So apparently we need to start a support group. ? Thank you OP for the updates, would love to hear a more recent one.

Anonymous wrote:I am married to the love of my life(dated him for around 10 years) and now married for an year or so. I have seen him being over nice and then extremely aggressive, so aggressive that he does physical abuse for even a smallest argument we have. I have come to a state where I feel it is better to dissolve this marriage. I am giving my self one last chance in this marriage and have warned him that this physical abuse has to stop and all the arguments we have needs to be solved by just talking. After all these episodes now I feel very distant to him and I think he is not making any effort to be the normal way we used to be. Now I feel everything he does irritates me. Am I in the last step to move to a divorce? I feel he doesn't love me enough and always have felt that he never learned to show love to me. Sex is very rare and we have lot of mis-understanding in that area too. I say yes to him whenever he needs it but he shows off lot of attitude and has turned me down almost all the time I have asked him.

How do you date someone for 10 years, get married, and then discover in the 11th year (the 1st year of marriage) that the person is so bad you need to divorce them?

Holy sh*t. It's the 932nd thread on DCUM where DH is excellent father, provider, etc. -- but something is missing. Go and ask your more mature DH to tell you what you are missing. Is your BMI >25? Is your mom a bitch? Do you endlessly bitch about life/work/money? Do you give him even 10% of the sex or BJs that he desires? Grow up and celebrate the numerous amazing blessings you have!

Anonymous wrote:I am married to the love of my life(dated him for around 10 years) and now married for an year or so. I have seen him being over nice and then extremely aggressive, so aggressive that he does physical abuse for even a smallest argument we have. I have come to a state where I feel it is better to dissolve this marriage. I am giving my self one last chance in this marriage and have warned him that this physical abuse has to stop and all the arguments we have needs to be solved by just talking. After all these episodes now I feel very distant to him and I think he is not making any effort to be the normal way we used to be. Now I feel everything he does irritates me. Am I in the last step to move to a divorce? I feel he doesn't love me enough and always have felt that he never learned to show love to me. Sex is very rare and we have lot of mis-understanding in that area too. I say yes to him whenever he needs it but he shows off lot of attitude and has turned me down almost all the time I have asked him.

Google Jekyll and Hyde husband. It will give you the strength to leave.

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage suffered after we had our first child. DH wasn't attracted to me while I was pregnant. I had extreme morning sickness during the pregnancy. We were pretty miserable. After the baby was born, the sleep deprivation didn't help. We somehow survived the first year of the baby's life even though I was extremely unhappy. We rarely had sex but got pregnant with the second. Once again, it was a rough pregnancy and we had a toddler. After the second child was born, we stopped having any kind of relationship. It's been over a year and we probably had sex less than 5 times. I've now lost most of the baby weight so I guess DH is attracted to me again. I have zero interest in sleeping with him. I just don't like DH anymore. I feel like we have just drifted apart. He is merely a roommate who splits childcare duties with me. I feel stuck in a loveless marriage. He is a good provider and an excellent father. I almost feel like we are already divorced except we live in a big house together. DH always says I am so lucky and that I do not have any problems. My problem is that I do not like my husband. It isn't even about not loving him or being passionate anymore. that was gone long ago. It's gotten so bad that everything and anything that he does irritates me.

Is it common to stay married when you no longer like your spouse?

These are the hardest years. You'll discover that just like you don't like your DH anymore, you'll have times that you don't like your kids so much. But you will continue to love them because it is phase. And you won't walk away from them.

Everyone I know who made it to the youngest leaving for college agrees that their marriage improved. Bad marriages got better. Often because the wife wasn't tied down anymore and the husband realized she was able to leave. Good marriages became great ones.

That said, no one should stay in abusive marriages or ones where a spouse is constantly making decision that endanger the family physically or financially. A friend's DH was a hoarder. She had to leave.

