially from those days. We also send them on trips by funding them as part of gratitude for what they did.

So with that said, given the influence my parents had on us, we'll definitely be paying for our kids' college. I think every parent is different with different circumstances so I'm not sure if there's a cut and dry answer if parents should pay. For us, we'll do things little differently when it comes to education than my parents, but one thing in tact is paying for their college.

With two kids in daycare, we are saving very little towards retirement right now (#2 was "whoops"); So it is unlikely we will be able to pay for college by then, especially since the kids will overlap in college for three years.

We will expect the kids to save while in high school and have a job in college; we will pay room & board, books & fees, and hopefully contribute towards tuition. Honestly, I'd rather be able to help them out after college if they can't get a job or struggle for a few years. My parents didn't pay my college and I was high and dry when I graduated (divorced parents, both moved and neither had a place for me).

Anonymous wrote:Nope. If you want it, you'll earn it. My financial responsibility to my children stops at 18 and is limited to the basics. They can earn what they want. It is good for them.

This will definitely be the difference between your child choosing college or a dead-end job.

I think higher education should be a parental responsibility---at least undergrad.

The loans your kid will have to take out if they choose college will be crippling to them in the future.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. If you want it, you'll earn it. My financial responsibility to my children stops at 18 and is limited to the basics. They can earn what they want. It is good for them.

Your poor, poor children.

Nope. If you want it, you'll earn it. My financial responsibility to my children stops at 18 and is limited to the basics. They can earn what they want. It is good for them.

I think big families are awesome, having siblings is wonderful, and the kids will eventually have uncles.
There is so much more to life than did or did not your parents pay for college

We are saving for college and have every intention of paying. My parents paid for undergrad (top state schools) for all 3 kids. DH the same and we both paid for our own grad school.

My sister is divorced and her oldest is in college with her second 2 years away. My sister does not make a lot, she was a SAHM for many years and has been making her way back up the work ladder over the past few years. My nephew is at a top tier private school and has enough aid from the school to make the cost equivalent to a state school. My sister makes significamy less than her ex-H but she and her now DH pay the majority of his school costs (nephew works hard, saves and contributes) because her ex is cheap on contributing as he does not want it to impact his lifestyle. She was married for many years to her first H and he is like a brother to me (moreso than her current H) but I am appalled at this. Nephew worked extremely hard in HS, college and generally all around.

My view is that kids should work hard and appreciate it but parents should do what is within their means to help make it happen and not burden their kids with a lot of debt to the extent that is within their means. I think a lot less of ex-BIL because of how he has handled this.

Anonymous wrote:I look at all those big families, 3+ kids and wonder. How are the parents going to pay for college? I can only pay two tuitions so I stopped at 2 children.

That's what everyone should do.

I look at all those big families, 3+ kids and wonder. How are the parents going to pay for college? I can only pay two tuitions so I stopped at 2 children.