Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my daughter can make herself a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal, but that's not what I'd consider a proper meal. She’s a kid so she doesn’t know how to make full meals. He's the parent and should be taking responsibility for feeding her. When she's with me, I make actual breakfasts—eggs, pancakes, waffles, oatmeal, bacon, etc.—not just tell her to fend for herself. My daughter likes hot meals, so I can’t send pre-made meals.

You seem to have fairly rigid ideas about what “counts” as breakfast. Your kid can also use the microwave at her dad’s house to warm up food so she can have the “hot meal” you insist she needs.

You seem weird. It also sounds like your daughter may be dealing with learned helplessness, probably as a result of you doing everything for her.

Anonymous wrote:One thing I wonder about - the divide between people who think a sandwich is an ok meal and those who think a meal has to be "hot" to count as a meal. Is that a cultural thing? I'm an italian american and I'd prefer not to eat a sandwich for every single meal, but I'd certainly count it as a "real" meal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I wonder about - the divide between people who think a sandwich is an ok meal and those who think a meal has to be "hot" to count as a meal. Is that a cultural thing? I'm an italian american and I'd prefer not to eat a sandwich for every single meal, but I'd certainly count it as a "real" meal.

I think it’s more the divide between people who see the provision of food as an expression of care/love versus those who do not. Clearly the girl can make herself a sandwich and will not starve. But many people view a parents role as a bit more than that. It’s fine to sometimes have a meal your child doesn’t like and to say “okay, make yourself something else.” To do it regularly seems like he’s communicating something, either intentionally or not.

Anonymous wrote:One thing I wonder about - the divide between people who think a sandwich is an ok meal and those who think a meal has to be "hot" to count as a meal. Is that a cultural thing? I'm an italian american and I'd prefer not to eat a sandwich for every single meal, but I'd certainly count it as a "real" meal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, My daughter is an athlete and plays multiple sports, so she needs her carbs. Going to bed hungry also isn’t very beneficial and is quite harmful for her as an athlete. He isn’t prioritising her needs. She’s a very healthy weight, and eats vegetables, just not as the main dish. She finds vegetable dishes disgusting. He’s choosing to make this harder for everyone. Now I might have to go to his house and make her meals.

This has to be a troll. You cannot go and cook at your ex-husband’s house, that is nuts! Is schedule one week on one week off? Teach her how to oven cook chicken breasts or burgers or meatballs. Then she eats that with meal instead of fish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is books for picky toddlers literally tell you not to offer alternative meals and just serve what mom and dad are eating.

But somehow when the kids are 17 we're supposed to be catering?

A piece of bread with a slice of baloney and cheese may be a sufficient substitute for a toddler but not for a teenage athlete.

Anonymous wrote:OP, my daughter can make herself a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal, but that's not what I'd consider a proper meal. She’s a kid so she doesn’t know how to make full meals. He's the parent and should be taking responsibility for feeding her. When she's with me, I make actual breakfasts—eggs, pancakes, waffles, oatmeal, bacon, etc.—not just tell her to fend for herself. My daughter likes hot meals, so I can’t send pre-made meals.

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is books for picky toddlers literally tell you not to offer alternative meals and just serve what mom and dad are eating.

But somehow when the kids are 17 we're supposed to be catering?

Anonymous wrote:One thing I wonder about - the divide between people who think a sandwich is an ok meal and those who think a meal has to be "hot" to count as a meal. Is that a cultural thing? I'm an italian american and I'd prefer not to eat a sandwich for every single meal, but I'd certainly count it as a "real" meal.

Anonymous wrote:OP, My daughter is an athlete and plays multiple sports, so she needs her carbs. Going to bed hungry also isn’t very beneficial and is quite harmful for her as an athlete. He isn’t prioritising her needs. She’s a very healthy weight, and eats vegetables, just not as the main dish. She finds vegetable dishes disgusting. He’s choosing to make this harder for everyone. Now I might have to go to his house and make her meals.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

Well after reading this I’m team dad.
Some of the things you posted are easy to make. I’d tell the dad to please have tortillas /cheese/chicken etc on hand so she can make a burrito or whatever. But if he doesn’t eat carb heavy food or French fries he shouldn’t be forced to make it because that’s what she likes.

You think it’s reasonable to make fish every night when she doesn’t like fish?

My sisters husband is Asian and you bet he wants fish every night. If his daughter refused to eat it, or vegetables, he’d keep pushing it until she did. Only in America do people write off entire food groups in favor of sliders and French fries nightly.

Ok, but this girlis American, so you bet she wants American food every night.

Fish isnt American food?
It’s not reasonable to say you don’t like ANY fish or you don’t like ANY vegetables. Members of my family have certain things they don’t like (mushrooms, coconut milk, sharp cheese) that are avoidable but not a whole food group that is verboten.

If you go to the grocery store, you won't see many Americans getting fish.

If you go to an ethnic store, like HMart, you will see all different kinds of people buying fish, but not white people.

I *love* fish, but I'm Asian American. I grew up in CA, and we ate fish a lot (when it was cheaper; so expensive now). That's all I ate when we were in Iceland (they mostly seem to have lamb or fish).

Americans seem to eat salmon, but not much else unless it's fried or in tacos.

I'm a white American and this isn't remotely true. We eat tons of fish.

But most white Americans don't. So, it is very true. You eating a ton of fish doesn't negate what I stated.

So why does that mean it's unreasonable for her Dad to eat fish?

Also, have you been to a sushi restaurant recently? It's a ton of white people.

? I was stating that not many Americans eat fish. Not sure where you got "unreasonable for her Dad to eat fish" from what I stated.

The US doesn't have that many sushi restaurants per capita.

Perhaps they will eat sushi, but a lot of Americans don't cook fish at home.

Again, I love fish. I eat it whenever we go out to eat if there's an option for it.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

Well after reading this I’m team dad.
Some of the things you posted are easy to make. I’d tell the dad to please have tortillas /cheese/chicken etc on hand so she can make a burrito or whatever. But if he doesn’t eat carb heavy food or French fries he shouldn’t be forced to make it because that’s what she likes.

You think it’s reasonable to make fish every night when she doesn’t like fish?

My sisters husband is Asian and you bet he wants fish every night. If his daughter refused to eat it, or vegetables, he’d keep pushing it until she did. Only in America do people write off entire food groups in favor of sliders and French fries nightly.

Ok, but this girlis American, so you bet she wants American food every night.

Fish isnt American food?
It’s not reasonable to say you don’t like ANY fish or you don’t like ANY vegetables. Members of my family have certain things they don’t like (mushrooms, coconut milk, sharp cheese) that are avoidable but not a whole food group that is verboten.

If you go to the grocery store, you won't see many Americans getting fish.

If you go to an ethnic store, like HMart, you will see all different kinds of people buying fish, but not white people.

I *love* fish, but I'm Asian American. I grew up in CA, and we ate fish a lot (when it was cheaper; so expensive now). That's all I ate when we were in Iceland (they mostly seem to have lamb or fish).

Americans seem to eat salmon, but not much else unless it's fried or in tacos.

I'm a white American and this isn't remotely true. We eat tons of fish.

But most white Americans don't. So, it is very true. You eating a ton of fish doesn't negate what I stated.

So why does that mean it's unreasonable for her Dad to eat fish?

Also, have you been to a sushi restaurant recently? It's a ton of white people.