4 years after the initial post I've found it because I searched "I don't like my husband." There's a lot of great advice that I've read so far. There is also a ton of judgemental, tough "love," kind of advice that does nothing but make you feel more alienated. At this point I hope that the unhappiness has been addressed and working on both your needs has become a priority (what can I say, I'm an optimist).
Mostly I just want to throw in another affirmation that you are not alone and show my appreciation to the people who gave compassionate and helpful responses. There are many things I read that I will save to read when I'm feeling the same way you do.

Anonymous wrote:I am married to the love of my life(dated him for around 10 years) and now married for an year or so. I have seen him being over nice and then extremely aggressive, so aggressive that he does physical abuse for even a smallest argument we have. I have come to a state where I feel it is better to dissolve this marriage. I am giving my self one last chance in this marriage and have warned him that this physical abuse has to stop and all the arguments we have needs to be solved by just talking. After all these episodes now I feel very distant to him and I think he is not making any effort to be the normal way we used to be. Now I feel everything he does irritates me. Am I in the last step to move to a divorce? I feel he doesn't love me enough and always have felt that he never learned to show love to me. Sex is very rare and we have lot of mis-understanding in that area too. I say yes to him whenever he needs it but he shows off lot of attitude and has turned me down almost all the time I have asked him.

He hits you, PP? Are you in contact with a woman's shelter?

I don't have experience with this beyond knowing that it is very serious. Do any other posters have suggestions for PP regarding resources?

I am married to the love of my life(dated him for around 10 years) and now married for an year or so. I have seen him being over nice and then extremely aggressive, so aggressive that he does physical abuse for even a smallest argument we have. I have come to a state where I feel it is better to dissolve this marriage. I am giving my self one last chance in this marriage and have warned him that this physical abuse has to stop and all the arguments we have needs to be solved by just talking. After all these episodes now I feel very distant to him and I think he is not making any effort to be the normal way we used to be. Now I feel everything he does irritates me. Am I in the last step to move to a divorce? I feel he doesn't love me enough and always have felt that he never learned to show love to me. Sex is very rare and we have lot of mis-understanding in that area too. I say yes to him whenever he needs it but he shows off lot of attitude and has turned me down almost all the time I have asked him.

Anonymous wrote:To the poster upthread who asked why a woman would leave a good provider, etc. just because she didn't feel love, here's the thing:

No, actually, here's the thing: I didn't ask any question and I didn't say that he was a "good provider, etc." - she did! I was quoting her reason for leaving (which is vague and nebulous in my opinion).

Learn to read carefully and stop projecting your own judgements onto other people.

I said that I am divorced and that I do not judge at all, because I have no way of knowing what really goes on between those two. I suspect, like many others have pointed out, that they both have made some mistakes along the path. I do know, from my own first marriage, that a "tiny pebble" will feel like a boulder if it's stuck in your shoe on a ten mile long hike.

I think she will wind up in the same place again if she does not learn her own mind - what she really actually wants - and takes a lot more responsibility for making herself happy. He will also wind up in the same place if he doesn't stop being a passive aggressive child.

I am glad I found this post. I am too in a very rough spot in my marriage right now, after 10 years. I just can't do anything right by DH. I am not supportive enough, I am not caring enough, I dare to criticize him, I bring him down, etc. I asked him once "is there anything you like about me?" and he was geniunely stunned by this questions. His response, "well, I married you, didn't I?" I can't call him a good provider because he has made some bad financial decisions that have nearly cost us our house. He flirts with other women and gets offended when I call him on it, he says "he'st just being friend and I am a wet blanket." A few weeks ago I basically threw in a towel and told him to leave. I have a good job, I can provide for our DC. For the first time, he seemed really scared. He offered to go to therapy and I know he's been going to sessions. I've been going to a shrink for the past 2 years because I seriously thought there was something very wrong with me for my husband to treat me with such disrespect and contempt. I realize that while I have matured, changed my priorities to support our family and our child, he is still acting like a college student and living in a dream bubble. He's very smart, very talented, a life of a party, people gravitate to him. But throughout our marriage he always had issues at every job he had, he has burned bridges, he has broken a lot of good professional contacts. There are several companies in this town who simply won't hire him despite all his degrees and experience; simply because of his
I am God" attitude. I am willing to give one last shot at therapy but in the meantime, I do have a safety cushion just in case I have to throw him out for good.

Anonymous wrote:I also do not like my husband. I don't think I ever really did. It was only ever a feeling of friendship, and I mistakenly thought it would eventually turn into more, or that it would just be enough like that. Nine years and two kids later, I can't take it anymore. He was never into sex. I have often wondered if he is gay. We don't have sex, and he doesn't even seem to show any attraction to other women. You know how if you are out somewhere and a very attractive woman walks by in very revealing clothes and men turn their heads to look? Mine doesn't. Ever. In nine years, we have had sex MAYBE 20 times. I now have nothing in common with him, we don't have sex, we don't talk about anything. There is nothing wrong with him. He has a job that pays the bills, he is not abusive or anything. While there was never really a strong physical attraction, I am now completely repulsed by him - the smell of him, the sound of his voice - everything.
I am sure people will jump all over me saying to just suck it up, or that I should not have married him. Of course I shouldn't have, but everyone makes mistakes. This is the biggest mistake I have ever made. I love my children dearly, and they mean everything to me. If it wasn't for them, I would have been gone long ago. I know life will be much harder if I am a single mother, but I just deel like I have no choice. I don't think I can live the rest of my life like this.

I am one of those people who usually say "suck it up for the kids" but not here. Holy mother of all things sacred, your husband has got to be gay or asexual. I feel for you. A marriage without frequent sex isn't a marriage. Would he let you have an open relationship?

I also do not like my husband. I don't think I ever really did. It was only ever a feeling of friendship, and I mistakenly thought it would eventually turn into more, or that it would just be enough like that. Nine years and two kids later, I can't take it anymore. He was never into sex. I have often wondered if he is gay. We don't have sex, and he doesn't even seem to show any attraction to other women. You know how if you are out somewhere and a very attractive woman walks by in very revealing clothes and men turn their heads to look? Mine doesn't. Ever. In nine years, we have had sex MAYBE 20 times. I now have nothing in common with him, we don't have sex, we don't talk about anything. There is nothing wrong with him. He has a job that pays the bills, he is not abusive or anything. While there was never really a strong physical attraction, I am now completely repulsed by him - the smell of him, the sound of his voice - everything.
I am sure people will jump all over me saying to just suck it up, or that I should not have married him. Of course I shouldn't have, but everyone makes mistakes. This is the biggest mistake I have ever made. I love my children dearly, and they mean everything to me. If it wasn't for them, I would have been gone long ago. I know life will be much harder if I am a single mother, but I just deel like I have no choice. I don't think I can live the rest of my life like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my husband either he gets on my damn nerves most of the time when I'm talking he tells me I'm being disrespectful today a guy outside the mcd sees him telling me I'm disrespectful for asking him where he going when where waiting for a cab the guy checked him on his bs but this is everyday he tells me he tired of me too then get mad when i tell him i don't like him either he thinks bc his 4 damn near 5 younger than me that ain't nobody gonna want me news flash I'm only 30

I thought it happened in 3rd grade, but apparently punctuation is now taught at age 31.

or rather, not taught at all...

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my husband either he gets on my damn nerves most of the time when I'm talking he tells me I'm being disrespectful today a guy outside the mcd sees him telling me I'm disrespectful for asking him where he going when where waiting for a cab the guy checked him on his bs but this is everyday he tells me he tired of me too then get mad when i tell him i don't like him either he thinks bc his 4 damn near 5 younger than me that ain't nobody gonna want me news flash I'm only 30

I thought it happened in 3rd grade, but apparently punctuation is now taught at age 31.

Some of the best advice I received shortly after I was married 7 years ago was that marriage is a journey. It is filled with peaks and valleys in the way that you feel about each other. Be patient. With your spouse and with yourself. This to will pass. If he has good qualities as you've said. It's especially hard when the kids are in the demanding ages and you have no sleep and no time. It gets better. Try to hold on and refocus your thoughts from a place of gratitude.